Healing
by CheyWolfe
Summary: When Ritsuka's father starts abusing him, Soubi finds out right away. Angered by what's happening, Soubi starts to take care of Ritsuka himself, only to find out that the sexual abuse Ritsuka suffered had more of an affect on him than Soubi first expected
1. The first time

**1**

It really had been a good day for Ritsuka. He had gotten his report card and shown Soubi as soon as he got out of school. Soubi had hugged him and told him he did a good job. He had said he was proud of Ritsuka, which was more than his mother and father ever told him. He had then taken him out for ice cream and then a walk in the park as a little reward. Soubi had even let him take a short nap at his apartment and had woken Ritsuka up and walked him home before his curfew. It really had been a nice day—until he got back home.

Ritsuka kneeled before his own father, one of his eyes black, his nose bleeding, and a bruise quickly forming on his cheek where he had been slapped just seconds before. He coughed, trying to swallow the gross, thick liquid, some of it dripping down his chin, the white contrasting with the crimson blood. This was something that he would never let Soubi know, never let him see. Yes, he had found out about Misaki's beatings, but this was something he'd never find out about. Ritsuka would just go back to his room, clean himself up, and try not to throw up the semen that he had been forced to swallow. All this because he had tried to show his mother and father his report card, just to see if at least one of them would be proud of him like Soubi had.

Ritsuka's father gave him a hard kick to the stomach, glaring down at him, so obviously intoxicated out of his mind. He left and Ritsuka just curled up on the floor in the fetal position, wrapping his arms around his knees and staring at the torn up remains of his report card.

…

That was how Soubi found him that night. He had originally just came later to check-up on Ritsuka, just as he did every night, but when he had not found Ritsuka in his bedroom and saw the untouched made bed, he ended up searching the house. He found Ritsuka quickly, on the living room floor in the fetal position. At first, he thought it was just another case of Misaki's beatings, but then he saw the white substance on Ritsuka's chin, and he knew this was something different.

…

Soubi found him, even though Ritsuka had been praying that he wouldn't. He hadn't meant to fall asleep. He had just started crying and eventually fell asleep. He awoke when Soubi picked him up and carried him upstairs, telling him to just relax and go back to sleep. Ritsuka drifted off again, awakening then on his bed.

Ritsuka immediately panicked, searching blindly in the darkness for Soubi, who was always nearby after bandaging Ritsuka's wounds. He wasn't there, though, which scared Ritsuka even more. What if he had gone home and left Ritsuka? Would he really leave him all alone? What if…what if Soubi really never had been there and it had been Ritsuka's father who had carried him upstairs? Ritsuka reached up, breathing a sigh of relief when he felt his ears still there.

Ritsuka fell back onto the bed, curling back up into a little ball, clenching the sheets. He could feel the blood still there on his face. He could still smell his dad all over him.

Ritsuka didn't close his eyes, though, so he saw when the door to his bathroom opened and light from inside filled the room. Ritsuka drew back, scared that his own father, was coming back to hit him and force him to pleasure him again. He squeezed his eyes shut, hiding his face in his arms.

Ritsuka expected a slap or a blow to his head to come, but the person who had been inside the bathroom just sat on the bed and ran a gentle hand through his hair and then scratched his ears lightly.

"It's okay, Ritsuka. It's just me. Soubi. I'm not going to do anything to you, but I do need to take your clothes off. I ran you a warm bath."

It was just Soubi, not his father. Soubi would never do anything to him. He trusted Soubi. He hadn't left and he had been the one to take Ritsuka upstairs. Everything was going to be okay now.

Soubi helped him sit up and was soon pulling Ritsuka's clothes off, but not in the way Ritsuka's father would do it. Soubi was gentle and he didn't touch Ritsuka in the way that his dad had. He picked him up bridal style, holding him close as he carried the bruised boy to the well-lit bathroom, setting him down in the warm water. By then, Ritsuka's stomach was starting to churn and he felt like he was getting sick.

"Soubi?"

Soubi was looking in the cabinet underneath the sink for something, "What's wrong, Ritsuka?"

"I…I think I'm going to throw up…"

…

Soubi rubbed Ritsuka's back as the boy threw up into the plastic bag, tears running down his face as he did so. Soubi wished that Ritsuka was sick. He wished that this was just a case of the stomach flu. He tried to tell himself that it was. There was a bug going around, after all. He couldn't convince himself, though. They both knew that Ritsuka's stomach couldn't properly digest the semen that had been forced into it.

Soubi bathed Ritsuka, going slow as he did so. He didn't want to scare Ritsuka. Ritsuka stayed silent, but he would occasionally whimper and suddenly hug Soubi's arm. He did seem to enjoy it when Soubi washed his back and his hair, for he stopped frowning when he did and Soubi could almost imagine him purring.

It was past midnight when Soubi finally finished washing Ritsuka. The boy had a black eye and a bruised face, as well as some pretty bad bruises on his arms and legs and particularly his stomach. He drained the water and helped a weak, wobbling Ritsuka stand up. Soubi wrapped him in a soft, fluffy towel, hugging him tightly for a moment before picking him up again and taking him into the bedroom. To his surprise, Ritsuka didn't object when Soubi dried him off and pulled a pair of pajamas on him.

"You'll stay, right?" Ritsuka asked, sitting on his bed as Soubi disposed of his bloody, dirtied clothes. It was the first words Ritsuka had said since telling Soubi he was going to throw up.

"Of course," Soubi told him, looking at Ritsuka's wide eyes for a long moment. He wanted nothing more than to comfort him. He wasn't completely sure what had happened, but he had a pretty good idea. He wasn't going to leave Ritsuka when he needed him the most.

"Can we do something tomorrow?" Ritsuka's voice quivered and he picked at a loose thread on his comforter. "It'll be Saturday and I really don't want to stay home all day."

Soubi forced a fake smile, "We can do whatever you want."

…

When Soubi left just to go downstairs and get something to help Ritsuka sleep, Ritsuka couldn't help but to feel a little lonely. He laid alone in his bed, his stomach churning and making him want to throw up again. He felt sick, but he knew he wasn't. He almost wished he was. That way, he could have an excuse for throwing up and he would be able to tell Soubi it was because he had the flu.

He didn't know if Soubi knew, but he could only assume that he did. Soubi had been the one to find him and bring him upstairs, after all. He had seen the state Ritsuka was in. There was no way he couldn't know.

He wasn't supposed to find out. Ritsuka never wanted him to know about his father. If he just hadn't fallen asleep on the floor, then Soubi never would have found out. Now he knew. There was no way to change what he knew.

Soubi knocked once before entering the room. Ritsuka sat up, smiling, happy that Soubi hadn't left. He wasn't sure how Soubi would take this, which was why he didn't want him to know. He was afraid, afraid that Soubi would leave him. He didn't know _why_ he thought this; he was just sure that that's what would happen. Soubi was here, though. He was taking care of Ritsuka and making him forget about his father's hands on him. All Ritsuka could think about now was the soft feel of Soubi's hands. He couldn't even remember anymore where his father had hit him or touched him. The only thing that mattered was that Soubi was with him.

…

Soubi found the reason of why this had all happened when he went downstairs to get Ritsuka some warm milk so that he could sleep better. To get to the kitchen, Soubi had to go through the living room first, where he noticed a pile of torn up paper. Distracted by it, Soubi looked at the scraps of paper until he realized what it was—the remnants of Ritsuka's report card.

The boy had been so happy when Soubi had told him he was proud of him and that he did a good job. He had been puzzled _why_ Ritsuka had been so happy, but it all made sense now, and the reason nearly made Soubi's heart break. Poor Ritsuka. All he had wanted was some acceptance from his parents, particularly his father. Ritsuka had ranked first in his entire class and his parents still couldn't tell him 'good job'.

Soubi, on the other hand, was very proud of him. He understood that he had to a parenting role in Ritsuka's life, but he also played the part of his boyfriend and he tried to balance the two out effectively.

Soubi quickly returned to Ritsuka, feeling as though his heart really was going to break if he thought about what had happened any longer. He knocked before entering the room, not wanting to frighten the boy inside. Ritsuka's face lit up as soon as he came back inside and he smiled brightly, but that just made Soubi's heart ache more. He gave Ritsuka the glass of warm milk as well as some pills to help his stomach. He noticed that Ritsuka had turned the bathroom light on.

"How's your stomach?" He asked, going into the bathroom to change, but leaving the door open. He had begun bringing a change of clothes whenever he went over to Ritsuka's house, since the boy asked him to stay over a lot.

"I threw up again," Ritsuka told him quietly. "But I brushed my teeth, so you can still…kiss me if you want to."

Soubi nearly smiled, then, imagining the blush on Ritsuka's face.

…

That night, Soubi made Ritsuka feel safe. He let Ritsuka curl up beside him and wrapped his strong arms around him, holding him close. Soubi's scent replaced his father's and one of his hands had slipped under his t-shirt, scratching and rubbing his back gently. He was never supposed to find out about this. It was the first time Ritsuka's father had forced him to give him oral sex, but he had been hitting Ritsuka for nearly five months now. He hadn't wanted Soubi to find out, but now he was sort of glad he did.

…

The first time Soubi ever saw Aoyagi Kiyoshi was the next morning when he left to pick some things up for Ritsuka. He was in the medicine aisle, trying to pick out the best stomach calming medicine for Ritsuka when he caught sight of the middle-aged man.

Kiyoshi had stepped into the same aisle Soubi was in, looking at some hangover medicine. Soubi had to stare at him for a few long moments, seeing the resemblance, but not quite believing it. Aoyagi Kiyoshi had sandy brown hair and glasses, his eyes behind them violet in color, matching Ritsuka's color perfectly. He was average height and average weight, his face soft and having an almost feminine-like look to it. He was clearly Ritsuka's father, but they looked different enough that Soubi could have been mistaken.

Once Kiyoshi turned around and caught Soubi staring at him, Soubi was suddenly sure that this was Ritsuka's dad, the same man who had gotten drunk and hit and sexually abused his own son. Soubi felt the sudden want to punch him right in the middle of the store in from of everyone.

"Excuse me," Kiyoshi came forward, standing next to Soubi, studying him carefully. "Do I…Do I know you?"

It only took a moment for Soubi to realize where he would know Soubi from. The pictures. Ritsuka had photos of Soubi pinned up on his walls and a recent framed photo of him alone on his bedside table. Ritsuka never took the photos down, and most of them were of Soubi or Soubi and Ritsuka. If Kiyoshi had gone into Ritsuka's room, there was no way he couldn't have seen the photos, and Soubi had to admit that he stuck out quite a bit. Of course Kiyoshi would remember the tall blonde hugging his son in almost every picture.

"Who the hell are you?" Soubi snapped, unable to keep his anger at bay.

Kiyoshi just kept staring at him, not even flinching when Soubi nearly yelled at him. He supposed the older male was used to it. He was a lawyer. Probably a dirty lawyer, but still a lawyer.

"I'm Aoyagi Kiyoshi," He kept his voice calm, when Soubi was completely unable to. "I _know _I know you from somewhere." He paused, probably to think. Soubi tried to go back to trying to pick out something that would help Ritsuka's stomach. "Do you happen to know my son? He's short, about fourteen-ish…wait, he turned fifteen last week…anyways, he's got black hair and big blue eyes. His name is Ritsuka."

Soubi really had to restrain himself from starting a fight. First of all, Ritsuka was thirteen, not fourteen or fifteen. His birthday was in December, not the end of March. His eyes were violet, not blue like his mother's. This man didn't even pay attention to his son while he was sober. He didn't know his son's age or his birthday…hell, it surprised Soubi that he even knew Ritsuka's name.

When Soubi didn't reply, Kiyoshi went on, "He's got these big cat ears and a long tail. He…um…he likes to draw…and he's got a lot of friends. His grades aren't so good…but…oh wait…his grades are better now. He's real outgoing. He doesn't like to read much. So, do you know him?"

"Sorry," Soubi finally picked a box of medicine, angered by how much wrong information Kiyoshi had about his son. "I don't hang around with little kids."

He walked away, then, not paying attention to Kiyoshi calling after him. It shouldn't have, but it surprised him that Kiyoshi not only didn't see his son enough, but he didn't even know him. He was mixing the old Ritsuka and Soubi's Ritsuka up. Ritsuka hated drawing, he had little friends, he was shy, he loved to read, and his grades were the best in his class. How did Soubi know so much about him when his father knew next to nothing?

Soubi went into the food aisle, picking out some fruit that Ritsuka liked. He had promised to make him breakfast, but had found that Ritsuka hated almost all the food in the cabinets. It was no wonder Ritsuka was so thin. He barely ate. He wanted to make Ritsuka something he would actually like.

He was looking at an orange when he saw Kiyoshi again. He was pushing his cart into the alcohol aisle, his cart full with more food that Ritsuka hated. Without a second thought, Soubi threw the orange at Kiyoshi, hitting him right in the back of the head. Kiyoshi turned around, cursing loudly and rubbing the back of his head and looking around for the culprit. Soubi just went back to inspecting another orange. He tried to act completely innocent, but when Kiyoshi turned around again, Soubi hit him with another orange, this time drawing the attention of several others.

From there, Soubi started a little game. He would take his anger out on Kiyoshi by hitting him in the head with different things and then playing innocent. He eventually started taking things out of Kiyoshi's bag when he wasn't looking, effectively pissing him off by spreading the stolen items all around the store. Once he had spent about an hour in the store, Soubi decided he had everything he needed for Ritsuka. He had even picked up some make-up for Ritsuka so that he could hide his black eye and the bruises on his face. Ritsuka's mother usually stayed away from his face, but his father had hit him and slapped him there, leaving marks and bruises.

Soubi just hoped that Ritsuka would be ready to talk about what had happened the night before.

…

Ritsuka woke up when Soubi came back. He hadn't even known that Soubi had left, but he assumed it hadn't been long since he would've woken up if Soubi had been gone for more than an hour. He felt a bit better knowing that Soubi had just gone to the store. That meant that Soubi had just left for a little while and he hadn't left for good, like Ritsuka was afraid he'd do now that he knew about Ritsuka and what his father did to him. He had even left a note, detailing where he went and assuring Ritsuka that he would pick up the phone if Ritsuka tried to call.

"Sorry—did I wake you up?" Soubi set the plastic bags he was carrying down, immediately going over to Ritsuka and giving him a hug. He even kissed Ritsuka lightly on the lips, nearly making Ritsuka cry. How could Soubi kiss him, knowing that his father's dick had been in his mouth not twelve hours earlier?

Ritsuka held onto Soubi tightly, praying that he would never leave him. Soubi didn't seem like he was going to. Hell, he hadn't even yelled at him when Ritsuka accidently threw up in the bed the previous night. He hadn't been mad, either. He had just ushered Ritsuka into the bathroom and helped him wash up and brush his teeth again.

"Why'd you go to the store?" Ritsuka was just curious, not mad. Soubi did promise to make Ritsuka something to eat in the morning, but he had just assumed that he'd make something with what they had here. Sure, he didn't _like_ most of the food they had, but he just thought Soubi would be able to make something with what Misaki had.

"I wanted to get you something for your stomach," Soubi put a little box of pills in Ritsuka's hand. "You should take those. I think they'll make you feel a little better."

…

A couple hours later, Soubi had Ritsuka sit on the edge of the bed. Ritsuka seemed to be feeling better since he had eaten and taken the pills Soubi brought for him. He was still scared, though, Soubi could tell. He was following Soubi around, reminding him of a lost kitten. Soubi didn't mind, but he did know that what his father had done to him had more of an effect on him than his mother beating him.

Soubi kneeled in front of Ritsuka, brushing make-up over the bruise on his cheek. He found that he had gotten the exact color of Ritsuka's skin, as well as a couple lighter and darker shades so that he could effectively cover up the ugly bruises on Ritsuka's face. Of course, he thought Ritsuka was still cute like this, but other people already stared at them enough. He didn't need to give them another reason.

"Close your eyes, Ritsuka," Soubi instructed, stealing a kiss from Ritsuka. Ritsuka had said that he wanted to go for a walk and Soubi was more than willing to take him to the park.

Ritsuka closed his eyes and Soubi started on his black eye, finding that being an artist really helped him make it look natural. It took him awhile to cover up the darkened, nearly black skin around his eye, but he eventually got it to look like Ritsuka's normal color. By the time he was done, Soubi himself couldn't tell the difference.

"I'm done," Soubi stepped back, looking at Ritsuka's now normal-looking face. "You can go look in the mirror, but don't touch it, okay?"

Ritsuka nodded, going into the bathroom to look at his face. Soubi pulled the first-aid kit from under Ritsuka's bed, putting the make-up in with the bandages and antiseptic, pausing to look at the note he had handwritten for Ritsuka, telling him what to do and how to treat his injuries. At the end of each of the sets of instructions, was the same sentence: _No matter what, call me. _

The only thing Soubi could think, then, was how a child shouldn't need a first-aid under his bed.

* * *

**Here's the first chapter of something I've been working on for the past week.**

**Review please if you want more.  
**

**~Wolfie**


	2. The second time

**2**

…

"Why are you drawing me?" Ritsuka asked Soubi later that night. He sat on the floor, Soubi across from him with a sketchpad in his lap. He still had his make-up on, even though Soubi said it was nearing bedtime. It was only about eight. It had been a long day, though, and Ritsuka was tired and wanted a peaceful night with Soubi close.

It had been a long day, but it had been a good day. Soubi had taken him for a walk to the park and then they had gone to see a movie. Soubi had taken care of him all day, not minding when Ritsuka would suddenly start hugging his arm and hiding his face. He was plagued by memories of his father, but he could push those away when Soubi was with him. Soubi was staying the night, and Ritsuka hadn't even had to ask him to.

Soubi reached out, tilting Ritsuka's head up so that it was in the same position as before, "My teacher said to draw something I love."

Ritsuka felt his chest tighten and his eyes fill with tears. Soubi had to abandon his drawing and hold Ritsuka for nearly an hour before he finally calmed down and fell asleep in Soubi's arms.

…

The next day, Soubi had to go to his university to drop off a project. He promised Ritsuka that he'd be back in less than an hour, hoping that nothing could happen to his little Sacrifice in that hour. He took his phone with him, making sure that Ritsuka knew to call him in case something happened. He kneeled in front of Ritsuka, checking that the boy's phone was fully charged and didn't have anything wrong with it. He clipped it onto Ritsuka's jeans, standing up and hugging him.

"I'll only be gone a half hour or so," Soubi told him, pulling away to look into his eyes. Ritsuka just seemed so different than how he was before Soubi found him curled up on the floor. He was even more withdrawn and wary and he didn't seem to want to leave Soubi's side. What his father had done to him had left a huge mark on him. And at such a young age, too…

"You'll be back soon?" Ritsuka asked, his eyes sad and lonely. Soubi almost thought about taking him with him, but then the professor would see him and recognize him as the boy that Soubi often drew, and Soubi would be in prison before he would even be able to defend himself. He didn't want to leave him alone, though, so he had asked Kio to come watch Ritsuka. Kio couldn't come until about twenty minutes after Soubi would have to leave.

"Yes. Kio will be here in a few minutes," Soubi leaned down, giving Ritsuka a goodbye kiss on his red, full lips, tempted to tell him 'I love you', but not doing so since that would probably make poor Ritsuka break down again.

…

Ritsuka decided to go downstairs and get some warm milk and play games in the living room while he waited, thinking that his father was not home. He'd heard his dad leave earlier, probably to go to a bar, where he'd stay until after midnight. He logged into the game as Soubi and sat on the couch, not worrying that his father would be home.

Just as Ritsuka was starting to get into the game, someone gave him a harsh shove from behind, sending Ritsuka crashing to the floor. Ritsuka yelled, hitting his head on the ground, not having to look up to see who had pushed him. He stayed down until his father yanked him up by his hair, forcing him into a kneeling position.

"Who's this?" Aoyagi Kiyoshi was both angry and drunk, as well as holding Ritsuka's most prized possession—the framed picture of Soubi that Ritsuka kept beside him when he slept. He was holding it right in Ritsuka's face.

"Give that back!" Ritsuka cried, panicking and reaching for the picture, wanting to hug it against his chest so that he could protect it from his father. He loved that picture. He usually kept it out on his bedside table, but when he slept alone, he would either keep it on the pillow or hold it against him and sleep with it.

"Who is this man?" Kiyoshi shoved Ritsuka back down, stepping on his hands to keep them from getting the picture. Ritsuka screamed, swearing that he heard one or two of his fingers break.

"He's just a friend! Please! Let me have it back! It's important!" Ritsuka's voice was high, both with fear that he would break the picture and the pain that Kiyoshi had caused by stomping on his fingers. He wanted to scream and cry for Soubi. Soubi, who wasn't just a friend, but someone very, very important to Ritsuka. He cared a lot about Soubi, more than he had ever cared about someone who wasn't family.

"Liar!" His father yelled, hitting him.

…

Soubi was just giving his assignment to his professor when he got a call from Kio. He stepped out for a moment, telling his professor he had to step out for an important call. He didn't really think there would be any trouble. He assumed it was just Kio calling to say that he had arrived and to see what he should do with Ritsuka.

"Hello?"

"Soubi!" Soubi immediately knew something was wrong. Kio only called Soubi by his full name if something was wrong or if he was angry. Soubi couldn't remember doing anything that could make him angry. "His…His father…!"

No. Kiyoshi couldn't be home. He had gone out to a bar. Soubi had made sure of that. He had left thinking that his Ritsuka would be safe. How could he have let this happen? Why hadn't he just taken Ritsuka with him?

"What's his father doing?" Soubi scribbled a note on a piece of paper from the bag he was carrying. He went back inside the lecture room, handing it to his professor, who read through it and nodded at him, giving him a sympathetic look. Soubi hurried out, still on the phone.

"I don't know what to do!" Kio confessed, talking fast. "Should I just go in? I'm watching from a window. Soubi, the father is abusing him. I…I don't know what to do… Tell me what I should do."

"I'll be there in a few minutes," Soubi told him, running now, trying to reach Ritsuka as quickly as possible.

…

"Tell me who this person is!" Kiyoshi yelled again, even angrier now. Ritsuka kneeled, his back burning from being hit with the belt and shivering since he had been completely stripped, tears running down his face. _Soubi, Soubi, Soubi, Soubi…_

_ Please come save me…_

Ritsuka looked at the photo again, seeing the smiling face of his best friend and Fighter, the man who took care of him and loved him. Maybe his dad would let him have the picture back if he told him Soubi's name. That was all he wanted.

"Tha…that's Soubi…" Ritsuka started. "He's my friend. We hang out a lot. Please give me it back." He shivered and reached for his picture again, seeing his dad's face soften a little. Just when Ritsuka had wrapped his fingers around the bottom of the frame, Kiyoshi grinned, ripping it out of his son's grip and throwing the picture down on the floor. Ritsuka went wide-eyed, his mouth opening but no sound coming out. He watched as his picture hit the ground, the frame shattering into a million pieces.

"No…" Ritsuka whispered. His father had just broken the photo of Soubi that he loved, the one that he always kept close. It always made Ritsuka feel like Soubi was there with him. Well, he supposed he could still save the picture.

As soon as the thought came into Ritsuka's head, his dad picked up the picture and held a lighter to it, letting the flame lick at Ritsuka's prized photo. Soon, all that was left of it was ash and Ritsuka was a crying, broken mess on the floor, ready to take whatever his father was going to do to him.

The sound of his father unzipping his pants told him _exactly_ what he was going to do.

…

Soubi reached the house in ten minutes, but it wasn't fast enough. Kio was waiting outside, his eyes huge and shaking, clearly torn and confused on what to do.

"God, I'm sorry," Kio apologized again and again. "I wanted to do something, but I figured I should call you first."

"Yeah," Soubi looked at the front door, knowing it was locked. "Listen, I'm going to need your help calming Ritsuka down. Just follow what I do."

Soubi found a rock and then threw it through the kitchen window, breaking it instantly. It got Kiyoshi's attention immediately, for Soubi heard the continuous yelling stop. He went for the door, then, unlocking it with the key Ritsuka gave him. He ran for Kiyoshi, slamming him back against the counters. He punched him _hard, _hard enough to knock him sideways, making it possible for Soubi to trip him and cause him to lose his balance and fall. He hit his head on the floor, knocking himself out.

Soubi left him and went over to Ritsuka, kneeling down so that he could see Ritsuka better. Ritsuka had his eyes shut, his tears mixing with the semen all over his face and in his hair. He was sobbing hard, naked and curled up. His back was sliced, the welts looking like whip lashes. His tail was between his legs, his ears were down, and his pretty little body shook. He was obviously terrified.

Soubi picked him up, wrapping his arms around his abused love. Ritsuka struggled, yelling to put him down, not opening his eyes. Once he did blink those beautiful violet eyes open, he fell silent and wrapped his arms around Soubi's neck, nuzzling his shoulder.

"Is he alright?" Kio questioned from the kitchen where he was checking Kiyoshi's pulse.

"He will be," Soubi scratched the base of Ritsuka's kitten ears, something that usually made Ritsuka purr.

"Soubi…" Ritsuka whispered, hugging him tightly. "That…that picture of you…the one I keep by the bed…he burned it." Ritsuka paused, his tears wetting the bandages around Soubi's neck. "I…I thought you'd never come for me."

"I'm here now," Soubi kissed his head, right between his kitten ears. "I'm going to take you upstairs now."

"You…you'll take care of me tonight?" Ritsuka pulled away slightly to look at Soubi.

Soubi smiled at him, "Of course I will."

…

Ritsuka dozed off when Soubi laid Ritsuka on the bed and covered his shivering body up with a blanket. Kio sat on the bed with him, making sure that Ritsuka stayed on his stomach so that he didn't bleed on the sheets. His back was still bleeding from his father lashing him with his belt. He didn't fall fully asleep, though, since he could still hear Soubi and Kio conversing while Soubi ran a bath, but he couldn't quite make out all the words. He only caught snippets of their conversation.

"…have to take him away from here."

"I know…Doesn't want to go…Won't talk about it."

"Should we call…Police could help."

"…They'll take him away from me…Group homes aren't a choice…"

"…Soubi…"

"I know…Isn't good…"

Ritsuka didn't know how much time had passed before Soubi's arms wrapped around him again. Ritsuka drowsily opened his eyes, finding Soubi holding him and looking down at him with sad eyes.

"I'm going to give you a bath, Ritsuka," Soubi told him, lifting him up and taking him into the bathroom, just like the last time something like this had happened. Ritsuka was soon set down in the wonderfully warm bathwater. He sighed, feeling tremendously better and less worthless than before. His worries were beginning to get pushed into the back of his mind, and his memories became less vivid. This was the affect that Soubi had on him. Soubi could make him forget all the things his father had done. He could take all the pain away.

"Soubi?" Ritsuka watched Soubi as he got a towel out from under the sink.

"What's wrong, Ritsuka?"

"My fingers…I think one or two of my fingers are broken…" Ritsuka looked down at his fingers, unable to move his index finger and middle finger on his left hand and his pinky finger on his right hand. Well, he could move them, but it caused a substantial amount of pain. His stomach really, really hurt, too. His father hadn't just made him blow him just once, but Ritsuka had lost count after three. Had it been four times or more? How many times had he poured his seed down Ritsuka's throat?

Ritsuka groaned as his stomach made a loud sound. He whimpered, looking back at Soubi, "My stomach hurts…I feel sick…" He felt embarrassed. He was complaining when he should be apologizing for making Soubi skip whatever he was doing to come to get Ritsuka. Not only that, but Ritsuka had been more than clingy for the past couple days and Soubi had spent the last few days doing nothing but taking care of Ritsuka.

Soubi knelt on the floor next to the bathtub, pushing up the sleeves of his shirt and dipping a dry washcloth into the bathwater. "We're going to have to talk about this, Kitten," Soubi said softly, raising the washcloth and rubbing it across Ritsuka's face gently, but hard enough to get the sticky white substance off.

"I…I know," Ritsuka looked down, thinking that Soubi meant talking about how he had called him when he was in the middle of something and how Soubi wouldn't be able to take care of him every day. He did have a life, after all. "I'm sorry, Soubi," Ritsuka apologized, wishing that things could just stay the way they had been. "I know your life doesn't completely revolve around me and I…I shouldn't expect you to take care of me. I'm sorry for getting in your way these past few days."

"Ritsuka, look at me."

Ritsuka forced himself to look into Soubi's blue eyes. He didn't want to, though. He didn't want him to see how much Ritsuka had enjoyed having someone love him and take care of him.

Soubi sighed, his lips twitching upwards in a small, gentle smile, "That's not what I meant. I meant that we'd have to talk about what happened today. Ritsuka, I love taking care of you and you're _not_ a nuisance. I will take care of you, whether you want me to or not, but we are going to have to talk about what's been happening with your father. It doesn't have to be tonight, but soon, okay?"

Ritsuka nodded, trying to swallow the tears. The way they had been for the past days wasn't going to end. It made him want to cry tears of happiness. The man who loved him wasn't going to leave.

"Let me see your hands," Soubi finished rubbing Ritsuka's face and Ritsuka felt better knowing his father's semen was cleaned off his face. He was glad that Soubi was here with him. He knew he couldn't handle being alone, not after being beat and abused by his father, sexually, physically, and verbally.

…

Ritsuka started throwing up after about ten minutes into the bath. Soubi tried to make sure he was alright, but he couldn't stop Ritsuka's retching. It took about two hours for Soubi to fully wash him, not only because Soubi had to work in-between Ritsuka's throwing up, but also because he wanted to make sure no trace of his father was left on the poor boy. He scrubbed Aoyagi Kiyoshi's scent off of him, making sure to do it gently and to take care of the open wounds on his back where Kiyoshi had whipped him with his belt. He cleaned the blood off of him and washed the sticky white cum out of his hair. He picked tiny glass shards out of his skin and disinfected the cuts on his arms. He even inspected Ritsuka's broken fingers and set them, making sure he bandaged them the correct way.

"What happened to Kio?" Ritsuka asked, standing in the bathtub, shivering slightly and holding the fluffy towel around him. Soubi was looking for the medicine he had bought Ritsuka for his stomach.

"He's downstairs cleaning up," Soubi answered, not looking away from the medicine cabinet. When he finally did, he saw Ritsuka's bottom lip quivering a little as if he was going to cry. Soubi immediately knew what was wrong. He went over to his love, picking him up and sitting on the edge of the bathtub with Ritsuka in his lap. "I'm sorry about your picture. I know that was important to you."

"He had no reason to burn it," Ritsuka murmured, staring at the wall. "He asked who it was and I told him. I did what he wanted me to. I didn't fight him. I just wanted my picture."

"I know," Soubi kissed his head. "He shouldn't have done that. Ritsuka, from now on, until we figure out what to do, I don't want you going near him."

Soon, Soubi had Ritsuka dressed and had helped him brush his teeth and get ready for bed. He tucked him in and then went downstairs, promising that he was just going to go do the laundry and mix some sleeping and stomach sickness pills in with some warm milk for him. Kio was down there, too, finishing cleaning up the glass shards from the shattered frame and the ash from the burned photo. Soubi felt bad as he stopped on the stairs and watched, thinking about how much Ritsuka cherished that picture.

It was just a picture of Soubi alone, smiling at the camera in his own house. Ritsuka had framed that picture and kept it beside his bed at all times. Soubi had caught him sleeping with it quite a few times. He knew how important it had been to Ritsuka. Soubi knew, since he had a picture of Ritsuka at his house that he treasured. From what Ritsuka had told him, Kiyoshi really hadn't had any reason to break and burn something that had obvious sentimental value to Ritsuka.

…

"I don't wanna go to a group home…" Ritsuka murmured once Soubi came out of the bathroom. He was already tired from the milk Soubi had told him to drink. He barely knew what he was saying. He laid on his back, a hand over his aching stomach. Soubi was folding his clothes and putting them back in his bag.

"When did you hear anything about a group home?" Soubi asked, clearly having other things on his mind.

"I heard you and Kio talking," Ritsuka told him, watching as Soubi locked the sliding glass doors leading to the balcony and pulled the curtains shut. "Soubi, the other kids will make fun of me there…"

"I won't let anyone bully you," Soubi gave him a little smile before going to the closet and getting the spare roll-up futon. "Kio might sleep in here tonight."

"I wanna live with you two," Ritsuka stated absentmindedly, so tired he wasn't really thinking about what he was saying. As a result, he was saying things that were true, but he wouldn't usually say because he wouldn't want Soubi to get mad. "I don't wanna live here anymore…Please, Soubi; make everything better like you usually do."

"I will, Ritsuka. I promise."

"Come to bed now, Soubi…"

"Yeah. I'm just going to go tell Kio to bed. Close your eyes, Kitten. I'll come to bed with you in a few minutes."

…

By the time Soubi came back with Kio, Ritsuka was fast asleep.

"He doesn't want to go to a group home," Soubi stated, getting into bed with Ritsuka. The boy immediately made himself closer to Soubi, recognizing his presence, even in his sleep. He made a small sound, a sigh of happiness, and placed his head in Soubi's lap. Kio sat on the roll-up futon with a heavy sigh of his own, looking up at Soubi.

"That's understandable," Kio frowned, looking thoughtful. "Why doesn't he want to?"

Soubi ran a hand through Ritsuka's hair, thinking of how adorable he was, even like this, "He thinks the other kids are going to bully him. Then again, he's probably right." Soubi knew from research that kids, particularly boys, were sent to group homes for bad situations at home or school. Soubi had read that most boys in group homes were aggressive and often hazed new kids. If Ritsuka went to a group home, he would probably get beat up, especially if it got out why he was there. The other kids would bully him to no end if they knew he was there because his father would force him to perform oral sex on him.

At least at a group home Soubi would be allowed to see Ritsuka. They might even allow Soubi to take Ritsuka home for the weekends or maybe just Saturday nights. Soubi would be happy with that. He would still be able to see Ritsuka every day. He would still be able to walk Ritsuka home from school and help him with his home work either at his apartment or at the group home. That way, Soubi could still be obeying the law.

But Ritsuka wanted to live with Soubi, which was illegal unless he got permission from Ritsuka's parents. Soubi was willing to break the law, though, since he loved Ritsuka and really didn't want to scarred, scared boy outside of his reach. He really didn't even want Ritsuka in a group home. The other boys would make fun of him or even beat him up, and that was bad, but not the worst problem of Ritsuka living in a group home. Parents were allowed to visit their kids in a place like that. That meant that Ritsuka would still be in danger from both his abusive parents.

"Yeah…Foster care isn't a choice is it?"

"Hell no," Soubi snapped, not even open to discussion on that. That was completely out of the question. Ritsuka would get thrown into system and passed from one foster parent to the next. Soubi would never be allowed to see him. Soubi would never let him get put into the foster system, not when there were so many stories of kids still getting abused and neglected by their foster parents. Soubi didn't want Ritsuka thrown into some family with five other boys and no one to pay attention to _just_ him.

Kio glanced away for a moment, "I thought so. You know…for the past year or so, I've been calling you a pervert for going over to Ritsuka's house and spending so much time with him…why didn't you ever tell me about his abusive parents? You know I would've understood."

"I'm sorry," Soubi apologized. Ritsuka sighed again, smiling a little in his sleep. Soubi knew he was having a good dream. At least Ritsuka's memories didn't haunt him in his sleep.

"I'll help you take care of him. You can't do it yourself," Kio told him. "He needs parents and I _know_ from the way he acts that he loves you more than family."

"He loves me?" Soubi repeated, dumbfounded. He had noticed that in the past month or so, Ritsuka had been more affectionate and had been really happy around Soubi, but Ritsuka had never said that he loved Soubi. He had told Soubi that he _liked_ him a lot and more than a friend and cared more about him than anyone, which was more than enough for Soubi, but he had never outright said 'I love you'.

Kio shook his head, "You idiot. He doesn't need to tell you. You must really be blind if you can't see that he's in love with you."

…

Ritsuka had a nightmare that night. He woke up screaming and crying, feeling like he was going to throw up and embarrassed by the fact that he had also wet the bed. His wet pajama bottoms clung to his legs, sticky and humiliatingly warm. He blushed, his eyes going wide when he realized that since he was curled around Soubi and pressed so hard against him, he had wet Soubi, as well as himself. He had woken Soubi up, too, with his screaming, so there was no time to think up a good excuse or something.

Ritsuka tried to catch his breath, feeling a mixture of fear, embarrassment, sickness, and relief that Soubi was still with him. Beside him, Soubi sat up and Ritsuka fully expected him to be angered and disgusted, but he didn't say anything. He rubbed his back for a few moments before pulling him into a hug. Finally, Ritsuka found his voice and decided to point out the obvious.

"I…I wet the bed…"

This was beyond embarrassing. This couldn't be happening. He had had one scary dream, one that he couldn't even remember, and he had wet the bed. It would be a lot less humiliating if he had been alone, but with Soubi in bed with him…he felt like he could just die. What was worse was that Kio was in the room, too. No, no, no… _Please let this be another weird dream_.

"I know," Soubi murmured, letting go of him. "It's alright. Let's get you cleaned up."

He helped Ritsuka into the bathroom, leaving Ritsuka to wash himself off, promising to be back to help him soon. Ritsuka took his clothes off, getting into the shower to rinse himself off, thinking of how Soubi hadn't been mad at all. Anyone else would've sighed and maybe reluctantly helped Ritsuka. They would've told him that thirteen year-old boys don't wet the bed and that he should've known better. Soubi hadn't said any of that, though. He hadn't scolded Ritsuka or yelled at him or even made fun of him in the slightest. It honestly felt good to have someone who understood, whether it was understanding why he wet the bed after a horrible dream or why he would suddenly just start holding onto his arm for no particular reason.

…

"Get up," Soubi demanded, giving Kio a small kick. His friend was lying on the futon on the floor, the only light in the room coming from the partially open bathroom door. Ritsuka was in the shower, washing off after wetting the bed. He'd been so close to Soubi that he'd accidently wet him, as well. Soubi would have to go wash up in the downstairs bathroom after he was done talking to Kio.

"Wha…?" Kio rolled over to face Soubi, opening his eyes slowly. He blinked a few times, trying to focus on Soubi before reaching over to put his glasses on and sitting up. "What's up?" He looked over at the bed and then back at Soubi. "Where's Ritsuka?"

Soubi nodded towards the bathroom, "He had a dream about his father and wet the bed."

"How do you know it was about—"

"He talks in his sleep sometimes. He was calling Kiyoshi 'daddy' and telling him to stop," Soubi could easily remember waking up to Ritsuka whimpering and holding onto Soubi's shirt, repeating 'Stop, Daddy! Stop!' again and again. Soubi had tried to wake him, but that had just made it worse. When Ritsuka had finally woken up, he had been absolutely terrified, screaming and crying as he realized that what had scared him so badly had just been a dream.

"I'll take the sheets off the bed and remake it," Kio sighed, pausing before getting up. "I just don't understand what kind of a father would want his kid so scared of him…"

Soubi turned away from him, taking the comforter off Ritsuka's bed and grabbing his bag. He said his answer in a low voice, but made sure Kio heard it, "One that does nothing but drink and never pays attention to his son unless he's drunk.

…

The next day, Soubi and Kio both had late classes, so Soubi took measures to make sure that Ritsuka would be safe and perfectly fine at home. Kio helped him. They made a list of things to do, making sure that Aoyagi Kiyoshi would be forced to stay sober and at home. They disposed of all the alcohol in the house and when Kiyoshi came home for lunch, Soubi slashed the tires on his car. They made a large mess in the kitchen and broke a couple appliances so that Kiyoshi would have something to do . He seemed perfectly sane while sober. Soubi figured that if they could keep Kiyoshi sober, busy, and at home, and Ritsuka in his room or just away from him in general, Ritsuka would be alright.

Soubi still worried, though. What if something went wrong? What if there was something they hadn't thought of? Soubi tried to factor in every possibility. When he picked Ritsuka up from school, he apologized for having late classes, telling him he would call him between classes and on breaks. He helped Ritsuka with his homework and took him to the park, since he still had a little time until his classes started. He still felt bad about going, though he knew that these lectures and classes were the most important.

"Remember what I told you," Soubi told Ritsuka, sitting on the floor of the boy's room across from him.

"'Stay in my room and only go downstairs if I have to'," Ritsuka repeated, rolling his eyes and then giving Soubi a hug. "Do good on your tests," He said, taking Soubi by surprise by kissing him.

"I will," Soubi hugged him tight and let go, needing to be getting on his way. Kio was already waiting down the block in his car.

…

Ritsuka heard the buzzer on the washer go off about fifteen minutes after Soubi left. Soubi had left him some instructions to put the blankets from last night into the dryer. Quietly, Ritsuka exited his room and padded downstairs, seeing his father looking at the mysteriously broken coffee pot. Ritsuka breathed a sigh of relief, knowing he was sober. Soubi had said that he'd done something to make sure Ritsuka's dad would be busy and sober for the night. Still, Ritsuka didn't say anything and went straight to the washer, clutching Soubi's instructions in one hand. He started following them, drawing his father's attention.

"Why are your sheets in the wash?" His father asked, abandoning the coffee maker and coming to stand next to Ritsuka. "Doesn't your mom usually wash them for you once a month?"

Ritsuka looked away, his face hot with embarrassment, "I wet the bed."

His father sighed, shaking his head.

At least he hadn't made fun of Ritsuka. "I had a really bad dream…" He explained. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw his father's gaze soften.

"What about? You could've came and got me," He placed a hand on Ritsuka's shoulder and Ritsuka shuddered, so vividly remembering that same hand shoving his head down to suck his dick. Ritsuka's grip tightened on the sheets, holding it so tightly that his knuckles were turning white.

Ritsuka forced himself to look his father in the eye, "About you." He dropped the sheets, running back upstairs as fast as he could.

Meanwhile, Kiyoshi sighed again and finished with putting the sheets in the dryer, looking at the instructions his son had dropped, knowing it was written by someone close to him. On one of the last lines were the words _I love you and I promise to call between classes. Stay in your room and don't talk to your father unless you have to._

Knowing he was a failure as a father, Aoyagi Kiyoshi went into his closet and found the bottle of hard liquor he kept under a loose floorboard and drank it all.

* * *

**I apologize for the long chapter. I tried to edit it, but there really wasn't a lot I could cut out.**

**Thanks to Lolita, Lovelessgurl, Mew, Manacled Heart, Tlcatlady, Bigmachine, M, XLovelessBeloved, Tamer Lorika, Evangelinevsalithian, Lyrica, Gurgicalcipher, Promocat, and Dark Neko 4000 for reviewing! I didn't think this story would get so much feedback!**

**I read somewhere that abused kids, particularly sexually abused kids, often wet the bed, so that's where that came from.**

**Please review if you want more chapters!**

**~Wolfie**


	3. End of the line

**3**

…

Soubi got his first break from the exam he was taking about an hour in. It was only a ten minute break, but Soubi still wanted to call Ritsuka. The boy picked up on the first ring. They talked for a few minutes about non-important things, Ritsuka telling him about the game he was playing. Soubi reminded him that to go to bed early and make sure all his homework was done. Before Soubi knew it, he was being called back inside for the second portion of his exam.

"Do good, Soubi," Ritsuka told him. "This is your science test, right?"

"Yeah," Soubi smiled, catching Kio's attention. "I get a long break before the painting exam. I'll be able to talk longer then."

Soubi was then able to go to his nearly two hour advanced science and math exam knowing his Ritsuka was safe.

…

Ritsuka had a small smile on his face when he got off the phone with Soubi. He hoped Soubi would do okay on his exams. Soubi was very smart, so there wasn't much to worry about. Soubi had nearly two hours of science and math tests to do. Ritsuka didn't want him thinking about him when he had hard math to do.

Ritsuka paused his computer game, leaning back in his chair and looking around at the room. He looked at the photos on his wall. Most of them were of Soubi or Soubi and Ritsuka, photos of them at the park, at the zoo, in the city, even on dates. Ritsuka loved every picture of them or just Soubi alone. The others—the ones of his friends and sometimes family—were nice, but they weren't as special as the other ones. They were still memories, but they were memories blended into the rest of Ritsuka's memories, none of them really standing out. When Ritsuka looked at the photos of Yuiko and him, he couldn't really remember what specifically had happened on that day. In fact, some of the memories with he and Yuiko and Yayoi were fading slightly from his memory.

When Ritsuka looked at the photographs of Soubi or he and Soubi, though, he could remember everything that happened on that day. When he looked at the zoo pictures, he could remember that Soubi had amused Ritsuka by telling him the scientific names of every animal. He could remember how he felt when Soubi held his hand and they walked like any other couple. He remembered every animal they saw and all the weird facts Soubi told him. He never forgot anything when it came to his memories with Soubi.

Ritsuka thought about how much he wanted to move in with Soubi. Soubi often asked him to, but Ritsuka always refused, not wanting to be a burden and not wanting to leave his mother alone. He didn't think he could take this anymore, though. He couldn't do this. He couldn't be beat down and abused by his father, not when he had someone so willing to take care of him and love him. He wanted to move in with Soubi.

His father was sober, right? So Ritsuka could talk to him about this now. His father never hit him or called him names when he was sober. If Soubi had gotten rid of all alcohol in the house, then Ritsuka would be safe. If Ritsuka wanted to move in with Soubi without Soubi getting in trouble, he'd have to get his father's permission.

…

When Soubi's math and science assessments were finally over, Soubi had a two hour break. Soubi talked on the phone to Ritsuka the entire time.

Ritsuka told him about talking to Yayoi online and how he was going to try to ask Yuiko out. They talked about the summer and other things before Kio told Soubi it was time to go back to the testing area.

"I have to go, Ritsuka," Soubi told his young love, wishing he could talk more. "Go to bed soon, alright?"

"Okay," Ritsuka said, sounding a little sad. "You'll wake me up when you get back?"

"Of course."

They said goodbye and Soubi reminded Ritsuka again to go to bed early. He returned to his test, having no idea what Ritsuka was about to do.

…

It happened so quick, Ritsuka could barely do anything to get away. After he hung up with Soubi the second time after talking for two hours, Ritsuka had gone downstairs and nervously started to tell his father what he wanted. His father had immediately gone off on him, demanding to know if he was gay. Ritsuka, being terrified of his father, had to tell the truth, which had led to Ritsuka getting relentlessly beat.

"Stop, Daddy!" Ritsuka screamed, crying already, confused on how his father could be intoxicated. His nose bled, his face and body ached from being kicked, hit, and slapped by his father. First it had just been a few hits and slaps. Then his father had spanked him, punishing him for liking men. Now, Ritsuka was trying to escape, making his dad chase him, but was currently cornered.

His father grabbed his hands, pinning them above his head, smirking into his face. "I'm going to show you what a dirty slut you are," He sneered, shoving Ritsuka down on his knees. From there, the next thing Ritsuka remembered clearly was being in the alleyway. The rest (being sold, having to do things to other men) was blurred or even wholly blocked out by his mind.

…

When Soubi got another break after his painting exam, he checked his phone, finding no messages from Ritsuka. He tried calling, but Ritsuka didn't pick up. Soubi just assumed he was either in the bath or sleeping. Still, he texted him and checked his location, coming across a huge surprise.

Soubi had installed a tracker in Ritsuka's phone earlier that day. He was terrified something bad would happen, so he had taken measures to make sure that he'd be able to keep track of Ritsuka at all times. He knew that it was considered stalking, but he had good reasons—and it was a good idea to do it, too. Otherwise, Soubi would've never found Ritsuka.

Soubi's eyes went wide as soon as he saw where Ritsuka was. The red-light district. Ritsuka knew better than to go into that part of the city. It was filled with prostitutes, shady people, and men who would do anything to get a hold of him. Even little children knew better than to venture into there. Ritsuka would've never ventured in there by choice. Something was wrong.

Soubi grabbed his coat and bag and walking right out the front doors, heading to the one place even he was wary to enter.

…

Ritsuka was tied to something somewhere in an alleyway, left alone by his father and the rest of his friends. He was in pain, so much so that he felt like he was going to start screaming for his father to come back and take this…this _thing_ out of him. He whimpered, thrashing around on the cold, hard ground, his backside aching from the thing being in there for too long. It was vibrating, too, which felt sort of good at first, but now it just hurt. It was too big…it felt like he was being torn apart at the seams. He wanted to scream for help, but he knew that his father had dumped him in a deserted place with only shady people around.

Ritsuka didn't know how long he'd been in the alleyway, but he was praying for a deity to either kill him or send him his guardian angel to pick him up and take him back to his apartment. His angel had late-night classes tonight, though, so that prayer was hopeless. He had been stupid enough to tell his father on a night that Soubi couldn't be near him. He should've known better. He should've known his dad would to somehow find a way to drink and wouldn't approve of Ritsuka being gay.

Ritsuka whimpered, shuddering violently as the thing inside of him started vibrating even more. He could hardly even remember who had put it inside of him. He knew it had balls on it, since the smaller balls had felt alright, but once the larger balls had been pushed inside of him, it had started to hurt like hell.

He was covered in his own cum, as well as other men's. He was ashamed, but he had gotten hard from the toy inside of him, as well as from what the men did to him. He hadn't liked it. Why had it made him hard? He didn't find it arousing to be forced to give oral sex to men who he didn't even know. It wasn't a turn on to have nearly every inch of his body, particularly his face, ejaculated upon. He absolutely hated it. He hated the pain he was in from being hit and not being able to touch his erection, and especially from having the toy shoved so deeply inside of him.

"Hey, you four!"

Ritsuka's ears shot up at the voice. Oh god, he was so desperate that he was actually imagining Soubi's voice, now. He closed his eyes, still shaking from the vibrations from the thing inside of him. He could recall Soubi's friend, Kio, having a catalogue of these things. He had looked through it one time before Soubi took it away and yelled at Kio for leaving something like that in plain view. What had this thing been called? A vibrator? He hadn't seen one like this in the catalogue. This was anchored to the restraints on and around his ankles, keeping it in place and making it so that every time Ritsuka moved his feet, it created an extremely painful sensation. The vibrating had already caused him to have multiple orgasms. It was honestly just starting to get more painful

"Who are you?" Ritsuka recognized that voice, too. It was one of his dad's friends, one of the ones who had punished him for being gay. Ritsuka let out a small cry, afraid that he was coming back again.

"I should be asking you that same question," The voice that sounded like Soubi's growled. If Ritsuka kept his eyes closed, he could almost imagine Soubi had come to save him.

"A pretty college boy like you shouldn't be wandering around these parts," Another voice said, another one of Ritsuka's dad's friends. The other men cheered in agreement. "Don't you know what goes down in this district? I bet you'd fetch a good price in prostitution, wouldn't he?"

"Where is he?" Ritsuka _swore_ that was Soubi's voice, but he was probably just imagining it since he wanted the man so badly.

The other group cackled and the next voice was Ritsuka's father's, "I don't know who you're talking about."

Ritsuka blinked open his eyes just in time to see two people at the opening of the alleyway. One was Soubi. The other was Ritsuka's dad.

Soubi punched Aoyagi Kiyoshi hard, immediately violently shoving him back against the brick wall. Ritsuka's father yelled out in pain as Soubi pinned him against the wall of the alley, effectively slamming his head into it. Soubi slapped him again and then grabbed him by the collar, lifting him off the ground.

"Let's try that again. _Where is Ritsuka_?"

Kiyoshi just smiled a drunken smile, "My whore of a son? Oh, he's right over there. He fetched me some nice money tonight. If you let me go, I'll let you take a turn for free."

Soubi just stared at him for a second and Ritsuka whimpered, not knowing that his own father had sold his body. He almost didn't want Soubi to find him out of shame for having an erection and out of embarrassment for having the marks and cum of so many men all over him. Wouldn't Soubi be mad that he had gotten aroused repeatedly? They were 'together' in a sense. He knew that Soubi must've cut classes, too, to get him, since his classes tonight didn't get over until almost midnight. He didn't quite know what time it was, but he did know that is had been about six when he had been dragged out here and only about three or four hours had passed.

"…Soubi…" Ritsuka cried, unable to take the pain of the thing inside of him anymore. His hands were tied above his head, making it so that he couldn't take it out himself. It hurt even more to try to kick his feet so that the anchor would pull it out, but the ball just inside his entrance was too big for that.

Soubi dropped Kiyoshi, looking in Ritsuka's direction, his eyes going wide. He rushed over to him, looking down at him, his expression distraught and shocked.

"I'm sorry!" Ritsuka sobbed, terrified that Soubi was mad at him. "I'm so sorry! Please…please…just help me! It hurts, Soubi!" He closed his eyes for a moment, trying to deal with the pain in his backside. It was now radiating up his spine and hips. Once he opened his eyes again, he saw Soubi kneeling beside him, untying the rope binding Ritsuka's wrists together.

"Where's it hurt, Ritsuka?" Soubi asked, clearly trying to stay calm.

"D…down there…" Ritsuka was sure he was blushing, but he really didn't care. He just wanted the thing _out_. He was crying now as he watched Soubi move down, crouching at Ritsuka's hips.

"_Oh_ god," Ritsuka heard Soubi mutter. "I'm going to kill him…"

"Please take it out," Ritsuka begged, desperate. He couldn't concentrate on all the questions he had in his mind. He couldn't even ask Soubi not to kill his father. He just wanted him to hold him and take care of him like he had been for the past week.

"It's alright, Ritsuka," Soubi touched the anchor. He gave a little pull to the chain connecting the vibrator and the leather restraint together. Ritsuka shuddered, even the gentle pull making his entrance burn. "Ritsuka, I'm going to try not to hurt you," Soubi told him, gently stroking his hip in a comforting way. "I'm going to have to put my fingers inside of you, though. It'll hurt too much if I pull this out and I don't think you'll be able to stand a ride to the hospital."

"Hey!" Ritsuka's father yelled, momentarily distracting Soubi. "What the hell are you doing? If you want to fuck him, it's gonna cost you!"

Soubi turned his attention back to Ritsuka, speaking softly and in a comforting voice, "Just say something if I hurt you or make you feel uncomfortable."

Soubi lowered his hand, looking at Ritsuka as he did so. Ritsuka shut his eyes, preparing for even worse pain. Soubi was gentle, though, simply touching Ritsuka's entrance before slipping a fingertip inside. He slowly started to ease the string of balls out of him, making it so wasn't painful. It started to feel a little good, actually. Before he knew it, he was coming all over himself, accidently getting some on Soubi's clothes, too.

Soubi didn't say anything about Ritsuka's sudden release; he just kept on softly whispering words of comfort to him as he coaxed the vibrator out of Ritsuka. He ignored Kiyoshi's shouts and rants, occasionally giving the middle-aged man a sharp glare.

"I love you, Ritsuka," Soubi said once the vibrator was finally out. He took off his black jacket and wrapped Ritsuka in it. Ritsuka relaxed, the burning feeling in his bottom fading slightly. Soubi finished freeing him from the restraints, unsnapping the leather bindings from his ankles, letting it fall to the ground. He picked Ritsuka up, then, holding him bridal style and making sure his jacket was completely covering his body.

"You still love me?" Ritsuka repeated, unable to believe that Soubi could still love him after finding him like this. "Even like this?"

"Even like this," Soubi assured him.

Kiyoshi was angry, yelling at Soubi, "You can't take him anywhere! He's my whore! He's my kid, dammit! I'm a lawyer! I'll _sue_ your ass!" He was still hunched over on the cold pavement, yelling and holding his bruised face. Frightened, Ritsuka wrapped his arms around Soubi's neck, hiding his face in his shoulder.

"Do you realize what you've done to your own son?" Soubi's voice was nothing but rage, all of it directed at Kiyoshi. "You molested him, abused him, _forced_ him to pleasure you…You even sold him! There's nothing redeemable I can find about you. I would fight you right now, but I don't know how bad of a condition Ritsuka is in."

Ritsuka clung to Soubi, not wanting to look at his father and see that hatred in his eyes. He couldn't trust men now. The only male he could trust was Soubi. The only person he _wanted _to trust was Soubi. He wouldn't let anyone else touch him. Soubi would make sure he was safe.

…

"I need you to tell me something, Ritsuka," Soubi said after they had gotten a safe distance away from Kiyoshi and his friends. Ritsuka was still holding onto Soubi, shivering from the cold. Soubi needed to help him. He needed to take him away from Kiyoshi. What he had done to poor little Ritsuka was just horrible. Soubi was going to find him and kill him. No, he was going to do _worse_ than that. He was going to torture Kiyoshi first, and _then_ kill him. That was only fair after the inhuman things he had done to his son.

Ritsuka just whimpered in response, his face hidden in Soubi's shoulder. His tail was wrapped around Soubi's wrist, coiled around it tightly. They were still in the red-light district, but just on the outskirts of it. He needed to know something, though, before they went any further.

"Ritsuka," Soubi murmured to make sure that he was still fully awake. "Don't fall asleep yet. There's something very important I need you to tell me."

Ritsuka made a small sound of acknowledgement, letting Soubi know it was alright to ask.

Soubi took a deep breath, hoping, praying that Ritsuka would tell him 'no', "Did any of those men have sex with you?"

…

Ritsuka tightened his grip around Soubi's neck, the memories that his mind had blocked out returning, the time from getting shoved down on the floor and watching his father undo his belt to the point where he had awaken in the alleyway becoming clear again. His father had taken the one thing from him that belonged solely to Soubi—his virginity.

_"Stop, Daddy!" Ritsuka screamed, having been cornered by his father. Kiyoshi had abandoned his belt and started used his hands instead. He shoved Ritsuka against the corner he was trapped in, pinning his hands above his head. Ritsuka slumped down as much as his dad allowed him to, giving up and sobbing. Unlike all the other times, there was no chance that Soubi could come and save him. Soubi was taking tests. Ritsuka was on his own. _

_ "I'm going to show you what a dirty slut you are," His father sneered, intoxicated. He grabbed the back of Ritsuka's hair, forcing him to look at him. Ritsuka whimpered, and was then thrown down on the floor. He kneeled, looking up, seeing that his daddy was hard and undoing his pants, smirking. _

_ "No!" Ritsuka yelled, trying to get away again. The man he called daddy caught him, shoving him back down. He forced himself into his young son's mouth, ordering Ritsuka to do the usual. All Ritsuka could do was comply, knowing there was nobody coming to save him this time._

_ Soon, Ritsuka was chained to his parents' bed, sobbing quietly as his father got dressed. He was naked and he hurt all over, especially in his bottom. His father had been relentless, taking his son without any sort of preparation, warning, or lubricant. The reason he was crying wasn't because of the pain, though. It wasn't even just because his own father had fucked him. It was because he had someone who loved him and deserved his ears and now he wouldn't be able to give them to him. _

"Ritsuka, did any men of those men have sex with you?" Soubi asked again, still gently but more stern this time.

"Yes! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!" Ritsuka broke out into loud sobs, crying into Soubi's shoulder, hanging onto him as if his life depended on it. He wanted forgiveness. He wanted Soubi to forgive him and take him home.

"It's alright," Soubi murmured in his still-attached kitten ear. He spoke softly and rubbed Ritsuka's back gently, "I need you to tell me something else. Was it just your father?"

Ritsuka shook his head, his face hidden. Images and memories flashed through his head, replaying what had happened. Ritsuka's father had redressed him and dragged him into the red-light district and letting the other men look at him before abandoning him in a sleazy hotel room. From there, person after person would come in and abuse him and make him do different things. When Ritsuka tried to run away, his dad had caught him, which was how he had ended up in the alleyway. Many men had fucked him, so many that Ritsuka had lost count. He had cried every time, though, and was left alone to think about how he wanted this to just be a dream and that he'd soon wake up next to Soubi, who would be there to comfort him.

His father said it was all punishment. Punishment for being gay. He said being gay made him a whore and a slut and he needed to learn a lesson. Him, his own daddy, had fucked in order to teach him a lesson and had sold him to his friends and other men. Ritsuka was a prostitute. His body had been sold. Men in the red-light district had bought him.

"I'm going to take you to the hospital now," Soubi told him softly, pulling his warm jacket tighter around Ritsuka.

Ritsuka sniffled, attempting to subdue the wails, "Stay with me, Soubi."

"I'm not going to leave your side," Soubi nuzzled one of Ritsuka's kitten ears, holding him close.

…

Ritsuka fell asleep, his head on Soubi's shoulder and his arms looped around his neck. He breathed softly, occasionally whispering Soubi's name and then smiling a little. Soubi called Kio to come pick him up and sat on a bench in the park, watching the dawn break over the city buildings. Six AM. Soubi had been looking for Ritsuka for nearly twelve hours. He had left at around seven at night and had just found Ritsuka. He couldn't help thinking that if he had just left Ritsuka with Natsuo and Youji, then this wouldn't have happen. He had been wrong to think that Ritsuka would be safe. This was his fault. Poor Ritsuka had been raped and beat because of Soubi.

_Why didn't I just take him to my house?_ Soubi asked himself, wanting to beat himself for making such a mistake. He just thought Ritsuka would be okay. He had made it seemingly impossible for Kiyoshi to be inebriated and made it so that he couldn't go out. _I thought he'd be okay. I screwed up. I screwed up and Ritsuka suffered. I'm a failure. _He hadn't thought this could happen. He hadn't thought there was a possibility that Ritsuka's father could drunk, so he hadn't taken Ritsuka to his house. If he had thought there was the _slightest _possibility, he would've taken Ritsuka to his apartment. But no, Soubi had been ignorant and now Ritsuka was hurt because he hadn't thought that Kiyoshi was hiding alcohol.

_I'm so sorry, Ritsuka._

Soubi stroked Ritsuka's ears, looking down at the sleeping boy in his arms. He watched the street for Kio's car, needing to get Ritsuka to the hospital _fast_. There was something else wrong. Ritsuka's ears were still firmly attached to his head. His tail was tightly coiled around Soubi's wrist, not limp in the slightest. The ears and tails of teens who had just lost their virginity took a few minutes to a couple hours to fall off. It seemed as though Ritsuka had been raped almost all night. His ears should have fallen off.

When Kio pulled up, he had a lot of questions, but Soubi didn't answer. He laid Ritsuka down in the backseat and sat next to him, the boy's head in his lap. Soubi was still in a state of shock. Sweet, innocent Ritsuka had been violated and deflowered and Soubi knew that it wouldn't have happened if he had just taken Ritsuka to his apartment for the night.

"We need to go to the hospital," Soubi informed Kio quietly, watching as Ritsuka stirred, opening his eyes a little. "Go back to sleep, Kitten," Soubi pushed Ritsuka's bangs out of his eyes.

"I don't wanna go to the hospital, Soubi…"

Soubi didn't even try to fake a smile, but he did try his hardest to comfort him, "We have to. I'll be there, though. I'll stay with you. I won't let the doctors separate us."

Soon, they arrived at the hospital and Soubi carried Ritsuka in, getting stares from every person in the ER. He could understand why. He was an adult man carrying a naked child who was only covered by Soubi's black jacket. Ritsuka was half asleep in his arms. He held onto Soubi tightly, refusing to let go.

Soubi approached the front desk, getting even worse looks from the women there. He glanced down at Ritsuka, his emotional stability failing him suddenly. When he spoke, his voice came out shaky, "He…he was raped."

…

Ritsuka fell apart again as soon as the doctors took him out of Soubi's arms. He screamed, sobbing again, reaching out for Soubi, not trusting anyone except him. The doctor started at Ritsuka's sudden outburst, accidently dropping Ritsuka on the cold floor of the exam room. Ritsuka landed hard on his butt, pain shooting throughout his entire body. Soubi immediately knelt next to him, helping him up so that he was standing.

Ritsuka hugged Soubi's arm, hiding from the doctors. He stood behind Soubi, his legs shaking, his tail lashing. Both the doctors were male and Ritsuka trusted neither of them. He was convinced that they were going to do the same thing his father did to him. He needed Soubi's protection.

"I'm sorry," Soubi apologized, glancing down at Ritsuka. "Please, can we get a female doctor?"

Ritsuka pressed his face into Soubi's side, wetting his shirt with his salty tears. He held onto him tightly, his heart beating franticly. These doctors were just going to beat him and molest him like those other men. They weren't going to help him. There was only one doctor he knew would really help him—his female therapist.

"I want Katsuko-sensei!" Ritsuka's voice came out high-pitched and shaky. "She's my therapist. I want her to exam me. And I want Soubi to stay!" He hugged Soubi's arm tighter, finally looking at the two startled male doctors. "I…I don't know what'll happen if Soubi can't stay…"

…

After Ritsuka begged his female therapist to let him stay, Soubi was allowed to hold Ritsuka's hand and talk him through his exam. The two male doctors had called Ritsuka's therapist, Katsuko-sensei, when Ritsuka had a mental breakdown after one of the doctors had tried to take him away from Soubi. Katsuko had arrived soon and she was now pulling her gloves on, wearing a sad expression.

Soubi sat in a chair next to Ritsuka, holding his hand and trying to distract him by talking about the tests he'd been taking. Tears still ran down Ritsuka's face and he was hiccupping, but he wasn't sobbing like he had been five minutes before. Katsuko-sensei paused, looking right at Soubi, clearly suspicious of him. Ritsuka didn't notice, the only sounds in the room Soubi's quiet voice and Ritsuka's constant hiccupping. The room was dark, too, the only light being the florescent movable examination light just above the table.

"Ritsuka-kun, I'm going to need you to put your feet up on the table a spread your legs," Katsuko instructed, giving Ritsuka a small, sympathetic smile as she moved her chair over to the end of the examination table.

Soubi could see why Ritsuka liked his therapist so much. She was kind and helpful, as well as motherly. He clearly cared about Ritsuka. Soubi had seen her before she had come into the room and she had been distraught and angered by the situation, immediately demanding a DNA test from Soubi and blocking him from getting in the room before he could even introduce himself. Soubi gave the DNA test, willing to do anything to clear suspicions of himself. Ritsuka had begged his therapist to let Soubi stay and, in the end, she had agreed.

Katsuko had a calm, reassuring front on, which was clearly helping Ritsuka calm down. Soubi was attempting to keep composed, too, but it was hard when he felt like he was going to have a breakdown himself. He was angry at Kiyoshi, so mad he felt like he would kill him at the first free moment he got. He was sad, too, and heartbroken, not because he felt as though Ritsuka had betrayed him, but because it broke his heart and depressed him to know that such a wonderful child would have to go through this.

Ritsuka whimpered, swallowing to hold back tears, doing what his therapist told him to. Katsuko had already collected samples off of his chest and face. She had swabbed sticky semen off of him, the semen of many different men. She then allowed Ritsuka to get dressed, so the boy was now in a light blue hospital gown.

"This is going to hurt a little," Katsuko warned softly, moving so that she was in-between Ritsuka's legs. Ritsuka hissed in pain and Soubi knew that Katsuko had begun collecting samples from Ritsuka's ass.

"S…Soubi," Ritsuka gasped, clenching his eyes shut and holding onto his hand tightly.

Soubi stroked his hand, kissing his fingers lightly, "It's alright. You're okay now. The doctors here are going to help you."

"Is…is that w-why you b-brought me here?" Ritsuka opened his eyes a bit, his big violet eyes looking up at Soubi.

"Yes," Soubi managed a small smile, though he was sure that the smile gave away his heartbrokenness. He was going to kill Kiyoshi. He was going to find him, even if he fled the city or even the country. He would chase him all the way to the other side of the world just to get his revenge. Ritsuka hadn't deserved this. All he had wanted was a little bit of recognition from his dad. Soubi remembered how happy Ritsuka had been when Soubi had been proud of him for getting the best grades in his class. That sort of reaction was all he had wanted from his dad. He had earned a simple 'good job' from his parents. Why was it so hard for them to say that to him?

And then there was the second time, which was even more unjustified than the first. From what Ritsuka had told Soubi, it seemed as though Kiyoshi had beat and abused Ritsuka just because he could. That picture…Kiyoshi had broken a photo that held obvious sentimental value to Ritsuka, even after Ritsuka did exactly what he wanted. Ritsuka had been even more distraught the second time.

Soubi didn't know what exactly had happened this time, but this was the end of it all. He wasn't going to allow this to happen anymore. He was taking Ritsuka home with him, whether it was illegal or not. Never again would he let Ritsuka be hurt by his dad. He wouldn't even allow Ritsuka to _speak_ to his father without Soubi standing by him. He didn't care anymore how much trouble he could get in for taking Ritsuka in. He would escape the law, just as he had done before. He was intelligent enough to get almost any charge against him dropped, even if he was so obviously guilty.

"Ritsuka-kun, I know it's hard for you, but could you please tell me what happened?" Katsuko scooted back in her chair, her voice drawing Soubi out of his trance. She glanced at Soubi, her voice giving him the sense that what she was saying was not to be argued with, "You're going to have to step out."

"No!" Ritsuka snapped, sitting up, clutching Soubi's hand tightly. Even Katsuko-sensei seemed a bit surprise at Ritsuka's outburst. "Soubi has to stay! I can't deal with this without him…"

Soubi usually would've hugged Ritsuka, but he couldn't now. That would only raise his therapist's suspicions. Soubi knew that if she got suspicious enough, she would throw him out and call the police. He couldn't have that. Ritsuka needed him tonight. Soubi could still remember the night he had been raped. That had been over nine years ago, but he still recalled the emotional pain he'd felt afterwards.

"I'll just be outside, Ritsuka," Soubi reassured him, getting up from his chair.

Ritsuka panicked, then, and threw his arms around Soubi's neck, shocking the older male. He whimpered, probably from the pain the sudden movement had caused. Tears ran down his face again, making Soubi feel even worse. All he could do was hold Ritsuka close and hope that Katsuko-sensei didn't force him to leave the hospital.

"Please," Ritsuka begged, looking at his therapist. "He didn't do it. He would never hurt me. Never. Soubi's the one who found me. He's the one who took me here."

"Alright," Katsuko agreed hesitantly. "Why don't you tell us what happened?"

Ritsuka just clung to Soubi harder, "I…I can't…It's too hard."

To Soubi's surprise, Katsuko wasn't angry or disappointed. She just smiled and closed the folder on her lap, "That's normal, Ritsuka. I'll be here when you're ready. As for now, we're going to x-ray you and set you up in a room overnight."

…

About an hour later, Ritsuka sat on a hospital bed in his own hospital room, looking up at the colorful bears and horses and children playing painted on the wall as a border. The painting seemed to unrealistic now. Ritsuka had just had the last piece of his almost nonexistent childhood stripped away from him. He had never really been like the smiling, delighted children holding balloons and playing in the colorful painting. Now, he didn't even have a chance to be like them. All the kids in the painting had their ears and tail. Pretty soon, Ritsuka's would fall off.

Ritsuka's eyes fell on one group of four in the painting. A child, his older brother, and their parents was painted in vibrant colors, the mother and father holding hand with the young child. If Ritsuka tried hard enough, he could almost imagine that family as his family. Seimei, Kiyoshi, Misaki, and himself, Ritsuka. No, not just Ritsuka, but how Ritsuka used to be before he lost his memories. That would make Misaki happy and his daddy would stop drinking. Maybe even Seimei would come home. Yes, if the other Ritsuka returned, that would make everything better.

He knew that family couldn't be them, though. They were all together and happy. That could never be them, at least not any time soon. His mother, Misaki, had completely lost her sanity in the past few months and either beat Ritsuka or ignored him, living in her own little world and being absent without leave half of the time. Kiyoshi, Ritsuka's daddy and someone he had loved and would talk to before he began beating him, was a drunk. He drank all his problems away and then punished Ritsuka for losing his memories and other things. Ritsuka's loving older brother Seimei had betrayed him, hurt Soubi, and then disappeared again. A miracle would have to happen if Ritsuka wanted them to ever be like that family in the painting.

No matter how hard he tried, Ritsuka just couldn't tear his eyes away from the particular family. It reminded him of how his daddy used to be, just after Seimei's 'death' when Ritsuka had been extremely depressed. He would hug him and be with him when Ritsuka would start sobbing because he missed his older brother. That was when he had been able to talk to his dad about anything. Gradually, then, Ritsuka had begun to grow more and more afraid of him, showing up at Soubi's door multiple times because his father had yelled at him to get out. Then, it wasn't just the yelling, but the hitting and slapping and spanking. He would beat Ritsuka worse than his mother, leaving Ritsuka bruised, hurting, and sometimes bleeding.

As Ritsuka stared at that family more, the more he realized that it really didn't have to be his entire family to be like that. He knew that his mother would never change, and he honestly wasn't sure if he'd ever even see Seimei again. All he wanted was for his father to change. He wanted him to be his daddy again.

But he knew that there was someone he wanted to be the father figure he needed, someone who he knew would treat him better than his father. There was one problem, though. He loved this person. He loved this person more than he should love someone he looked up to and wanted to be his father figure. This person was his boyfriend, his lover, his best friend…the person Ritsuka could run to for anything, no matter how small. He could talk to this person for hours about anything and even when they weren't talking, the silence was comfortable. The only problem was that this person was eight years older than him…and a man.

* * *

**HELLO everyone!**

**I'm in unusually high spirits today.**

**another long chapter. There's going to be a lot of these. I hope you guys don't mind.  
**

**Thanks to lolita, mew, LYRICA, Loveless girl, Bigmachine, Tlcatlady, Tamer Lorika, Riaries, xLovelessBeloved, Gurgicalcipher, Dark Neko 4000, Chibi Ally, and promocat for reviewing this chapter. I love you guys! Thank you so much and keep it up!**

**I noticed that a lot of you were asking "why doesn't Soubi just take Ritsuka to his house'? I felt this was a big plot hole, so I answered it in this chapter.  
**

**First of all, I'd like to point out, that the review that says it's from me on this story, is actually not written by me. It's a long story. Shortly, we were talking to Lolita, she told my friend to read this story, she started to type a review, but I needed to use the computer to check if another friend inboxed me back. I forgot to log out, she submitted the review, and it showed up as me. I thought I should clear that up since I don't know what people might think if they saw that.**

**Also, yes, she did have a name typed out, but it still showed up as me anyways, since I logged in in the middle of her writing the review. **

**ANYWAYS, I promise this story will get happier/less abusive from here on out! I feel bad about torturing him so much, especially in the first half of this chapter. **

**I think Ritsuka referring to Kiyoshi as 'daddy' really adds to the story, you know? **

**~Wolfie**

**Ps: I really like the title of this chapter. I think it's very fitting.  
**


	4. The Earl and the Scholar, part one

**4**

…

Katsuko-sensei had called Soubi out of the room to talk to him, though Soubi did not know why. The dean of medicine already said it was alright for him to spend the night in Ritsuka's room as long as the door was kept partly open. He sent Kio back home to get Soubi's new laptop, clothes, and some books for Ritsuka. He didn't know how long they'd be staying, and he knew that Ritsuka couldn't just sit around and do nothing all day. He really didn't know what the hospital did after a child got raped, since he had never been taken to the hospital after what happened to him.

Katsuko didn't say a word, but led him into an office in the pediatric ward, closing the door behind him. She took a seat behind the desk, Ritsuka's file lying open on it.

"You're not Ritsuka-kun's cousin, are you, Agatsuma-san?"

Soubi knew the act was up. He had lied to the other staff, telling them that he was Ritsuka's cousin. They looked nothing alike, so he couldn't pass as anyone in Ritsuka's immediate family. He knew he couldn't fool Katsuko, though.

"No, no I'm not," Soubi sighed, running a hand through his hair. "I'm not related to him at all."

"Would you mind telling me what that is on your clothes?" The woman fixed him with a hard stare, not even trying to hide the fact that she was suspicious of him.

Soubi knew what she meant. When he had finally tracked Ritsuka down and beat his father into telling him where he was, he had found Ritsuka lying in an alleyway, naked and sobbing, restrained and in pain. He had immediately begun apologizing, probably for having an erection. What had really pissed Soubi off was that Kiyoshi had shoved a vibrating string of anal beads so far into Ritsuka that Ritsuka's bottom was messy with blood and he was unable to pull it out by kicking his feet to pull on the anchor. Not wanting to put Ritsuka through anymore pain, Soubi had had to slip his fingers inside of Ritsuka, resulting in the boy suddenly coming and releasing all over. Soubi had gotten some on his clothes.

"Listen, Sensei, it's a long story. Do you have time?"

Soubi ended up telling the entire story to Katsuko-sensei, starting from meeting Ritsuka because he had been told to by Seimei and going through nearly everything, explaining his relationship with Ritsuka. He told of what happened with Ritsuka's mother and how Ritsuka would often seek Soubi's comfort after a beating. He spoke with disgust of Kiyoshi, telling her everything that had gone on in the past few days. He left some parts out, though, such as everything pertaining to Seimei and Soubi and Ritsuka's Fighter-Sacrifice relationship.

Soubi took a deep breath, his voice quivering as he reached the part that had just happened, "The next morning I walked him to school. See, Sensei, I have late classes on Mondays. I don't get home until after midnight. Sensei, this is all my fault. I…I thought he'd be okay if I got rid of all the alcohol in the house and made it so he couldn't go out to a bar. I told Ritsuka to stay in his room. I thought it'd be enough…"

Soubi paused, hanging his head, unable to believe he was talking to a psychologist. Katsuko had stopped being so suspicious and cold towards him about midway through Soubi's story. Soubi didn't trust psychologists, though. Minami Ritsu, his former teacher had been one and he had had something obviously messed up with him. He hadn't been completely sane, so Soubi refused to believe that any other psychologist would be different.

"It wasn't, though. I screwed up. Something happened that I didn't take into account beforehand," Soubi went on, barely finding the strength to do so. He glanced up at the doctor sitting across from him, finding her gaze oddly kind and sympathetic. He thought about poor Ritsuka sitting alone in his room. He wondered if the nurses had been alright giving him a bath. The poor child was so distraught; the only people he allowed to touch him were Katsuko-sensei and Soubi.

"Agatsuma-san you—"

"It's just 'Soubi', Sensei," Soubi cut her off, his thoughts still on young, innocent Ritsuka. Ritsuka had never used any sort of formality with him. He had always just called him 'Soubi', not 'Agatsuma-san' or 'Soubi-kun'. Soubi liked that. Not using any sort of honorific with one's first name announced familiarity and extreme closeness.

"Anyways," Soubi started again, not waiting for Katsuko to say what she had first intended to. "I left him alone. I'll never forgive myself for that. Like I told you, he wet the bed the night before, so I left him some instructions on doing the laundry."

"Wait, Soubi-san," Katsuko interjected. "You said he wet the bed?"

"Yes," Soubi nodded, looking up at her. "I thought I went over that?"

"No, you didn't. Could you tell me about that, please?"

"Well, we sleep together a lot," Soubi frowned, knowing how bad that sounded. "I don't think he likes sleeping alone. I didn't want to leave him when he needed me, so I stayed over again, just like the other two nights. He talks in his sleep a lot, though, so I usually know what he's dreaming about. He had a nightmare and he wet the bed. He's never done that before."

"Were you angry at him for that?" Katsuko scribbled something down on the notepad, leaning forward with a worried expression.

"No," Soubi sighed, thinking back to that night. "It was an accident and I know why it happened. He had a dream about his father."

For a minute, Katsuko-sensei didn't say anything and just wrote on her notepad. Finally, she looked up again, "Please go on. What happened tonight?"

"I called him during the breaks I got. He seemed alright," Soubi continued, getting to the hard part. "On the third break I got, I called him, but he didn't answer. I thought he was probably taking a bath. I…I know it was wrong, but I put a tracker in his phone after I found out what his father was doing to him, just in case. I checked his location and I found out he was in the red-light district."

Soubi couldn't do this anymore. It was just too painful and all he wanted was to see Ritsuka again, "Can we finish this tomorrow? Please. I've had a lot of shock for today. I really just want to get back to Ritsuka."

…

"What are you looking at, Kitten?"

Ritsuka started, twisting around to look behind him. He found Soubi leaning in the doorway, a gentle smile on his face. Ritsuka's mood picked up as soon as he saw him. He had been sitting on the bed, his knees pulled to his chest and his tail wrapped around his legs, thinking about how he could no longer have a childhood or a family. Soubi was back now, after nearly an hour of having been called away. He was even still calling Ritsuka the nickname he had recently adopted for him.

"The paintings on the wall," Ritsuka responded, looking at the painted family again for only a moment before glancing back at Soubi. "Soubi, can I tell you something?"

"Anything," Soubi sat in the chair next to Ritsuka's bed, leaving the door wide open. He took Ritsuka's hand in his own, gently touching the IV in it. "I'm always here to talk."

"I don't think I'll ever be able to be a child again…" Ritsuka confessed, wrapping his smaller fingers around the adult's.

"Why do you think that?"

Ritsuka looked right into Soubi's eyes, finding it unbelievably easy to talk to him, "I lost my ears. Soubi, I'm not even Ritsuka…"

Soubi frowned, looking thoughtful. "You _are_ Ritsuka," He told him softly, stroking his hand. "There is no 'other' Ritsuka. There's only you and who you used to be. You may be different, but you're the same person. Besides," Soubi leaned in a little more, smiling again and making Ritsuka blush. "I like this Ritsuka. And losing your ears doesn't automatically make you an adult."

"Did you know me before I lost my memories?" Ritsuka prodded, curious.

"Yes, I did," Soubi kissed his nose, just making Ritsuka turn even redder. "To be honest, I didn't like you much. I love you how you are now. You're still a child, Ritsuka. I know you haven't had much of a childhood, but that doesn't have to continue."

Ritsuka wanted to have a childhood. He wanted to be like the children who would swing on the swings in the park or play board games with their friends. He didn't want to be an adult yet. He wasn't ready at all. He still wanted to be able to curl up in Soubi's arms and not have to worry about being 'mature'.

"Will you play a board game with me in the morning?" Ritsuka had seen some board games in the common room they passed when Soubi walked Ritsuka up to his room. Ritsuka knew exactly where they were in the big hospital. He was in the pediatric ward for older kids, most with very, very mild psychiatric problems. Most of the children in this ward would be staying for awhile, so there was a large room with games and books and other things for teens to do.

"Of course we can. We can do whatever you want tomorrow."

…

After Ritsuka asked him to play a board game with him in the morning, Soubi picked up Ritsuka's medical chart and quickly read through it, listening to Ritsuka telling him about the nurse who had given him a bath. Soubi suddenly froze once he read a written note at towards the end of Ritsuka's chart, listing an extremely dangerous poison that had been found in Ritsuka's blood in a rather alarmingly large amount. Soubi could only draw one conclusion from this.

Kiyoshi had drugged Ritsuka and tried to kill him.

…

"Soubi?" Ritsuka asked, seeing Soubi freeze and go wide-eyed. Soubi just stared at the medical chart, his mind trying to remember everything he had learned about that poison in one of his advanced science classes. That was the day he had been texting Ritsuka in class and been caught. Damn…what had been on the board that day? He couldn't remember.

"Soubi, what's wrong?" Ritsuka tried again, clearly scared by Soubi's reaction to the medical chart.

_I can't tell him_, Soubi thought. Ritsuka would get scared if Soubi panicked. Soubi couldn't show any emotion. Ritsuka would take after him. He was the only man that Ritsuka trusted. If he saw Soubi panic, he would immediately do so himself. Nothing good could come out of Ritsuka being even more frightened than he already was.

"Nothing, Kitten," Soubi lied, feeling extremely bad about doing so. "You just have a lot of broken bones. You're probably going to stay here for a while." Both those statements were true, but Ritsuka having broken bones wasn't the reason why he was going to be in the hospital for a while. One thing Soubi could remember about this poison was that it took twelve to twenty-four hours to go into effect and once it did, it was horrible. There was a good chance Ritsuka's organs would fail and they probably would. Soubi was glad that he took Ritsuka to the hospital. If the poison had gone into effect when Ritsuka was at Soubi's apartment, Soubi would have had no way to stop it and it would probably be too late once he got him to the hospital.

Ritsuka reached for Soubi's hand, wrapping his tiny hand around Soubi's fingers, "I'm glad you're here, Soubi; I'm really afraid of being alone. I didn't think you'd still love me after…what happened."

Soubi sat on the edge of the bed, trying his hardest to push the poison out of his thoughts for now. He would talk to the nurses and doctors about it. For now, he had to get Ritsuka to sleep. The poor child had been up for so long and he looked so tired. A good long sleep would do him good. It was early morning, but none of the other kids in the ward were up yet. Soubi himself was tired, but he was too worried and panicked to sleep.

"I'll always love you, Ritsuka," Soubi told Ritsuka, looking right into his eyes. He opened his arms and Ritsuka immediately crawled into his lap. Soubi wrapped his arms loosely around Ritsuka's waist. Ritsuka looked up at him, his big eyes giving away his want to be loved. "I love you. Always. None of this is your fault."

Ritsuka dropped his gaze suddenly, looking down and away from Soubi. "I'm gay, Soubi," He whispered, his voice weak. "Does that make me a whore?"

Soubi just stared at him wide-eyed for a moment before his fast-working mind pieced all the pieces of the puzzle together. Ritsuka would've never asked a question like that unless someone he trusted told him he was a whore for not liking girls. Ritsuka had just lost the rest of his respect and trust in his father. It all fit. He must've tried to tell his father that he was gay. That was how everything started. That was why Ritsuka's father had beat him, raped him, and sold him.

Quite honestly, Soubi couldn't think of a more _stupid_, _fucked up_ reason. There was something seriously psychologically messed up with him. He needed help. No, he needed punishment. Soubi was going to kill him. This was the end of the line. This was it. The end. No more. Soubi could find no reason _not_ to hurt Kiyoshi. His son had tried to confide in him, only to be violently punished for what he tried to tell him. Fathers were supposed to look out for their children, not fuck them and attempt to kill them.

Soubi pulled Ritsuka closer, running his fingers through his silky soft hair. "It's alright if you like boys, Ritsuka," Soubi spoke in a gentle tone, not letting any of his anger show. He scratched the base of his young love's still-attached kitten ears. "You're not a 'whore' or anything of the sort."

"I…I tried to tell him…my dad…I tried to tell him I wanted to live with you," Ritsuka was still speaking very, very quietly, as if he was afraid to speak of what happened. "He stopped me when I said that I was dating another man. Tha…that's when all this started…" When he glanced up at Soubi, he had tears in his big violet eyes.

"I'm going to make everything better," Soubi told him, remembering how Ritsuka had begged him to help him after they talked about the group home. "When the hospital releases you, you're going to come home with me. I'm not going to let your father hurt you anymore. I promise."

Soubi kissed Ritsuka's head and picked him up, setting him back down in the spot he had been lying on in the bed. Ritsuka surprised him, then, grabbing him by the collar and pulling him down in a quick kiss. He blushed afterwards, making Soubi smile a little and forget momentarily about what was on the medical chart.

"I'm not tired," Ritsuka denied, clearly just not wanting to sleep.

"Why don't I tell you a story?" Soubi suggested, sitting back down on the edge of the bed and pulling the covers over Ritsuka.

…

Ritsuka smiled, perking up at the mention of being told a story. He was tired of acting like an adult. He had dropped that façade now. Soubi didn't care if Ritsuka couldn't act mature and grown up for his age. Soubi understood the pain Ritsuka was going through, how he felt betrayed because of what his daddy did to him and how he felt as though he really couldn't trust anyone but Soubi and his doctor. He just wanted to be taken care of. He was tired of having to do it himself because of his deadbeat father, his insane mother, and his ever-absent older brother. Despite all the horrible things that had happened with his father lately, he had come to enjoy being able to depend on Soubi. He had even come to the revelation that he was in love with him.

"What story should I tell you?" Soubi wondered out loud.

"Make one up," Ritsuka urged. He felt sick, but he didn't say anything. He put a hand on his stomach, trying to call the aching pain. He still hurt all over, but the doctors had given him some pain medication through the IV. He was starting to feel a little better. Soubi was here and Ritsuka was safe where his father couldn't get him.

"Alright," Soubi paused, thinking for a few moments. Ritsuka really didn't want to hear any of the old, unrealistic fairy tales Seimei used to tell him. He wanted one that he could relate to. He figured that any story Soubi would come up with would be better.

"Once upon a time about a hundred and fifty years ago in England, there was a young boy," Soubi began. Ritsuka listened intently, not remembering the last time someone told him a story. It was probably Seimei or his father right after Seimei's death. Ritsuka shuddered at the thought of his daddy and reached for Soubi's hand again, wanting him to go on. "This boy was only thirteen. He was short and had big violet eyes and soft black hair. This wasn't any young boy, though. This boy was an earl."

"What's an earl, Soubi?" Ritsuka interjected, not familiar with that term.

"I see they didn't teach you about England's hierarchy," Soubi teased lightheartedly, smiling a little. "See, England has a hierarchy that's still in play to this day. Earl about the seventh or eighth down. It's a high title. Right after it is viscount. Anyways, this young boy's name was Ritsuka, and he didn't have any parents. His mother was committed to an insane asylum and his father left. As a result, young Ritsuka was left to the hands of his servants. Ritsuka was very, very lonely, so continued the family business under the permission of the queen. Ritsuka started to investigate crimes committed against the English people. This was a very dangerous job.

"Ritsuka had a tutor, a Viscount named Kio. Kio was pure soul. He was a nice man, a person who couldn't help but to care about others, especially troubled teens. Kio moved into Earl Ritsuka's manor soon after he began teaching him, even though Ritsuka told him not to."

Ritsuka laughed for the first time in what seemed like forever. After what happened just a couple hours ago, he had felt like he would never be able to again, but leave it to Soubi to get a laugh out of him. "That sounds like Kio," Ritsuka said once he stopped laughing.

"Viscount Kio learned about Ritsuka's past and about his job," Soubi continued. "And Kio took it upon himself to take care of Ritsuka. He disapproved of Ritsuka's continuation of the family business, but he stopped having Ritsuka go out alone and figure out the cases himself. One day, though, two things happened."

"What happened, Soubi?" Ritsuka urged when Soubi stopped with a smug smile. "Tell me!"

"Nope," Soubi told him. "I'll tell you more tomorrow night. It's time for bed."

"I don't want to sleep," Ritsuka murmured half to himself. "I'm scared." He didn't want to dream about his father. He didn't want to relive his time in the sleazy motel room, where so many men had thrown him down on the bed and fucked him hard. He knew dreams would haunt him.

"I'll be here, Ritsuka. I'll wake you up if you start dreaming."

…

As soon as Ritsuka fell asleep, Soubi pressed a kiss to Ritsuka's head and quietly left, going to the nurse's station.

"I need to see Aoyagi Ritsuka's doctors. All of them, including Katsuko-sensei," Soubi demanded, needing to know what was going to happen with this poison. It was deadly. Soubi knew that much. But there was treatment, though it didn't have a very high success rate, which scared Soubi to death.

"They're in a meeting discussing Aoyagi-san's condition. I'm sorry but I can't—"

"Let him in," Another voice ordered. Katsuko-sensei had come up behind the nurse, her arms crossed and a grim look on her face. "He's Ritsuka-kun's caretaker after all, and intelligent enough to be of some help to us." Katsuko nodded and Soubi immediately followed her behind the nurse's station into a hallway. "I did a minor background on you," She explained. "I found out you take a lot of science, math, and medically orientated classes even though you're an art major. Why is that, Agatsuma-san?" She stopped outside of a closed door, her hand on the handle, blocking Soubi from getting through.

Soubi narrowed his eyes at her, wondering why _he _was being interrogated when Ritsuka's life may be on the line. Why did it matter what classes he took? "There's a couple reasons," Soubi told her, willing to do anything to get into that room and find out what exactly was going on. "I used to be in a very…abusive relationship with someone before Ritsuka. I've always sort of thought about getting into a medical profession if painting didn't work out. I'm just…interested in those subjects. Now, can you _please_ tell me what's going on?"

Katsuko looked Soubi straight in the eyes, "Ritsuka-kun has been poisoned badly with a deadly toxin. He's going to start feeling the effects very soon. Unfortunately, we can't treat it or flush the poison out until the symptoms show up. There's a couple different ways to treat this, depending on the symptoms, but if we get the wrong one, he could easily die."

…

_As soon as the tall, black-haired man was done with him, he left Ritsuka alone, lonely and sobbing on the bed. Ritsuka struggled against his restraints again and again, trying to somehow break free. It was useless, though. The metal handcuffs made him stay close to the headboard. Ritsuka stopped, knowing that even if he tried his hardest he wouldn't be able to break the handcuffs. He was alone. Painfully alone. Even though Ritsuka hated all the men who had used his body, he thought he might hate them less if they had at least stayed with him._

_ Ritsuka got a good look around the room. He was in a sleazy love hotel. The bed was big, but old, and the springs dug into Ritsuka's already aching back. The sheets were wet mainly from Ritsuka's tears, but also with fluids from the other men. _

_ Ritsuka cried harder, feeling his bottom ache from being taken so roughly time after time. The last man had beat Ritsuka, particularly around the face, and then shoved him down on the bed on his stomach, restrained him, and started pounding into him roughly until he released his hot seed inside of Ritsuka. Right now, his semen was starting to drip out of Ritsuka's entrance, the now-cold liquid running down his thighs._

_ Soon, the door opened again, and Ritsuka squeezed his eyes shut, not wanting to see the face of the next man who would punish him._

Ritsuka woke up with a start, screaming and thrashing around on the hospital bed, delusional. He clenched his eyes shut, unable to completely come out of the dream. He still believed he was on that hotel bed with another man getting ready to screw him into the uncomfortable mattress. He nearly pulled the IV out of his hand, but was stopped and forced to come back to Earth when a pair of strong arms pinned his hands to the hospital bed, away from his IV.

Ritsuka found himself staring up into Soubi's blue eyes. He relaxed, breathing hard, looking up at Soubi, suddenly having severe flashbacks from the night. When Soubi let go of him, Ritsuka curled into a small ball, his eyes wide open, reliving his father hitting him and calling him a whore, yelling insults at him, screaming 'I hate yous' and 'I wish you were never borns' at him. He repeated those two sayings over and over again, forcing Ritsuka to apologize for being born. He had forgotten until now that his father alone had made him want to die. He watched the scenes again and again, the flashes coming in few-second intervals. He could feel himself crying, could hear Soubi franticly asking him if he was alright and another voice in the background joining his. He felt embarrassment in the back of his mind, knowing that the warm, sticky feeling in his lower-half meant that he had wet himself again. He couldn't focus on any of that, though. The only thing he could concentrate on was the pain he felt and all the memories playing out before him.

…

"He's having flashbacks," Katsuko said calmly to Soubi, who was nearly panicking. He had thought that Ritsuka was suffering something related to the poison coursing through his veins.

Soubi immediately stopped shaking Ritsuka and sat down, pulling the shaking, crying, suffering child into his lap, hugging him tightly. Katsuko just stared at him, not saying a word, but looking on with interest as Ritsuka began quieting down and clutching Soubi's shirt. Within a minute Ritsuka settled down to the point of just whimpering, his eyes clear again, the flashbacks obviously gone. He simply held Ritsuka in his arms, knowing full-well that the boy had wet himself.

"Soubi…" Ritsuka whispered after a few moments. "I…I wet the bed again…"

"I know, Kitten," Soubi pushed the bangs out of Ritsuka's face.

"You're not angry?" Ritsuka asked, dumbfounded.

"Of course not. There's no reason for me _to_ be angry."

…

Ritsuka was soon back in bed and asleep after having been cleaned off. Katsuko-sensei sat calmly in the chair next to Ritsuka's bed and Soubi paced the room, his mind racing and unable to sort out one thing from another. This was his fault. Katsuko-sensei explained to him that Ritsuka was in extreme danger, but they couldn't do anything until Ritsuka started showing symptoms. There was a chance they wouldn't be able to treat the poison in time. A frighteningly high chance. It scared Soubi to death, especially when he was forced to think about what would happen if Ritsuka was no longer in his life.

…

* * *

**I had a ton of trouble coming up with a name for the fairy tale Soubi tells Ritsuka. First, it was called 'The earl and the prisoner' because Soubi was going to be a prisonor prosecuted for homosexuality, but that didn't fit for the rest of the fairy-tale. Then, it was 'the earl and his servant', but as soon as I came up with that, I thought "...kuroshitsuji..." and well, this little fairy tale mirrors that series enough, so I couldn't have that. So, I settled for "The earl and the Scholar"**

**Also, you guys may notice that this is "part one". That means that, yes, I'll be continuing the little fairy tale :3**

**thanks to Alois Pinstripe, Mew Mew Kitty 3, Lovelessreviewer, Bigmachine, LYRICA, Lolita, Ebony-S-White, Riku Tensei, Freya01, evangelinevsalithian, Tlcatlady, Promocat, Gurgicalcipher, Riaries, and Tamer Lorika for all the reviews! Thank you all so much! I love to hear your thoughts about this chapter and how I can improve.**

**So, review for the next chapter!**

**~Wolfie  
**


	5. Broken

**5**

…

"You should sleep," Katsuko-sensei told Soubi, who had been pacing the room for hours. Ritsuka was fast asleep, but he was beginning to suffer the effects of the poison. His temperature was rising and he was burning hot, his fever entering a dangerously high range. He was whimpering and crying out in his sleep, clearly having another dream about his father.

"I can't sleep," Soubi admitted, sitting on the bed for a moment and watching Ritsuka sleep fitfully. The boy cried out, screaming for his father to stop before sitting bolt upright, gasping and clutching his chest, his eyes opened wide and filled with terror. Katsuko-sensei closed her book, both she and Soubi watching Ritsuka closely, Soubi with extreme worry and panic and Katsuko with a motherly-sort of worry, as well as watching for symptoms.

Ritsuka glanced up, still breathing hard, his eyes finding Soubi sitting on the edge of the bed. He immediately crawled over to Soubi, whimpering, not paying any attention to Katsuko-sensei. He hugged Soubi, his arms tightly around the older male's middle. Soubi gently rubbed his back in small circles, wondering what had happened in his dream.

"Are you alright, Ritsuka?" Soubi asked him, hoping and praying the answer would be 'yes'.

"I…I will be now…" Ritsuka murmured, burying his face in Soubi's shirt. "I had another dream…You said you'd wake me up if I had another one…"

"I'm sorry," Soubi pulled him a little closer. "I tried, Ritsuka, but you have a very high fever and I couldn't wake you up." Soubi really had tried hard to awaken Ritsuka, but he hadn't been able to. Katsuko-sensei had told him not to try again, saying that there would be no different result.

"It's alright because you tried," Ritsuka's face was suddenly looking up at Soubi, his ears twitching slightly. _At least he isn't crying_, Soubi thought. He hated to see Ritsuka cry. He really couldn't stand seeing the boy so sad or terrorized. Ritsuka had been crying a lot lately. Soubi was determined to make him happier and make him forget about the terror his father had given him. Maybe today Soubi _could _make him happy. Ritsuka had wanted to play a board game, after all. If the doctors gave Ritsuka something to help his fever, Soubi could take him into the common room and do something with him.

"Are you still tired?" Soubi questioned, glancing up at Katsuko, even though he was talking to Ritsuka.

"No. I don't want to sleep…" Ritsuka nuzzled his shoulder, being strangely affectionate when someone else was in the room. "I feel sort of sick. I'm going to throw up…"

…

Ritsuka's entire body ached, the pain even worse from the night before. His head pounded, his stomach churned, turned, and twisted itself into knots. His back ached and his bottom burned so much that he could barely walk. Every time he moved, he was greeted with a new pain and more painful memories of why he was experiencing such pains.

Soubi held Ritsuka's hair out of the way as Ritsuka wretched for about the fifth time that hour into the private bathroom's toilet. He coughed, his fingers digging into the crevasses the tile floor created. He knelt on the floor, coughing and breathing heavily, trying to catch his breath after not breathing for what seemed like five minutes straight. He wobbled a little, feeling weak, and fell purposefully back on Soubi, who was crouching behind him.

Wordlessly, Soubi helped Ritsuka up and assisted him in cleaning himself up. Once Ritsuka brushed his teeth again, Soubi carried him back into the room. Ritsuka just leaned against him, not protesting to being carried. His bottom hurt and he was just weak overall. Katsuko-sensei had returned and put more medication into Ritsuka's IV.

"I'm going to need you to give me urine sample, Ritsuka-kun," Katsuko told him, a gentle smile on her face. "Then we're going to talk and Soubi-san can get some sleep."

…

Soubi's plans were quite ruined for the day, but he supposed Ritsuka was too sick to really do too much and there was a lot the therapist and Ritsuka needed to talk about. Soubi needed sleep, anyways. He honestly felt like he was going to pass out at any given second. He knew that it was safe to leave Ritsuka with his therapist. Right now, Ritsuka only trusted two people: Soubi and Katsuko-sensei. He wouldn't even let the nurses get near him and Soubi didn't want to find out what would happen if he saw one of his male doctors.

Soon, Ritsuka was out of the bathroom, but Soubi could tell something was wrong. He was red, probably from embarrassment and he shuffled over to Katsuko-sensei and leaned on the arm of her chair, whispering something in her ear. Soubi frowned, slightly disappointed that Ritsuka felt as if he couldn't tell something to Soubi. After he was done, Ritsuka just stared down at the floor before tiptoeing to Soubi and placing his arms around his waist, probably knowing that Soubi was feeling a little left out.

Katsuko-sensei got up and motioned for Soubi to step outside with her. Soubi pulled away from Ritsuka slightly, speaking in a quiet voice to the embarrassed child, "I'll be back in a minute."

"Ritsuka was a too embarrassed to tell you himself, so he wanted me to do it," Katsuko informed him, making Soubi feel better. Whatever it was, at least he was telling Soubi indirectly. "He told me of a few…problems he had while giving the sample. I'm going to test him for STDs…And from what he told me…I think his kidneys may be failing."

…

Ritsuka sat alone in a therapy office that was not familiar, though it was friendly-looking. It was a big room, one with a big picture window overlooking the city on the east wall. Ritsuka sat on the couch, his knees brought up against his chest and his tail wrapped around them. The placing of the couch gave him a good view out of the big window. He watched the sun setting over the tops of the buildings, seeing the people of Tokyo scramble around below, trying to get home to their families. He watched one family in particular, able to pick them out even though he was fourteen floors up. They stood out quite a bit, since it was four people trying their hardest to stay together.

Ritsuka closed his eyes, breathing in the comforting scent his clothes carried. They smelled like Soubi. Well, they were his clothes, after all. Ritsuka didn't want to be in that _damn_ hospital gown anymore, so he had borrowed Soubi's night clothes from him. It really didn't help that they were over ten sizes too big for him, but it was still better than the hospital gown and they had Soubi's scent on them. Just his scent made Ritsuka feel a little better.

"I'm sorry about that, Ritsuka," Katsuko-sensei said, entering the room and shutting the door, holding a file. She sat in her chair across the room, typed away on her laptop for a couple moments, and then rolled her chair over to the coffee table just in front of the couch. She placed the file down on the table between her and Ritsuka, and smiled at him. "Let's talk a little."

"I don't want to talk about last night," Ritsuka crossed his arms, sitting back. His mind was made up and it was not open for discussion. He wasn't ready to talk about last night. He was reminded of it every time he threw up, every time he looked in the mirror and saw his bruised face and his black eye…even when he went to sleep he couldn't escape what had happened. Ritsuka wasn't ready to talk—at least not to Katsuko-sensei. He would possibly talk about it to Soubi, but only to him.

"Let's talk about Soubi-san, then," His therapist suggested, clicking her pen and waiting patiently.

"Soubi…" Ritsuka repeated, feeling a natural smile grace his lips.

"Yes. Why don't you tell me about him?"

Ritsuka thought, not really knowing what she was asking to hear. "He's really bad with people," Ritsuka blurted out suddenly. "He's a university student. Sometimes, he takes me to the university with him if he just has to turn in assignments. I like to see where he learns, but the other students don't seem to like him much. Neither do his teachers. I don't really think he knows how to act around people. He doesn't respond well to authority figures. He's really smart, too, so I think that's part of the reason why. He always says what he thinks around other people, even if it's cold and maybe a little bit mean."

"How does he act around you?"

Ritsuka dropped her gaze, smiling. "Soubi's always nice to me," He thought about Soubi again, his mind suddenly flashing back to the previous night, how Soubi had saved him. His guardian angel had really come save him. Soubi had untied him and taken those awful painful balls out of him and then held him close, letting Ritsuka he could nuzzle and cry into his shoulder.

"Tell me a little about that."

Ritsuka absentmindedly picked at a string on the couch, "He's never mean. He never yells or gets mad."

"Does he ever hit you?"

"No!" Ritsuka looked up at her suddenly with wide eyes. How could she ask such a question? That was absurd! "Soubi has never hurt me! Never! He wouldn't. He never hits me or slaps me or pushes me…he's not like Daddy."

Katsuko-sensei paused in her writing, glancing up at him. He shut up, realizing what he had said.

"Ritsuka-kun? Are you alright?" Katsuko pressed softly.

"Soubi never calls me names or makes me do things to him," Ritsuka whispered, reliving more painful memories. "He never puts his hands where they don't belong. He never even drinks around me. He's nice, Sensei. He takes care of me and he helps me when bad things happen. He even went into the red-light district and punched out my dad just to save me. He hugs me and kisses me and…he makes me feel like I'm actually a good kid. He makes me feel loved…"

Katsuko-sensei just wrote for a few minutes, not saying anything and then gave him a clearly forced smile, "Do you like to draw, Ritsuka-kun?"

"Sometimes," Ritsuka answered, his thoughts still on Soubi. "I'm not very good at it, though. Soubi says it just takes practice."

"It does," Katsuko-sensei agreed, going to the closet on the west wall and getting some paper and a big tub of colored pencils and markers. "I did some research and I found out Soubi-san is a rising artist."

Ritsuka nodded, sinking down so that he was kneeling on the floor, his knees folded underneath the table. "He's a really good artist," He told her, inspecting the tape holding his IV down. The doctors had refused to take out his IV even though he was feeling better after Katsuko had given him so more medicine. "He draws pictures for me sometimes."

"Oh? What does he draw for you?" Katsuko cleared off the table and put the paper and the tub on it.

Ritsuka closed his eyes, trying to remember all the things Soubi had drawn for him, "Kittens, butterflies, flowers, you know, stuff that I like. He draws places, too, like the park that he takes me to a lot. He's even drawn my favorite manga character a couple times."

Curiously, he picked up a black colored pencil and grabbed a piece of paper, beginning to sketch. He sort of wanted to try drawing Soubi. Yeah…that would be nice. He drew a circle first, remembering how Soubi drew people. As he started to gain a little confidence in his drawing, he began to notice that it was looking okay. Maybe watching Soubi so often really had made him better.

Katsuko watched him before starting to draw as well. She continued questioning Ritsuka as well, "Earlier you mentioned that Soubi-san kisses you and hugs you. Do you mind if I ask you a few questions about that?"

"Go ahead," Ritsuka picked up a nice blue pencil and inspected it, only to throw it back in the bucket. He knew what Katsuko was doing. She suspected Soubi. Then again, who wouldn't? He could see her point of view. He was a thirteen year-old boy who had just been raped and brought to the hospital by a strong twenty-one year-old earless man.

"Does Soubi-san kiss you on the lips?"

Ritsuka nodded again, his mind going back to Soubi's kisses. They were sweet and gentle and his lips were soft. His kisses were so different from the other men's. He always pulled away if Ritsuka showed any sort of sign that he didn't want it. He was always warm and smelled nice, too, which Ritsuka liked.

"He kisses me other places, too," Ritsuka stated absentmindedly, finally finding an appropriate color for Soubi's eyes. Soubi had such pretty eyes. They were a beautiful blue color. Ritsuka loved to look into his eyes and get lost in them. His daddy had fierce green eyes, ones that scared Ritsuka more than anything else, and his mother had violent violet eyes, ones that had been passed on to both Ritsuka and Seimei. He liked Soubi's eye color best, but it was so hard to find a colored pencil that matched it.

"Where, Ritsuka-kun?"

"He kisses my nose and my forehead a lot," Ritsuka colored in Soubi's eyes and then started drawing in the rest of his features. Sometimes he kisses my head, right between my ears, and other times he'll kiss my cat ears."

"Does that make you feel uncomfortable? You know, the ears and tail are places only to be touched by someone special."

"I know that," Ritsuka insisted. He hated it when others touched his ears, but with Soubi it was different. When he stroked Ritsuka's tail or nuzzled his ears, it made him want to purr like a kitten. That was probably why Soubi called him 'Kitten'. "He's very special, though. It feels nice whenever he touches my ears and tail. It annoys me whenever someone else does it, though."

"How about when he hugs you? Does that make you uncomfortable?"

"No," Ritsuka answered, focusing on his drawing. He sketched Soubi's hair, having finished with his face, and then began searching for a good color to match the pale blond of Soubi's hair. Meanwhile, he thought about Soubi's embraces and how safe and loved he felt when the older man held him. "I like it when he holds me. Is…is that a bad thing because Soubi's a man?"

His daddy had told him that being gay was a bad thing, but Soubi told him it was alright if he was. He had been called so many things by those other men, though, so he found it hard to believe that being gay was alright. At least Soubi accepted it. He didn't know what he'd do if Soubi didn't accept him. That would really, really hurt… If that happened, it might even break his heart beyond repair…

He shook his head, trying to clear those thoughts. That would probably never happen. Soubi wouldn't disapprove of him, would he? He never had before. He loved Ritsuka for who he was, unlike other people, who just stuck around because they wanted the 'old Ritsuka' back. People like his mother and father. Maybe even Seimei only wanted the other Ritsuka back. The rest of his family was like that too, no matter how much they denied it. Soubi wasn't like that, though. He liked this Ritsuka, the way he was now and not how he used to be. Everyone else loved the old Ritsuka _so _much. Apparently, he had been so much _happier_ and much more _energetic_ and _playful _before. Nobody wanted this Ritsuka. Nobody, except for Soubi, who was more than enough.

Katsuko-sensei looked up at him with an expression Ritsuka really couldn't read. Finally, she sighed and continued drawing, speaking quietly, "No, Ritsuka-kun. That's not a bad thing. Did someone tell you it's bad to like men?"

Ritsuka froze, memories rushing to him, most as clear as water. One stood out in particular, one from just after Ritsuka had tried to escape from the hotel room and tried to run to Soubi's university.

_Ritsuka breathed hard, running even faster, stumbling in the dark. He tried again and again to remember the way, but it was so hard when he was in so much pain- both emotional and physical. He ran and ran, not knowing where in the hell he was, but figuring that he was on the outskirts of the red-light district. He didn't know if his father was still chasing him. He wouldn't look behind him to find out. He was just going to run until he saw something familiar or he came across a hospital or a police station. _

_ There was somewhere he wanted to go. He knew that if he saw just one familiar landmark he'd be able to make it to Soubi's university. He remembered where it was and what it looked like. If he could just get there, then he'd be safe. Soubi would stop his father and the others from hurting him even more. He would take him back to his apartment, help him out of his dirty and stained clothes, and wash every trace of semen and blood off of him. Everything would be alright if he could get to the university. _

_ Ritsuka was suddenly yanked into a dark alleyway and was shoved up against a brick wall, his father's sneering face right in front of Ritsuka's. Ritsuka screamed, closing his eyes. All hope was gone now. He wasn't going to be able to escape. He was going to die. He __**wanted **__to die. _

_ "Please!" Ritsuka begged, tears streaming down his face. "Please! Just let me go! I'll never do anything bad again! Please, Daddy!"_

_ "I'm not your 'Daddy' or anything of the sort!" His father shot back, punching him hard. Ritsuka slumped down on the brick wall, holding his bruised cheek. "My son is not a little gay whore! You're disgusting! I raised you better than this, you dirty child! I hate you, dammit! Don't you realize how much happier everyone would be without you? Me, your mother, your brother, all your friends…nobody likes you!"_

_ "Stop…" Ritsuka sobbed, his face in his hands, the tears soaking his face and sleeves. "Please…I'm sorry…I'm so sorry…"_

_ "You know what? I bet your boyfriend doesn't even like you!" Kiyoshi ranted on._

_ "No…" Ritsuka whispered, thinking of all the times Soubi would cuddle him and say 'I love you'. "Soubi loves me…"_

_ Kiyoshi grabbed Ritsuka's hair, forcing him to look into his eyes, "You're loveless. Who would love a stupid, ugly boy like you? I ought to punish you just for being born!"_

_ He shoved Ritsuka on the ground, ignoring his pleas and ripping his clothes off. He straddled him, smirking evilly. "Your punishment isn't over yet, you little slut. No…it's just beginning…"_

"Daddy…" Ritsuka whispered, not really realizing what he had said until he said it. "Daddy told me…"

"Have you said anything to Soubi-san about it?" Katsuko asked after a rather long pause. Ritsuka nodded in response, still zoned out. Katsuko-sensei took another moment and then asked another question, "What did he say about that?"

Ritsuka hung his head, pulling his knees to his chest, "Soubi told me it was alright. He said it's okay if I like boys and that it doesn't make me a whore."

Katsuko-sensei clicked her pencil, speaking to Ritsuka softly, "I think you should listen to Soubi-san."

Ritsuka nodded in agreement, resting his chin on his knees, "Soubi's almost always right…"

"Let's talk about something happier. Where does Soubi-san put his hands when he hugs you?"

"Oh…" Ritsuka looked into his therapist's eyes, earning an encouraging smile from her. He shifted, making it so that he was kneeling with his knees underneath the table again. "He usually puts his hands on my hips or on my back."

"Ritsuka-kun, please be truthful. Has Soubi-san ever touched you sexually or done anything sexual to you?"

This question surprised him. He thought he had made it clear earlier that Soubi had never done anything to him like that or touched him in a place he wasn't supposed to. He knew that Katsuko-sensei was very suspicious, but he had noticed her being less cold and friendlier towards Soubi. Maybe if Ritsuka convinced her that Soubi hadn't ever tried anything sexual with him, the two could maybe become friends, or something of the sort. Ritsuka would really like that. Soubi really only had one friend—Kio— and he and Katsuko-sensei seemed like two people who could become friends.

"No. Never," Ritsuka looked straight into Katsuko-sensei's eyes as he answered. "He's never done anything to betray my trust."

That was true, since Ritsuka really didn't count the first few months after they met. Those were the months when Ritsuka was so distraught over his brother's 'death' and bloodthirsty for his brother's 'murderers', that he had only seen that Soubi was lying to him and was some sort of traitor. He only focused on Soubi's bad qualities—the way he wouldn't tell him about Septimal Moon, and how he seemed to like Seimei better than him. That all changed after what happened at Seven Voices, when Seimei had reappeared again and broke Soubi's heart. After that, well, things began looking up for them. Ritsuka realized that Soubi was _not_ a liar and that he really couldn't tell Ritsuka about Septimal Moon, but he would tell the truth about everything else. He also realized that Soubi did not love Seimei, but he did love Ritsuka. He was just unwillingly under Seimei's control.

Soubi hadn't done anything to make Ritsuka not trust him. He never touched him in a way Ritsuka didn't like or said mean things to him. He always gently teased him, of course, but Soubi knew where the line was and not to cross it, unlike some other people. Besides, his teasing was never mean at all. It was mainly just Soubi calling Ritsuka 'small' or 'little' or 'cute', which wasn't considered 'calling names', so Soubi wasn't making fun of him when he said those things. Soubi would never hurt him.

Ritsuka found himself smiling a little, a certain memory preoccupying his thoughts. "There are these boys at school who like to make fun of me," Ritsuka started, wanting to tell his therapist about something Soubi had done for him once. "They call me names and knock my books out of my hands. They even shove me around sometimes. Well, a couple weeks ago, Soubi was talking to one of the parents outside the school and I was waiting for him. The boys that bully me came up behind me and took my book bag and then dumped it out on the sidewalk."

"I'm sorry, Ritsuka-kun," Katsuko-sensei told him sympathetically. "What happened then?"

"I went to go pick all of my stuff up and the others started laughing at me," He recalled how humiliated he had felt and especially right in front of Soubi, too, but then… "Then Soubi got really mad. That was one of the only times I've heard him yell. He defended me, Sensei. He told them that he would tell the principal and make sure they were suspended if they ever picked on me again. Those kids never bothered me again after that."

He continued drawing and coloring. He colored in Soubi's hair, listening as Katsuko-sensei wrote some things down on her notepad. He wondered what she was writing, wondering if it was good or bad or just notes on whatever he said. He assumed it was the latter. She was probably trying to determine Ritsuka's psychological state. He knew he was going to be here for awhile, like Soubi had explained before telling Ritsuka the story. Ritsuka wasn't okay and he knew it. He had sudden flashbacks and he still cried every time he thought about what happened. He still needed Soubi to hold him whenever Ritsuka's father crossed his mind. He was even wetting the bed. There was clearly something psychologically wrong with him.

"It's good that he stood up for you," Katsuko spoke finally, putting her pen down. "Does Soubi-san pick you up from school a lot?"

"Yes," Ritsuka examined his drawing, proud of how well he had done. He wanted to show Soubi. He started on another doodle, as the first one hadn't taken up the entire page. "He comes every day and waits for me with the other parents. I sort of like that. Neither of my parents ever come to pick me up. When I first started at that school I had to walk home by myself. It made me a little lonely…"

"Does he always take you right home?"

"No," Ritsuka glanced out the window, seeing that night was beginning to fall. "We go to the park when it's nice out. He takes me to his apartment a lot. I like it there. It's safe and Soubi always spends time with me there. The other day I got a really good report card and Soubi took me to get ice cream."

"How are you feeling, Ritsuka?" Katsuko asked suddenly, looking at her watch.

"Better," Ritsuka sighed, a little pang starting in his head. "Everything still hurts, but I don't feel hot anymore. My stomach aches a little, too."

"That's good. If you start to feel worse, just tell me and we'll stop."

…

Soubi fell asleep on Ritsuka's hospital bed by accident, too exhausted to call a nurse to bring in a roll-away bed. He hadn't slept in over a day, and he hadn't slept _well_ since he first found Ritsuka curled up on the floor. Needless to say, Soubi all but passed out after Ritsuka left with his therapist. He slept deeply, dreaming of Ritsuka. Some of the dreams were good. Others were not. Even in his sleeping state, he worried about the poison in Ritsuka's body. Most of his nightmares consisted of Ritsuka dying a horrific death because of it.

…

"What do you and Soubi-san do when he takes you to his apartment?" Katsuko-sensei pressed, her pen readied again.

"Lots of things," Ritsuka paused in his drawing, thinking. "He makes me dinner a lot. Everything he makes is healthy, but it always tastes good, even if it looks gross. He makes me do my homework first, but I don't mind since he always helps me. I watch him paint and draw for school. We talk a lot, especially when he paints. Sometimes when the sun sets, we go out on the balcony and watch the sun set. We play video games, too, and Soubi lets me borrow his books."

"Do you ever stay the night?"

Ritsuka nodded yes. He stayed over often, finding that being with Soubi was something of a 'safe haven'. He was always safe and happy with him and Soubi was more than willing to spend time with him, unlike his father…

_"Will you come to the park with me, Dad?" Ritsuka asked one Saturday morning when his father didn't have to work. "Mom could come, too," He added, trying to keep the excitement out of his voice. He rarely got to spend time with his parents. His dad was usually working and his mother was usually absent without leave or locked in her room. Ritsuka would try to stay away from his father due to his drinking, but the previous night, Kiyoshi had stayed mostly sober and had told Ritsuka that he'd do something with him._

_ Ritsuka's father looked over his reading glasses at him, lowering the newspaper. He simply looked at Ritsuka for a long time, his hard stare causing Ritsuka's wide smile to gradually fall. "It's too cold to go to the park," He told him dismissively, going back to reading the paper. _

_ "No it isn't…" Ritsuka began to protest before coming to the realization that the argument was completely useless. He smiled a little again, taking off his coat, "Can we play a game, then?"_

_ "We don't have any games," His father said without looking at Ritsuka. _

_ Ritsuka's hopes were crushed again, but he still persisted, refusing to believe that his father didn't want to keep his promise. Maybe he didn't know that they still had games and cards. "I know where Seimei's old chessboard is," He suggested, knowing that his father and Seimei would occasionally play chess together. That had been almost the only interaction between the two._

_ His father was unfazed. He just kept on reading his paper and took a drink of his coffee, "Do you even know how to play chess?"_

_ "No…" Ritsuka admitted. He didn't really know how to play, but he had picked up a few things from Seimei. He knew how the horse and the castle moved and what the object of the game was. "You could teach me, though."_

_ "I'm too busy," Kiyoshi stood abruptly, swiping the keys off the table and heading towards the front door. Ritsuka followed him._

_ "But it's your day off!" Ritsuka insisted, his chest tightening as he tried to hide how much it hurt that his dad was making excuses so that he wouldn't have to spend time with him. "You said you'd do something with me today!"_

_ "Later, Ritsuka," And with that, their conversation was over. Kiyoshi made that quite clear by slamming the door so hard that it shook the house._

_ "You promised…" Ritsuka whispered after the door slammed shut. _

_ He knew that there would be no 'later'._

_ Wiping the tears away with the back of his hand, he pulled his cell phone from his pocket and dialed a familiar number, asking the same first question, just to a different person, "Will you come to the park with me, Soubi?"_

_ And after what happened with his dad, Ritsuka fully expected the answer to be 'I don't have time for you right now.', but it wasn't. Instead, it was something that Ritsuka felt as if he needed to hear the most._

_ "Of course. Why don't we go out later, too? I found this new restaurant I want to take you to."_

_ Ritsuka sniffled, leaning against the wall and holding the receiver close to his ear, "Tha…that sound nice…Thank you, Soubi."_

_ "I'll be there in a few minutes."_

"I do stay over a lot," Ritsuka continued, able to recall the memory of his father lying to him all too well. "I sleep with Soubi when I stay over. I always sleep really well with him. I…I like to sleep really close to him. It makes me feel safe."

Ritsuka's mind was still on the day that his own daddy had broken a promise and hadn't even wanted to spend a few minutes with him. He didn't want to admit it, but that had really hurt. Kiyoshi felt as if he needed to lie to get out of spending some time with his own son. Why couldn't they just be like a normal father and son, if only for one day? Ritsuka knew the answer to that.

_He hates me._

_ He wishes I was never born._

Ritsuka felt dizzy, his emotional pain really beginning to affect him. He didn't want to think about his daddy anymore, but the man wouldn't leave his thoughts. It was having a physical effect on him, too. His body was heating up and his head was pounding again. There was a familiar tightening in his chest, a constricting feeling, one that was surely going to suffocate him. It was the feeling of heartbreak and betrayal and being hurt beyond what he could handle.

"I…I'm not feeling so well," Ritsuka told his psychiatrist, placing his hand on his chest, right where it hurt the most. "I…I need… Could you get Soubi…please?"

Katsuko-sensei nodded and as she left, Ritsuka was wobbling on his feet, struggling to stand up. He was burning hot, now, his fever feeling even worse than before. Everything hurt. Everything throbbed and ached. All his joints felt like they were on fire. His world spun around and around, making the small boy feel like he was being spun straight into the darkness.

He had one final thought before he blacked out.

_How can Soubi love me more than my own father?

* * *

_**Hey look~! **

**IT'S ANOTHER CHAPTER.**

**HUGE thanks to the wonderful person who beta-ed this chapter, Riku Tensei !**

**Also, thanks to MEW mew 3, Bigmachine, LYRICA, Lolita, Riaries, Riku Tensei, Ebony-S-White, Gurgicalcipher, Forbalathegreen, Promocat, Aeon, Tlcatlady, EvangelinevSalithian, and Tamer Lorika for all the reviews! I never imigined such a response to this fic. Honestly I thought people who hate it.**

**Aeon: Yeah, I realized that when I read your review XD. A lot of my fics do have a hospital setting at some point or some medical plot point because of my own bad health. What can I say? I've spent so much time around doctors that now I'm quite intrigued by their work!**

**Also, if you're wondering why I wrote such a story, it's basically for me to vent about what's going on at home, but I really don't want to get into that. Drinking is not good for families. Nothing this bad ever happened to me, just so you all know. It's just hard to deal with people when you can't tell if they're drunk because they drink every single day.**

**OH! one more thing! For those of you wanting a Revival update, it's coming soon, I promise!**

**Review if you want to know what happens~!**

**~Wolfie**


	6. Poisonous

**6**

**Poisonous**

…

Ritsuka struggled to stay conscious, but it was hard. He had hit his head, falling onto the floor and couldn't even open his eyes now. He drifted somewhere between consciousness and unconsciousness, unable to do anything but lie there, but not wanting to completely pass out. In this state, he balanced on the thin edge between his rational mind and falling off the edge into the spiraling darkness. The only thing keeping him sane was the prospect of Soubi coming to get him. He had asked Katsuko-sensei to go get Soubi. She had left before Ritsuka collapsed and retreated into his own mind.

He replayed a certain memory over and over, the memory in which his father broke his promise. He had told him that it was too cold to go to the park when it was perfect warm morning weather out. He had said that they couldn't play a game because they didn't have any. Finally, when he had ran out of excuses, he had said he was too busy to teach Ritsuka to play chess once the boy brought up Seimei's chessboard. He left Ritsuka all alone.

It had been his day off. He hadn't had anything planned. He had _promised_ Ritsuka that he'd do something with him the night before.

After his father left, Ritsuka had called Soubi on his home phone and asked him the same question he'd asked his father: If he'd go to the park with him. He had expected him to tell him he had no time for him, just like his father basically had, but no. That wasn't what happened. Soubi had happily gone to the park with him. He had even taken Ritsuka out on a date. Soubi always had time for him. He always had time to talk, even if he was doing a school project. He never yelled. He never got mad. He was nothing like Ritsuka's father.

Ritsuka was giving up on his father. He wanted Soubi now. He wanted Soubi to be the one to take care of him, the one to teach him, the one to love him. Of course, he didn't want him _just _to be the parental figure he needed. He wanted things to stay how they had been for the past few days, where Soubi would take care of him but they were still as they had been for the past few months.

Ritsuka got stuck on that for a moment. What were they? They were dating. They were together. Both those terms just seemed so simple and general. Ritsuka loved Soubi more than a boyfriend. Soubi was his best friend, his parent, his boyfriend, his lover…Ritsuka wished for a word to describe what exactly Soubi was to him.

"Ritsuka!"

He heard Soubi yell, but it was a distant sound, as if he wasn't actually in his body anymore. He heard Soubi running towards him and felt hands on him, pushing his bangs out of his face and feeling his forehead.

"Ritsuka? Ritsuka, can you hear me?"

Ritsuka wanted to respond, but he couldn't. He tried and tried to move, and nothing happened. Soon, Soubi lifted him into his arms and Ritsuka let himself fall off the edge, unable to stand the pain any longer.

…

"Can't you do anything yet?" Soubi asked Katsuko, nearly shaking with fear and panic. He experienced panic unlike anyone else. When Soubi panicked, he struggled with control. Often times, he completely lost it and would get violent with anyone who was stupid enough to cross him. That couldn't happen now. He needed to stay by Ritsuka's side. He couldn't be thrown out of the hospital because he got violent with some random victim.

"I'm afraid I can't," Katsuko-sensei sighed, running a hand through her hair. She looked almost as stressed as Soubi. They were outside of Ritsuka's intensive care unit room, where he had been rushed to after collapsing and coming down with an extremely dangerous fever. His skin was getting paler by the second, his kidneys failing, and the doctors had began suspecting that the poison was affecting the young boy's heart as well.

"Why not?" Soubi demanded, his tone and raised voice getting the attention of several others.

"Because these symptoms are consistent with all three of the variations of the poisons," Katsuko informed him. "_That's_ why this poison is so deadly. The symptoms are very similar and, if we give him the wrong antidote, there's a very good chance he'll die."

Soubi didn't know _what_ he was feeling. Ritsuka was dying. Soubi was distraught. He didn't know what to feel. For the first time in years, he actually felt like crying. He couldn't, though. He was an adult. He had been taught not to show that kind of emotion. It was weakness, Ritsu had said. It was him showing weakness. Soubi knew it was okay for Ritsuka to cry, but it wasn't okay for he himself to.

"Please…" Soubi begged softly, the anger disappearing from his voice. "Please tell me there's something you can do…"

"…There may be one thing…" Katsuko told him, looking like she was deep in thought. "Each variation looks different. One is a blue color, one a red-ish color, and one a sickly green. Most victims are knocked out and don't see the vile, but there's a chance that Ritsuka wasn't knocked out. If we can reduce his fever enough, we can probably wake him up and ask him. The problem is…it's going to be hard on him and I think you're the only one he'll tell."

…

Soubi sat on Ritsuka's hospital bed, watching as Katsuko-sensei administered more fever medication to Ritsuka, trying to reduce his fever and get him to wake up. They'd already tried this three times. Soubi doubted that it would work. If it hadn't the other times, why would it now? Ritsuka's fever was falling, but not enough. He was fast asleep, his face red from the heat and black and blue from his father's beatings. Why, out of all kids, had this had to happen to sweet, innocent Ritsuka? The poor child had done nothing to ever deserve this.

Ritsuka was a really good kid. He never got into any fights, he got good grades, and he was willing to help anyone who needed it. Sure, he could be rude to the kids in his class sometimes, but that didn't make him a bad kid. He wasn't violent at all. Even when Soubi witnessed kids bullying him, Ritsuka never hit them or anything.

Soubi noticed that Katsuko-sensei had exited the room for a moment and was now coming back in with a thick file in hand. She quietly shut the door, placing the file down on the reclining chair she had been sitting on before silently emptying another vile of medicine into Ritsuka's IV.

"I have the reports back from the lab," She said softly, not facing Soubi. "It's not good."

"Please tell me," Soubi requested, watching the monitor as Ritsuka's fever fell a little more.

Katsuko-sensei turned towards him, picking up the file and clearing her throat. "Thirty-two different men had anal sex with Ritsuka-kun. I also found the DNA of twenty others on the rest of his body." She glanced up at Soubi finally, looking over her glasses at him, "None of them matched your sample. You're clear."

"Should I be relieved? I knew my DNA wasn't going to show up," Soubi sighed, his eyes returning to Ritsuka. Thirty-two different men. Kiyoshi had let over thirty men fuck his son for a little money. What a bastard. And now…now Ritsuka was dying because of him, because his own father injected him with an extremely fatal poison. What a pathetic bastard. Soubi was going to track him down and give him what he had coming to him. He was going to torture him long and slow until Kiyoshi begged to be killed. Then, he was going to somehow get a hold of the records and find out who those other men were and he was going to torture them in the same way he would torture Kiyoshi.

"There's other news, Soubi-san," Katsuko went on. "His kidneys are failing…and his heart is, too. I'm going to have to find a donor soon and he might need open heart surgery, which is extremely dangerous."

Soubi didn't say anything. He couldn't. All his thoughts had left him once he heard that Ritsuka's heart was failing. What if…what if Ritsuka wouldn't make it? What would happen then? Soubi wasn't sure how he'd live if Ritsuka died. Was there really a way? He'd done it before, but now that he knew what it was like to have someone love him and care about him, he wasn't ready to go back. He didn't want to be alone anymore. Soubi couldn't lose the person he loved the most.

"I'll be a donor," Soubi decided, not really thinking. He was still distracted by thoughts of Ritsuka dying. Ritsuka's fever was still so high. There was a possibility of him suffering brain damage. Soubi lingered on that for a moment. He would still love Ritsuka, even if the child was mentally retarded. That wouldn't lessen his love for Ritsuka.

"You can't," Katsuko informed him, her voice firm. "You told me that your blood type is B. Ritsuka is type A. You two aren't compatible. Even if you were, I wouldn't let you donate. The best chance we have of a foreign kidney being accepted into the body is if it's from a family member."

Katsuko-sensei didn't have to spell it out for Soubi. She wanted Ritsuka's donor to be a family member, preferably if his intermediate family. She was going to call Kiyoshi in. He was the best choice.

"No," Soubi growled. "If Ritsuka sees that man, it'll break his heart." He needed to protect Ritsuka. The poor boy had an emotional breakdown when a male doctor took him out of Soubi's arms. It would kill Ritsuka to see his father again so soon after being raped and betrayed by him. Not only that, but Soubi would probably start a fight with him as soon as he saw him and he really didn't want to be thrown out of the hospital and separated from Ritsuka.

"Soubi-san, it's not your choice! This is what's best for him, and I'm the one with situational custody of Ritsuka-kun!" She snapped, taking deep breaths and quickly calming down. "Luckily, Ritsuka-kun's kidneys are failing slowly. This means there's some time before he has to actually get the transplant. He's probably going to need heart surgery later today, though."

…

Ritsuka slowly came to, first coming into consciousness in his own mind, but still too feverish to open his eyes. He could listen, though, and that's exactly what he did. Two people were in the room, the only two people Ritsuka could trust, Soubi and Katsuko-sensei. He could tell that Soubi was sitting on the bed Ritsuka was lying in and was gently rubbing his foot through the blanket. Katsuko-sensei's location kept changing as she talked with Soubi and occasionally, Ritsuka could hear another doctor or two enter the room.

"There's one more thing, Soubi-san," Katsuko-sensei was saying, now close to Ritsuka, probably putting something in his IV. Ritsuka tried to open his eyes again, wanting to see Soubi, his guardian angel. He knew there was something very wrong. He was hot, so very hot and his chest hurt, both from heartbreak and from internal damage. His head throbbed, making it so that he could barely think. He hurt all over. Everything felt like he was on fire. There was something terribly wrong and all Ritsuka wanted to do was see Soubi before it all made him pass out again.

"What is it?" Soubi's voice sounded distant, as if he was thinking about something else.

The wildfire in Ritsuka's body was starting to cool a little as some kind of medicine started to take effect. He began to come back into the world slowly, regaining some feeling in his toes and fingers and then in his hands and feet. Soubi's gentle touch, even through the blankets, felt really nice. His body was quickly cooling down and his head stopped aching so much.

"Ritsuka contracted a couple STDs."

Soubi was silent and Ritsuka's heart ached, suddenly scared that Soubi wouldn't love him anymore if Ritsuka had some horrible sexually transmitted disease. All Ritsuka really wanted was Soubi's love, which he had, but was scared that he'd lose it if something bad happened. His daddy said that he was a loveless child and that no one could possibly ever love him. For some reason, he believed him, but he also believed that Soubi loved him. How could that be? How could Soubi love him, a horrible, dirty child who didn't deserve a nice, gently man like him?

"…Does he have something…serious?" Soubi asked, finally speaking.

"No," Katsuko moved to the other side of the room. "I tested him and both the STDs he contracted are completely and easily curable. He has Chlamydia and Gonorrhea, but neither are serious since we caught it early. I'll start him on the medications right away."

"I'm so worried…" Soubi said absentmindedly, sounding extremely sad. Ritsuka fought to have the ability to move again, wanting to hug Soubi and curl up in his arms again. Those men who had screwed him had given him diseases. His daddy had let them, too. Ritsuka was almost sure that his father had known that those men had diseases. How could he not? Out of all those men, some of them were bound to have diseases or infections which could be easily transmitted to Ritsuka. Only a couple had used protection. What if it had been something more serious like genital warts, or, even worse, AIDS? Soubi wouldn't even be able to have sex with Ritsuka without the serious risk of him getting sick, too, even if they used a condom. Why would Soubi want to stay with Ritsuka if he knew that there would always be a chance he could get seriously ill?

Ritsuka sniffled, blinking his eyes open slowly, his vision spinning for a second before steadying. Both Soubi, Katsuko-sensei, and a female doctor watched him intently, but Ritsuka focused only on Soubi. Soubi gave him a small smile, his expression happy but a little sad. Ritsuka looked down, unable to understand Soubi's love for him.

"Soubi…I…I'm sorry…" He whispered, trying his hardest to keep the tears from falling. He was sorry—sorry that Soubi had to spend all of his time with him, sorry that he was putting Soubi through all of this, and most of all, sorry that he was such a bad, dirty child who had been fucked by so many men. He loved Soubi. He loved him more than anyone else, and he knew that Soubi loved him, too, but Ritsuka didn't deserve that. Soubi was so nice and gentle with him. He never hurt Ritsuka. Ritsuka was a whore and a slut, just as his father had said. He didn't deserve such a perfect person as his lover. His dad had made that clear.

Katsuko-sensei muttered something to the female doctor, who nodded. They both left, then, leaving Soubi and Ritsuka alone. Ritsuka, wanting to be closer to Soubi, crawled across the bed, sitting at his side. Soubi pulled him a little closer, wrapping his arms around him.

"Why are you sorry?" Soubi asked him, kissing his nose. Ritsuka blushed, leaning against Soubi, wondering what would happen once Ritsuka told him why he was apologizing. Ritsuka really didn't want Soubi to leave, but he might, and if that was what Soubi wanted, then Ritsuka would just have to deal with it.

"Be…because I don't deserve you…" Ritsuka hid his face in Soubi's shoulder, hoping that the older man wouldn't leave. Maybe this would only make Soubi realize it and he would take his love and go give it to someone who deserved it. Maybe Soubi already knew it and was just waiting for Ritsuka to accept it and then would leave.

"That's very untrue, Ritsuka," Soubi didn't make the slightest movement to pull away. Instead, he began stroking Ritsuka's kitty ears, his soft fingers gently scratching the base. He moved Ritsuka, then, making it so that Ritsuka was sitting in his lap. "Why would you say that?"

Ritsuka wrapped his arms around Soubi's neck, as if to keep him there. "I'm a bad kid," Ritsuka nuzzled the place where Soubi's shoulder and neck met, unable to look at Soubi.

"Nonsense. You're a wonderful child," Soubi murmured, rocking Ritsuka lightly back and forth. "You're so sweet and cute and smart. That's why I love you, Kitten."

"I'm dirty, though…and a whore…"

"Please don't say that," Soubi told him gently, tilting the child's head up to look at him. "Losing your ears does not mean you're not innocent anymore. It doesn't mean you're an adult. You're still thirteen. You can still be a child and I'm going to do everything I can to let you have a childhood before you're _really _ready to become an adult."

Ritsuka just stared up at Soubi, not saying a word, amazed by how he believed every word Soubi said. Soubi wouldn't lie to him. This really must be the truth…

Soubi went on, talking to Ritsuka in a soft but firm tone, "And I know your father called you a lot of nasty things, but I don't want you to identify yourself with any of those words. They're all untrue. Don't listen to anything your dad says."

"Daddy…" Ritsuka murmured, hiding his face again, the mention of his father bringing back all those memories. Soubi was holding him, though, and everything was going to be okay now.

"I know, Ritsuka," Soubi soothed, letting Ritsuka curl up in his arms. "I'm going to make everything better now, like I promised you. You're very, very sick right now, though, and I'm going to have to ask you to do something that's going to hurt a lot."

"Wha…what?" Ritsuka knew that he was extremely ill, but he didn't know why. He had just thought it had something to do with the heartbreak he was suffering.

"Someone poisoned you," Soubi informed him, breaking the news gently. "It's a very dangerous poison. There's three variations for it and each has a different treatment. The treatment is simple and easy, but if the doctors give you the wrong one, you'll die. The symptoms of the three variations are very similar and they don't show up differently on a test. There is one thing, though—the color."

"You're asking me t…to remember if some…someone gave me an injection?" Ritsuka reiterated, his eyes wide, not wanting to willingly remember anything from that night.

Soubi nodded, "Yes. I also need to know what color the injection was. I know this is hard, Ritsuka, but your fever was extremely high and it's just going to get higher. Your heart is failing, too, and your kidneys. The doctors don't think you have much time left. I really need you to remember this."

Ritsuka closed his eyes, immediately getting lost in the sea of bad memories.

_Ritsuka stared up at the night sky, trying to forget about what his father was doing to him as he lay naked in the alleyway. He kept his eyes on the cloudy black sky, taking note of how no moon hung in the sky and how no stars sparkled. How appropriate, he thought bitterly as his father's pace quickened, the rhythm fast and making Ritsuka's already stretched hole burn even more._

"Ritsuka."

Ritsuka opened his eyes, tears sticking to his long eyelashes and running down his face. He hadn't even known he'd started crying. Soubi wiped away the tears with his sleeve, holding Ritsuka a bit closer. Ritsuka was suddenly glad it was just him and Soubi in the room. He wouldn't have been able to recall what had happened for anyone else.

"Sometimes it helps to talk about it," Soubi suggested.

Ritsuka nodded, his voice coming out squeaky and whimper-y, "I…I…I tried to run away, Soubi. I tr…tried really, really hard… But Daddy c…caught me and pushed…pushed me into an alleyway. He yelled at me for a…awhile… and then he threw me down and took all my clothes off."

Ritsuka could see the clear distaste for his father all over Soubi's face. He was still comforting, though, so Ritsuka knew he wasn't mad at him.

"I tried to distract myself," Ritsuka continued, his voice finding a little bit of strength. "I looked up at the night sky while he had sex with me. It hurt… It really hurt…He told me he hated me and wished I was never born. I think he really meant that, Soubi."

_What happened after that?_ He asked himself, struggling to remember, fighting himself to uncover the still-foggy memories.

_ "Good kitty," Kiyoshi purred in his young son's ear, causing Ritsuka's eyes to go wide with fear and fill with tears. He had promised himself he wouldn't cry anymore, but here he was again, his vision blurry with the seemingly endless tears. Even after crying for hours and hours, there were still tears to be cried, even though he thought he should be all cried out._

_ "Stop…" Ritsuka muttered. He didn't even know why he tried to protest any more. For a moment, he closed his eyes, trying really hard to imagine that it wasn't his father thrusting into him and making his entrance burn. In his place, he tried to imagine Soubi above him and deep inside of him, whispering sweet words in his ears instead of dirty obscenities. It was too hard, though, so Ritsuka just stopped struggling and sobbed, fully knowing that Soubi would never be this rough with him. _

_Kiyoshi bit Ritsuka's neck, drawing blood and leaving a large mark. "You like that, don't you?" He sneered, his pace speeding up as he finished deep inside his small son._

Ritsuka touched the spot on his neck, looking up at Soubi, who just nodded, telling him that there was a mark there, just as Ritsuka had expected. He moved his hand to cover up the dark bruise. Soubi gently pushed Ritsuka's hand away and leaned down, his lips lightly brushing against Ritsuka's neck, right where his father had left the hickey. A warm, tingling feeling spread through him as Soubi did so, making him feel much better.

"He bit me…" Ritsuka stated the obvious absentmindedly. "And then…then…"

_No._

_ No!_

_ I don't want to remember what happened next!_

Ritsuka didn't want to relive everything, but Soubi said he was going to die if he didn't. As much crap as he had been going through in the past few days, he still wanted to live, especially since Soubi said he was going to make everything better now. Ritsuka had a future, a future with Soubi and the possibility of getting into a really good school if he kept up his high grades. He couldn't die now, not when he had a future. He had to force himself to remember.

_I don't want to…_

_ I have to…_

_ Soubi wants me to…_

_ "Ow!" Ritsuka screamed as his daddy bit his neck and pulled out of him, having finished. He smiled wickedly, pulling his pants back on and zipping them. Ritsuka covered his eyes in shame, not wanting his father to see how scared he was. The more fear he showed, the worse the punishments would be._

_ A gentle hand stroked Ritsuka's thigh, but the boy tensed, immediately recognizing his father's touch. His skin felt so much rougher and more scratchy then Soubi's did. He could easily tell the difference. _

_ "Shh, baby, there's no need cry," Kiyoshi soothed, his voice soft, but still dark. Ritsuka didn't have to open his eyes to see the grin on his face. _

_ The next thing Ritsuka knew something was being jabbed into his leg and his eyes shot open, catching only a single glance of the liquid inside the vile being injected into his bloodstream._

"It was red!" Ritsuka sobbed, clutching Soubi's shirt in both hands. "I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!" He didn't know why he was apologizing, but he felt as though it was the only thing he could do. He just cried on Soubi's shoulder, sobbing incoherent apologies, sorry about everything. He apologized for not being able to remember, for making Soubi miss classes, for making him stay at the hospital, for having an erection when he was in the alleyway, and for just about everything else he could think of. He felt bad for everything he put Soubi through.

"It's alright, Ritsuka," Soubi assured him, rubbing Ritsuka's back. "I'm not mad. You're not _making _me stay here. I'm here because I love you and I want to stay by your side. I can make up all that work I missed. That doesn't matter."

Ritsuka sat back on Soubi's legs, sniffling and wiping his eyes on his arm. "Wha…what about in the alleyway? Are you mad at me for…you know…?"

"No," Soubi kissed his head, keeping his arms loosely around the boy's waist. "That's common. There's nothing wrong with you because you got an erection. It doesn't mean you liked it or anything, Kitten. It's just your body's reaction to sex."

"B..but it happens when I think about you sometimes…" Ritsuka slapped a hand over his mouth, going red with embarrassment for running his mouth again. Before all this started, Ritsuka would get hard when he thought about Soubi, usually when his thoughts wandered when he was doing homework or playing a game. He remembered one time when he was playing a game online with Soubi and he got hard while listening to his voice in his headset. He disabled his microphone, telling Soubi it was giving him problems and masturbated as he listened to his voice and communicated by typing to him.

Soubi smiled a gentle, loving smile, "It happens sometimes when you think about someone you like."

Ritsuka turned even redder, hiccuping from his bout of crying, "I like you. I like you more than a friend and…more than a boyfriend… Is there a word for that?"

Soubi picked him up, setting him back down where he was lying on the bed before. He sat in the chair, holding Ritsuka's hand, intertwining his fingers with the young boy's, "Does there have to be?"

Ritsuka shook his head, the headache returning a bit and his body becoming a bit warmer. He hated feeling so sick. He wanted to get better so he could play a game with Soubi in the common room in the hospital ward he had been in. Every time he looked at himself, though, he just felt worse. When he looked in the mirror, he saw the bandages wrapped around the top of his bruised forehead and his black and blue cheeks and his completely black left eye. When he changed, he saw the scars on his body from when a cold man had used a knife on him and the bandages around his chest, protecting his broken ribs. He had tons of other bandages on his body, mostly around his bruised bones and open sores and long scars going up and down his arms. He could barely walk because of his nearly broken hips. He even had broken fingers. And now his chest felt weird, too, like his heart couldn't work hard enough.

"I'm very proud of you, Ritsuka," Soubi told him, just as Katsuko-sensei re-entered the room. "I know it was hard for you to tell me what happened, but now the doctors will make you better." Soubi glanced at Katsuko-sensei, "He was injected with the secondary strain."

Katsuko-sensei smiled at Ritsuka, "Good job, Ritsuka-kun. The doctors have to prepare you for heart surgery. I've asked them if I could give you the sedative, and they said that was okay."

Soubi got up for a moment, looking for something in the bag on one of the chairs. Ritsuka watched Katsuko-sensei put a new medication in his IV. "I thought you were a psychologist, Katsuko-sensei, not a doctor."

"I'm a doctor, too. I have a degree in both. Now, Ritsuka-kun, you're going to start feeling tired soon. Soubi-san said he's going to read to you until you fall asleep."

"Okay," Ritsuka perked up a little. He liked being read to, but he had always been too embarrassed to ask. Well, he had asked his dad once…

_Ritsuka had a nightmare after another brutal beating from his mother. Soubi had late classes that night, so Ritsuka decided not to bother him. It was just a simple nightmare, anyways. It wasn't worth calling Soubi and making him come home from his classes. Soubi already missed enough classes. He didn't need any more troubles._

_ So Ritsuka just sat in his bed for a few moments, trembling and not really knowing what to do. He was terrified and remembered the dream clearly. When he closed his eyes, he could see Seimei standing by a bloodied, dead Soubi, giving his little brother an evil, psychotic smile, still holding the knife he had used to kill Ritsuka's best friend. He knew it wasn't real, that Seimei was still gone and that Soubi was at his class, probably mocking his teacher or disobeying her completely, but the dream still felt so real. He wasn't crying, but was close to it, since what happened could be possible. Seimei wasn't above killing Ritsuka's lover, and he knew it._

_ Shaking, Ritsuka got up, nearly collapsing when his knees shook violently. He steadied himself and crept forward in the dark, flipping on a light and going to his bookcase. Half of the books in it were books his father had given him, most of them uninteresting and about law or lawyers or just boring books about kids growing up. A couple of the books on the shelve, though, were from Soubi. Soubi gave him books sometimes and let him borrow books a lot. Soubi gave him books that Ritsuka loved, books that he would read until the bindings were worn. Soubi knew what kind of books Ritsuka liked to read, and had even introduced him to a couple manga series, which his father thought were childish and shouldn't be read by someone Ritsuka's age. _

_ Ritsuka picked one of his dad's boring 'growing up' themed books, pausing and looking at his nearly full bookshelf as a whole. Some were school books, which he had read once or twice. A lot were the books his dad gave him, ones that Ritsuka had barely even read the first few pages. It was obvious which ones Soubi gave him, since they showed obvious signs of being read again and again. His father wouldn't approve of him reading those. They supposedly weren't 'intellectually important' or 'enlightening' or 'career forwarding'. He would surely say no if Ritsuka brought one of the books Soubi gave him and asked him to read it._

_ Ritsuka took the book and padded down the stairs, going to his parent's room, finding the door ajar, but his mother was asleep on the couch. They never slept together anymore, so this didn't surprise Ritsuka. Their marriage was falling apart. Misaki was insane and when she wasn't in her own world, they fought all the time while Ritsuka sat with Soubi upstairs, listening to them and hoping his father didn't come home with divorce papers one day. _

_ "Daddy?" Ritsuka called, knocking on the door before pushing it open. His father was lounging on the bed, reading a law book. _

_ Kiyoshi looked up and him, lowering his book a little, "Aren't you a little bit old to be calling me daddy?"_

_ Ritsuka trembled a little at his words. His dad was always so critical. Before Soubi had started helping him with his homework, Kiyoshi would sometimes 'help' Ritsuka. Ritsuka would sit at the kitchen table, while his father got mad at Ritsuka for the slightest misspelling in his foreign language or a small mistake in his math homework. That was why Ritsuka previously hated doing his homework. Soubi, though, was different. He wasn't critical and he was always more than happy to help Ritsuka. He would point out what Ritsuka did wrong in a math problem, but he never got mad or did it in a mean way. He didn't make Ritsuka feel stupid when he made a slight mistake. He never made Ritsuka rewrite essays because of a couple minor mistakes and he was always the one to offer to help, instead of Ritsuka asking him. With Kiyoshi, Ritsuka had always had to beg him for help and he always wished he would slam Ritsuka on every mistake he made._

_ Ritsuka looked down at his feet, "I had a bad dream. Can…can you read to me?"_

_ Kiyoshi put his book down, though he didn't invite Ritsuka onto the bed. He just looked over his glasses at Ritsuka, "Aren't you a little old for that, too?"_

_**Soubi read to me last night…**__ Ritsuka thought, remember sitting on the floor of his room with Soubi beside him the previous night, one of the older man's arms wrapped around his shoulders, both of them listening to Misaki and Kiyoshi scream at each other. He remembered being unable to sleep, so Soubi had decided to read to him. __**Soubi doesn't think I'm too old.**_

_"Please?" Ritsuka tried again, really just wanting to leave the house and run all the way to Soubi's apartment. Even though Soubi wouldn't be there, there was still Natsuo and Youji, who would often let Ritsuka sleep with them until Soubi got home. _

_ "It's late," Kiyoshi stated, shaking his head. "Not tonight, Ritsuka."_

_ "Okay…" It was late, Ritsuka had to admit. It was nearly eleven, but his father never went to bed until two in the morning. "Can I just lie in here, then?"_

_ "I don't think that's a good idea. Go back upstairs and try to go back to sleep."_

_ Ritsuka left, letting his father believe that was what he was going to do just that. Instead, though, he threw some clothes and a book into his book bag, putting a coat on and carefully dropping down the balcony like Soubi had showed him. He ran all the way to the apartment complex, was let in by Natsuo, and fell asleep nestled between him and Youji. Soubi woke him up when he got home, giving him a small kiss on the lips before picking him up and quietly asking the Zero boys why Ritsuka was here. Both of them just shrugged and went back to sleep and Soubi probably just assumed that Ritsuka's parents had been fighting again and he had gotten scared and came over._

"Ritsuka? Is everything okay?"

Ritsuka snapped out of his reminiscence upon hearing Soubi's concerned tone. He nodded, squeezing Soubi's hand, and looking at the big hard cover book in his lap.

"Do you remember that day when we sat upstairs and my Dad and Mom fought and afterward I couldn't sleep?" He asked, trying to make it as clear as possible. Soubi had been with him at least five times while Ritsuka's parents fought. "And…and then you read to me?"

"Yes, I remember that," Soubi said, looking thoughtful. "You never told me why you came over the next day."

Ritsuka hesitated, hoping that his reason wouldn't sound stupid. He decided to tell him, though, since Soubi wanted to know, "I had a bad dream that night. I…I went to my dad and asked him to read to me, but he told me I was too old for that and that it was too late. Then, I asked him if I could sleep in there with him, but he said no…"

At first, Soubi just broke Ritsuka's gaze and looked at the wall, clearly angry, though Ritsuka knew it wasn't because of him. He didn't say anything, but his grip did tighten on Ritsuka's hand, telling the boy that he wanted to say something, but wasn't going to.

Katsuko-sensei spoke in his place, "Do your parents fight often, Ritsuka-kun?"

Ritsuka nodded, thinking of all the different fights his mother, when sane, and his father, sober or drunk, had. They fought about money, Seimei, Ritsuka, bills, the house, work, duties, and even sex. Ritsuka usually ran to Soubi during these times, but sometimes Soubi was already at Ritsuka's house and they would sit against the bed, Ritsuka's knees pulled to his chest, one of Soubi's arms around his shoulders and the other one holding his hand. Ritsuka would put his head on Soubi's shoulder, taking comfort in his presence. Neither of them would speak anything other than Ritsuka's slight whimpers and Soubi's occasional whispers of 'I love you'.

Soubi took a deep breath, shaking his head slightly, clearly out of distaste for Ritsuka's father. "When I sent Kio home to get some things, I told him to go get this book at the bookstore," Soubi placed the tall book on Ritsuka's bed, showing him the cover. _100+ fairytales._ "I thought you might like some of the stories in here. There's pictures, too."

Ritsuka curiously opened the book, looking at the table of contents. Nearly all of the names were unfamiliar to him, names like The Frog Prince, Cinderella, and Alice in Wonderland. He'd heard of a couple others, but had never actually been told them. Seimei had told him fairytales sometimes, but he mostly just read to Ritsuka, which had been just as good.

"Which one do you want me to read?" Soubi picked the book back up, leaving it open to the contents page.

"The first one!" Ritsuka felt himself smiling, even though he was tired.

…

Soubi could see that Ritsuka really was trying hard to stay awake, but he was nearly asleep within the first page Soubi read out loud to him. Finally, Soubi just closed the book, seeing that Ritsuka was seemingly asleep. Katsuko-sensei and another doctor were in the room, too, waiting for Ritsuka to fall asleep.

"Sou…Soubi…" Ritsuka mumbled, opening his eyes a little. "Don't leave."

"I'll be there when you wake up," Soubi promised him, giving his hand a little squeeze, his mind thinking darker thoughts. _…If you wake up._

"Okay," Ritsuka's speech was slurred and his words dragged out. "I feel weird…Soubi…I love you…"

Ritsuka passed out then, leaving an astonished Soubi holding his hand and wondering if Ritsuka was going to make it through his heart surgery.

…

Soubi found himself in Katsuko-sensei's office hours later, unable to sleep or do anything without worrying about Ritsuka and wondering what he said. Ritsuka had told him 'I love you'. Soubi had been waiting to hear those words ever since he first fell in love with the young boy. Now, it had happened, and Soubi just couldn't believe it. He wondered if Ritsuka really felt that way or if it was just a product of his feverish and drugged mind. He wanted Ritsuka to love him, but he wanted him to say it when Soubi could be absolutely sure he meant it.

"The heart surgery went fine," Katsuko-sensei reported, re-entering the room. "And we successfully flushed out the poison. Ritsuka-kun is going to have to stay at the hospital for a while, though. There was a lot of damage done to him internally and he is very emotionally unstable."

Soubi nodded, relieved to know Ritsuka was alright from his surgery. He had been really worried, since heart surgery was always extremely dangerous. Not only that, but he was afraid they wouldn't be able to flush out the poison. Sure, Ritsuka was really injured, but at least he was alive, and that was more than enough for Soubi. He didn't have to wonder if Ritsuka loved him. He'd be able to ask him now. He could relax. Ritsuka would be alright.

"Tell me something, Sensei," Soubi started, drumming his fingers on the coffee table. "What do you think about what Ritsuka told me before he fell asleep? Was that just something he was saying because he was under a sedative?"

Katsuko didn't answer at first and simply opened Ritsuka's folder, flipping through it. Finally, she brought out a piece of paper, bringing it to Soubi and giving it to him. "Ritsuka drew that earlier when I was doing a therapy session with him."

Soubi looked down at the picture and smiled, seeing that Ritsuka had drawn him on one side of the paper. On the other side, Ritsuka had drawn a less detailed drawing of the both of them, with Soubi holding a smiling Ritsuka up in his arms. Ritsuka had colored the picture of Soubi, but left the other one as just a sketch. He looked at the pictures for a very long time. Ritsuka was so sweet. He could barely believe that Ritsuka would draw him during therapy.

"He looks up to you," Katsuko said softly. "He only says good things about you. I can see it clearly from watching you two interact. He doesn't have to say it, Soubi-san. How can you not see that he loves you?"

* * *

**Sorry about taking a while to write this one. I sort of got sucked into playing Half Life 2, which I still haven't finished. Plus, this chapter is longer.**

**Also, yes, the name of this chapter is a reference to a crossover I wrote.**

**Thanks SO much to Kiwasaki-chan3, Serenity Lhane, Looooveless guurl, mew mew kitteh 3, lolita, bigmachine, LYRICA, Ever Rose333, XMattyXandXMelsX, Raikiba, Ebony-S-White, EvangelinevSalithian, Tamer Lorika, Gurgicalcipher, Riaries, Promocat, Tlcatlady, and Forbalathegreen for reviewing! I love you all so much! ...I hope that doesn't sound TOO creepy, but that's the truth, you know.**

**Also, special, special thanks to Riku Tensei, who did a wonderful job editing the mistakes in this chapter.**

**So, I have a couple things to say about this chapter. The first is about Katsuko-sensei. I've decided that she's going to become a main character in this story, which will become apparent in a couple chapters. I have a lot planned for her. Next, I'm moving the focus a little less on what Kiyoshi was like drunk and a little more on what his and Ritsuka's relationship was like when he was sober. I hope that's alright.**

**Review if you want more~! Tell me what you think of this chapter!  
**

**~Wolfie**


	7. Escaping the Nightmares

**7**

**Escaping the Nightmares **

When Ritsuka next woke up, it was night time. He could tell since the blinds on the window were open, but no light was coming in. He sat up, his eyes quickly adjusting to the darkness of the room. His body ached a little bit, but his fever felt like it was completely gone now. His chest had stopped aching and feeling tight, though the left side felt a bit odd, which Ritsuka assumed was because he had had heart surgery. His pounding headache was absent, too, and he was most grateful for that. Curiously, he touched the left side of his chest, feeling the large bandage through the hospital gown he had been forced to wear again.

He was back in the older kid's ward. He had noticed when he woke up with the fever that he was in a different room, but apparently he had been taken back to his original room. Strangely enough, this room was beginning to feel a bit like home. Well, not really home since Ritsuka never really felt safe at his house, but this place was starting to feel like a safe place for him, somewhere he could get used to living in for the time being, especially if Soubi was going to stay at the hospital with him.

Another thing that alerted Ritsuka to it being nighttime was that he could hear Soubi's breathing bordering on quiet snoring not far from the bed. He looked over to where he heard it, seeing that there was a rollaway bed pushed up against the wall opposite the hospital bed. Soubi was fast asleep on it. The young boy knew that Soubi only snored if he was sleeping really deeply, usually after not going to sleep for a couple days. He guessed that the young man hadn't slept very well for the past few days.

Trying to be very quiet, Ritsuka moved to the edge of his hospital bed, letting his feet hang off the edge and then noticing something very strange. His left leg felt oddly numb. He pinched the skin on his thigh, since his upper leg felt more numb than the bottom. He felt the pinch and found the amount of pain normal. It was almost as if his muscles were numb, but nothing else was. Figuring that he had just been sleeping in an odd position, he jumped down from the bed, feeling pain shoot down his leg suddenly. Wincing, Ritsuka tottered and grabbed onto the bed, regaining his balance. Soubi stirred a little, though he didn't wake up.

Ritsuka limped over to Soubi's bed, using the IV pole to help himself move.

"Soubi," Ritsuka whispered, finding that Soubi was sleeping too close to the edge. He would be too heavy to try to push without waking him up.

Soubi just groaned, rolling onto his back. Ritsuka rolled his eyes. Soubi was always hard to wake up when he slept so deeply.

"Soubi," Ritsuka tried again, a little louder this time. "Move over."

Soubi groaned again, but moved over, not even waking up. Ritsuka laid down beside him, snuggling close to him in the small bed. He smiled as Soubi started to wake up a little and held Ritsuka close. He had really missed sleeping with Soubi. He was always warm and willing to snuggle or talk. Every time Ritsuka had a bad dream, Soubi would stay up with him and help him get through it, unlike Ritsuka's daddy, who would just tell him to go back to bed.

"Hey," Soubi rolled over, facing Ritsuka, his arms wrapped around Ritsuka's small body. He nuzzled Ritsuka's kitten ears and Ritsuka closed his eyes, wanting to fall asleep like this. "You know, you're not supposed to be in bed with me."

Ritsuka froze, feeling as though Soubi was saying the exact same thing Kiyoshi had said when Ritsuka was looking for some comfort after a bad dream. He started to pull away to go back to his own bed, since Soubi had made it clear he didn't want to share a bed with him.

Soubi just brought him closer, laughing lightheartedly, "I never said _I_ didn't want you in bed with me. I'll just put you back in your bed in a couple hours, so the nurses won't see. We won't get in trouble then. How are you feeling?"

"A lot better," Ritsuka answered, smiling, glad that he could fall asleep next to Soubi. "My chest feels a little weird, though." He wasn't going to mention his leg. It'd probably just worry Soubi and would be gone in the morning, anyways.

"I'm sure that's normal," Soubi assured him. "No bad dreams?"

Ritsuka shook his head, trying his hardest to keep his mind off of his father. It was difficult, particularly since he couldn't see well in the dark. The darkness made flashbacks come more often since there was nothing else for him to focus on. He tried to focus on Soubi, on how closely he was pressed against him, but his thoughts kept wandering, wandering to that alleyway and that hotel room and what had happened in his parent's bedroom. His mother and father never even had sex anymore. Ritsuka knew since they fought about it, though when Soubi was there, he would cover his ears. His parents never did anything together. They never even slept in the same bed anymore, and…and his father had taken his own son's virginity in the same bed that he wouldn't even sleep with his wife in.

"Soubi?" Ritsuka asked, wondering if Soubi was still awake.

"Yes, Kitten?" Soubi still sounded wide awake. Ritsuka pulled away a little so that he could see Soubi's face.

Ritsuka couldn't help but to tense a little and hesitate, but he knew he had to talk and that Soubi was the only one he could possibly talk to. He didn't know how to start. Where should he begin? There was so much that Soubi didn't know and Ritsuka wanted to let everything out and tell Soubi about all the things Ritsuka had hid from him. He felt horrible about it and Soubi told him earlier that talking would help.

"He was always too busy," Ritsuka murmured finally. "Even when he had time for me, he would lie to get out of it. Like once, he promised me he'd do something with me, and the next day he had the day off but he told me he was too busy. I know that sounds really stupid… but it sort of hurt…"

"Ritsuka, that doesn't sound stupid," Soubi comforted, rubbing Ritsuka's back a little, his voice soft. His eyes conveyed some anger though, anger towards Ritsuka's father. Ritsuka didn't care. As long as Soubi wasn't mad at him. Perhaps he even wanted Soubi to be mad at Kiyoshi. Soubi went on after a moment, the anger only growing in his eyes, "It hurts when someone lies to you, especially when you think you love that person. He wasn't a very nice person even when he was sober, was he?"

Ritsuka shook his head, thinking about all of the times his father had gotten mad at him for the slightest mistakes or for telling him that he didn't want to be a lawyer when he grew up. That was why he always gave Ritsuka books on law. He wanted him to take over his firm when he got older. He didn't want to though. Being a lawyer sounded boring and Ritsuka didn't want to hurt people and lie. He wanted to do something interesting, something that would make him happy. Plus, he didn't want to become like his father.

"He wants me to be a lawyer…" Ritsuka confessed. "I don't want to be though. He just gets mad whenever I tell him that."

Soubi just smiled, the anger fading from his blue eyes, "What do you want to be, Ritsuka?"

Ritsuka quite honestly didn't know. He'd never given much thought to it, always thinking that he'd be forced into his father's position. It wasn't just his father that wanted him to be an attorney. It was the rest of the family, too. At least one male in each generation of that Aoyagi family turned out to be an attorney. Seimei was out of the picture now, so all of their expectations went to Ritsuka.

"I…I don't know," Ritsuka stuttered, caught off-guard by the question. He had thought that everyone just expected him to take over his father's profession, though he supposed he shouldn't count Soubi under the 'everyone' label. "I like to take pictures…" Ritsuka thought aloud. "Maybe I could be a photographer." Ritsuka paused, wondering about that. "If I were a photographer, could I work with you, Soubi?"

Soubi nodded, "When I graduate, I'll open a studio. You can come work with me there."

Ritsuka yawned, feeling tired again, but also happy. He actually had some sort of a future with Soubi. He had a choice in what he wanted to be. He wouldn't be forced into law school or any other profession. He had someone that loved him and was willing to stay with him and help him recover from everything that had happened.

"I might have to leave for a little bit tomorrow," Soubi told Ritsuka softly after a few moments of comfortable silence.

Ritsuka looked up at him, worried, "W-why?" He didn't want Soubi to leave. He didn't want to be alone. He knew it was selfish, but he was scared of being alone. The last time Soubi had left him alone, Kiyoshi had raped him. Even though that had been his own fault, he still thought the same sort of thing would happen. If Soubi wasn't here, who would protect him from the male doctors who, Ritsuka was convinced, wanted to rape him?

"I'm going to get some things from home. Will it be alright if Kio, Natsuo, and Youji come here and stay with you?"

Ritsuka wasn't afraid of Kio or Natsuo and Youji. Sure, he might be a little wary of Kio, but he knew that none of them would ever hurt him. Plus, Natsuo and Youji would be fun to play with. As much as they liked to tease him, they were Ritsuka's friends and they knew when to quit with the teasing.

"Yeah. How long will you be gone?" Ritsuka was alright if Soubi would be gone for a little bit, but he didn't want him to leave for any more than a few hours. Ritsuka would miss him. He would be lonely, even if he had someone to play with.

Soubi brushed his lips against Ritsuka's head, repositioning them so that Soubi was on his back and Ritsuka was cuddled into his side. "Only an hour or two. Ritsuka, I heard the kids here are allowed to go home for a couple days during the week if there's nothing physically wrong with them. I can ask Katsuko-sensei if you can come home with me this weekend, if you want. I think the carnival will be in town."

Ritsuka closed his eyes, resting his head on Soubi's chest and smiling, "I'd like that."

…

The next morning when Soubi got out of the shower, Ritsuka was awake, yawning and stretching in a cat-like way. Soubi smiled at him, happy that Ritsuka was feeling better. The young boy had crawled into bed with him right after waking up for the first time after his heart surgery. Soubi had let him and even gotten Ritsuka to talk a little bit about Kiyoshi and what he had been like sober, which had caused Soubi to lose a couple hours of sleep thinking about what a bastard his poor Sacrifice's father was and how much he wanted to hurt that man.

"Good morning, Kitten," Soubi greeted, going over to the bed and lifting Ritsuka into his arms for a moment.

"Put me down, Soubi," Ritsuka said, laughing a bit since Soubi was nuzzling the inside of his ears. Soubi put little Ritsuka down on the bed and sat on the edge, seeing that he was thinking hard about something.

"Is something wrong?" Soubi was concerned at Ritsuka's sudden mood swing. Had he had another dream? As much as Soubi wanted to protect his young love, he really couldn't do anything about the child's bad dreams. He wished he could, though. Kiyoshi haunted Ritsuka's mind while he was asleep, making it impossible for him to escape all of those painful memories. Dreams were usually formed from what the person's mind or subconscious was thinking about right before falling asleep. Ritsuka really couldn't stop his subconscious from thinking about his father, so Soubi tried to stop it for him. Spells were a bad idea since, if Soubi said a moderate spell, every other unit in the area would be alerted of his general position. Of course, if he said a simple spell, something like a magic trick a magician would do, most likely, no one would notice. In fact, since Soubi was so high-level those spells really didn't need to be said, but they were all useless.

Instead, Soubi was going to read to him every night to help keep his mind off of his father. He figured Ritsuka would like that since he became rather excited whenever Soubi said he would read to him. It didn't seem as though his father ever read to him. His father thought he was too old, which was totally untrue. Ritsuka was only thirteen. He was still a child. He was not an adult. He did not have to be mature. He was a young boy with no childhood. He'd been forced to learn how to take care of himself at such a young age. Sure, he'd had Seimei, but Seimei couldn't be with him all that often. He was able to be around Ritsuka always during the night and often during the morning, but rarely during the day or evening. It appeared that Ritsuka's father was always busy and never had any want to play with him or do something with him.

Soubi, on the other hand, always had time for his dear little Ritsuka. Yes, he did have classes every day, but on most days they were spread out. They were short, too, and Soubi could miss one and easily get caught up. He made sure that he always had time for him, morning, afternoon, evening, and night. Most of his classes were during the time Ritsuka was at school, anyways.

Ritsuka absentmindedly picked at the tape on his IV, continuing to do so until Soubi gently pushed his hand away from it. The boy just stared down, then, a thoughtful look on his face, "What's your dad like, Soubi? Do you talk to him a lot?"

Soubi froze, knowing he had never talked about his parents to Ritsuka. Of course, that would spark curiosity within him. People usually talked about their parents occasionally, but Soubi never did, as he didn't remember his parents very much. All he had left of them was the old house that had been left to him seventeen years ago and still sat in a nice neighborhood in Los Angles in America. He still visited that house every year, and it did help, but it felt lonely whenever he went there, so he only stayed for a day each time.

"Ritsuka," Soubi said softly, taking his hand, the one with the IV in it. "I don't _have_ a father. He's gone."

"Where is he?" Ritsuka asked, clearly not understanding what Soubi meant by 'gone'. "What about your mother? Do you visit her a lot? What's she look like? Is she nice?"

Apparently, Ritsuka was a lot more curious than Soubi first thought. He supposed he should've expected this since Ritsuka had a very curious nature and he knew a lot about Soubi. He knew everything about him—except for his past. Soubi should've known Ritsuka would take the slightest chance to learn about Soubi's past. Currently, all he knew was that Soubi was a blank Fighter who had attended Seven Voices, graduated early, and somehow got mixed up with Seimei. That wasn't much and it was very, very vague.

Soubi couldn't look at Ritsuka, "Both my parents died seventeen years ago. They left me to Ritsu. That's how I got into Seven Voices."

"I…I'm sorry," Soubi glanced over at Ritsuka as the boy apologized. His eyes were big and all the color was drained from his face, giving him a slight deer-in-headlights look to him. He obviously though he had done something horribly, horribly wrong. "I didn't know… I didn't think… I didn't mean… I didn't… I'm so sorry, Soubi. Please… please don't be mad."

"There's no reason for me to be mad," Soubi let the thoughts of his dead parents go, having no reason to think about them. They were gone now. Soubi had done his mourning seventeen years ago. Now, he barely even remembered having real parents. "You were curious and wanted an answer. That's alright. Don't ever be afraid to tell me or ask me something."

…

Ritsuka held onto Soubi's hand tightly, limping slowly, finding his feet again and walking a larger distance than a couple steps across his hospital room. Soubi had reminded Ritsuka that the doctors told him it was alright if he went to the common room. Ritsuka, still really wanting to play a game with Soubi, had asked immediately if he would help him to the room.

Ritsuka stumbled a bit, the pain in his leg increasing tenfold. Soubi caught him though, preventing him from falling to the floor. Now that he was out in the hallway, Ritsuka could get a better look at the ward. It was small and comforting looking, with decorated doors of the rest of the kids and the soft red carpet. There were four other kids here and one empty room, making a total of only six patient rooms in the entire ward.

Towards the front of the ward by the entrance was the nurses' station and a maze of offices in the doorway behind it. Next to the nurses' station was a big white board hung on the wall, divided into two with a wobbly drawn line. The first half was a drawn grid with all the kids' names in the very left column and their ages in the second. The third column was the kids' duties and the forth with all the kids' medications and the fifth, the largest column, held messages left for them. The second half of the whiteboard was covered in a huge message that said 'welcome, Aoyagi Ritsuka' with a kitten drawn beside it. Another teen had drawn a couple of naughty drawings off to the side.

As Ritsuka righted himself, Soubi pointed at the whiteboard, "Did you see that, Ritsuka?"

Ritsuka nodded, knowing what it meant. "How long am I going to be staying here?"

"Awhile," Soubi told him quietly, helping him another couple steps towards the large doorway of the common room. "I'm not sure how long you'll be staying, but I'll stay with you."

Soon, Ritsuka was sitting on the floor with Soubi across from him, a black and red checkered board between them. Soubi was setting the board up in a way that Ritsuka didn't understand. The pieces were round and short, one set red and the other set black. Ritsuka thought that they were both supposed to have a mixture of the two colors, but Soubi was setting it up so that Ritsuka had the black pieces and Soubi had the red.

"Soubi, I never learned how to play this game…" Ritsuka finally admitted, feeling dumb because he knew that this game was a game that all kids knew how to play.

"No one ever taught you how to play checkers?" Soubi looked up at him, surprised.

"Will you teach me?" Ritsuka looked down, extremely embarrassed. His father thought that games were too childish. Seimei was usually only around during the mornings and nights and rarely during the time in between. When he was home, Ritsuka would sit in his lap and listen to him read or play video games with him and try to savor the little time they had before they would go to sleep together.

It was different with Soubi, though. He was around and accessible during the day too, unlike Seimei. He could do all the things he had done with Seimei and he would still have lots of time left. It was nice to have someone who could be around a lot.

"Of course I'll teach you," Soubi smiled, getting Ritsuka to look back up at him. "This game is called checkers, Ritsuka. You're the black pieces and I'm the red pieces."

"Okay," Ritsuka nodded, understanding so far. "Is this game easy?"

"Yes, very," Soubi picked up one of his red pieces and moved it diagonally. "You can only move diagonally like this. We alternate turns and when this happens…" Soubi moved one of Ritsuka's small black discs so that it was diagonal Soubi's. "…You can jump over me like this," He demonstrated, having Ritsuka's piece 'jump' over Soubi's. Soubi then took his piece off the board, discarding it to the side. "That's how you take your opponents piece. Now, you can't move backwards, so when one of your pieces gets to the edge of my side of the board…" Soubi took Ritsuka's piece, moving to the end of Soubi's side of the board, and then took another one of Ritsuka's pieces and placing it on top of the other. "…you put one of the pieces I took on top of it. This makes it so you can move backwards. Ready to play, Ritsuka?"

Ritsuka nodded, understanding the rules completely. He liked the way Soubi explained things. He explained things in a way that Ritsuka understood them. Soubi always made sure he understood, too, unlike Kiyoshi who would yell at him if he didn't understand things.

Soubi started, moving one of his pieces and Ritsuka followed suit, moving his disc how Soubi told him to.

"Do you want to watch a movie once we finish this game?" Soubi suggested, taking his turn. Ritsuka moved after him, beginning to get the hang of the game. "I brought one of the anime movies you really like."

Ritsuka's tail wagged a little, "Really, Soubi? I thought you had to leave."

"I'll go later. I want to spend a couple hours with you before I do," Soubi smiled and Ritsuka blushed. They continued their game and Ritsuka eventually won, even though he knew Soubi let him.

…

"Alright, Soubi-san," Katsuko-sensei met Soubi outside by Kio's car. "Let's go. Where did you say this alleyway was?"

Soubi glanced up at the ward, unhappy to be leaving Ritsuka, if only for a little while. They'd played a couple of games and watched a movie together in the common room. Ritsuka seemed to be really happy to be able to spend time with Soubi. Soubi loved his time with Ritsuka and could clearly see that the boy was a bit attached to him, which Soubi didn't mind. He was the only one Ritsuka trusted. He was the only one Ritsuka would talk to about his father. Of course Ritsuka would get attached to the only male he thought wouldn't hurt him.

But maybe…maybe it really wasn't _just_ an attachment. It really did seem to be more than that. Soubi had seen that when Ritsuka crawled into bed with him the previous night. Kio and Katsuko-sensei saw it. Maybe it was time Soubi took notice of it, as well. The more he thought about it, the more obvious it became. Ritsuka was in love with him.

"It's towards the edge of the red-light district," Soubi told her, getting into the driver's side of the car. He hadn't told Ritsuka about this, but he planned to once he got back. When Ritsuka was still under a sedative after his surgery, Soubi had decided on going back to the alleyway and Katsuko-sensei insisted on coming, even after Soubi told her he was going back to his apartment first.

"Are you _sure_ we should go to the red-light district?" Katsuko got in on the passenger's side, putting her seatbelt on as Soubi backed out of where Kio parked.

" Nobody's going to mess with us if I have anything to say about it," Soubi told her, driving out of the parking lot, pulling onto the street a little too fast, causing the cars behind him to screech to a stop.

"Soubi-san, _please_ tell me you have a license…"

"It's in the side of the door," Soubi knew he was horrible at driving, and he would do it alone, but rarely with Ritsuka in the car with him. That was the reason why he walked everywhere with Ritsuka or took the bus with him.

Katsuko-sensei was studying, "…Soubi-san…it says here that you're legally blind. Is it even legal for you to be driving?"

"Yes. Sensei, were you and Ritsuka talking about me during that therapy session?"

Katsuko nodded, holding on tightly to the folder, looking out the window as Soubi drove the fifteen minutes back to Soubi's apartment. "Did he tell you that?" She asked after a few moments of silence.

"No. He didn't tell me anything about that therapy session," Of course, Soubi had been curious about what had gone on during that session, but he hadn't asked. If something important happened, Ritsuka would've told him. "I just sort of assumed it was about me since Ritsuka hasn't been willingly talking about what happened."

There was another long pause. Soubi drove by his own university. Would Ritsuka be alright if he went to a couple classes tomorrow? He'd drop Natsuo and Youji off at the hospital again so they could play with him and keep him company. Ritsuka liked to play with those two, even if they were two little tyrants.

…

Ritsuka sat on Soubi's temporary bed in the hospital, the older man's laptop on his lap, nestled between Natsuo and Youji, the three of them watching a girly anime. Ritsuka yawned loudly, hesitating before leaning on Youji and tentatively placing his head on his shoulder. He trusted Natsuo and Youji, yet not as much as he trusted Soubi, for some reason. He was wary of physical contact from anyone but Soubi. He was scared that if he tried to hug someone, they would slap his hands away and tell him not to touch them because he was dirty.

"Are you tired, Rit-chan?" Kio looked up from his book. He was sitting in the soft, plush reclining rocking chair, reading and occasionally glancing up and smiling at shy Ritsuka. Ritsuka nodded, listening to the anime on the computer.

"I'm tired, too!" Youji chimed in loudly, grinning and reaching over to close the laptop.

"If Youji's gonna take a nap, then I am too!" Natsuo insisted. "We should sleep on Soubi's bed!"

"Can…can I sleep with you two, too?" Ritsuka asked nervously. It wasn't unusual for him to nap or sleep with Natsuo and Youji. He did it whenever he went over to Soubi's and he wasn't there or when Ritsuka wanted to take a nap and Soubi was working on a school project or making dinner and couldn't sleep with him for a couple hours. It wasn't weird or anything. They were Ritsuka's friends and were almost like brothers to him.

For a few moments, Natsuo and Youji just stared at Ritsuka and then at each other. It dawned on Ritsuka that both of them knew what happened. Someone must've told them, whether it was Kio or Soubi. He really didn't care that they knew, though, as long as they didn't treat him any differently.

"Ritsuka's so cute, isn't he Natsuo?" Youji just fell back into his normal teasing routine. He rubbed his cheek against Ritsuka's, throwing his arms around his neck.

"He is!" Natsuo exclaimed, also wrapping his arms around Ritsuka's neck. Ritsuka tensed, but then relaxed, realizing that this was okay and that Natsuo and Youji were just being overly affectionate, just as they had always been.

Soon, Ritsuka, Natsuo, and Youji were all crowded on the bed, Ritsuka in the middle, the three of them all sharing the same pillow. Ritsuka clenched Soubi's t-shirt in both hands, his face pressed into it as he fell fast asleep.

…

"This is a rather small apartment," Katsuko-sensei commented as Soubi led her inside, finding the main room relatively clean. "Is it just you here?" She looked pointedly at the unmade bed in the right corner of the room next to the desk.

"No," Soubi sighed, wondering how he was going to explain Natsuo and Youji. "Ritsuka stays over a lot. We sleep in my room," Soubi pointed to the bedroom behind the open French doors. "There's also Sagan Natsuo and Sagan Youji. They're…hard to explain, to say the least."

"How old are they?" Katsuko-sensei pressed, clearly suspicious. "They're brothers? Why are they staying with you?"

Soubi knew he had to explain without revealing anything. That was hard, but he could manage it. He'd given the same story to Kio when he'd asked about the Zero boys.

"They don't have parents and they're not really related," Soubi began to explain. "They were born from a science experiment in a lab. See, I used to go to school where this science experiment took place. The school is run by an organization closely affiliated by the government. The women who did the experiment is a biologist on the organization."

Soubi went into the kitchenette as he explained, finding it slightly messy. There was a note taped to one of the cabinets from Kio, detailing the troubles Natsuo and Youji had been up to, things such as watching porn on the TV and pulling pranks on the tenets in the building. Kio had punished them by making them clean the entire apartment, which was usually how Soubi punished them.

"You're telling me that you take care of two science experiments?"

Yes, it did seem a little far-fetched, but that part actually was true. There were times when Soubi would catch them sadly looking at books late at night where the mother and father would take care of their children. Soubi would sit up with them during these times, but would take the book away from them. Nagisa was the closest thing Natsuo and Youji had to a mother. They couldn't feel physical pain, but they could feel emotional pain, which Soubi knew was worse than physical pain. Nagisa was their 'mother', but she ignored them and neglected them and shoved them into the first person who was old enough to take care of them.

"It's true," Soubi insisted, throwing the note out. Natsuo and Youji got into a ton of trouble, but Soubi still felt some sort of care towards them, even if they annoyed him to no end. He was sure that soon enough, Nagisa would probably make him adopt them and then the Zero boys would aggravate him by calling him 'Dad' or 'Daddy'. "The person who created them neglected them and physically abused them sometimes. She decided to hand them off to me once they annoyed her enough."

"Hm. So, they're not really your kids, but she expects you to take responsibility of them?" Katsuko repeated, starting to walk around the room. She paused, inspecting one of the framed pictures Soubi had hanging up.

Seimei had never let Soubi decorate his apartment with anything. That included photographs and holiday decorations. He'd always had to keep his apartment extremely clean, or risk another beating from Seimei. Lately, though, Soubi was beginning to get out of his habits. His books were no longer organized on his many, many bookshelves. His apartment was a lot less orderly than before. He had even begun hanging up framed pictures, mainly of Ritsuka.

"That's exactly what she expects. I don't care, though. They're like my own kids. Ritsuka likes them, too."

Soubi laughed, realizing that he, Ritsuka, Natsuo, Youji, and Kio were all like a family. A family of unrelated people, most of whom had no real family or a childhood. Strangely, Soubi was alright with that. He'd never had a family before. Honestly, it felt nice to finally have one, even if they weren't related to him. Did a family really have to be related to one another? Couldn't it just be people who were close to each other and took on the roles required in a family?

…

"Ritsuka."

Ritsuka felt someone shaking him awake. He cried out in fear, scared that it was his father, the man who was haunting his dreams. He curled up in a smaller ball, feeling the warmth of two others near him. He pressed his face into Soubi's shirt, hugging it close to his body.

"Ritsuka, wake up."

The other two were stirring too. Ritsuka refused to look up, though. He knew what he had done. He was hot with embarrassment and fear, praying that Natsuo and Youji wouldn't notice. It was useless though.

Youji was already waking up, "…Natsuo, why am I all wet?"

Ritsuka whimpered, shutting his eyes tightly, his dream replaying itself in the spiraling darkness of Ritsuka's mind.

…

"Does Ritsuka-kun always sleep in here with you?"

Soubi nodded, answering Katsuko-sensei's question as he lead her into the bedroom. She began looking around this room too, glancing in the bedside table's drawers and under the bed. She even looked in the closet only to find painting supplies, some games, and Soubi's dress clothes, as well as some of Ritsuka's things. She curiously pulled one of Ritsuka's shirts off a hanger, only to put it back.

"Ritsuka leaves his clothes over here a lot," Soubi told her, starting to throw some things in a bag. He packed both his clothes as well as Ritsuka's since Ritsuka hated the hospital gown.

"Tell me about when Ritsuka comes over."

As much as he hated psychologists, Soubi knew he had to talk to her. If he didn't, it would only raise her suspicions. He had nothing to hide, anyways. He had never touched Ritsuka in a sexual way. Sure, he'd had thoughts and fantasies about him, but he'd never acted on them and never would unless Ritsuka showed or said that he wanted it. Even if the urge was driving him crazy, Soubi would lock himself in the bathroom before trying anything.

"I have him do his homework when he comes over. I sit with him at the kitchen table and make him flashcards and help him study," Soubi started, continuing to pack. "After that, I usually take him out."

"Out, Soubi-san?" Katsuko repeated, sitting on the bed, flipping through a scrapbook on Soubi's desk. "You mean on a date?"

"Sometimes," Soubi smiled, pausing with memories. "Not all the time though. He likes the park, so I take him there a lot. We do go out on dates, though. Most of the time, I'll just take him out to dinner or we'll go to the amusement park in Yokohama. Usually, I just make him dinner here."

"Do you put him to bed at the same time every night?"

"Yes," Soubi could stay up all night, but Ritsuka usually fell asleep at around ten. As a result, Soubi did too, since they slept together. "We usually go to sleep with him around—"

A ringing interrupted him. Soubi fell silent, recognizing that it was his own phone ringing.

…

Ritsuka sat alone in the bathroom, the door locked, his wet clothes in a pile on the ground. Silently, he got up, feeling sadness overwhelm him as he stepping into the warm shower, sitting on the ledge it provided for handicapped people. This was beyond embarrassing. He'd wet the bed for the third time that week. What a childish thing to do. It had been just a dream. It had been a nightmare, but it was still just a dream.

Ritsuka showered quickly, ignoring the strange sadness deep inside of him. He wanted Soubi to come back. He was the only one who could stop this sadness that was rooting itself deep inside. He was confused. Why had this happened to him? Soubi had said he was a good kid. Bad things like this don't happen to good kids. Maybe he'd done something to deserve it, but he couldn't think of anything.

Soon, Ritsuka padded out of the bathroom, finding Natsuo and Youji already waiting for him, grinning and dragging him into the common room as the nurse tried to put the IV back in Ritsuka's hand.

…

"Ritsuka wet the bed again," Soubi hung up the phone after hearing the news from Kio. He slung his bag over his shoulder. "I want to get back to the hospital soon. Let's hurry and get to the alleyway."

Soon, Katsuko and Soubi arrived at the alleyway and it really was quite evident what happened. Blood was all over the walls and ground. Ritsuka's torn up clothes were tossed to the side. Even the vibrating string of anal beads were still of the ground, right where Soubi left them when he pulled them out of Ritsuka.

"I tracked him to a motel and I found his broken phone there, but he'd apparently already left," Soubi stated absentmindedly, looking into the alleyway, unsure if he was just talking to himself or if he was telling the shorter woman standing next to him and holding up an umbrella over both their heads to shield them from the sudden onset of heavy rain. "I just followed my instincts from there. I knew he tried to run, since nobody even tried to cover up what happened in that motel room. I started towards the outskirts of the district. I sent my friend one way and I went the other way until I saw a group of men fooling around with some sort of remote. One of those men was Ritsuka's father."

Soubi took a few steps inside the alleyway and Katsuko followed him, keeping the umbrella over Soubi's head. He bent down to pick up the sex toy that had been shoved inside of Ritsuka. Katsuko-sensei slapped his hands away, though, handing him latex gloves and a bag. Soubi pulled the gloves on, picking up the object and looking at it. It still had Ritsuka's blood on it, nearly covering the huge white balls. There was blood all over the anchor and the leather restraint, too. He just stared at it for a few moments, unable to believe that this had been shoved all the way into Ritsuka.

"His father denied having kidnapped Ritsuka," Soubi went on, dropping the horrible, large object into the bag. "So I hit him a couple times and shoved him up against that wall," Soubi pointed at the brick wall opposite from where they were standing. "He told me he sold Ritsuka to other men. He said he'd 'let me take a turn with him if I let him go'. I would've probably choked him to death if Ritsuka hadn't called out to me, then."

Soubi went further into the alleyway, picking up the restraint that had tied Ritsuka to a heavy, discarded barred headboard buried in the pile of junk in the very back of the alleyway. He carefully untied the restraint from the metal headboard, dropping it into another bag, thinking again about the sex toy. Even to Soubi, it looked extremely painful, and he wasn't even a virgin. Ritsuka on the other hand, had been. Even when the toy had been pushed inside of him, he had just been taken again and again and was probably still not stretched _nearly_ enough to handle the bigger toy. The smaller ones might've been less painful, but the larger ones had made Ritsuka hurt like hell.

"I ran to him as soon as I saw him," Soubi stayed crouched down, the rain starting to come down harder, hitting the already existent puddles and causing water to splash up and gradually wet Soubi. "He was crying hard and begging me to help him. I tried to help him. I untied him. He told me he was hurt and when I asked him where, he said 'down there'. I looked and saw that his father had shoved this damn toy into him. He had the restraint around his ankles, but it was too painful for him to pull out. Sensei, he was begging me to take it out. What was I supposed to do?"

_This never would've happened if I had just taken him to my apartment. Now I can't fix this. I can never completely fix this._

"I told him I had to take it out of him. I didn't think he could be able to make it to the hospital and it would be too painful if I just pulled it out. I had to actually put my fingers inside of him. Ritsuka had an orgasm, then, and I got the sex toy out of him. I wrapped him in my jacket and his dad started yelling at me. That really scared Ritsuka. I took him away from his father and brought him to the hospital."

"You did the right thing," Katsuko told him softly.

Soubi nodded slightly, not moving from his crouching position. "I tried. I know what it's like, Sensei. I didn't want him to suffer." _Like I did_, Soubi silently added. "I thought he'd get better and be in less emotional pain if I brought him to the hospital."

"Soubi-san…" Soubi glanced back at Ritsuka's therapist, knowing that she figured it out. "You were raped, weren't you?"

Soubi got up, walking out of the alleyway quickly, Katsuko-sensei following quickly, though Soubi was walking too fast for her to catch up completely. Yes, he had been raped. It was by someone he thought he had trusted, and afterward, lost all respect and feelings for them. Even now—nine years later—he still had trouble thinking about it without losing control of his anger.

Suddenly, he stopped, hanging his head, feeling as if he'd done something horribly wrong. "Yes," He whispered. "And I don't want Ritsuka to turn out like me. I want to be there for him. It took me years to get over what happened. I went through phases where I wouldn't talk and I'd get so depressed that I would lock myself in my dorm and not even go to classes. It went on for years. It wasn't just once. I want Ritsuka _out_ of that house. He doesn't need to go through what I did."

"I didn't mean to bring up bad memories," Katsuko frowned, holding the umbrella over both of them again. "You really do care about him, don't you?"

"I love him," Soubi answered honestly. "I only want the best for him. His father will never touch him again. I want to take him to court."

"I think that's for the best. I'll get a lawyer as soon as possible."

**Hello again.**

**For some reason, the little divider-y button is not working. **

**Thanks to everyone who reviewed! WOW twenty reviews? I'M REALLY, REALLY IMPRESSED AND MOTIVATED. KEEP IT UP PLEASE. Sorry, I'm too tired to type everyone's name out, BUT THANK YOU SO MUCH AND I LOVE YOU ALL.**

**Special thanks to Riku Tensei for beta-ing this chapter!  
**

**Please review for more. I love to hear all your thoughts on this fic**

**~Wolfie  
**


	8. Sleep Forever

**8**

**Sleep Forever  
**

…

Ritsuka sat in his own bed, alone, his knees pulled against his chest. Kio had taken Natsuo and Youji down to bring Ritsuka something to eat from the cafeteria, leaving Ritsuka alone with his thoughts and memories. Ritsuka's chest hurt with heartbreak as he thought about the things the things his daddy had said. The obscenities had hurt, the name calling had burned, but when his father had told him that he hated him, it made his heart break more than anything else.

Ritsuka wiped his eyes with his sleeve, hugging the blanket Soubi had brought from his apartment. It was the closest thing he had to Soubi, since Kio had taken his shirt away after Ritsuka wet himself and got it on the shirt, too.

"What's wrong, Ritsuka?"

Ritsuka looked up in the middle of wiping his eyes, seeing Soubi standing in the doorway, his hair and clothes damp from the pouring rain outside. He was holding a plastic bag, too, one that looked as if it was from a grocery store.

"N…nothing," Ritsuka tried to give him a weak little smile. He was happy that Soubi was back, but the pain was still there. It was duller, but still there, and it hurt like nothing else. His own father hated him and wished that he hadn't been born. What could possibly be worse than that?

Soubi returned his smile, sitting on the bed. "Kio told me you were sleeping with my shirt," He said, patting the spot beside him to invite Ritsuka over to sit by him. Wiping the last bit of tears away, Ritsuka crawled over to him, sitting beside his lover. He nuzzled his shoulder, able to push those thoughts of his father into the very back of his mind when he was with Soubi.

"I'm sorry," Ritsuka apologized quietly, thinking that he'd done something wrong again. He supposed it was a little strange to sleep with Soubi's shirt.

"It's alright. I got you something so that you won't have to sleep with my dirty shirt anymore," Soubi kissed the top of Ritsuka's ears and the next thing the child heard was the rustling of the plastic bag. Something extremely soft suddenly brushed against his arms and Ritsuka opened his eyes and pulled away slightly from Soubi, finding that he was holding out a soft bear stuffed animal to him, a small smile on his face.

"Wha…?" Ritsuka didn't really understand. He took the soft, furry object out of Soubi's arms, looking at him in confusion. Was this for him? A gift? Ritsuka looked down at it, deciding that if he really were allowed to keep it, he would name it after Soubi. The bear had blonde-like fur and blue eyes and Ritsuka was sure that he could find a red ribbon to tie around its neck.

"Most kids have some sort of object that provides comfort to them," Soubi explained, letting Ritsuka hold onto the bear. "Sometimes it reminds them of better times or of someone special to them. Usually it's a blanket or a stuffed animal. I thought you'd like this better than sleeping with my shirt… Ritsuka…?"

Ritsuka hugged the bear, trying to hide his tears. He'd never had any sort of 'comfort' object before. He used to have some stuffed animals before Seimei died, but they never lasted more than a week or so before Ritsuka found them mysteriously torn apart or burned. Of course, he'd sleep with Seimei and then with Seimei's pillow after his 'death'. After meeting Soubi, Ritsuka began sleeping with the phone he gave him, and, after their relationship started moving forward, with Soubi himself.

"I'm sorry, Ritsuka. I didn't mean to upset you."

"No," Ritsuka sniffled, leaning on Soubi again, holding the soft bear tightly in his arms. He wiped his eyes on his sleeve. "It's just… I don't…I'm not sad, I'm happy…" Ritsuka fell silent with another whimper, not really knowing why he was crying, but feeling pathetic for doing so. Nobody had done anything this nice for him since Seimei faked his death, except for Soubi. His life had been quite horrible since his brother left, but he had Soubi now. Things were going to get better from now on. He was going to go live with Soubi. He had someone who would love him and take care of him and be proud of him when he got good grades or did something good…

"Soubi…" Ritsuka looked up at Soubi, knowing what he had to do. He had to face what happened or he would be stuck in this state forever. "There's something I need to tell you…"

In response, Soubi picked Ritsuka up bridal style, carrying him and sitting in the rocking chair in room, Ritsuka on his lap. He was being held like a small child, lying across Soubi's lap, his feet hanging off the edge of the chair, his head in the crook of Soubi's arm. He didn't mind being held like this. It made it easier to talk to him. He held on tightly to the stuffed animal (Sou-chan, as he decided to call it) and he took comfort in the soft blonde fur, as well as in Soubi's warmth.

"That…that day… after you dropped me off at home, I thought of how you said you were proud of me for getting good grades," He started off, retelling what happened. He watched the memories play out before his eyes and somehow found the strength to voice them. "I don't know… I just wanted to hear the same thing from my parents. _I_ thought I did well, and so did you, so, I thought that they would think the same thing."

"They should've," Soubi said quietly, looking away for just a moment. Ritsuka followed his gaze to the doorway where Ritsuka saw both Kio and Katsuko-sensei standing, both watching. Natsuo and Youji were behind Kio, suspiciously silently.

"My daddy drinks all the time, though," Ritsuka continued on, closing his eyes.

_Ritsuka sat on the stairs, his report card in hand, watching through bars on the railing as his mother and father fought, his daddy clearly drunk._

"I don't like it when he does. He hurts me when he gets drunk. He hits me and slaps me. This was the first time he ever made me…do things to him, though."

_"Don't you dare walk out on me!" His dad yelled at his mother as she started walking towards the door. "Get back here, woman!" _

"They were fighting. Mom was actually feeling better that day, but Daddy and her were still yelling at each other."

_"You can't tell me what to do!" Misaki screamed at Kiyoshi, sobbing. "You're never here! You never pay attention to me! Never! You don't even spend time with Ritsuka anymore! I'm leaving!"_

Ritsuka sniffled, swallowing hard and fisted Soubi's shirt with one hand and held onto the bear with the other. He kept his eyes on Soubi, not on the other two. He could only focus on Soubi. If he tried to make his mind fully register that two other people were in the room, he'd get scared and stop talking. He needed to do this. There was no more hiding from it. He had to face the demons of what his father did to him. He had to accept it. He didn't want to stay here forever. He didn't want to become one of those kids who lived in the mental ward because they couldn't and wouldn't ever accept whatever happened to them.

"Soubi," Ritsuka whimpered. "I'm sorry. I kept everything from you. Please don't be mad."

"I'm not mad," Soubi reassured him, gently kissing his head. "Go on, Ritsuka."

"He looked like he was going to hit her. I didn't want him to, though, so I went downstairs and tried to stop it."

_Kiyoshi nearly hit Misaki, but he saw Ritsuka bounding down the stairs before he could. _

_ "What are you doing here?" His father growled, turning his attention to his son, who stood in front of him, shaking nervously and feeling intimidated by his dad. Misaki took the chance to escape, slipping out the front door._

_ "I… I wanted to show you this," Ritsuka stuttered, holding out his progress report with both hands._

"When I came downstairs, they stopped fighting and Dad yelled at me. I showed him my progress report… And… And…"

_Ritsuka's hopes soared when Kiyoshi took the paper from his hands and looked at it for a couple seconds._

_ His hopes fell when Kiyoshi ripped up the progress report and then hit Ritsuka hard in the cheek, sending him stumbling backwards and falling hard on the floor from the force._

"He ripped up my report card," Ritsuka covered his eyes, trying to hide that he was crying. It was just so unfair. Why him? Why? "Then he hit me and I fell and he laughed at me for crying."

_"Why are you crying?" His father laughed at him cruelly as the tears began to fall. Ritsuka wiped them away, determined to stay strong and not cry in front of his father. "Oh, was this important to you?" Kiyoshi faked being concerned, clearly mocking him. _

_ "It was!" Ritsuka snapped defiantly, his voice coming out as more of a squeak rather than the strong tone he wanted. _

_ "What did you expect, kid?" His daddy sneered, leaning down and holding up the two halves of Ritsuka's report card. "For me to be __**proud**__ of you? Have I ever been proud of you?"_

_ Ritsuka just sniffled, wiping his running nose with his sleeve. Why was he being so mean? Soubi was never like this. Neither were any of his teachers. It was just his father. His mother would beat him and make him feel bad, but she never made him feel like this. Soubi was always nice. He never yelled or made Ritsuka feel crappy. His male teachers were sometimes strict, but Ritsuka knew that was for the best, and that they weren't doing that just to be mean._

_ "Answer me!" _

_ A moment later, Kiyoshi struck Ritsuka across the face, making his son cry out and cringe, holding his cheek and rocking back and forth on the floor. Slowly, he shook his head, answering his father's original question. All he had wanted was a simple 'good job, Ritsuka' or at least a little smile from his father. He'd gotten the best grades out of all of the kids in his grade. He had thought that, even if he was drunk, his daddy would pat him on the head and smile, maybe. _

_ Now that he thought about it, though, his father had never really ever seemed proud of him. Whenever he praised Ritsuka, it always sounded very fake and flat. The times that he did get praised by Kiyoshi, it was always followed up with what he did wrong. _

_ "Nothing you do will ever matter to me, Ritsuka."_

_ Ritsuka watched with wide eyes as the older man took off his belt. He tried to ignore the bulge in his parent's work pants._

"He hit me some more," Ritsuka still had his eyes covered, but the sobs were beginning and he couldn't stop it. Soubi held him close against him, close enough that Ritsuka could hear his heartbeat. He noticed that the chair they were in had started rocking rhythmically. "He yelled at me and made fun of me. He said that nothing I do would ever matter to him."

_Ritsuka scrambled upwards, sensing what was going to happen. He didn't want his first sexual encounter to be with his dad. He wanted it to be with Soubi. If he lost his innocence to his daddy, it would truly break his heart. _

_ Speaking of Soubi…Ritsuka was really regretting not charging his phone during the night. Otherwise, he would've already ran and called Soubi. He should've learned to charge his phone after all the encounters with his mother, but, of course, he hadn't._

_ Ritsuka darted away, towards the stairs, trying to make it to his room so that he could call Soubi and ask him to come over. He probably thought that Ritsuka was in bed, so he'd be coming over soon, anyways. Soubi always came to say goodnight, everyday without fail. Ritsuka really liked that and usually asked him to stay. It was a little past ten, meaning that he would arrive any minute. As much as Ritsuka didn't really want him to find out about his father physically abusing him, a little part in his mind hoped that he would find out and act upon it. _

_ "Where do you think you're going?" His father grabbed his arm forcefully, yanking him into the living room. "Are you going to run off again? You still need to be punished."_

_"W-why?" Ritsuka stammered, looking up at a pair of eyes that matched his own in color. He couldn't remember anything that he'd done wrong lately. He had tried to be a good kid, but it was hard when his parents didn't care enough to make rules for him. He had no official bedtime, no set time to wake up, no one to make sure that he'd cleaned his room, done his homework, or did his nonexistent chores. No, his parents didn't care to do anything to make those rules for him. Instead, Soubi made those sort of rules for him and helped him stick to them. Ritsuka's bedtime was ten, which was more than fair, and Soubi had his alarm set for seven, which was enough time to get ready. Soubi helped him get his homework done, assisted him in his unofficial chores around the house, duties that were just expected of him, and was often the one to make him dinner. _

_ He hadn't done anything wrong. He hadn't acted out in school or had his grades drop or forgotten to do the chores that were simply expected of him. Sure, he went out a lot, but no one was ever around or cared to notice. _

_ "This is all your fault. Your mother is like this because of you," Ritsuka's father leaned down, speaking into Ritsuka's face. "Your brother is dead. I have to deal with this all every day because of you. Don't you realize what you've done to this family? You've destroyed it! You've done all this and you expect me to praise you for getting some stupid grade?"_

_ "It's not stupid…" Ritsuka muttered, fearful of what was coming next. This talking back earned him another hard slap. He stumbled backwards and was then shoved down onto the floor. He curled up into a ball, trying to protect himself. Kiyoshi just began ranting at him again and kicking him. Finally, he grabbed onto Ritsuka's hair and pulled harshly. Ritsuka screamed, hoping that someone would hear him and help for once. _

_ "On your knees," His father ordered, shoving Ritsuka into the position he wanted in front of him. Ritsuka stopped struggling and stayed on his hands and knees, head hung and his ears folded down, defenseless and having no will to fight left. _

_ The next thing he heard was his daddy unzipping his pants. He grabbed the back of his head, pulling him forward, towards something hot and stiff. The older man forced his mouth open, commanding him to suck and Ritsuka felt that there was nothing else he could do but comply._

"I tried to run away," Ritsuka continued, holding back the sobs. "He caught me and said I needed to be punished, though. He said that everything was my fault. Then…then he made me get on my knees…and…and he unzipped his pants…and…" Ritsuka fell silent with a whimper, taking a long moment to go on. He opened his eyes at last and looked up at Soubi, taking a deep breath, "I didn't know what to do. I couldn't fight him. I had to do what he said. He told me to suck him and I didn't think there was any other choice than to what he said. After that…the next thing I remember is him leaving me on the floor and you finding me."

Soubi didn't say anything, instead holding him closer against his chest. Ritsuka let his eyes fall shut and he held onto Soubi's shirt, letting his warmness and comforting presence overtake him. The sadness he felt was overwhelming, though, as if a big hole had opened in his heart and was draining out every other emotion. It was an odd feeling, one that Ritsuka had never felt before. He just wanted it to go away, for it to be chased out of his body so that he could stop feeling this was. It was as if he wanted everything to shut down so that he could lay in Soubi's arms and not have to feel this way.

"Soubi…it…it hurts…" Ritsuka told him, his now-open eyes tearing up.

"Where, Ritsuka?" Soubi's voice was soft and gentle as always. It made Ritsuka feel safe and helped ease the pain a little.

Ritsuka took Soubi's hand, placing it on his chest, where his heart was. He kept it there with both hands, covering Soubi's much larger hand with his own. "Here," He whispered. "It hurts here. It's like…like I want to fall asleep with you and sleep forever. I want to lie next to you and never, ever wake up. That's how bad it hurts."

When Soubi spoke next, his voice was still strong, but Ritsuka could tell he was feeling something different, something like sadness or regret, "I'm going to fix this, Ritsuka. I promise."

…

Ritsuka was asleep in the same position he'd been in for the past few hours—laying across Soubi's lap, his feel hanging over the arm of the chair. The fairytale book lay open on top of him, the pages undisturbed as Ritsuka slept deeply and quietly, still tightly hugging the bear Soubi gave him. Soubi silently bookmarked the page and closed the book, placing it on the floor beside the chair. Ritsuka sighed in his sleep, shifting a little so that he was as close as possible to the man hold him, his face pressed into his chest.

"Soubi-san, are you alright?"

Soubi glanced up, finding Katsuko-sensei standing in the doorway. She had a kind, though concerned look on her face. She came forward, sitting on the edge of the Soubi's bed, tucking her skirt underneath her.

Soubi shook his head, "No, I'm not alright. I want Ritsuka to get better and be happy, but it only seems like he's getting worse. I can't stop what he's feeling. I told you what happened to me. I told you how it affected me. Sensei, I didn't only lose my innocence, that man ripped my entire childhood from me. I don't want him to have to grow up too soon. He's too young. He still wants a chance to be a child, and I want to give him that chance, but what he said earlier really, really worries me. I just want to make him happy."

Ritsuka was still only thirteen. He was too young, too young to have experienced all he had. Soubi knew that Ritsuka would be basically taking care himself if Soubi wasn't around to help him. He took care of _everything_ around the house and his parents just _expected _him to do so. He cleaned the house by himself, did the dishes every day, took out the trash, and locked up the house every night. Not only that, but he had to deal with his mother's daily beatings and his father's uncaring, narcissistic demeanor. Family should care about one another, Soubi decided, and Ritsuka's mother and father certainly didn't care about him. They were treating him like an adult. Thirteen was still a child and Ritsuka wasn't ready to become an adult.

Soubi smiled down at Ritsuka, brushing the hair out of his eyes. Things were going to get better for him. Soubi was going to fix things the best he could. This was all his fault, anyways. If only he had just checked the rest of Ritsuka's house. Why hadn't he thought that Kiyoshi would be hiding alcohol? That was the typical behavior of an alcoholic. He could've at least taken Ritsuka to his apartment and left him with Natsuo and Youji. That would've been the safest choice, and yet, he had left Ritsuka at his house with his abusive, incestuous alcoholic father. Soubi was never going to be able to forgive himself for that. Sure, it was Kiyoshi who broke and betrayed Ritsuka, but it was Soubi who allowed it to happen. It was his job to try his hardest to fix things now. He loved Ritsuka. He was going to make his life better and it didn't matter what he had to do to accomplish it.

"I think putting him on an antidepressant for a while might help him," Katsuko suggested. "It'd be a very small amount and it wouldn't change his mood _too_ much, but it would help him see that this will all eventually get better."

Soubi nodded, agreeing that that would probably be for the best. Ritsuka probably wouldn't think that, though. He'd most likely be against getting put on antidepressants.

"You know, I've never seen a case like this," Katsuko stated after a few moments of thinking.

"What do you mean? I'm sure you've had a rape case before or at least dealt with a rape victim before," Soubi looked over at her, a little confused. It was only logical the a psychologist who works with troubled adolescents has seen at least one rape case. Soubi didn't believe that she hadn't.

"A rape case, sure," Katsuko picked up Soubi's fairytale book and opened it to the page that was bookmarked. "I've had plenty of rape cases, just never one…like this."

"Oh," Soubi glanced back down at sleeping Ritsuka. "You mean…me?"

Katsuko-sensei nodded slowly, thoughtfully looking through the chapter Soubi had been reading to Ritsuka. "I was very suspicious of you at first," She informed Soubi. "I should still be suspicious, but after seeing him talk to you and seeing how he acts around you and how you act around him, I've come to the conclusion that you've done absolutely nothing sexual to him, but you two are still romantically involved with each other. It's strange. I've never seen a relationship like yours and Ritsuka's."

"Yes, well, I've never seen a psychologist who cares for her patient this much."

"Ritsuka-kun is quite different," Katsuko-sensei smiled slightly, a faraway look in her eyes. "I've always been rather…attached to him. It's odd. I want to help him. I want to help my other patients, too, but I see Ritsuka-kun differently from them. He stands out."

"He does," Soubi agreed. Ritsuka was very, very different from other children. Soubi, a misanthrope, who especially hated children, had fallen in love with him. Soubi hated people in general, and he found children to be particularly annoying. Hell, Kio was the only person in Soubi's entire university who would even approach him. Children bothered Soubi. They were loud and obnoxious and extremely self centered. Ritsuka wasn't like that, though. He was the opposite. Soubi loved everything about him, even if he wished that Ritsuka would open up a little more about his parents.

"I see him almost as if he's my own child," Katsuko went on, looking thoughtfully at the book. "It's not really explainable…he's just different. I was devastated to find out that he got raped. Nobody deserves that kind of treatment, Ritsuka-kun especially. Honestly, I'm glad that he has someone like you to help him get through this. Oh…" Katsuko-sensei closed the fairytale book, setting it on the bed. She held out a manila folder to Soubi, the front of it stamped with a lawyer's name. "I got an attorney. She's a good friend of mine. You and I are going to meet with her the on Saturday. That's also when Aoyagi Kiyoshi will be informed of his son's condition and will be asked to donate a kidney."

"Is there any way we can keep Ritsuka away from him?" _I should probably be kept away from him, too_, Soubi added silently. "I could take him outside in the courtyard," He suggested, thinking that the beautiful, colorful flowers would distract Ritsuka and keep him from wanting to go inside. "That might help take his mind off of things."

"I agree. I'll inform the two of you on Saturday when he is coming so that you can make sure Ritsuka isn't around."

…

Soubi dozed off sometime after Katsuko-sensei left. He dreamed of having Ritsuka taken away from him, watching him leave and then fade into dust and ash while being able to do nothing about it. Kiyoshi was there, too, beckoning to Ritsuka, taunting Soubi, slowly making Ritsuka let go of Soubi's hand and leave the safety of his side in curiosity of what his father had to offer. He tried calling out, tried to pull Ritsuka back, warning him that it was unsafe, but Ritsuka couldn't hear him and every time Soubi reached out, Ritsuka was just beyond his reach.

"Soubi! Please wake up! Please, Soubi!"

Ritsuka's distressed, panicked voice tore Soubi out of his dream, just as Kiyoshi pulled Ritsuka to him and smirked at Soubi, the two of them fading into ash as Soubi was woken up. Ritsuka was sitting up on Soubi's lap, tears rolling down his face, his hands on Soubi's shoulders. His entire body trembling in fear.

Soubi quickly pulled him into a hug, wrapping his arms around him, trying to make him forget about whatever had frightened him. He rocked him back and forth slowly, whispering sweet words into his kitten ears.

"Did you have another nightmare?" Soubi wondered, seeing that Ritsuka was calming down and had nearly stopped shaking.

"N-no…" Ritsuka stuttered, his voice cracking. "I got worried, Soubi. You didn't wake up at first… I thought…I thought something bad happened…"

Soubi laughed lightheartedly, feeling bad for causing little Ritsuka to worry and panic. "There's no need to be worried, Ritsuka," He told the child, still smiling. "I'm sorry. I haven't been sleeping very well lately."

Ritsuka nodded, relaxing slowly in Soubi's arms, hugging his stuffed bear to his chest. "Soubi, can I ask you a couple questions?"

"Go ahead," Soubi encouraged, though a little cautious. Ritsuka was curious about Soubi's past, probably more so now that he knew he was an orphan. He was bound to ask about his time at Seven Voices, especially since Ritsuka was a very curious little boy.

"Can we go on a date when I'm released?" Ritsuka's demeanor changed completely. He went from a sad panicked victim to a happy-curious teen in a matter of seconds.

"I'd like that. Where should we go?" Soubi and Ritsuka went out just about every Friday or Saturday and most of the time, once during the week.

"The park?" Ritsuka suggested, blushing in the most adorable way.

"Actually…" Soubi thought for a moment, thinking of something Kio told him about the theatrical department. "Have you ever seen a play, Ritsuka?"

Ritsuka just stared at Soubi for a moment before shaking his head, "Never. Seimei always said he wanted to take me to one, but we never got around to it."

"We should go see one, then," Soubi decided, unable to resist leaning in and pressing a small kiss to Ritsuka's lips. Ritsuka just turned a deeper red color, but didn't pull away. Instead, he just scooted closer on Soubi's lap.

…

Later, Ritsuka was still laying on the chair on Soubi's lap, listening to him read. He didn't have the slightest desire to get up. He was comfortable here in Soubi's lap, even more comfortable than he would be if he was in his own bed. The rain was distracting him a bit, though. It was still raining, even though it was dark outside now.

"It's still raining, Soubi," Ritsuka stated once Soubi had finished the current story. Soubi just scratched the base of his kitten ears in response. "When will the rain stop?"

"Soon," Soubi promised, continuing on with the next chapter in the book.

But the rain didn't stop.

It rained the next day.

And the day after that.

…

Ritsuka pressed his hand against the glass panes of the window in the common room, sadly looking out at the parking lot where he watched Katsuko-sensei wait for Soubi in Kio's car. It was Saturday. Soubi was leaving for a couple hours with Katsuko-sensei to talk to lawyer. He was still getting himself together and hadn't said goodbye to Ritsuka yet. Kio was here, but he was with Soubi at the moment. Natsuo and Youji were at school, as Soubi had been forcing them to go lately. Kio said that he would play checkers with him and keep him company, but it really wasn't the same. Right now, the rain seemed strangely fitting.

_"Daddy, where are you going?" Ritsuka looked up from the book he was reading at the table, his breakfast nearly untouched. He was just passing time until Soubi came to pick him up for their date. He watched his father as he headed towards the door, an umbrella in hand and his coat folded over his arm. _

_ Kiyoshi dropped the umbrella and coat as if they were on fire. He looked at his son, his eyes wide in surprise, looking as though he'd been caught doing something he wasn't supposed to. Ritsuka curiously closed his book and subtly checked his phone beneath the table, finding a text message from Soubi saying that since it was raining, he was driving to Ritsuka's house. Ritsuka smiled, happy that Soubi hadn't cancelled, even though it was pouring rain outside._

_ "I-I thought you were still in bed, Ritsuka," Kiyoshi's face was red as he stuttered and tried to speak intelligibly. Ritsuka just stared, confused why his dad was acting so strangely. Kiyoshi went out a lot. Ritsuka was just asking where out of curiosity. Sometimes, when his daddy was in a good mood, he would take Ritsuka into the city with him. His father wasn't __**always**__ mean and he didn't ignore him __**all**__ the time. Sometimes, he was nice, but he mostly just left Ritsuka alone, barely speaking to the boy besides the required exchanges. _

_ "No…" Ritsuka frowned, trying to sort out his dad's strange behavior. "My friend is coming to pick me up. We're going to the movies."_

_ "Oh," Kiyoshi seemed to get even more tense. "Is it a…girlfriend?"_

_ Ritsuka didn't answer and instead wondered if this was the right time to tell him that he had a boyfriend, not a girlfriend. Suddenly, Ritsuka heard the sound of the horn of a car and he darted to the door, peering outside. The rain was too heavy, though. Ritsuka couldn't see anything. He was sure it was Soubi in the car. Who else would be waiting outside, anyways?_

_ "Bye, Dad!" Ritsuka shouted, running outside, ignoring his father's calls to get back inside. _

_ It was pouring out and Ritsuka was pouring by the time he got to the car. Without thinking, he opened the passenger's side door and got in, sighing and flicking the water droplets off of his ears while wiping the water off of his eyes, having to close them to do so._

_ "…Kiyoshi?"_

_ Ritsuka froze, his ears standing straight up as he realized that the man in the car was not Soubi. Slowly, he looked up at the man, finding an equally surprised expression on his face. This man was older than Soubi and had a very different appearance. Honestly, when Ritsuka looked at him, he thought he looked a little like himself. He had nearly the same haircut and violet eyes and his facial structure was a little feminine, just like Ritsuka's own. _

_ "Uh…I'm sorry," Ritsuka slowly backed off. "I…I was waiting for my friend and I couldn't see through the rain, sorry."_

_ Ritsuka ran back inside, passing his speechless father, too embarrassed to notice that that man in the car had clearly been waiting for his father. His father, who had been startled by finding Ritsuka downstairs and had acted as if he was doing something he shouldn't. He did take notice of one thing though: that man had obviously not been there for business and he was not one of his father's lawyer friends. _

"Ritsuka, I'm leaving now."

Ritsuka pulled himself back to the real world, turning around to find Soubi waiting patiently for him to say goodbye. His ears perked up as he stared at him, one hand still on the window panes, the warmth from his palm and fingers fogging up the glass. Soubi was dressed up, wearing a suit jacket and a button up shirt underneath. He looked as though he had tried to conceal the bandages around his neck by wearing a tie. Ritsuka stared at him for a few more moments, wide-eyed, before running up to him. Soubi lifted him into his arms, holding him with ease.

"You look nice," Ritsuka told him, wrapping his arms around his neck. He'd never seen Soubi dress up, so this was a bit of a surprise.

"Thank you, Ritsuka," Soubi nuzzled one of Ritsuka's cat ears. "I'll be back in a few hours. We can play a game later if you want."

Ritsuka nodded, hugging Soubi tightly, placing his head on his shoulder. He knew he was going to have to let go in a couple minutes, but at least he could savor this closeness for a little while. He smiled, though he found this action strangely ironic given the current situation. It seemed as though the bad times had finally ended. Yesterday, Soubi had explained that he was taking Kiyoshi to court and was going to meet with a lawyer. For Ritsuka, this somehow signified the start of a better life. Katsuko-sensei was going with Soubi and was going to be on the same side as him. They had proof of what happened. Surely the judge would throw Kiyoshi in jail and let Ritsuka live with Soubi. Everything would get better now and this court case would be the start of all of it.

Ritsuka pulled away from Soubi, realizing it was probably time for him to leave. Ritsuka didn't want to make him late, especially since this would be the first meeting with his lawyer and he needed to make a good impression. Soubi put him down, taking Ritsuka by surprise when he tilted his chin up and leant down, kissing him for a brief moment.

"Bye, Soubi," Ritsuka didn't try to hide his blush, even though he was a little embarrassed that he still blushed like a little schoolgirl.

"I'll be back soon, Ritsuka. I love you."

…

Honda Hanako was a nice, middle-aged attorney who often dealt with cases dealing with crimes against children. She worked in a small firm in a four-floor brick building on the outskirts of Tokyo, a building with the offices of child psychologists and others who were able to help in a court case like Soubi's. Hanako was a close friend of Katsuko's, and had worked with her on numerous occasions when dealing with some of her other patients.

Soubi, of course, was wary of her, though, due to his general distrust of people. Katsuko-sensei had nothing but good things to say about Hanako, which effectively eased Soubi's anxiety and doubts. When she introduced him to the attorney, nearly all of his worry went away. Hanako immediately led them to her office and wasted no time with idle chat, and instead directly asked why they wanted to take Aoyagi Kiyoshi, a prestigious lawyer, to court. Soubi gave her the story, then, starting with the day he found Ritsuka curled up on the floor and ending with taking him to the hospital. He was then asked how he knew Ritsuka and Soubi gave the dumbed down, but mostly true story: he was an associate/friend of Seimei's and before he died, he asked Soubi to take care of Ritsuka.

Even though she said that she had dealt with rape cases and incest cases before, Hanako hadn't dealt with any case to this degree. Nevertheless, she told them that she was sure that they could win this case and that Kiyoshi would be put in jail for a long, long time, although she wasn't sure they could find him guilty on the attempted murder charge since there was a large lack of proof. That was okay, even though it made Soubi angry. The only reason he was alright with it was because all the other charges could easily get him over ten years in prison. Soubi knew that child molesters didn't get treated very well in prison.

Hanako told Soubi and Katsuko that she would get a court date set as soon as possible, but they would have to get some statements and a testimony from Ritsuka. She said that she would get a psychologist to them probably by Wednesday.

They left, then. Soubi called Ritsuka on the way home, which resulted in Soubi nearly crashing Kio's car and Katsuko forcing him to trade places with her. She drove the rest of the way back to the hospital, where Soubi saw something very strange.

…

Ritsuka gave Kio's phone back to him, hugging his bear tightly to his chest. Soubi was nearly back to the hospital, which made Ritsuka happy. Even though Kio was here, Ritsuka still felt slightly lonely, even though he knew he shouldn't. It had only been a couple hours. Ritsuka shouldn't feel lonely already. Did he really depend on Soubi that much or was it his love for him that made him feel like this?

"Did Soubi give you that?" Kio asked, pointing at Ritsuka's furry stuffed bear. Ritsuka had found a red ribbon and tied it around its neck, since red was Soubi's favorite color.

Ritsuka nodded, hugging it closer to him, thinking about what Soubi said about kids having some sort of 'comfort object'. Ritsuka guessed this was his. He had become extremely attached to it. It reminded him of Soubi with its blonde fur and blue eyes. It helped ease the loneliness that grew when Soubi was away.

…

"Wait!" Soubi stopped Katsuko-sensei from getting out of the car, staring out the windshield at a familiar car parked in front of them in the half-full parking lot. It was Ritsuka's dad's car and Kiyoshi was sitting in the front seat, his arms around the other person in the car, kissing them.

The other person was not Ritsuka's mother.

In fact, it was another male…Another male who looked a bit like Ritsuka.

**There's plot here, I swear there is. It's just moving a little slowly.**

**I've decided the general plot for this fic. I suppose it's a little late, but I had a vague idea when I started.**

**The idea of Ritsuka's 'sleep forever' comes from Freya01's poem 'Let Me Sleep Forever'. All credit for that idea goes to her. I just thought it would fit well here. **

**I'm so sorry it took me so long to get this up. I got distracted by Portal 2. I beat it on Saturday and archived 23.3 hours in one week. I kept annoying my friend Snipes by killing him in co-op. XD**

**Also, I tried to drop hints at Ritsuka's father and another man during Ritsuka's memory, but I don't think I was being subtle enough.**

**Anyways, thanks to Jazzie29, Ceral-killa, Big machine, Lolita, mewmew, Forbalathegreen, Kiwasaki-chan3, Astrozombie8, Gurgicalcipher, Witch19, Dark Neko 4000, Tlcatlady, Tamer Lorika, -Haine, Promocat, Alois Pinstripe, Kitsuke-chan, Serenity Lhane, and Rakiba for reviewing! I really love to read through all of your comments. I actually read through my reviews at least once daily so I can remember what you all said and address questions in my writing.**

**Alois Pinstripe: Can I ask how you pronounce Alois? I'm strangely curious about that since I've been seeing that name lately. I know he's a character in Kuroshitsuji 2, which I haven't gotten around to watching, and there was also an Alois in the Amnesia DLC. **

**Promocat: Oh yes, I have lots planned for Ritsuka's father.**

**astrozombie8: It's funny you mention Junjou Romantica, because I started watching it the day before you reviewed. I'm ordering both seasons Friday and once I watch it, I'll see what I can do/**

**I'll include Ritsuka's ears explanation next chapter, as well as what's wrong with his leg.**

**Review, please! I love your comments so much!**

**~Wolfie  
**


	9. Hypocrisy

**9**

******Hypocrisy **

…

Soubi was rendered absolutely speechless by the site in front of him. Aoyagi Kiyoshi, the man who had beat his son and raped him for being gay, was sitting in his car, deeply kissing another man. That hypocrite. It made Soubi outraged, made him want to throw Kiyoshi in a river and watch him drown. It wasn't the fact that he was gay. That wasn't what made Soubi angry. It was the fact that he called Ritsuka a dirty whore for being gay, and here he was, going against his own words. Not only that, but he was also cheating on his wife.

"Is that…?"

"Yes," Soubi finished for Katsuko-sensei, who was in the car with him. "That's Ritsuka's father."

"And he's…I thought he was married…" Katsuko was just as astounded as Soubi was. The two of them sat in the car, too shocked to get out and stop Kiyoshi from getting too far into the hospital before it was too late. "Isn't he married to Ritsuka's mother?"

A wedding band was visible on Kiyoshi's left hand. His right hand was tangled in his…_boyfriend's _black hair, the left hand resting on his shoulder. The fact that he hadn't taken off his wedding ring interested Soubi. He assumed that most people who were infidel to their spouses would take off their wedding ring, but Kiyoshi hadn't. He probably had some sort of cover, such as he was getting divorced or that he had lost his wife and couldn't let go quite yet. Then there was the even less likely possibility: this other person knew exactly what was going on and acknowledged that Kiyoshi was married and cheating on his wife. That would be probably the worst case scenario, since Kiyoshi probably spent more time with this man than his family. That meant that Kiyoshi was most likely going to leave his wife soon.

The reason why that was bad was simple: Ritsuka feared his parents getting divorced. He hated the thought of it and it scared the small child. Soubi knew this because, when he would sit with Ritsuka when his parents would fight, he would sometimes nuzzle Soubi's shoulder and express his fear of his mother and father splitting up. The poor kid's family was falling apart at the seams and he knew it was happening, but was terrified at the notion of it.

"Yes, he is," Soubi sighed, still watching the two in the car in front of theirs. "I can't believe him. Damn hypocrite."

Ritsuka couldn't find out about this. This would probably break his heart the rest of the way, not meaning his heart wasn't already broken. It would kill him if he found out. His father beat the hell out of him as 'punishment' for being gay, when he himself was here, making out with another man. Another man who looked like an older Ritsuka, his young, broken son. Ritsuka probably still trusted his father, even after he raped him. He was his dad, after all, and it was clear that he just wanted to be loved by him. He saw how fathers were supposed to act around their children, how they were supposed to take care of their children and teach them and help them. Was it really so wrong that he wanted that?

It wasn't wrong. Ritsuka had been abused and degraded all of his life. His childhood had been slowly stripped away from him. Now he was left clinging to the last string of it, trying to hold on to that thin thread and praying that it wouldn't be ripped away from him. He deserved someone to take care of him, someone to love him. He was a really good kid. He didn't protest when Soubi would help him with his homework, he always went to bed when Soubi told him to, and he never got into any trouble or tried to skip school. Why had such a nice, wonderful child been stuck with a delusional mother and a lying, deceiving bastard of a father? It wasn't fair or just in any way.

"Soubi-san, please calm down," Katsuko-sensei requested, frowning and moving her gaze to Soubi. "Hitting him or picking a fight with him will do no good."

"Yes it will," Soubi growled, watching Kiyoshi's right hand move further down on his partner until it went out of sight. This man was doing sexual things to his _friend_, things that he did to his son also, but much more violently. Soubi just could not get over the fact that Kiyoshi apparently hated gays with a passion and even went so far as to _rape_ and _beat_ his son for it, but he was obviously homosexual himself.

…

Ritsuka stared at his reflection in the mirror, curiously wiggling one of his kitten ears, wondering for the first time since being found in the alleyway why his ears were still attached. He wasn't a virgin anymore, but his ears hadn't fallen off. They didn't even tingle or feel limp. They just felt the way they always had. He could move them just as he had before. It was the same with his tail. He could still coil it or wag it or make it droop. He hadn't lost feeling or movement in either of the appendages.

Of course, he was happy that his ears had stayed, he was just curious why. Was this something like a second chance? The ears and tail on kids signified innocence and being a virgin. Ritsuka's virginity had been unwillingly taken from him. Did that play a part in this? He had always thought that the dropping of the tail and ears was purely physical. He didn't believe that there was anything psychological involved.

Soubi would probably know. Ritsuka would ask him once he came back from the meeting with the lawyer.

Sighing, he stopped looking at his ears and instead looked his reflection in the eye. His face was a mess. The bruises were still dark and his black eye didn't appear to be getting any better. They still remained, dark and marring. He couldn't look in the mirror without being reminded of the terrible night. He couldn't even get away from it when he undressed due to the bandages and scars on his body.

Ritsuka tore his gaze away, limping out of the bathroom. His hips were severely bruised and his left leg was still giving him problems, which he found a little strange. He'd have to ask Katsuko-sensei about that.

"I think Soubi's back," Kio told him once Ritsuka made it back into his room. He had apparently cleaned up all the scattered papers, since he and Ritsuka had made a bit of a mess once the young teen had asked Kio to teach him how to draw a cat.

"Really?" Ritsuka brightened up, his tail wagging and ears straight up. The only reason he'd asked Kio to teach him to draw was because he wanted to draw something for Soubi. His final drawing still wasn't very good, but he still wanted to give it to Soubi. Maybe Soubi could help him improve a little. He was a really good artist, good enough to recently have been featured in a national (or was it worldwide? Ritsuka couldn't remember.) magazine. He was quickly getting famous as an artist and Ritsuka could clearly see why.

"Yes. He's right outside," Kio smiled at Ritsuka, holding out Ritsuka's cat drawing to him. "If you're feeling well enough, I'll take you downstairs to the lobby to see him."

"I'm feeling just fine!" Ritsuka insisted, willing to ignore the pain that walking created so that he could see Soubi sooner.

…

Soubi didn't know how long he and Katsuko-sensei had been watching Kiyoshi and the other man, but even when they finally pulled away from each other, neither of them noticing the wide-eyed looks they were getting from the man and the woman in the car parked near them. It was even worse since the two cars were facing each other, so all they had to do was look up to see Soubi and Katsuko. They seemed incapable of that, since Kiyoshi was saying something to the other male, before leaning in for another smaller kiss and opening his door to get out.

Soubi was absolutely beyond himself with anger at the older male. It was only Kiyoshi he was angry at. He had no reason to be mad at the other male. He hadn't necessarily done anything wrong. Kiyoshi, on the other hand, was here to see his son, and he had came with another man, someone who was romantically involved with him.

"Soubi-san, no!" Katsuko grabbed Soubi's arm just as he was about to get out of the car as well. He hadn't known that it was so predictable what he was going to do. "If you touch that man, he'll sue you!"

"Not if I can help it," Soubi growled, shaking her off and getting out of the car, slamming the door.

Kiyoshi looked up at Soubi, finally noticing him as he scowled at the older man. There were only a couple feet between them and all Soubi had to do was step forward and he could probably hit him without much effort.

"Hey," Kiyoshi was looking at Soubi with bewildered eyes. He stayed by his car, most likely sensing that running wouldn't do him much good. "You're that college guy that Ritsuka hangs around with."

Soubi took a few steps forward, never dropping Kiyoshi's gaze. He was being cautious, trying not to lash out at him too soon. Even though he was nearly positive that he was going to start a fight with Kiyoshi. He needed to find a few things out first. Did Kiyoshi remember that night and what he did? It didn't really make a difference to Soubi, but he was still curious. Whether he remembered it or not, he had raped Ritsuka and nothing would change that. Soubi wouldn't forgive him. He had no sympathy for him. Something was clearly wrong with Kiyoshi. He wasn't Ritsuka's father and he never would be. He had done too many things wrong. He had abused, ignored, neglected, and, most of all, violated his innocent son. He could never make up for that.

"Yes, I am," Soubi stood in front of Kiyoshi, noticing immediately that Kiyoshi looked rather intimidated. Soubi had a rather large height advantage. Even though Kiyoshi was older than him, Soubi could easily win in a fight against him.

"You're here to visit Ritsuka, too?" Kiyoshi guessed, sounding nervous, as if he could guess Soubi's intentions.

"No…" Soubi had to restrain himself and it was taking nearly all of his willpower to do so. He really, really hoped that Ritsuka wasn't watching. The poor kid got terrified when his mother and father fought. He would even get more sacred if he saw Soubi fighting with his dad.

"You're not visiting Ritsuka?"

"No," Soubi repeated. "I stay with him here. Do you know that he's been in the hospital for the past five days?"

Kiyoshi nodded slowly, taking a step back. "Yes I was informed of that," He looked back at the entrance to the hospital, but it was raining too hard for either of them to see where it was. Soubi could only guess the general location of it. It was absolutely pouring out. The rain was coming down even harder and faster than it had before and the heavy rain hadn't let up for the past three or four days. It seemed strangely fitting.

"Why is he in the hospital?" Kiyoshi went on. "Why are you allowed to see him when the hospital told me I was banned from even communicating with him? He is my son, after all."

No. No, that wasn't right. Ritsuka was related to this man, but that _did not_ make them family. Soubi could barely even believe they were related, even though they looked alike. This man had just crossed the line by saying that. Kiyoshi had had his chance to be a part of Ritsuka's life, but he had completely screwed it up. In this type of situation, there were no second chances. Soubi _would not_ risk Ritsuka getting hurt and having his heart broken again.

"He's not your son!" Soubi yelled, surprised at himself. He'd snapped when Kiyoshi had called Ritsuka his son and thought that he deserved to see him. He wasn't there when Ritsuka needed him the most, so why should he be allowed to come back in now?

Startled, Kiyoshi took a few steps back, his eyes growing wide. He was terrified, and Soubi knew why. He had a temper, though he rarely lost it. When he did, people always ended up getting hurt. He had learned to control it, but there were times like these when he simply lost it and an animal took over, something that caused a need to destroy everyone who was a danger to Ritsuka, directly or indirectly.

"Wha…What the hell is wrong with you?" Kiyoshi looked as though he was about to flee. By now, his boyfriend had gotten out of the car and was making his way over to Kiyoshi.

"You want to know why your son is in the hospital?" Soubi yelled at him, rapidly losing his grip and control. This wasn't going to turn out well. Katsuko was right; Kiyoshi had the power to sue him for assaulting him. At this moment, Soubi honestly didn't care, although it was registering somewhere in the back of his mind that this wouldn't help them during court.

"Yes, I would love to know!" Kiyoshi shot back, the fear now showing in his voice.

"You raped him!" Soubi breathed hard, not quite yelling, but still raising his voice. His own stability was faltering even more than it usually did. Kiyoshi had hurt the person Soubi loved. Ritsuka was sitting up in that hospital room, suffering from both his kidneys failing, two STDs, and chest pain from his heart surgery, not to mention his intense emotional pain, all because of what this man did to him.

…

"I can't see anything, Kio." Ritsuka told him sadly, both hands pressed up against the cold window next to the sliding glass doors of the front entrance to the hospital. They were in the lobby, Ritsuka without his IV for the first time in three days. He was in his own pajamas, too, which made Ritsuka feel almost normal in the room full of bustling doctors, toddlers, and sneezing adults. The lobby was decorated with brightly colored furniture and abstract paintings. A nice looking receptionist sat behind the desk, talking to a woman with a crying toddler.

Kio patted Ritsuka on the head, "It's alright, Ritsuka. Soubi said he was almost back. I'm sure the rain is just slowing them down a little."

Ritsuka frowned, stepping back from the window and sitting down with Kio on the couch. He looked down at his feet hanging off of the couch, not quite touching the floor. "I just miss him," He whispered, almost hoping that Kio hadn't heard. It was embarrassing that he missed Soubi this much, even though he had only been gone for an hour or two.

"I know," Kio said quietly. "I know how close you two are."

Ritsuka looked up at him, pulling his knees to his chest, "Can I tell you something?"

Kio nodded, his expression curious, "Go ahead."

"I love Soubi," Ritsuka confessed, dropping the older male's gaze and resting his chin on his knees. "But…I don't know how to tell him. I don't know if I want to." Ritsuka was thinking out loud, putting his thoughts and feelings into words. He did love Soubi. He loved him more than anything. Telling him, on the other hand, was terrifying.

"Why is that?"

"Telling him is…scary," Ritsuka murmured, keeping his voice down. He was scared to tell Soubi. Everything Ritsuka loved ended up dead or leaving him. Seimei had 'died'. His father had eventually ended up raping him. His mother hated him. His friends were idiots (with the exception of Natsuo and Youji) and neither understood what he was going through. That left him with nothing. Now there was a man who loved him and who would hold him closely whenever Ritsuka needed him. He didn't want that to go away. Once he loved someone, they always had something happen to them that either changed them or killed them. What if, when he told Soubi his feelings, the same things happened to him?

Of course, Ritsuka knew that Soubi would never, ever hurt him, but what if he got tired of having to deal with Ritsuka? The boy knew he cried and wet the bed a lot. Soubi didn't have to put up with that. He could have anyone he wanted, and he was with Ritsuka, a little, crying child. If Ritsuka told him that he loved him, would he realize that he could easily find someone who didn't have as many problems?

"I mean, if I tell him," Ritsuka went on cautiously. "What if he realizes that he can get someone better than me? I'm younger than him and I have a lot of problems… Wouldn't he be better off with someone his age with no problems?"

"No, Ritsuka," Kio put his hand on his shoulder, leaning over and looking at Ritsuka. "Soubi has been through a lot. You probably don't even know the half of it. He loves _you_. You're the only person who can make him smile and forget about what your brother did to him. Before you…he never smiled or laughed. He always just sort of…sulked. He was personality-less, Ritsuka. You changed him and he loves you." Kio took a deep breath before going on, "Look, how do you feel about Soubi?"

Ritsuka looked up at him again, "I love him."

"Elaborate on that," Kio instructed.

"I feel like…" Ritsuka thought for a long moment, trying to form feelings into words. "Whenever I think about him, my heart beats faster and I get this warm feeling in my chest. When I think about my father, it helps when he holds me. He makes me happy. When I'm with him, I can forget about…what happened. It's like it's just him and me. No one else exists. I really feel like I can't live without him, even though I did before."

Ritsuka tugged at a loose thread on his pajama shirt, nervous. Was that what he was supposed to say? Had he said something wrong? Was that the wrong answer? Ritsuka hated saying the wrong thing. It always made him feel as if he had failed a test or disappointed someone. His father used to yell for saying the wrong thing at dinner whenever one of his clients came over or when the entire family would get invited out.

_"How could you say something like that?"_

_ Ritsuka tried to make himself smaller underneath his dad's gaze, but it proved useless. Kiyoshi had him cornered, backed up against the counters in the kitchen, his dress coat still on. His daddy had been fuming all the way home, ever since Ritsuka let it slip that his mother didn't let him eat dinner much, so Seimei had to cook for him a lot. He hadn't known he wasn't supposed to say something like that. _

_ He hadn't meant to!_

_ He hadn't meant to make his dad angry!_

_ He really hadn't!_

_ "I'm sorry!" Ritsuka cried, sniffling and wiping his eyes with his sleeve, wondering where Seimei was. His older brother had been forced by Kiyoshi to come, too, even though he had been planning on taking Ritsuka to the park and then making dinner for the two of them while Kiyoshi and Misaki went out. _

_ "Sorry? You're sorry? You think that's going to fix this?" Kiyoshi leaned down, his face inches from his crying son's. "That man was my client, Ritsuka. Do you realize that if he decides to find another lawyer, you'll be the cause of it?"_

_ "I didn't mean to!" Ritsuka tried again, crying even harder. He hated getting yelled at. It made his chest ache for reasons he didn't quite understand, but knew it was because he disappointed one of the people he strove to impress. He was terrified of how angry his dad looked and how he was yelling at him and blaming everything on him. _

_ "You're going to be punished, Ritsuka," Kiyoshi raised his hand as if he was preparing to strike Ritsuka._

_ "What the hell do you think you're doing?" _

_ Kiyoshi and Ritsuka both looked to see Seimei at the bottom of the steps. Ritsuka secretly rejoiced and then prayed that Seimei wasn't mad at him, too. He had sounded really, really angry, and Seimei almost never cursed around Ritsuka. He wiped his eyes again, the tears still rolling down his face. He tried to get himself to stop, ashamed at what he did and knowing that if Seimei yelled at him, that would be worse than Kiyoshi yelling at him. _

_ "Seimei…" Ritsuka said softly, wanting him to protect him from his father, who still had his hand raised. _

_ Seimei was at Ritsuka's side instantly, wrapping his arms around his small younger brother and picking him up. Ritsuka cried into his shoulder, feeling humiliated and horrible for disappointing his father. _

_ "You heard what he said!" Kiyoshi sounded both defensive and panicked, as if he was afraid of Seimei. "I'm going to lose my client because of him and what he said!"_

_ "He's __**ten**__," Seimei hissed, placing a hand on the back of Ritsuka's head. "He doesn't know what to say and what not to say. You can't blame him for that. You're an unbelievable bastard. You nearly hit your own son because of one little slip of the tongue."_

_ Seimei took Ritsuka upstairs then, carrying him up the stairs and bringing him into his room, not Ritsuka's own. He set Ritsuka down on the fluffy bed, mopping his tears up with some Kleenex and slowly taking Ritsuka's jacket off and unbuttoning his dress shirt, whispering words of comfort to him. He told Ritsuka fairytales, his whispering creating fantasies with princesses and dragons in Ritsuka's mind, blocking out the images of his daddy about to hit him and yelling at him for doing something wrong. Seimei soon had him half asleep as the older boy pulled a warm set of pajamas on him and tucked him in, cocooning him in blankets and sitting beside him._

_ "I'm sorry, Ritsuka."_

_ Ritsuka stirred, trying to open his eyes. "He just yelled at me. 'S no big deal…Sei…" He managed to murmur. He pulled his arms out of his cocoon and reached out, Seimei meeting him halfway and hugging his little brother tightly. Ritsuka pulled him down further, not knowing why his brother was acting so strange, but enjoying his time with him. Seimei laid beside him, not releasing Ritsuka or even getting under the blankets with him._

_ "I'll protect you, Ritsuka," Seimei whispered, just as Ritsuka was beginning to doze off again. "I won't let him hurt you again."_

_ Even though Ritsuka thought his beloved older brother was just over reacting, he didn't protest. After a little while, Seimei started telling another fairytale, this one different from the rest, with two brother princes falling in love and their evil, murderous father being sent into exile. That night, Ritsuka had strange dreams, all of them surrounding the two imaginary princes and their father, only this time, Ritsuka dreamed that the father didn't try to murder the two, but tried to do something that Ritsuka didn't quite understand, but still caused him to wake up, crying and upset. _

"Ritsuka? Ritsuka, is something wrong?" Kio was snapping his fingers in front of Ritsuka's face, drawing the teen out of his sudden reminiscence. Ritsuka startled, jumping at his return to Earth. He had no idea why he had remembered that _now_, of all times, when they'd been talking about Ritsuka's feelings for Soubi. Something about it bothered him, though, and made him strangely anxious. There was a reason he had recalled that. It wasn't a good memory, even though it was with Seimei. There was just something that made him nervous about the way Seimei had been speaking to him and that dream he'd had.

"No, nothing's wrong," Ritsuka shook his head, clearing the last remaining bits of the memory from his brain. He looked at his folded up drawing, hoping that he'd done well enough for Soubi to like it.

"How do you feel when other people flirt with Soubi?" Asked Kio, continuing their previous conversation.

Ritsuka pushed the memory into the back of his mind, focusing on Kio's question instead. He knew the feeling of jealousy very well by now. When Ritsuka and Soubi went out _anywhere_, people always assumed that they weren't a couple. This resulted in both males and females constantly flirting with Soubi in front of Ritsuka. It made Ritsuka absolutely sick with rage at the people who did it, especially since Soubi never did anything to cause them to. He never even flirted back, though he often did flirt with Ritsuka, something that made the small child blush.

"I hate it," Ritsuka stated bluntly. "He's my boyfriend. I don't like other people trying to take him away from me. I love him and he loves me."

"And would you leave Soubi if he were going through the same things you were?"

Ritsuka shook his head.

"You said you love Soubi," Kio tilted Ritsuka's head up, looking into his eyes. "You also said Soubi loves you. I'm positive both those are true. So, if you love Soubi and wouldn't leave him if he were going through this, what makes you think he would leave you? Ritsuka, he feels the same way about you as you feel about him."

…

When Soubi punched Kiyoshi, it felt amazingly good. It was quick. Before he knew it, he had closed the distance between them and hit Kiyoshi, his fist connecting with the older man's face. In that single moment, the only thought going through his mind was that he hoped he had broken Kiyoshi's nose and that he was doing this for his violated Sacrifice.

Kiyoshi stumbled backwards into his boyfriend, coughing and holding his nose, blood spurting from it. His boyfriend grabbed him, wrapping his arms around his waist. He kept Kiyoshi close to him as the lawyer bent over, his hand covered in blood, looking as though Soubi had truly hit him hard enough to make him throw up. Soubi wouldn't doubt it. His right cheek was already bruising, turning a dark black color.

Kiyoshi's boyfriend glared at Soubi, and for the first time Soubi got a good look at him. He truly did remind him of Ritsuka. He knew that they weren't related, but there were quite a few similarities. His hair was cut in same way Ritsuka's was, and his eyes were a sort of bluish-purple, though not vibrant violet like Ritsuka's. This man didn't look excessively feminine, but he had a soft face with an almost feminine look to it. He was tall, taller than Kiyoshi, but shorter than Soubi, and in his mid thirties. Soubi could almost imagine that Ritsuka might look somewhat like this when he grew up.

"I…I did not rape my son!" Kiyoshi looked up at Soubi from his bent over position. His eyes narrowed at Soubi, giving him a look that would make anyone else immediately back off. Soubi wasn't intimidated, though. What could Kiyoshi do that was worse than what he did to Ritsuka? Besides, Soubi could win in a fight against him easily.

"You raped him!" Soubi insisted, yelling again. "Why do you think he's in the hospital? He tried to tell you that he's gay and you beat the hell out of him for it!"

Kiyoshi's eyes widened and he stopped struggling against his boyfriend, who was now holding his arms behind his back, keeping him from attacking Soubi. By now, the rain was starting to let up a little and Soubi could now see the front doors.

"My son is not gay!" Kiyoshi finally shouted, pulling out of his boyfriend's grasp. He still held his nose, the sleeves of his coat stained red from the blood.

His boyfriend grabbed his shoulder, forcing him to look into his eyes, "What's wrong with being gay?"

Kiyoshi fell silent, his mouth agape. He looked from Soubi to the other male, clearly realizing that he'd said something wrong. Soubi crossed his arms, waiting for Ritsuka's father to say something, his mind wandering as he did so. Even sober, Kiyoshi believed that his son being gay was wrong and would probably punish him for it, though Soubi had just witnessed him kissing this man who looked like Ritsuka.

Soubi's eyes drifted to the door, seeing the startled face of his adorable Sacrifice. He was just about to run to Ritsuka, knowing that the child had seen him hit his father, but Kiyoshi attacked him before he could.

…

"Look, Kio!" Ritsuka called, overjoyed at seeing Kio's car in the parking lot. "The rain is letting up!" His tail wagged and he pressed his hands against the window, his hands causing it to fog up a little.

Ritsuka looked back at Kio, smiling. He couldn't wait to see Soubi again and show him the drawing. He wanted to ask him why his ears stayed and if they would ever fall off. Maybe he'd know why his leg felt strange, too.

Kio offered him his hand, "Why don't we wait outside? As long as we don't go off the hospital grounds, I think it's alright."

Ritsuka nodded, taking his hand for support, hesitating at first. Kio led him out the sliding glass door, taking him just outside. The rain was really beginning to thin out, making it so that Ritsuka could see into the parking lot. Ritsuka leaned on Kio, trying to make out the people standing by Kio's car, slowing recognizing his father's car parked in front of Kio's. Three people were standing outside, their identities becoming clear when the rain quickly thinned out enough for Ritsuka to see who they were and to finally make out their words.

"You raped him!"

Ritsuka froze, his eyes wide. That was Soubi's voice. Soubi was one of the people in the group of three. He was yelling at someone, more angered than Ritsuka had ever seen him. It should've scared him, but it didn't, since he knew that Soubi would never yell at him like that. He was more startled than afraid, though he was more curious than startled. He wanted to know who Soubi was fighting with and why, but he was a little wary to find out. He could see a black haired man standing in front of whoever Soubi was shouting at, blocking Ritsuka's view of the actual person.

"How dare you accuse me of such a thing! Who are you to say that?"

Ritsuka stepped back, shaking with sudden fear. He looked from the three arguing to the hospital entrance finally to an equally startled Kio. He wanted to run and hide, but he didn't know where to go. He was lost, rapidly losing all awareness of his surroundings as his mind unwilling focused on the three. The man…the man that Soubi was yelling at and who he was currently lunging for…

Was Ritsuka's father.

A cry broke from Ritsuka, almost too high pitched to be his own. Both his hands clenched into fists, his knuckles turning white and his fingernails digging into his skin, tiny beads of red forming. He didn't register the pain. He couldn't, not when his father was here. He couldn't tear his eyes away from where Soubi had punched his father, causing Kiyoshi to stumble back into whoever the black-haired man was. Ritsuka wanted to run, either back inside or to Soubi so that he could beg him to stop. He couldn't get his body to move. It was as if the fear he felt was gluing him to the pavement.

It wasn't just his father that was scaring him; it was also that Soubi and he were fighting physically. That made him absolutely terrified. What if his father hurt Soubi? He didn't care if it was Soubi hurting his father, but the other way around made Ritsuka nervous and worried. He didn't want Soubi hurt! Kiyoshi was more than capable of it, Ritsuka knew. He'd hurt Ritsuka a lot. He didn't want him to do the same to Soubi!

"Kio!" Ritsuka turned his gaze to Kio, his eyes filling with tears at the thought of his lover being hurt. He clutched the college student's shirt, pulling at it even though he had Kio's attention. Kio looked down at him, a concerned expression on his face. Ritsuka didn't know what to say, so he just whimpered loudly and wiped his eyes with the hand that wasn't holding onto Kio's shirt.

"It's alright, Ritsuka," Ritsuka let out another cry as Kio pulled him into a tight hug.

"Get off of me!" Another yell came from Soubi.

"Take back what you said!" Kiyoshi shouted back at him, followed by a yelp of pain, which sounded like his father, but Ritsuka feared that it came from Soubi.

Ritsuka tried to turn around to look, but Kio prevented him from moving and covered his eyes. All Ritsuka could do was go limp in his hold and listen. He was crying, and felt pathetic for doing so. Soubi was strong and could seemingly win any sort of fight, but Ritsuka was still panicking, thinking that Soubi would end up hurt.

"Soubi-san, stop!"

Ritsuka silenced his whimpers, hearing Katsuko-sensei's voice. She would be able to help. She would understand, right? If anyone could talk some sense into Soubi. When Ritsuka was too afraid to, it would be either Katsuko-sensei or Kio.

"Don't you think I'm trying?" Following Soubi's voice, there was a loud slam and another yelp of pain, this time louder.

…

Soubi had Kiyoshi pinned roughly against his car, holding him down by the shoulders. He was being yelled at by Katsuko and having insults thrown at him from Kiyoshi's boyfriend, who was also trying to pull Soubi off of Kiyoshi. The older male was still fighting, though Soubi was successfully holding him down without much trouble. Something distracted Soubi, then, and he glanced towards the hospital entrance.

Ritsuka was crying, Soubi could immediately tell, and the small child was clinging on to Kio. Kio hugged Ritsuka closely, covering his eyes by having Ritsuka put his head on his shoulder. Soubi's hold on Kiyoshi loosened as he looked at Ritsuka. The boy must've not only seen Soubi hit Kiyoshi, but he must've seen the entire fight.

Kiyoshi was looking in the same direction, too. Slowly, Soubi let go of him, taking a step back silently. This wasn't the way to settle things, especially with Ritsuka watching them. Fighting wasn't going to do anything. It wasn't going to make Kiyoshi realize what he did. It wasn't going to let him see how much Ritsuka was hurting. Fighting wasn't going to make him feel pain, or get him to give up custody of Ritsuka. This was useless and it was making Ritsuka hurt.

"Ritsuka!" Kiyoshi shouted to the boy. "Come here!"

"Shut up!" Soubi hissed, turning his attention back to Kiyoshi. "He's terrified of you. Why would he want to see you?"

"I didn't do anything to him!"

Soubi wasn't listening anymore. He was back to staring at Ritsuka, watching as the boy tore himself out of Kio's arms and ran (well, it was something between limping and running) back inside, disappearing into the crowd of bustling people. Kio yelled after him, looking back at Soubi before going after Ritsuka. Soubi did nothing, slowly coming to the realization that he should be with Ritsuka, not throwing insults at his father. It might make him feel better, but it wasn't helping Ritsuka's broken heart and betrayed trust any.

The next thing Soubi did was go after Ritsuka and Kio, leaving a startled Katsuko, an angered Kiyoshi, and a confused unnamed man behind.

…

Soubi planned to search the entire ward for Ritsuka, but he figured that the first logical place to check would be Ritsuka's room. He found that Ritsuka was hiding in the bathroom, the door shut and locked. His occasional small cries could be heard from behind it, as well as sniffling. Kio waited outside, trying to coax Ritsuka out, though his persuasion proved to be no good.

Soubi was out of breath by the time he entered the room, having just run up multiple flights of stairs without thinking of the elevator that he could've so easily used. He was too worried about Ritsuka to do any sort of intelligible thinking that didn't directly relate to the boy.

"Is he okay?" Soubi asked his friend, breathless. Kio just shook his head in response, moving away from the door.

…

Ritsuka hid in the bathroom, scared of his father and praying to a god he didn't believe in. He was praying that Soubi didn't get hurt. He wished he had the courage to go back into the parking lot and stop the fight, but he couldn't…

He would if he could.

But he couldn't.

He couldn't face his daddy. Not now, and probably not ever. When he had looked at his face in the rain outside, all he could see was the man who had violently ripped his virginity from him, all with an evil smirk on his face and the scent of alcohol on his breath. He could no longer see the person who would comfort him for a short period of time after Seimei's death. All he could see was the man who he called 'daddy', who had beat him and raped him and ignored him. Every time he looked at him now, the memories would come rushing back, just like they had in the parking lot. Nothing would ever be the same again.

…

* * *

**So, does anyone want to draw any conclusions from the memory with Seimei?**

**Because I'll tell you right now, I dropped a few hints. I'd love to hear your theories!**

Thanks **to cereal-killa, Ritsuka-chan1092, sathreal, LYRICA, Marmar23, Kenn-chan, CrapXhead, love-lost-in-the-grave, forbalathegreen, Serenity Lhane, Raikiba, Jazzie29, XxKageTenshixX, ASTROZOMBIE8, Gurgicalcipher, Alois Pinstripe, Tlcatlady, Tamer Lorika, and Innocentuke97 for all the great reviews! You guys have no idea how much reviews make me overjoyed and cause me to have more inspiration!**

**I'm really, really sorry that I didn't include the explanation of the ears. Originally, it was in there, but the chapter got overly long and I split it into two parts. I promise that the explanation is already written into the next chapter and will not be taken out. **

**Alright, so here's what I have planned. I'm going to do a small 'look' into certain character's minds for chapter eleven. It will be written in first person and in present tense and the 'looks' will all take place in chapter 10, though they will be published as chapter elven. The characters that I'll be writing as in that chapter are Katsuko, Seimei (who shows up a bit in the next chapter, too), Kiyoshi's boyfriend, and Kiyoshi. I'm doing this because I know that it must be hard to understand Kiyoshi in particular and because I want to let you all know what goes through the minds of the other characters. **

**Anyways, please, please review and tell me your thoughts and predictions! **

**~Wolfie**

**ps: No, Kiyoshi's boyfriend isn't Seimei, but Seimei will be appearing. And for once, he's not the villian.  
**


	10. The ears

**10**

**The ears  
**

A soft rapping at the door made Ritsuka look up. He saw himself in the large mirror he was sitting across from, his reflection returning his gaze. His eyes were red from crying, his face wet from his tears and from his nose running. His hair was slightly wet too, from getting rained on a bit when he ran inside. He looked like an overall mess.

"Wh-who is it?" Ritsuka asked, his voice higher than normal.

"Soubi," The soft reply came. "Can I come in?"

Ritsuka sniffled loudly, almost getting up to unlock the door. He stopped, though. "Is…is my dad with you?"

"No, Ritsuka, it's just me. I promise."

Ritsuka got up, padding to the door and turning the lock, opening it cautiously. Soubi was telling the truth. It was just him. Kio was sitting on Soubi's bed, but Ritsuka's father was nowhere to be seen.

Fumbling, Ritsuka reached for the drawing, pulling the folded paper out of the pocket of his flannel pants. His hands shaking, he held it out to Soubi, "I…I drew something for you when you were gone. I'm sorry it's not very good…"

Ritsuka's ears pressed back against his head as Soubi took the drawing from him. He wanted to deny that his hopes soared once Soubi unfolded the drawing. The last time he let his hopes get up, he ended up crushed. That was when his daddy tore up his progress report. He wasn't going to let himself get hurt just because he wanted a 'good job' or a pat on the head. That was a stupid reason to get hurt. Though…it really had felt good to be praised by Soubi when he had gotten good grades…

"…You're smiling," Ritsuka pointed out, noticing that Soubi was smiling as he looked at the drawing. Ritsuka loved that smile. Whenever he saw him smile, he felt his heart beat a little faster and his face go red.

Soubi looked down at him, lowering the paper slightly. "I like this, Ritsuka," Soubi folded the paper back up. "I really like this. Were you practicing with Kio? Your drawing skills have improved by a lot. Can I keep this?"

Ritsuka nodded and stepped forward, wrapping his arms around Soubi's waist. He hugged him tightly, still terrified. His father was still in the hospital somewhere, probably somewhere nearby. He still didn't know if Soubi was hurt or if his dad wanted to hurt Soubi. Would Soubi still protect him from his father? He felt very safe right now, with his arms around the young man and Soubi hugging him back. He would protect him. Soubi loved him. There was nothing to worry about, not when he had Soubi.

"Are you scared, Ritsuka?"

Ritsuka nodded again, ashamed that he was still crying. He cried every day, it seemed like. He just couldn't help it. He still remembered that night in the hotel room and alleyway clearly. It didn't help to look in the mirror or see the mark on his neck. The mark on his neck was especially painful to look at, because Ritsuka knew that lovers left marks like that. They were called 'hickies' or 'love bites'. He wanted Soubi to leave that kind of mark on him, not his father.

Soubi picked Ritsuka up and took him over to the roll away bed, setting him down. "Why are you scared?" He asked, reaching over and scratching the base of the boy's ears. Ritsuka leaned on him, closing his eyes and wanting to sleep. "Is it because I hit your father? Are you angry at me? Are you scared of me?"

"No…None of those…" Ritsuka yawned, then blinked his eyes open. He leaned up, touching Soubi's face, looking for any marks that would signify Soubi being hurt. "Are you hurt, Soubi?"

"No, I'm not. He couldn't even land a punch on me…Oh, Ritsuka, is _that_ what you were afraid of?" The proud smirk disappeared from Soubi's face as he realized why Ritsuka had asked if he was hurt.

"I thought he was going to hurt you," Ritsuka's face heated up and he looked away, attempting to hide his girly blush. "I don't care if you hurt him…but if he hurts you, then…" Ritsuka trailed off, not knowing what to say. It was hard to describe his fear. He couldn't really put it into words.

Soubi's hand moved down, rubbing Ritsuka's back gently. "He didn't hurt me," Soubi said again. "I'm sorry that I worried you. Look, Ritsuka, there's something very important I need to talk to you about. Your kidneys are failing. The doctors got the poison out of your system, but the damage is irreversible. I'm sorry, but…"

"_That's_ why he's here?" Ritsuka interrupted, wide eyed. He hadn't really had the time to wonder why Kiyoshi had come to the hospital, but he would've eventually. It all made sense now. Ritsuka had some unexplainable back pain and other symptoms, but no one had told him those were because his kidneys were failing. It still hurt whenever he went to the bathroom, too, but he had assumed that was just because of the STDs.

"Yes, Kitten," Soubi put an arm around him, pulling him close. "I know you won't want it, but Katsuko-sensei is going to ask him to be a donor."

"No!" Ritsuka immediately protested, grabbing Soubi's jacket with both hands. How could Soubi even suggest that? That…that… no! If Kiyoshi gave him a kidney, it would be inside of Ritsuka forever. A piece of his father…inside him forever…the thought alone made Ritsuka's stomach churn. That part of his father would become a part of him and it would stay inside of him until the day he died. The scar would never go away, either. All these scars—the ones from that night, as well as the bruises on his face—would gradually fade away. A surgery scar wouldn't, though. Every time he would undress, he would be reminded of the piece of his father inside of him.

"Ritsuka…"

"I won't do it!" Ritsuka nearly shouted, pawing at Soubi's suit jacket. "Please, you have to understand!" Ritsuka clenched his eyes shut, holding back the tears. He was tired of crying. He just wanted to lie down and sleep so that he wouldn't have to cry any more. He wanted to sleep and dream only of Soubi, not the haunting nightmares of his father or the vivid, life-like dreams of his brother hurting or killing Soubi.

"Ritsuka, please, just listen to me!" Soubi grabbed Ritsuka by the shoulders, forcing him to look into his eyes. Ritsuka sniffled and hiccuped, the sobs bubbling just below the surface. If he did this, he would feel as though he owed his father something. Why would he want to owe the man who raped him something? The thought alone angered Ritsuka.

"Ritsuka. Please, you need to listen to me," Soubi spoke slowly, but sternly. Ritsuka stopped struggling and looked at Soubi, listening, though still not wanting to do this. "I know that you don't want to do this, but right now Katsuko-sensei and I are the ones making the decisions for you. You deserve to know what's going on and to have a say in it. Right now, though, we have to do this. Once your kidneys fail, you won't live long without dialysis, and even with dialysis, things will still be hard. You'll be tired all the time and you'll be in even more pain than you are now. It'll take a lot of time away from you, and you'll have to do that for the rest of your life. It'll affect your heart, too, which is very dangerous, since you already have a weak heart. Please understand, Ritsuka. I just want you to have a normal life."

Ritsuka stayed quiet. Being tired all the time and being in pain for the rest of his life honestly sounded worse than getting the surgery. Soubi had never made a bad choice, so if he thought this was right, then he was most likely right. It still bothered Ritsuka. He still didn't want a piece of his father permanently inside of him, but the other choice seemed even less appealing. He still wanted to be able to take walks with Soubi and go to the park and go to school…he wouldn't be able to do all that if he was tired all the time. Plus, it really didn't sound like he had a choice, which strangely didn't upset him.

…

Soubi waited until Ritsuka was fast asleep on the roll-away bed to finally stand up and stretch. He glanced down at Ritsuka, the boy buried underneath mounds of blankets and holding his stuffed bear close to him, really looking like the young child he truly was. Soubi quietly left, closing the door behind him so that the noise outside would not wake Ritsuka.

The hallway was deserted except for Kiyoshi sitting in a chair behind the nurse's station, glaring at Soubi and being closely watched by a male nurse and Kio, who was waiting near the nurse's station. At a closer glance, Soubi saw that Kiyoshi was, in fact, handcuffed to the chair he was sitting in.

"Can I see Katsuko-sensei's office, please?" Soubi asked the male nurse, approaching the nurse's station. Kiyoshi just continued to give him a dirty look from behind the desk. Soubi nearly expected him to growl at him or do something equally primitive. The man was nothing more than a child who was pouting due to a lost fight. Couldn't he just accept that Soubi had won their fight a beat him up? He had bruises all over his face from Soubi hitting him multiple times after being tackled by him. His face was now more black and blue than Ritsuka's.

"I believe that she is down in examine room one in the clinic," The male nurse flipped through a few papers, jotting down a note and then handing him the paper, a note sprawled on it. "Take that down to the clinic, Agatsuma-san. They'll let you in to see her."

Wondering why Katsuko was in the clinic, Soubi headed down to the first floor. He whispered a quick request to Kio before going, asking him to sit with Ritsuka and watch him. Kio agreed, immediately going to Ritsuka's room as Soubi left the ward and took the elevator downstairs. He followed the signs in the hallway to the clinic, a large wing filled with sick people. Entire families were here, people of all ages crowding the waiting room. Little children played with colorful toys. Two black-haired twin girls fought over a doll, each of them tugging it from each other.

The children drew Soubi's interest, capturing his thoughts and attention. It wasn't because he _liked_ to watch children. Contrary to Kio's teasing, Soubi absolutely hated children. They annoyed him and caused him to snap at them, which usually ended up with them crying. That was how be lost his job teaching kids to paint after only one day. Lately, though, he was able to tolerate kids more. 'Tolerate' for Soubi, meant being able to resist snapping at them. When he took Ritsuka to parks, sometimes he would sit back and watch instead of playing with him. He would occasionally let his eyes wander, and would watch the other children, not just Ritsuka and his friends.

When he watched children, he didn't find himself liking them any more than when he would interact with them (excluding Ritsuka, of course). Instead, he felt a different strange emotion. Jealousy. He felt jealous. He didn't just feel it for himself; he felt it for Ritsuka, too. Whenever he looked back over at Ritsuka, he saw the child hesitating, as if he thought he might be doing something wrong. Actually, it seemed more like he didn't _know how_ to play like the other children. The other kids would romp around, giggling and playing on the equipment, when Ritsuka didn't seem to know how to put one foot in front of the other on a playground.

The feeling of jealously was odd to Soubi, especially when he was feeling it for someone else. He had almost never felt jealous. He had been the best Fighter Seven Voices had ever seen. He had graduated first and a year early. He won almost every fight and battle. Of course, he'd always looked longingly at the others who had friends and would not get 'special attention' from Ritsu. Now, though he was feeling jealousy towards the kids in the waiting room. They were all so innocent and had nothing to worry about, nothing other than what was in front of them. They didn't have to deal with the heartache and hurt that Ritsuka and Soubi had to.

"Hello."

Soubi startled, caught off guard. He turned away, tearing his eyes away from the children. Behind him, in one of the waiting room chairs, was Kiyoshi's boyfriend. What interested Soubi the most right now, was the red mark on his face that looked suspiciously similar to a hand print.

Soubi cleared his throat, finding his voice again, "Hello."

"You're…Agatsuma Soubi, right? Katsuko-san was speaking to me about you before she went into the examining room. She was also talking about Ritsuka-san. Ah, I suppose I should introduce myself. I'm Doctor Shidoku Koichi. I'm a pediatrician here at the hospital and Kiyoshi's boyfriend."

Soubi wasn't sure how to react to this man. He'd watched Soubi beat up Kiyoshi, but he was still acting so friendly. Thankfully, he was saved from having to respond by Katsuko-sensei calling out to him, leaning out the door of the first examination room.

Soubi went over to her, slipping into the well-lit, small examination room. Katsuko sat back on the examination table, holding an icepack to her right cheek. Curious, Soubi shut the door, standing in front of Katsuko, studying her. The icepack was covering up the entire right side of her face, making it impossible to see whatever had happened.

"What…?" Soubi started to say.

"Ritsuka's father hit me," Katsuko answered, interrupting Soubi. "He slapped Koichi-san, too, when he asked if he raped Ritsuka-kun. That's why he's handcuffed upstairs."

Soubi stared at her for a few moments, shocked. Kiyoshi was violent, even when he was sober. He had hit Ritsuka's therapist, as well as his boyfriend. That was just inexcusable. Neither of them had done anything. Kiyoshi was just taking his anger out on innocent people.

"Sensei, there's something I wanted to ask you. I think it's starting to bother Ritsuka, too," Soubi sat on the rolling doctor's chair, moving it in front of Katsuko.

"His ears?" Katsuko-sensei guessed, lowering her icepack a bit, and giving Soubi a glimpse at the dark bruising of her face.

Soubi silently nodded.

"His ears…well, that's a rather complicated topic. In rare cases, when a child loses their innocence against their will, the psychological effect of the trauma prevents them from the physical dropping of ears."

"Will he ever lose them?" Soubi continued, having never heard of that.

Katsuko sighed and thought for a moment, "Maybe, if he can come to terms with what happened. Other than that, not until he has sex willingly."

…

Ritsuka had strange dreams after he fell asleep. Soubi had coaxed him into sleeping, telling him that if he was tired, then he should lay down. He whispered sweet words to Ritsuka, holding his hands and pressing kisses on sleepy Ritsuka's lips. Ritsuka kissed back drowsily, closing his eyes and listening to Soubi's voice as he was wrapped in the warmness of it. Ritsuka had wrapped his arms around Soubi in one final attempt to keep him there. Soubi then began to whisper a story to him, a memorized one called Romeo and Juliet. Ritsuka fell into a deep sleep, thinking of that story, and also of the one that Soubi had told him on his first day in the hospital.

In the first dream, Ritsuka found himself in an amusement park, one he went to with Soubi sometimes. It was a gloomy day, with clouds overhead, foreshadowing rain that was about to come. What made Ritsuka even more nervous was that the amusement park was completely deserted. Not a single person ran by or was riding the Ferris wheel. Nobody bought food from the venders or sat on the benches. Ritsuka stood in the middle of the park, near the fountain, looking around rapidly, trying to find someone, somewhere.

"Soubi!" He yelled out, his voice echoing throughout the entire park. No, no, no. This couldn't be happening. This was what Ritsuka feared the most—being left all alone. He couldn't live without having someone with him. He hated being alone and having others forget about him.

"Behind you, Ritsuka."

Ritsuka turned around a little too quickly, jumping at the voice. Seimei stood behind him, no smile on his face. His expression was somber, at best, and looked like he was either depressed or in pain. Maybe both. Ritsuka stayed where he was, not moving, too shocked. He didn't want to run to Seimei, too scared of what he had done, of what he would do. What if he tried to kiss him…or do something more? Soubi wasn't around to protect Ritsuka.

"Relax, Ritsuka," Seimei instructed, opening his arms to Ritsuka and crouching down. "I know you love Soubi. I'm not going to do anything to you and I haven't done anything to him."

Ritsuka hesitated, but then padded over to his older brother. Seimei wrapped him in his arms, hugging him tightly in the way he would before his 'death'.

"This is a dream," Seimei told him, not loosening his hold. "I'm sorry that this is the only way we can communicate."

Ritsuka pulled away slightly, all the memories of the hospital coming back to him. "Seimei…are…are you here to take me away?"

Ritsuka still loved his older brother, but he loved Soubi more. He didn't want to go with Seimei. He didn't want to know of all the things Seimei had done. Seimei had killed and hurt people. Ritsuka just wanted to stay with Soubi and continue his life with him. Things were already hard enough for him. Things would just be better if Seimei just stayed AWOL.

"No, Ritsuka," Seimei smiled, but only for a moment. "I'm not here to hurt anyone. I'm not here to take you away from Soubi. I'm not here to take Soubi away from you. Trust me, brother. I'm just here to talk. That's all. This is just a dream."

"What are you here to talk about?" Ritsuka loosely wrapped his arms around Seimei's neck, wondering if he was wrong to trust him. There was a dream-like quality to this place. It seemed likely that Seimei was telling the truth.

"I want you to stay away from him, Ritsuka," Seimei spoke seriously, looking right into Ritsuka's eyes.

Ritsuka blinked in confusion, "Soubi?"

"No. Kiyoshi, Ritsuka. Our father. Don't go near him. He's sick."

"Sick?" Ritsuka repeated, not really following. Sick meant ill or diseased. Sick was when Soubi took Ritsuka to the clinic at two in the morning because of a fever. Sick was when Ritsuka had his heart surgery and was suffering from the effects of the poison. Sick was when both Natsuo and Youji got the flu and Ritsuka spent the day helping Soubi take care of them. Sick was when Ritsuka spent the entire day in a fevered state because his father wouldn't take him to the doctor. Sick wasn't his father. His father never got sick. He never coughed or even sneezed. It was as if he was immune to sickness.

"Yes. I know this is hard for you to understand right now. Kiyoshi is sick in the head. He hurt you again. He's a horrible man, Ritsuka."

"Again?" Ritsuka repeated. Sure, Kiyoshi had yelled at him and ignored him, but that wasn't what Seimei was talking about.

Seimei nodded, "Don't worry about it, Ritsuka. Just stay with Soubi, alright? Don't stray from his side."

…

"Agatsuma-san!"

Slightly angered about someone preventing him from leaving to see Ritsuka, Soubi stopped, turning to face Kiyoshi's boyfriend, Shidoku Koichi. He was still in the waiting room, the red mark on his face slowly fading. Katsuko was with Soubi, both of them going back up to the ward to check on Ritsuka and talk to Kiyoshi. The man was still fuming, Soubi predicted, even though he had no reason to be pissed off. Soubi, on the other hand, did. Kiyoshi had scared Ritsuka by fighting with Soubi, had denied raping him, and had taken his anger out on Katsuko-sensei and on his boyfriend, both of whom had done nothing to irk him.

"I'd like to meet Ritsuka-san," Koichi-san told Soubi, a determined look on his face. At a closer distance, Soubi could see differences between him and Ritsuka, though he could see more similarities, as well. He wasn't bad looking. If Soubi had been normal and not involved with Ritsuka, he may have seen this man as attractive.

Soubi narrowed his eyes, slightly suspicious, "Why?"

"Please," Koichi-san begged quietly. "I'm close to Kiyoshi. Really close. But…I know about his drinking problems and I know there are secrets he keeps from me and hides from everyone. I want to know…if he really hurt Ritsuka-san."

This man seemed to have good intentions, but Soubi remembered that Kiyoshi had let his friends have sex with Ritsuka, as well. What if this man had been one of the men who Ritsuka had been sold to? Seeing him would cause the poor boy to have a complete breakdown. Of course, this man appeared to be kind and have the simple goal of helping, but Soubi knew first-hand that facades could be very convincing. He wasn't an idiot. He was far from it, actually. He could see through most people's fronts, even the most practiced ones. However, this man came off as very sincere, and caused Soubi to, for once, not know the true intentions of this man.

"You can come meet him," Katsuko-sensei answered before Soubi could make up his mind. Soubi hesitated before nodding, knowing that he would be the one to introduce little Ritsuka to this man. He was a pediatrician. Maybe he could help with Ritsuka a little.

…

In Ritsuka's next dream, Ritsuka was in the world that Soubi had told him about during the first day in the hospital, when Ritsuka had been afraid to sleep. In this world, Ritsuka dreamed that he was an English Earl in a big, lonely manor with only his teacher, Kio, to take care of him. The boy walked around in the dreary, soft-feeling dream, oblivious to it being a product of his subconscious, but having the feeling that something was off and not right.

Ritsuka went through all of his lessons with Kio, which included everything from shouting out algebra answers at Kio to lessons in etiquette (Ritsuka barely even knew those things when he was awake). Afterward, he had a rather lonely dinner with the teacher. Then, Kio took him to the top floor and got him ready for bed. An hour later, Ritsuka slipped into the large canopy bed, Kio tucking him in and surrounding him in blankets, as if that made the bed any less lonely, before retiring to the bedroom adjunct to Ritsuka's. Ritsuka had trouble sleeping. He felt empty, and had nothing to hold onto, no one warm to snuggle and cuddle with. There was no one to kiss him until he fell asleep or anyone to tell him stories or to remind him that he was loved. He considered going into Kio's room, but he knew that he wasn't the one he wanted…

Ritsuka didn't know how long he lied in bed. He had had three bouts of lighting candles, reading for about an hour, and then turning off the light and trying to sleep again. He kept getting startled by the slightest noises. Finally, when the Earl felt like he was on the verge of sleep, he felt the bed dip and someone violently grab his wrists and pinned them above his head.

Ritsuka tried to sit up, but the older man held him down. He smelled of booze and his hands were rough as one locked around his wrists and the other ventured under his shirt, pinching harshly at Ritsuka's nipples and making scratches on his small chest.

"Shhh," The man shushed as Ritsuka screamed, yelling for Kio. The other man laughed, his voice almost as rough and calloused as his hands. "No one's coming to save you, _Earl_." He spat the word, mocking Ritsuka's title. Ritsuka didn't obey, He recognized that voice. It was his father.

The elder's hand dropped down, sneaking into Ritsuka's pajama bottoms, grabbing him roughly. He ripped the boy's bottoms off then and…

With a scream, Ritsuka was torn out of the dream. He thrashed around, trying his hardest to come down and reenter the real world completely. _That wasn't real_, he told himself again and again. _He's not here. He's not here. He's not here_. Ritsuka swallowed hard, sitting up, staring down at his shaking hands. He started repeating real information in his head, something that he found helped him leave the dream.

_My name is Aoyagi Ritsuka. _

_ I'm thirteen years old._

_ My birthday is December twenty-first._

_ I have a mother, a father, a brother, and my best friend's name is Agatsuma Soubi._

_ My father raped me._

_ I'm in seventh grade._

_ My teachers want me to skip a grade._

_ I'm in the hospital._

_ I'm fine._

Ritsuka knew that last statement was a complete fabrication. He was not fine and he wouldn't be for a long, long time. Silently, Ritsuka watched the shaking of his hands slowly cease as he thought one last statement.

_I wet the bed again._

…

"No!" Kiyoshi tried to stand, causing his hand to be violently yanked back and the chair to jump. He sat back down, rubbing his wrist with the handcuff on it.

Katsuko-sensei looked back at Soubi, silently asking for help. They'd been at this for nearly ten minutes, with Katsuko and Koichi-san trying to convince Kiyoshi to donate a kidney to Ritsuka. Soubi stood behind them, silent, too pissed off to say anything. Why Kiyoshi didn't want to help his son was beyond Soubi. After everything, he thought that Kiyoshi would at least _try_ to make up for all that he had done. But no, he was still denying doing _anything_ to Ritsuka. Even Koichi-san had tried to calmly talk Kiyoshi into it.

"Why not?" Soubi finally asked, deciding to help, though fully knowing it wouldn't go well.

"That kid is a liar!" Kiyoshi shouted. He yanked at the handcuff, as if suspecting it to break. "I did not rape him! I bet he isn't even sick! I raised him better than that!"

"You didn't raise him at all!" Soubi retaliated, forgetting to keep his voice down so he wouldn't wake the exhausted little boy in the room not far from the nurse's station. "You just ignored him! You didn't take care of him or spend any time with him! The only time you even acknowledged him was when you beat him and forced him to pleasure you!"

"No!" Kiyoshi pulled violently at the handcuff, staring up at Soubi in what appeared to be fear. "Let me go! I'm being framed!" He looked at Koichi-san in panic, words flying out of his mouth a mile a minute. "He framed me! He took my kid to the hospital to try to frame me! You believe me…right, Koichi?"

…

Shaking. Ritsuka couldn't get the shaking to stop. He was trembling hard, having tremors that racked through his entire body. His back ached from sleeping in the springy roll-away bed. He didn't want to move to his hospital bed, though. Strangely, this one was more comfortable and less stiff, but the real reason Ritsuka liked it was because it smelled strongly of Soubi.

"Ritsuka? Ritsuka what's wrong?"

Kio was at Ritsuka's side instantly, kneeling down. Ritsuka breathed hard, his lungs feeling drowned. He felt like a fish out of water, unable to get enough air, which resulted in him taking deep, starved breaths that made a sound like some sort of wheeze. He looked around frantically, searching the room for Soubi. Above everything else, he only wanted him here with him, to tell him that it was alright that he wet the bed and to help him into the bathroom. He wanted his comfort and his warmth. He just wanted Soubi _here_.

…

Koichi-san shook his head, visibly and clearly tensing up, "I…I don't know what to believe, Kiyoshi."

"Aoyagi-san, _please_," Katsuko-sensei tried again, basically begging. Soubi's mood fell even more, knowing that if Kiyoshi didn't agree to donating, Ritsuka wouldn't be able to live a normal life. That was all Soubi really wanted for him. He didn't really have any other wants for Ritsuka other than that, as well as hoping that he wouldn't outgrow Soubi. Of course, he did want Ritsuka to graduate first and get into a good school, especially since his teachers wanted him to graduate middle school early, but all those things seemed a bit insignificant next to Soubi's want for Ritsuka to have a childhood.

"Ritsuka needs this," Katsuko continued. "Think about what it'll be like for Ritsuka-kun. What kind of child wants to be on dialysis for three hours nearly every day? "

"Let him," Kiyoshi growled, his voice still loud. At that moment, Soubi had the overbearing urge to lock his hands around his neck and squeeze the life out of him. He could only imagine how good that would feel. This man was his mortal enemy, the one Soubi strove to defeat. 'Defeat' in this case, meant 'kill' or 'severely injure'.

"How could you say that?"

Soubi looked at Koichi-san, surprised at the anger in his voice. Soubi was reminded, then, that Koichi-san was a pediatrician. He would know what was best for Ritsuka. He would realize that Ritsuka would have a harder than necessary life. Why would Kiyoshi want his child to suffer when he was a perfectly acceptable donor? Soubi was beginning to think that Kiyoshi was simply just sick and slowly going insane.

"Wha…what do you mean?" Kiyoshi stopped yelling, his voice something like a shocked whisper.

Soubi tuned both Kiyoshi and Koichi-san out, retreating into his own mind. There had to be something that he could use against him, something that could make Kiyoshi feel so guilty that he would _have_ to agree to be Ritsuka's donor. But Soubi couldn't think of anything he could use against Kiyoshi. He really hadn't talked to him, they'd just yelled at each other, and Soubi didn't believe he was mentally able to actually talk to him calmly. He couldn't let him into the same room as Ritsuka, either, even if the child was asleep. Even Soubi could barely stand being in the same room as Kiyoshi. There was no telling what would happen if Ritsuka saw him.

_I need to think. There has to be something._ Something didn't feel right. There was something, something that Soubi knew could and would help. He just couldn't reach it. It was there, but out of his reach. He racked his brain, going over their conversation again and again, analyzing every word. After a few minutes, he was unconvinced there was anything he could use, but still not ready to give up. Finally, it dawned on him. Kiyoshi had let something slip when he had been yelling at Soubi just a few minutes before. This 'something' was so small that Soubi, Katsuko, and Koichi had overlooked it.

"Wait," Soubi interrupted Koichi calmly. The older man fell silently instantly, waiting for Soubi to talk. "You messed up," Soubi told Kiyoshi, smirking slightly. "Just a few minutes ago you said 'He took my kid to the hospital to try to frame me'. How did you know that I took Ritsuka to the hospital?"

…

"Ritsuka, what happened?"

Ritsuka barely registered Kio's voice. He was still trying to steady his hands and shake the dream from his head. His pajama bottoms were hot and sticky, as well as a couple of the blankets, though that was unnoticeable because he had only gotten the bottom few blankets wet, not the top ones. It was still embarrassing, and now Soubi would have to go home to wash the blankets and Ritsuka's clothes.

"I…I…" Ritsuka swallowed nervously, his face beat red with embarrassment. "I… um… wet… the bed."

Ritsuka wouldn't look at Kio, too fearful that he would be mad. Finally, the shaking was stopping. He was started to calm down. His wheezing had ceased completely and he was no longer stuck in the vivid, terrible dream. His back ache, was going away, too. The pain in his heart wasn't, though. He remembered how lonely that dream had felt, even though he had had Kio taking care of him. He'd had a strange longing, an emptiness in his heart that could only be filled by Soubi.

"Do you want me to get Soubi?" Kio asked him softly, putting a gentle hand on his arm.

Ritsuka could only nod.

…

Kiyoshi froze for a moment and then looked from Soubi to Koichi-san in clear worry. It was obvious he knew he'd been caught. Soubi wouldn't fall for any of his tricks. That one simple sentence had given him away, letting Soubi know that Kiyoshi remembered _everything_ about the night he raped Ritsuka. He remembered taking the small child's innocence away and beating him and making him perform oral sex on men he didn't even know. He not only make him do that, but he actually let other men have sex with his son. He had sold Ritsuka as a prostitute against his wishes and hadn't made the men fucking him wear protection. It was lucky that the two STDs Ritsuka had gotten were fairly common and very easily treatable.

"I just assumed," Kiyoshi said quickly, frowning, probably trying to think of a way to get out of this.

"No you didn't," Soubi argued. Kiyoshi was clearly lying. Everyone could tell, not just Soubi.

Soubi couldn't say anything more, though, since the next thing he knew, Kio was tapping him on the shoulder and pulling at his arm to get his attention. Soubi turned his attention to him, immediately suspecting something wrong with Ritsuka.

"Ritsuka wet the bed again," Kio told him softly, though loud enough for Kiyoshi to hear. This earned a small 'he did _what_?' from him, but Kio and Soubi both ignored it. "He needs you."

…

When Kio brought Soubi back, Ritsuka couldn't help but throw himself at him and wrap his arms around him tightly. Soubi just smiled, picking him up and carrying him to the bathroom. Ritsuka apologized again and again, clinging onto Soubi, embarrassed and ashamed of wetting the bed. God, he was thirteen. That was way too old to be doing this, even if he did have frequent dreams about his father. Soubi said it was alright, though, and that he wasn't angry or disappointed. That helped, but Ritsuka kept on beating himself about it. He was worried that Soubi would eventually get tired of it and not let Ritsuka sleep with him or in his bed.

The fear returned to Ritsuka once Soubi set him down on his feet in the bathroom and then turned to leave. Ritsuka knew that Soubi was just respecting his privacy, but he didn't want that. He didn't want to be alone, even though a shower would only be fifteen or so minutes. So, Ritsuka pulled at Soubi's sleeve, telling him to stay, pleading. Soubi just hugged him again and kissed his nose, telling him that he'd sit in the bathroom and talk with him. Ritsuka had just nodded, giving Soubi another small hug before blushing and peeling his wet clothes off, hurrying into the shower.

"What'd you do with Kio while I was talking to the lawyer?" Soubi asked as Ritsuka turned on the water, sitting on the little stool that was provided. The warm water felt good on his sticky and aching skin. The stool was a relief, too, so Ritsuka wouldn't have to stand on his bad leg.

"We…we played games and he took me to the cafeteria to get lunch and then I asked him to teach me to draw a cat, so I could draw something for you…" Ritsuka washed himself quickly as he spoke. He wished that there was a bath in the private bathroom, rather than a shower. He remembered when Soubi would give him a bath. He had started doing that right after he found Ritsuka on the floor after his father beat him and sexually abused him for the first time. He wondered if it was wrong that he had liked it when Soubi would gently wash him and thoroughly wash his hair.

"That's good, Ritsuka. I don't have any classes tomorrow, so I can stay with you all day," Soubi sounded like he was smiling. Ritsuka could always tell when he was smiling, even if he couldn't see him. "If you want, after you're done with your shower, I'll get you something to eat from the cafeteria. Oh, but I think I have to go to school for a little bit tonight. Is that okay, Ritsuka?"

Ritsuka paused in washing his hair, thinking for a moment. Soubi had been going to some of his classes the past few days, but Kio usually watched Ritsuka while he went, not because he needed a babysitter, but because he didn't like to be alone. "Yeah, that's alright," Ritsuka told Soubi finally. "Can Kio stay with me?"

"I'm sure he'll be fine with that. He doesn't mind staying with you, Ritsuka. Whenever I come back and he's watching you, he always tells me how good you were and how you never misbehave."

Ritsuka blushed, even though Soubi couldn't see it. By now, the fear of the dream had completely left him. He felt tremendously better, from both the warm water and from talking to Soubi.

Soon, he was done in the shower and asked Soubi if he'd help him put his clothes on, using the excuse that he was sleepy again. Soubi wrapped him in a warm towel and dried his hair with another, smiling and kissing Ritsuka gently on the lips before leaving. He came back with another pair of pajamas for Ritsuka and began to gently pull them on, not touching Ritsuka in any way that the young teen didn't want.

Ritsuka yawned loudly as Soubi did the buttons on Ritsuka's pajama shirt, the two of them still in the bathroom. "Soubi," He started, half closing his eyes and yawning again. "Why am I always so tired?"

"You're just still recovering from your surgery and from getting sick, Kitten," Soubi replied, buttoning the last buttons on Ritsuka's shirt. "It's alright."

Soubi carried Ritsuka to the roll-away bed, then laying him down and covering him up with the remaining blankets. Ritsuka noticed that someone had taken away the wet blankets and sheets and put new sheets on the bed. Soubi sat on the bed with him, taking his hand in his own. Katsuko-sensei was in the room, too, leaning on the hospital bed and looking at Soubi and Ritsuka. There was another man in the doorway, a man Ritsuka didn't recognize, but he just assumed he was a doctor or a nurse.

"Are you okay, Ritsuka-kun?" Katsuko-sensei questioned softly. "Soubi-san's friend told me you had a bad dream."

Ritsuka nodded, squeezing Soubi's hand, happy that he and Katsuko were becoming friends. It was nice that Soubi was finally making another friend other than Kio. He had so few people skills. The people at his college barely approached him, though it did seem to be better now than it had when Ritsuka had first met him.

"Go to sleep, Ritsuka," Soubi leaned down and Ritsuka closed his eyes as he kissed Ritsuka's forehead. "I love you. I'll stay here until you fall asleep."

…

"Hey, you!"

Soubi was on his way out of the hospital, heading to the university to go to one of his night classes. He had left a detailed note with Ritsuka, telling him that he'd be taking Kio's laptop in case he woke up and wanted to get in touch with him. He'd left Ritsuka with Kio and Koichi, after introducing the boy to the pediatrician. Ritsuka had been completely fine with him and had fallen asleep soon after.

"Hey!" Kiyoshi called again. Soubi groaned, really not wanting to deal with Kiyoshi at the moment. Nevertheless, he turned around, finding Kiyoshi still chained to the chair, looking exhausted.

"What do you want?" Soubi sneered, suspecting that Kiyoshi had nothing useful to say.

"I'll…I'll do the transplant. For Ritsuka. There's one thing, though. I want him to come to our family reunion. It's in about a week. If he doesn't want to, that's fine. I'll still do the transplant, but I'd still like him to. I know you won't let me, but I'd like to apologize. Just… just ask him to come to the reunion, will you?"

…

* * *

**Here's chapter 10.**

**Chapter 11 and 12 will both be extra chapters. Thirteen will resume with the normal story. 11 and 12 will be called 'looks' and will all be written in first person, present tense. Chapter eleven is Koichi and Kiyoshi's points of view. Chapter 12 is Seimei, Katsuko, Natsuo and Youji, Nisei, and MAYBE Kio. I have 11 done at the moment, and in my opinion, it turned out phenomenal. I've deemed it the creepiest thing I've ever written. **

**I included a little more information about Seimei in this chapter. I'm pleased to hear all of your theories, but I'm not going to say anything, since if I do, that'll give it away. It should become pretty clear in chapter 11. Oh, and I wanted to say a couple things about Koichi. First of all, Koichi is his first/given name, and Shidoku is his last/family/surname. Koichi is written like this: 光一and means shining first child. Usually, I'm not too fond of fan characters in fanfictions, but I don't see him as a fan character. He will be in the story more but will end up as a side character like Katsuko and Kio. I'll also remove him if he receives bad response, though I do think I'm going to need him for the ending.**

**Anyways, enough of my rambling! Thanks to Mewmew Kitty 3, big machine, lolita, Heavensentskysky, the reviewer who didn't leave a name, Zuzruna, Cereal-Killa, Nie2294, Hadesgate51, A-kun, Jazzie29, xLovelessBeloved, ASTROZOMBIE8, xxpsychocupcake, Ritsuka-chan1092, CrapXhead, Gurgicalcipher, Dark Neko 4000, InnocentUke97, Tlcatlady, Promocat, Riaries, Tamer Lorika, Serenity Lhane, and DarkAngel048 for reviewing! I love that you guys like this fic so much! I honestly never expected it to get so much attention!**

**So, how'd I do with the explanation of the ears? And did I surprise you guys with Kiyoshi getting violent with Katsuko and Koichi? **

**Please review for a quick update!**

**~Wolfie**

**Ps: I'm thinking of doing something with the song Exile Vilify because I really feel that it fits the mood of this story and the lyrics fit, too.  
**


	11. Looks, part one

**Chapter 11**

**Looks, part one**

**Koichi **(Takes place at the end of chapter 10 and after)

I thought I knew Kiyoshi.

I really did. Turns out, though, I didn't know him at all. He's never gotten violent or hit me before. He's never said anything bad about homosexuals. He's never even done anything to really anger me. We had our little minor arguments, but none of those affected our relationship in any form. They were all stupid, anyways, about nothing more than me being a little late home from work or me arguing with him about him about going back to his real family. This, is different. Very, very different.

My god, Kiyoshi, what have you done to this child?

"Who's that, Soubi?"

Kiyoshi's son, Ritsuka, sits up in the rollaway hospital bed, hiding slightly behind Agatsuma Soubi, peering at me from behind him. There's a look in his eyes, one that I've seen before, but not to this degree. It's the same look kids give me when I walk into the examination room with a tetanus shot in hand. It's the same look I get when kids realize that their disease is, in fact, going to require mysterious smelling oral medicine. It's the same look, only worse.

I find this a little strange, mainly because I haven't done anything to cause him to give me that look. I haven't even spoken to him yet. I did notice him looking at me before, though, and then immediately turning his gaze back to Agatsuma. I did, after all, ask to meet this boy. I got what I wanted, but this honestly shocks me. This isn't the same boy who accidently got in the car with me months ago. That boy seemed happy, and this boy doesn't necessarily seem sad, per say, but more…broken. It's almost as if there's a cloud of overhanging sadness around him and the only person he allows in close range to him is Agatsuma. There's just something about this boy that tells me that Kiyoshi lied to me…and did something horrible to this poor child.

"Ritsuka, this is Shidoku Koichi," Agatsuma tells Ritsuka, who is hugging his arm. There's something between these two, a level of closeness I know I'll never have with Kiyoshi. Ritsuka looks at me again, lets go of Agatsuma, and climbs into his lap, his eyes dropping my gaze.

"H-hello…" Ritsuka looks at the floor, his voice a bit squeaky. I've seen a lot of depressing and strange things in my profession. In all my years as a pediatrician, I've never seen anything quite like this. I've calmed crying children, had patient's mothers walk out on me because I'm gay, I've helped deliver a baby, I've seen children who have mysterious bruises on their faces, and I've had a strong teenage boy start crying when I was giving him his physical for high school. This boy, though, has bruises on his face and on his exposed arms. I saw scars that could only be left from a heart surgery when I walked in and saw the bathroom door wide open and Agatsuma dressing Ritsuka inside. I saw other bruises on him, too, as well as scars. He even limps when he walks.

That isn't really what bothers me about this child. It's the is the way he's acting. No, he's not being disobedient or 'bad' in any way. I can see that his wariness of me is not simple shyness. He's not timid. I know what that looks like, and it is certainly not this. This boy is absolutely terrified, even though I haven't even spoken to him yet.

"There's no need to be shy, Ritsuka," Agatsuma tells Ritsuka, smiling wrapping his arms around the boy sitting on his lap. It's then that I notice that Ritsuka is shaking quite a bit. He appears to calm down a little, and he slowly looks back up at me. I'm really having trouble with the look in his eyes.

"Hello, Ritsuka-san," I finally speak, keeping my voice soft. I make eye contact with him, but I don't move forward. I'll scare him if I do. He's already frightened.

Ritsuka raises his head a little, "Are you my new doctor?" He visibly relaxes in Agatsuma's hold. I notice him clinging on to a stuffed bear with blonde fur and a red ribbon around its neck. It's not uncommon for a child to attach onto an object when something traumatic happens to them. I've seen it in many of patients with psychological problems. That's mostly in younger kids, though.

How old is this child? He looks young. He's small and looks fairly innocent. I wouldn't describe him as childish, though. He sits quietly on Agatsuma's lap, not making a sound and not fussing or complaining. I can see just from this that he's a good kid who's gone through a lot. At least he's looking a lot less wary and scared now. I see this in my couple patients who've been sexually abused, now that I think about it. It's not necessarily the quietness that I see a lot, it's the initial fear, though it's usually not this severe. Ritsuka's most likely worried that I'm going to hurt him. I wouldn't blame him if he was. I do believe that Kiyoshi did something to him, even though I don't want to. I'm one of his father's friends, and I'm a man. It's only expected for him to be afraid of me.

"No, I'm not your new doctor," I try to smile at him. The children I know who've been sexually abused like a smiling, gentle doctor. They usually warm up to me within the first few minutes. Ritsuka, I'm not so sure about. The look in his eyes has faded slightly, but I've never seen a child carry himself as if the pain is almost too much to handle.

"I'm just here to talk," I say, taking a cautious step forward. Ritsuka watches me, curious, and I take a few more. What should I say? I thought I loved Kiyoshi, but now I feel like I'll be taking a stranger home tonight. "I'm one of your father's friends."

_Oh_, I _should not_ have said that.

Ritsuka's eyes grow wide and the fear is back, replacing the natural curiosity on his face. He flinches and shys back against Agatsuma, whispering something to him. I can't hear what it is, but his small voice is shaking and he says it franticly. Agatsuma responds to him calmly, hugging him tightly. He asks Ritsuka something, something that I catch as 'do you recognize him?'. Ritsuka shakes his head, but grips Agatsuma's hand as the young man whispers something else to him. I can hear this question, too, and it makes me wonder just how close Agatsuma and Ritsuka are. He's asking Ritsuka if he wants me to leave. Again, Ritsuka shakes his head.

"M-my dad…dad's friends are m-mostly…lawyers," Ritsuka stutters, looking as though he's having trouble talking to me. I really shouldn't have mentioned being a friend of his father's, but if I hadn't, he'd wonder why I'm here.

"I'm a pediatrician, Ritsuka-san," I inform him. There's clearly something terribly wrong with him. I don't mean something like a condition or a mental retardation, I mean something emotional. What did the man I thought I knew do to this poor child?

"I d-don't have a…a…" Ritsuka struggled for the word. "Pediatrician…"

What? What sort of a child doesn't have a doctor? I thought Kiyoshi had a family doctor. Does he not take Ritsuka there when he gets sick? That's neglect, I know, and I also know that Ritsuka probably isn't up to date on his vaccinations or checkups. I could become his doctor, I suppose, but he would have to learn to trust me enough for that. If he really has been raped, I understand that'd be hard for him.

Luckily, Katsuko-sensei, Ritsuka's therapist and a doctor, speaks up so I don't have to. "Where do you go when you get sick? Do your parents take you to a family doctor?" She asks, looking at Agatsuma for a moment and exchanging glances with him. These two make me wonder, as well. She calls Agatsuma 'Soubi-san' instead of 'Agatsuma-san', which tells me they aren't complete strangers to each other. I know they aren't together. I honestly don't see Agatsuma as the type who's interested in girls.

Ritsuka stares at the floor again, frowning, "Soubi takes me to the hospital clinic when I get sick. Dad…Daddy just sends me back upstairs and tells me to sleep it off…"

I don't understand. I really don't understand. Kiyoshi always seems so loving when he's with me. He does have some drinking problems, but he doesn't drink when he's around me. He's never yelled at me or has really gotten angry with me. I've never caught him in a lie. He doesn't seem like the type to neglect his son.

Katsuko-sensei looks at Agatsuma again, and he nods, confirming Ritsuka's story. He nuzzles Ritsuka's kitten ears, eliciting a small smile from the boy.

I stay and watch as Agatsuma reads to Ritsuka and talks to him until Ritsuka's yawning and fighting to keep his eyes. He insists that he's not sleepy, and Agatsuma laughs lightheartedly and tells him he'll stay until Ritsuka falls asleep. Ritsuka asks him a few questions tiredly, asking if Agatsuma has ever been to the beaches down south and inquiring about his classes. I stay silent, even as I watch Ritsuka sit up again kiss Agatsuma lightly on the lips. It's shocking, but not as surprising as the thought of Kiyoshi abusing and raping his child.

Finally, when Ritsuka is asleep, Agatsuma writes out a long note for him and asks me if I can stay with Ritsuka. I agree. I'd like to get to know Ritsuka a little more. He seems like a nice kid. Maybe I could help out with him here at the hospital. Plus, it gives me more time before I have to bring Kiyoshi back to my apartment. I'm putting that off. I won't deny it. I just need some time to think about this. I don't want to believe it, but the proof is right here in front of me. This child was obviously sexually abused by his father. Kiyoshi has hurt him, perhaps beyond repair.

Agatsuma thanks me and introduces me to his friend, Kaidou Kio, who usually helps watch Ritsuka when Agatsuma has to leave for a few hours. As Ritsuka sleeps, Kaidou and I talk quietly. He's a university student at the same place Agatsuma goes to school. He tells me about their college and, later, about Ritsuka. He retells a night when Agatsuma had to drop off an assignment at his class and asked Kaidou to stay with Ritsuka. He pauses at this point, and takes a deep breath, his voice a little more shaky as he tells me that he arrived a little late, meaning that Ritsuka was left alone for about ten minutes. He stops here, and I think he's done, but he looks down and says that when he was driving up to the house, he thought he heard glass shattering and screams that sounded like Ritsuka. He tells me about looking through the windows and seeing Kiyoshi, my boyfriend, relentlessly beating Ritsuka and then forcing him to give him oral sex, all with a sadistic smile on his face.

At this point, I can't say anything. I don't know how to respond. He goes on, and I learn that Kiyoshi had shattered and burned an important photograph to Ritsuka, a picture he had of Agatsuma. Kaidou seems ashamed, saying that he didn't know what to do, so he just stood there and called Agatsuma. He describes not knowing what to do and wanting to help Ritsuka, but also wanting to wait for Agatsuma so that he could take the lead and tell him what they should do. Kaidou stops again, leaning forward in his chair, looking regretful. I ask what happened.

I have to ask again before Kaidou looks up at me. I'm worried he's forgotten I'm here. He continues, his voice a bit darker, now. He tells of how he watched, torn on what to do, as Kiyoshi pulled at his son's hair, grinning and telling him that he wasn't done yet each time Ritsuka pulled away, semen dripping down his chin and tears running down his cheeks. He says it was about fifteen minutes before Agatsuma finally made it back to the house and knocked Kiyoshi out. Kaidou tells me that it was Kiyoshi's smile that scared him the most.

As Kaidou tells his story, I occasionally steal glances over at Ritsuka. He looks peaceful asleep, and appears to be having a good dream. I find that he talks in his sleep, as most children do, though his 'talking' is just an occasional word or two and sometimes a phrase. Twice when I look over at him, I watch him whisper Agatsuma's first name and then sigh, smiling slightly. When Kaidou pauses, I catch little blissful sighs from him and phrases such as 'I love you', 'please stay', 'yes', and 'don't let me go'. Kaidou sees me looking at him and comments on Ritsuka's dream, telling me he's glad that he's finally having good dreams and that he's been wetting the bed a lot.

When Ritsuka awakens, he's momentarily confused and asking where Agatsuma is. Kaidou gives him the letter and Ritsuka reads through it, and then asks politely for Agatsuma's laptop so he can message him. I talk a bit with Ritsuka as he types away at the laptop. Gradually, his tension eases and he opens up a bit. He's very polite to me and to Kaidou, who he just calls by his first name, as he does with Agatsuma. He quietly eats the food I brought up from the cafeteria and asks me some questions, such as where I work and if I live close by and what kind of kids I take care of. I'm careful not to say anything about Kiyoshi and to stay away from topics that will upset him.

I casually ask him questions about himself. I tell him that I'm not asking him as a doctor, but as a person who wants to help. As a result, he stops calling me 'Koichi-sensei' and instead politely calls me 'Koichi-san'. I ask him if he has a boyfriend and he nods silently and types a quick message to Agatsuma. I decide to ask him more about that, especially since I noticed him tense up when I asked him. He shakes his head 'no' when I ask if his boyfriend is in his grade. I don't want him to get nervous, so I move on.

"I'm thirteen," Ritsuka told me after I inquire about his age. Kiyoshi never talked about his son much, but he had told me he had turned fifteen recently. If I remember correctly, that was a week or so ago.

"I thought you were fifteen. Wasn't your birthday pretty recent?" Something else is beginning to become clear to me. Did Kiyoshi ever pay attention to his son?

Ritsuka shakes his head again, peeling a sticker off the apple on the tray. Agatsuma mentioned that Ritsuka might want something to eat when he woke up. He listed off a few foods Ritsuka liked on his way out, ignoring Kiyoshi's constant protests that Ritsuka didn't like a certain food or that he liked something else better.

Ritsuka is eating well, though, which interests me because I tried a bit of an experiment with him. By now, Ritsuka has eaten at least a little of everything I got for him that Agatsuma told me he liked (which was all healthy food, I might add). He hasn't even touched the things that Kiyoshi said he liked. I find this interesting and I'll have to test my theories with him a bit further.

"My birthday is at the end of December," Ritsuka states, biting the apple and typing another short message.

"Did you celebrate?" I press a bit. I'm not really testing Ritsuka. I'm testing Kiyoshi and Agatsuma and using the information I gain from Ritsuka to form a theory. So far, it seems as though Agatsuma spends more time with Ritsuka and knows him better. I know I should be suspicious of Agatsuma and Ritsuka's relationship, but, for some reason, I'm really not. From what I saw earlier, when neither Ritsuka nor Agatsuma knew I was watching, they seem to be in some sort of relationship, but somehow closer than that. I'm not sure what to call it, as I've never seen anything like it before.

Ritsuka nods slowly, squeezing his stuffed bear. "Soubi gave me a new camera and he took me out to dinner," Ritsuka blushes now, now, and I swear I see the beginnings of a smile, but it's probably just my imagination. He's clearly remembering his birthday.

I know I shouldn't ask, but I really want to know. "What about your parents?"

Ritsuka flinches again, and I regret asking. I really should be more careful. He's fragile and I don't want to be the one to break him.

"Mom ignored me," Ritsuka answers, looking at the laptop instead of at me. "And… when I told Dad it was my birthday, he hit me and told me to get out, so I slept over at Soubi's apartment."

So, Kiyoshi kicked his son out just because he wanted a simple 'happy birthday'. I believe what this child is telling me. I work with kids because kids don't know how to lie. They can, but it's painstakingly obvious when they do. Ritsuka is no exception. I'd be able to tell if he were lying. His ears would be twitching or showing some other kind of tell. Ritsuka is not lying, but he probably wishes he was. What kind of person would lie about that, anyways? I suppose he could've been coached, but it really doesn't seem that way.

"That doesn't seem like a very good birthday…" I say, half to myself. I was raised by a very loving, accepting family, who encouraged me to be ambitious. They weren't even upset when I told them I was gay. That being said, I will openly admit that I don't know what Ritsuka is going through. I can't even begin to imagine what it's like for him. I can be sympathetic, but I can't offer any sort of empathy or relate to him in any way. Neither of my parents ever beat me. I was never raped. I was never forced into any sort of sexual activity. I didn't have my innocence torn away from me. I had a perfectly good childhood and I was raised well. I don't know what Ritsuka's going through. I can't know what Ritsuka's going through.

"I know it doesn't seem very good," Ritsuka tells me, shyly making eye contact with me. "But it could've been a lot worse. I was happy to spend most of my day with Soubi. A few minutes of getting hit and yelled at shouldn't change that, right? Besides," He's blushing again. "I like spending the night with Soubi."

We talk a little while longer before Ritsuka gets up the courage to ask if I want to play a game with him. I agree and Ritsuka and I play a game of checkers, since that's the only board game he knows how to play. Afterwards, Ritsuka goes to talk to his therapist for about an hour, and Ritsuka has a small attack when he sees Kiyoshi handcuffed to a chair. I rush to help as soon as I see Ritsuka nearly collapse. I help his therapist get him into a wheelchair and I stay with the two of them until Ritsuka's blank expression finally clears and he makes his return back to reality.

When I return to him, Kaidou tells me that it's alright to go home, since Agatsuma will be back before Ritsuka get out of therapy. I write a quick note and then escape without Kiyoshi, who is asleep and still handcuffed to a chair. I already decided not to go home and instead, was going to stay at the small motel not far from the hospital. In my note, I told Agatsuma that I wanted to be of help and I left him my cell number, as well as the address of the motel.

That night, I call my mother. I tell her everything, talking to her about Ritsuka and the scared, broken look in his eyes. I tell her that he is the son of Kiyoshi, my boyfriend, and is staying long-term in the hospital because Kiyoshi raped him and tried to kill him. My mother is instantly worried and telling me to stay away from Kiyoshi and also help out with Ritsuka. She's sympathetic about him, too, and I express my want to help him, but the dilemma that I can't really relate to what he's going through. She says that the more time I spend around him, the more I'll understand what happened. I say my goodbyes and hang up, still not knowing what to do about my boyfriend.

That's not what keeps me awake all night, though. What keeps me up all night is the image of a boy with features similar to Kiyoshi's, sitting quietly in Agatsuma's lap, looking at me with an expression that tells me he thinks I'm going to hurt him. His eyes are huge, and when I close my eyes and try to sleep in the springy, mysteriously stained bed, I see those eyes and the child's face, and the pain in it. I'm restless. I can't sleep. I stare up at the ceiling, chasing out the thoughts of the deflowered child, standing in front of the nurse's station, staring at his father and unmoving for until his therapist drags him towards the door. In the patters on the ceiling, I see Ritsuka's blank expression as he sits in the wheelchair in the pediatric art room, completely detached from reality until his therapist finally succeeds in bringing him back. Eventually, I turn on the grimy television and watch the news until the sun comes up, having to mute it and look away every time a rape story comes up.

When my eyes finally slide shut, I see an image of Ritsuka smiling as Agatsuma gently nuzzled his kitten ears and squeezed him tight. In the four or five hours with Ritsuka, that was the only time I really, truly saw him smile. I've always thought that children should be raised to smile often and be able to find happiness in everything.

My god, Kiyoshi, what have you done to this child?

**Kiyoshi **_(takes place in chapter 10)_

This man…who is he?

I'm being accused of something I didn't do. He's standing before me, absolutely fuming, looking as though he's about to punch me. I have no doubt that he wants to, though I do doubt that he will do it again when Ritsuka is in the next room. This man is a stranger to me. He's not a man that I haven't seen, though. I know that he is that college kid who runs around with my son. I've seen pictures of him in Ritsuka's room. I don't know him by name… not really, at least. I think I remember Ritsuka telling me his name when I drank too much and…

No.

No. I did nothing. I did not do anything that this man accused me of. I did not rape Ritsuka. I did not beat him. I did not force him to orally please me. I did not let other men fuck him. Why would I do any of those things? I'm not gay. He's not gay. I'm not that sort of man. I'm not…

_[Who the hell do you think you are?]_

Seimei. He died two years ago, and I'm still terrified of him. Every time I try to convince myself that I'm not like that, that I haven't ever done anything to Ritsuka, that I'm not attracted to him, I remember Seimei yelling at me, asking me who the hell I think I am. I can still remember him looking up at me from the floor, a passed out Ritsuka in his arms, screaming at me, showing the first sort of emotion to me in years. That was right before Ritsuka lost his memories. After that, Seimei wouldn't even look me in the eyes unless he was yelling at me. I'm not too sure what happened between Seimei finding out what I did and Ritsuka losing his memories, since Seimei put me in the hospital. The next thing I knew, a doctor came in and told me that Ritsuka had lost his memories.

_[You stay away from him. If I ever see you touch him again, I will torture you. I don't care if you're my father. I will make you beg for me to kill you.]_

Seimei isn't around anymore, I tell myself over and over. Seimei can't rise from the dead to put me back in the hospital. I can do whatever I want. He's no longer around to stop me. I can touch and screw all I want…

_No!_

No, no, no, no, no.

I can't. Ritsuka is my _son_. That's _wrong_. Being gay is wrong. Touching my son is wrong. _Fucking_ my son is wrong. I will not. I have not. I will never. I have never. It's wrong. It's not right. It's wrong to be attracted to Ritsuka. He's my son. I don't have fantasies about throwing him down and making him my sex slave. I don't. I don't. I don't…

_[Stop lying to yourself.]_

I'm not lying! I'm not! I'm not! I'm not gay! I'm not! I don't love my son like that! I have a beautiful wife at home. I've had two kids with her. How can anyone say I'm gay? My mother hit me when she found out I was experimenting in high school. If Ritsuka's gay, then he deserves the same treatment. I'm his father. I hate gay people. I hate them. They're disgusting people. Absolutely disgusting. If he's gay, then I'll get the gay out of him. I've heard of those summer camps to turn gay kids into straight kids. I'll send him to one of those camps. Let them electrocute the homosexuality out of him. Serves him right for liking men. I wonder how many men he has let touch him wherever they please. This guy, this college kid, is probably just one of the men my son is whoring around with.

Koichi looks at me and says something, something that I don't quite catch. When I look at him, I'm ashamed. Just an hour ago, I was at his place for the third night in a row, telling him that I love him, not thinking of Misaki. When I looked down at his face, I saw Ritsuka, though, the young boy's head on my chest, naked and in bed with me. Koichi is a replacement. He's a replacement for Ritsuka. He looks like him, which was what caught my eye in the first place. I'm attracted to him. I'm more attracted to him than I am to other men.

I've got to stop lying to myself.

I really should.

This man who stands before me, the one who gave me quite a few bruises, is another man who I feel rather attracted to. He's tall and well-built with an attractive face. Despite his long hair, he looks nothing like a girl. That fact worries me. At least Koichi could be mistaken for a female at a distance. This man looks nothing like a woman, and yet, I'm imagining him kissing me and dominating me. I'm gay, and I know it. I'm a horrible person. I will not let Ritsuka be gay, though. Never.

He's caught me now. He has me in a trap. I screwed up. I gave myself away. He knows. Oh god, he knows. He knows, he knows, he knows. I'm such an idiot. Why didn't I think about what I was saying? Yes, I remember. I remember everyt—

Remember what?

I didn't do anything!

I watch as a green haired man comes up to the college kid and says something rather quietly to him. It's still loud enough for me to hear, though, and I think he meant it to be that way. Ritsuka had a bad dream, he says, and he wet the bed. I learn the tall muscular man's name. Soubi. I already knew that, though. I forced Ritsuka to tell me when I had too much to drink and stole that picture out of his room and…

What am I saying?

I didn't do that!

No, no, no, no, no!

What kind of a man forces his son to do those sort of things? I'm not that kind of man! I have a wife! I'm a prestigious lawyer. There's nothing wrong with me! Nothing! I've never done anything! This man framed me! My son is lying! That little liar is costing me everything. This man, 'Soubi', is making a case about this entire thing. I'm no idiot. I know that this case will get a ton of publicity. Everyone will hear about it, even the president of my firm. I'm going to lose my job, whether I'm found guilty or not. This is going to be horrible. It'll be all over the newspapers and the internet.

I'm quite famous in Tokyo, and I lead a 'double life'. In one world, I have a wife and two kids, one of which is dead, and a nice medium-sized house in a good neighborhood outside of Tokyo. In another world, I'm a single widower with a penthouse two-floor apartment in downtown Tokyo. Before I found Koichi, I used to bring a different guy to that apartment every night and only come home a couple nights a week. Then, when I found Koichi, I started going back to my wife and Ritsuka more often, even though I knew I had fallen out of love with Misaki. As for Ritsuka…I was ashamed, and I still am.

I've always wished Ritsuka was a girl. He was supposed to be a girl. If he was, everything would be so much better. I wouldn't be so ashamed of being attracted to him. I wouldn't be so ashamed of getting hard at the thought of my own child on his knees, sucking my cock with that tight, little ass of his in the air. I wouldn't be embarrassed and trying to hide the fact as much as I do. Ritsuka is a boy, though, but if I had my way with him, I would have him dress as a girl, as I do in most of my fantasies. And now that Seimei is gone, there's no one to stop me.

**No!**

I have _got_ to stop thinking like that!

It's bad! It's wrong! I could get thrown into jail for that! Ritsuka is my _son_. I am his _father_. I should take care of him and discipline him and be there for him. I just can't stand to be around him. He's too tempting. Not just that, but he's extremely childish and overly emotional and sometimes, just an overall _idiot_. So what if I promised him I'd do something with him? It shouldn't upset him to the point of tears when I break that promise! He needs to learn to take care of himself, for god's sake. Seimei held his hand and did everything for him. Ten is not too early for a child to learn how to take care of himself. Seimei cooked for him and put him to bed and picked him up from school. What an idiot. Both of them. Seimei never needed Misaki or I. He always did everything himself. Why can't Ritsuka be more like that?

_[He gets lonely! No child deserves to be left alone and all-but-abandoned by his parents.]_

Seimei's wrong. Children should be seen and not heard. He needs to learn to do things by himself. He shouldn't need me to help him with his homework or read to him or spend time with him or pick him up from school. If he needs help with homework, he should get it from the goddamn teachers! I don't have time for that, and even when I do help him, he just ends up telling me to stop yelling at him and then running upstairs to his room to cry like a little toddler. It's not my fault he doesn't like the way I help him. I'm not going to do flashcards with him like Seimei did. Flashcards and study sheets and whatever else do not help. Testing does. Testing and making them do what they got wrong over and over again. Who cares what he got right? The only thing that matters is what he got wrong. Oh, but _apparently_ it makes him nervous when I raise my voice and force him to do the problem again and again until he gets it right without telling him what he does wrong.

I remember the time he came downstairs on a school night, shaking and looking like he was going to cry. He told me he had a nightmare and then asked if I'd read to him. How old does he think he is? Five? He's fifteen! He should be able to deal with his nightmares alone, and they _certainly_ shouldn't make him wet the bed! He's too old for that and I bet this Soubi guy tells him 'it's alright if you wet the bed, Ritsuka'. A child like that needs to be disciplined and taught not to do that. If I was allowed to take him back home and he did something like that…

_[You're a horrible man! You don't deserve to be called his father!]_

Seimei's right. He really can't control it if he has bad dreams and wets the bed. It's not really his fault. It's mine. That man who had came out of Ritsuka's room and told Soubi that he was in need of his presence had looked straight at me when he mentioned a bad dream. He shouldn't be punished for something he can't control, I guess. Discipline would get him to stop that sooner than comfort, though.

Seimei used to walk Ritsuka home from school a couple times per week. That used to really piss me off, and I suppose it still does. He was always worried about Ritsuka in large crowds or walking by himself. I, on the other hand, would argue with Seimei for hours over this point. If some guy picks Ritsuka off the street and molests him, well that's his own damn fault. He should learn to protect himself. Somebody won't be there to protect him every time he needs it. Somebody won't be there to hold his hand and help him through everything like he expects them to. He's just going to have to deal with…

God, I _have _to stop this.

There's no point in trying to defend myself. I wasn't a good father. I yelled at him too much. I was never there for him. He could never try to talk to me. I drank too much. I was never home. When I was home, I would beat the crap out of him for things he didn't do because I was drunk. I expected him to do everything without the least bit of help. He's young. I was pushing him into being an adult before he was ready. I never listened to the things he had to say. When he tried to come to me for comfort after a nightmare, I just shoved him away. I lied to him, too, and broke promises.

And, worst of all, I raped him.

I raped him and beat him and sold him as a prostitute. All because he tried to confide in me and tell me he was gay. Out of all the bad things I've done—all the men I've had sex with, all the times I've lied in court, all the times I've slept around with men and cheated on my wife—this tops the list, no doubt. I will never forgive myself and he will never forgive me. Why should he? I don't deserve him…I really don't.

I'm so sorry, Ritsuka.

I'm sorry about everything and you should never forgive me. I will never ask you to. Two years ago, I should have learned my lesson. Seimei should've just killed me. He shouldn't have let me live. Look what I've done to you, sweet Ritsuka. I'm sick. You should be kept far, far away from me, in a place with someone who looks after you and pays attention to you and can protect you from your sick daddy.

It feels like I'm fighting some kind of battle with myself.

On one hand, I hate Ritsuka. He is the devil's spawn, the one who made me gay and is causing everything to fall apart at the seams. This part of me argues that he is a horrible child, that he's overly emotional, needy, and juvenile. This part wants him out, kicked to the curb and forgotten about. Out of sight, out of mind. It tells me that Ritsuka deserved this. It whispers in my ears that he got what was coming to him for making me like this. It says to destroy him, to completely obliterate him, to tear _him_ apart until he screams for me to stop.

The next part of me is denying that I raped him. Everything the doctors and this Soubi guy tells you are lies, it sings, dancing around in my head. They want your downfall. They have it in for you, Kiyoshi. They want you dead and broken with everything ripped away from you. They're all out to get me, it tells me. They're always watching me, waiting for my next move, ready to turn it against me, all with a pompous smirk. This part says that everything they say are lies and that they're just creating false memories in my brain. I never raped Ritsuka. I'm not gay. I love my wife. Everything else are just memories these people are creating.

The third part of my mind _knows_. It knows that I fucked my son and it wants me to do it again and again and again. This part makes me remember how _good _it felt when I had sex with Ritsuka and when I would force him to give me a blow job. It fills my mind with images of Ritsuka in a short dress, pressed up against a wall, aroused and begging me to stop as I hike up his dress and pound into him. This part tells me to take Ritsuka away and lock him up somewhere and teach him his lessons. It makes me want to do this, to keep Ritsuka locked up and force him to wear girl clothes and do whatever I want and punish him when he does something wrong, even if he has no control over it. Oh, how I would love that. This part of me is the hardest to ignore. It creates fantasies of my little son bound and on display on my bed, his shirt ripped open and his skirt up, exposing himself to me. It forces me to get off to these things and to want what I know I shouldn't have.

On another hand, I'm his parent and I have my ways of parenting. I'm brutal to him, forcing him to do everything himself. I make him take care of the house alone with his abusive mother while I'm out screwing ten different men in one night. This part of me holds all of my beliefs, beliefs that say that Ritsuka should learn to do everything himself and should be punished when he wets the bed. This side tells me that Ritsuka will never satisfy me, and he'll never do anything to impress me. It says that Ritsuka is just too soft and will never be able to handle the real world. It reminds me of how Ritsuka gets upset whenever I yell at him or insult him when he gets something wrong, and of how childish I think that is. If he can't take a little criticism from me, how will he be able to handle the world once he leaves home? Or does he just expect to live at home forever? This part of my mind tells me that it's alright that I beat him for being gay. That's dirty and wrong. I will _not _have my son being gay. This radical parenting portion of my mind has one image and future in mind: Ritsuka as a mature, grown up lawyer taking over my firm with a wife and a child, not a gay little boy who complains about everything and thinks that everyone is always going to be there for him.

The fifth part of my mind is the more rational part of the third. In this state of mind, I know that I fucked Ritsuka and I would love to do it again, but slower and more gentler. In the fantasies produced here, I still have Ritsuka locked up and dressed up as a girl, but I kiss him when I get home and have him sit on my lap during dinner and sleep in the same bed as me. This part of mind makes me question if I'm actually in love with him or not. If I want to have gentle, loving sex with him and actually be sweet and nice to him, does that mean that I'm in love with him? I want Ritsuka to want to have sex with me. I don't want him to be screaming for me to stop every time we have sex. This part of me wants him to enjoy it. When I tune into this part, I have images of Ritsuka smiling while holding the front of his frilly, lacy dress up, offering himself to me. I imagine him willingly kissing me and hugging me and cuddling with me, just as my wife used to.

The final side of the battle is the one that acknowledges what happened and feels deep regret for what happened. Currently, this is the dominant side, the one that is taking over. I want to tell him I'm sorry and that I'll do anything for his forgiveness. Then again, I don't want his forgiveness. If he forgave me, that would give me an opening to do it again, and this time there's nobody to stop me. Seimei told me he would torture me if I ever laid another hand on Ritsuka. There's no one to stop me now, other than this college guy staying with Ritsuka, but I'm not sure if he cares enough about Ritsuka to stop me. He did punch me out in the parking lot, though, so maybe he does…

I don't know who I am anymore. I've lost all touch with my former self. I can't just drink away the fact that I took Ritsuka's virginity anymore. I want more. I can't stop myself, I really can't. If someone lets me get my hands on Ritsuka, I'll take him away and completely deflower him again. I'll lock him away and torture him because I can't face who I really am. I can't face that _I'm_ the one who destroyed our family. I've been a terrible father and I know that if I get my hands on Ritsuka, I'll beat him and whip him for every little thing and I won't be able to stop myself.

I have all these personalities in my head, all these different sides and voices, all telling me what to do. I don't know who to listen to. I have no control over which one takes over at what time and I can't stop it. I can't tell which one is me anymore. They're all just so powerful and all want one thing: Ritsuka. Now that Seimei is gone, I've lost control. I've been taking all my sexual tension out on other men who I'm attracted to, and the first boyfriend I've been serious about is just a replacement for Ritsuka. I can't sort things out anymore. Not even drinking helps, now. I'm spiraling down, down, down, and there is no way up. Soon, there'll be nothing left, and I'll be the shell of a person with six or seven different personalities all battling for dominance and all only wanting to indulge in fantasies.

I need control.

I need to regain control.

I need to stay away from Ritsuka. That'll help clear everything up. That'll make everything go away. I need to focus on my job and Koichi. I love him, not Ritsuka. I love him, not Ritsuka. I want him, not Ritsuka.

Not Ritsuka.

Not Ritsuka.

I feel like I need to say something to Ritsuka. I need to let him know I'm sorry. Is this the way to do it? The doctors are asking me to give up a kidney for Ritsuka. Both his kidneys are failing due to me trying to kill him. I was an idiot to do that. I don't want him dead, though, at the time, I believed that would fix everything. Koichi is telling me that Ritsuka won't live a very full life going to dialysis for three hours nearly every day. When I look at him, I can see his anger and the red mark from where I slapped him in response to him seriously asking me if I raped Ritsuka. I hit Ritsuka's therapist, too, and that was completely uncalled for and just me taking out my anger on her.

Koichi told me giving up a kidney won't affect me at all. I won't lose anything, but I hadn't wanted to do it because I wouldn't gain anything, either. That's a selfish reason. I'm a selfish, horrible man. Ritsuka is suffering because I tried to kill him. The least I could do is give up a kidney for him.

I'm going to do it, as I tell 'Soubi' when I see him next. He seems annoyed with me, and he still looks at me as if he wants to kill me. He's carrying a bunch of books, all with college course names on them, as well as a clear plastic bag stuffed with dirty clothes. He appears to be surprised, and I take the chance to ask if he'll bring Ritsuka to the family reunion in a week, something I haven't given much thought to lately.

How could I think about that when I think I'm falling apart at the seams?

I think I need to be locked away. I need to be put into some isolation cell in a mental institution in another country. I need to be given meds to silence all these voices in my head. I need to be put on medication that chases my fantasies away and make it so that I can't get hard when I think about Ritsuka. I don't care that I wouldn't be able to have sex. As long as the medication makes these thoughts go away. I can't go to an institution, though. What would people think of me? I just need to stay away from Ritsuka.

Ritsuka, I am very sorry about what I did to you. Don't forgive me. Don't every forgive me, no matter how much I beg. Don't listen to me. I'm sick.

Run, dearest Ritsuka, run far, far away from me and never come back.

I'll just hurt you again.

**I couldn't wait to put this up. I got really, really excited about it because I think this might be one of the best pieces I've ever written. I'm extremely proud of it.**

**I actually scared myself while writing this. I was a bit creeped out that I could get into Kiyoshi's mind so easily. I wasn't too sure about publishing it, so I put it up on deviantart and got some feedback from friends. **

**It's realllly, really late right now, so I'm not going to type out all your names, but I'll do it next time, I promise! THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH FOR REVIEWING! I love you guys *hug***

**I don't really know how I did with writing in first person. I know that some people look down on people who write in first person and I read a lot of fanfictions that are, and sometimes they aren't very good. So, did I do alright? This is my first, maybe second time doing it in over a year.**

**Also, I looked up if it's alright for an alcholoic to give a kidney, and I asked a question on yahoo answers and got a reply from a doctor, who said it's probably alright. **

**So, what do you guys think of the points of view in this chapter? I really, really want to know, so please review! **

**~Wolfie**


	12. Looks, part two

**Looks, part two**

**Natsuo and Youji **(takes place sometime in early chapter twelve)

Nagisa-sensei used to tell us that we're really one person.

We feel the same things. We can communicate without talking.

We're different, though. Nagisa never seemed to realize that. We do generally act the same way and think the same things, but it's not _always_ the same. We have different personalities, though they are similar. They're different enough. Neither of us enjoy being treated as one. We're two separate people, really. We'll always stick by each other and love only each other, but we are different. I have to say I'm glad of that. I don't think I'd be able to stand Youji if he was exactly like me. He wouldn't be able to stand me, either.

Sensei always treated us as one. She always assumed our opinions and thoughts and feelings were exactly the same and unable to deviate from each other, but that's not true. It never was. We look different enough. Why couldn't she have treated us as two separate people? In a way, sometimes, I suppose she did. She always favored Youji over me. She would pat him on the head when we did something that pleased her, but would leave me alone. I bore the worst of her punishments. She always hit me harder than him. I don't care, though. Youji's my favorite, too, so I can't blame her.

It came as a bit of a shock to us when we moved in with Soubi. Up until that point, the only things we knew about him were the things Sensei told us and Ritsu-sensei sometimes let slip. Sensei told us that he was just a weird child and not normal or adult in any way. She said he was a disgrace and an evil, evil monster. She hated him with a passion, calling him stupid and a pervert. Ritsu always said the opposite—that Soubi was quiet, smart, submissive, and a complete masochist. When Soubi first offered to let us move in, we found out that both of them were wrong.

It was odd, at first, living with Soubi. It was strange because he actually cared for us and never hit us when we did something wrong. After years of being neglected by Sensei, is was weird to have someone put us to bed, tell us to take a bath, and make us food to eat. Sensei never cared for us in that way. She seemingly totally forgot about us some days, locking the door to the apartment and going out to eat with Seven, leaving us with no room to sleep in and no food to eat. Of course, since we can't feel pain, that wasn't really a huge issue, but we can occasionally feel sparks of discomfort if we sleep on the stone ground long enough. I guess that's just a flaw in our 'programming'.

We would go a day or two without food and could feel the hunger, but no pain came from it. We can feel texture and we can get a general feeling whether something is warm or not, but we can't actually feel heat. We knew that the hallway ground we slept on when Nagisa-sensei forgot about us was hard and bad to sleep on. We knew that going hungry wasn't good. What could we really do about it, though? Sure, it was rough and considered neglect, but we couldn't do anything about it, so we just lived with it.

Soubi never forgot about us. Never. We always had a soft bed to sleep on and food to eat. Soubi is around a lot, too, save for the last week or two, and he never just ignores us. We have chores to do, but he doesn't hit us or throw us into the 'cold' when we forget or don't do things right. Ritsuka comes over a lot, too, which is nice. Living with Soubi is nice. He talks to us and actually does things with us, unlike Sensei, who would just snap at us and tell us to get 'the hell out of her hair'.

As we lived with Soubi, we began to learn some things about him. What Nagisa-sensei and Ritsu-sensei said about him were wrong. I personally can't see anything childish about him, and he's actually fairly normal. He spends a lot of time with Ritsuka, but he's not a pervert, even though teasing him about that is fun. The most he'll do is kiss Ritsuka on the couch or sleep with him. He's extremely intelligent, too, to the point where he can almost be annoying with all the stuff he knows.

I guess we're never going back to Seven Voices. I don't want to, and neither does Youji. I think Soubi knows it, as well, since he's making us go to school with Ritsuka, now. Not that Ritsuka has been there in a week.

Soubi tells us, when he comes home today, that Ritsuka may be coming home for the weekend. We're immediately curious, bombarding him with questions about why how and when. He answers all of them, telling us that he's going to ask Ritsuka's therapist if he can come home next weekend. He sits on the floor with us and talks about what's going to happen when he comes home, whether it's for the weekend or after he gets released from the hospital. We have to be careful, he says, since Ritsuka apparently took a lot of internal damage from nearly dying from poison. He has heart problems and probably multiple other conditions. Soubi doesn't have to say anything about being a bit cautious of what we say to Ritsuka. In the short time living with him, we've learned common sense and how to act around people. We know what happened to Ritsuka. We know that he's fragile and ready to break.

Neither of us have ever had a father, unless Soubi counts, but he's not directly related to us. We don't have any family, actually. We were purely made in a lab. Our brains are 'programmed' to not feel pain and to be able to connect with each other. We aren't even related to each other. The earliest memories we have are of being awaken hooked up to computers and wires. I had the maturity and body of a five year old when I was awakened, so that's how old I was. I was five when I was awaken. It's been eight years since then. I'm thirteen now, and Youji is, too.

Soubi makes us dinner and leaves shortly to check in with the old lady who comes in at night to make us dinner and make sure we go to bed when Soubi's gone.

"I'm happy Ritsuka's coming home soon," I tell Youji, switching off the game system we were playing before Soubi came in.

"He's going to live with us once he gets released, you know," Youji reminds me. I nod. I hope Soubi lets us go back to the hospital sometime this week. He's been a bit strict on when we're allowed to go. He only tells us we can if Ritsuka is feeling better.

"This place is kind of small for four people," I glance around at the tiny wood house/apartment. It's only three rooms and Soubi owns it as if it were a house. The main room is the largest, and there's not too much privacy. We really don't have any since our bed is in the main room. At least Soubi can shut the doors to his bedroom. We sleep out in the open. This place is clearly only meant for one person, not three, and definitely not four.

"Five," Youji corrects me. "Kio will probably move in, too, to help out with Ritsuka."

He's right. Kio has been coming over, as well, to watch us, but he's mostly been at the hospital with Soubi and Ritsuka. Soubi will need help with three kids around now.

We really don't mind that Soubi favors Ritsuka. It's alright because we both understand that Ritsuka is Soubi's lover and Sacrifice. He doesn't see us in the same way as he sees Ritsuka. We're like his kids. Ritsuka is the person he loves. It's different, so it's okay. As long as he doesn't neglect us or ignore us like Sensei did, it's alright.

Soubi comes back and does some laundry and says that he has to go to one of his classes, but he'll come back for a little while after it's done. He leaves and we eat and get ourselves ready for bed.

An hour or two later, Soubi comes back home right when we've decided to clean up the kitchen. Youji takes the trash out and I finally ask Soubi the question burning in my mind.

"Soubi? Is Ritsuka okay?" I'm worried about him. I've never had a father and neither has Youji. The closest we have had is Soubi. Sensei doesn't even count, since she barely took care of us. Ritsuka does, on the other hand, and his father raped him. Soubi told us what happened. He told us about searching for Ritsuka for hours and hours in the red-light district, a place even Youji and I won't ever dare to venture into. When he let us see Ritsuka, it was like he was a whole different person. He normally got annoyed by our constant affection; now he tenses up whenever we hug or even touch him. It's almost as if he's afraid of physical contact.

Soubi never told us _exactly_ what happened. He left a lot for us to infer. All he told us was that Ritsuka's father took his virginity and sold him to a lot of men and then tried to kill him. He never said how many men raped Ritsuka or why he still has his ears or any other details. That's alright with us, though. After seeing Ritsuka's mental state, I'm not quite sure if I _want _to know everything that happened to him.

While Soubi cleans the dishes, he pauses to look down at me. I begin to wonder if it was alright to ask, or if doing so will just piss him off. I don't want to make him angry. He doesn't usually yell at us unless we do something absolutely horrible, such as set something in the apartment on fire. Soubi doesn't start yelling at me or anything, though. I can't read his expression, but I don't think he's angry. It's something else. Something more like worry or concern, or perhaps he was even reliving memories.

"I don't know," Soubi finally says, setting the glass he was washing down. "I can only hope that…"

Soubi never finishes that sentence and looks away from me. This only worries me. Has something happened with Ritsuka? Is he alright? Even Soubi doesn't know if he will be. That's a bad sign, since, to us, Soubi seemingly knows everything.

"Hope what, Soubi?" I try again once he doesn't respond.

"I have to get back to the hospital. You two should get to bed."

Soubi leaves, then, and Youji and I are left to wonder not only if Ritsuka is alright, but also if Soubi is, too.

**Katsuko** (takes place during chapter 12)

I'm a pediatric therapist. I've dealt with rape cases, abuse cases, schizophrenic children, mentally handicapped children, and just about any other case. I've been at this for nearly a decade years. Ten years, and I have never became so emotionally attached to a child as I have become with Ritsuka-kun.

I don't know what it is about him. Maybe it's that his mother and father don't take care of him at all and he's ignored by everyone else in the family, it seems. Maybe it was how he opened up to me or how I was the only doctor he let near him the first day he was admitted into the hospital. Maybe it's the fact that he never had a childhood and is capable of adult-like thought processes and has the ability to see things in a different light than most children do. Maybe it was his personality—his real one, not the one he puts on for other people. It was probably a combination of all these things and more. Something, though, caused the overwhelming urge to help this child all I can.

I find Ritsuka talking with Koichi-san and just having finished a game with him. Kio, a former patient of mine, is also in there with him. Soubi-san must've gone to one of his classes or returned home for a bit. He sleeps at the hospital, though he goes home for about an hour every day to check up on Sagan Natsuo and Sagan Youji, his all-but-adopted children. I call Ritsuka out and ask him if he'd like to come to talk for awhile.

Ritsuka has seemingly taken to drawing. I plan to begin art therapy with him. When I had him in therapy a couple days ago, he enjoyed drawing. I think it's partially due to the influence that Soubi-san has over him.

Soubi-san is unlike anyone I've ever met before. He's a young adult in college, an art major, even though he takes multiple classes in advanced sciences and math. I did some looking into him, which isn't strange considering how suspicious I was of him. Who wouldn't be? He was a rather suspicious-looking earless college student admitting a little thirteen year-old boy who'd just been raped. Of course I was suspicious!

Then, when I saw how comfortable Ritsuka was with him and how he looked at me with tears in his eyes and begged me to let Soubi stay. I couldn't say no, not when Ritsuka was clinging onto Soubi-san and pleading me. As expected, there were, and still are, conditions, but neither ever complained about the conditions. The big rule was that the door to Ritsuka's room wasn't allowed to be closed while Soubi-san was with him. I was shocked that Soubi-san didn't protest this rule and always obeyed it, even at night. Other rules were simple, as well, such as he couldn't interfere with Ritsuka's treatment, coach Ritsuka in any way, or touch him in any way that would make him uncomfortable.

I learned more about Soubi-san later. He told me about what happened that night. He took me to the alleyway in the red-light district where he found Ritsuka. He told me everything that happened that night, how he tried to make sure Ritsuka would be alright if he left to attend his classes. He expressed how much he thought it was his fault, and the regret he felt and still feels for leaving Ritsuka in a situation that he was vulnerable in. He said he wanted to make up for it by taking Ritsuka far, far away from the man who only wants to hurt him. He also told me what happened to him, how he was raped by his teacher and what happened to him afterwards.

I know I should still be suspicious of him. I know I should've reported him when I first saw him. I'm glad I didn't, though. After talking with Ritsuka-kun, and then talking to Soubi-san, I can see that these two need each other. They are extremely close and in some sort of romantic relationship with each other. I've seen Ritsuka kiss Soubi and I've seen Soubi kiss Ritsuka. It goes both ways. It's not one-sided in the slightest. I'm not going to tear these two apart just because one is eight years older than the other. Ritsuka-kun clearly feels safe and loved by Soubi-san. It's also obvious that Soubi-san has never taken advantage of Ritsuka. I really don't believe that Ritsuka would stick around him and speak so highly of him if he had ever done anything to betray his trust.

Besides, Ritsuka responds better to therapy when Soubi-san is around, which I have noticed greatly in the past few days. He seems to be more comfortable around people when he's there with him, as well.

"Where are we going, Sensei?" Ritsuka asks, sounding quite a bit excited as he steps out of his room. "Is Soubi back yet?"

I shake my head and tell him no, but also that he'll be back soon. I see Ritsuka's mood pick up a bit when I say this. I'm glad he's not afraid or wary of me, like he is with the other doctors, though I can see him easing up around them, too.

"We're going to the pediatric ward, Ritsuka-kun. I'm taking you to the arts and crafts room," I tell him, smiling. I begin to lead him out of the ward, being careful not to walk too fast for him. He limps along, keep up with me quite well considering the muscular damage in his left leg. A lot of damage has been done to his body due to the poison. Yes, the other doctors and I successfully got the poison out of his body and repaired his heart the best we could, but there was irreversible damage. His heart is still very weak, he has severely bruised bones, a badly damaged stomach/digestive track, and failing kidneys, and most likely has developed allergies, asthma, anemia, and/or a bad immune system, as well as a bunch of other possible conditions. I'll have to test him for all of those once his kidney surgery is done.

I'll also have to teach Soubi-san how to administer his medication. Ritsuka-kun will have to take pills and have injections multiple times a day for his heart and for his stomach. Ritsuka will have to have someone very careful and gentle do it for him. If Ritsuka is going to live with Soubi-san, which I believe is the best choice, he's going to have to be given injections four or five times a day.

Ritsuka stops walking when we reach the nurse's station. I stop, as well, and look back at him, curious. His expression catches me completely off guard. His eyes are focused on only whatever he's looking at and his face is completely drained of color, making him as white as the stark walls behind the nurse's station. His violet eyes are huge and watery. The poor kid looks as though he's about to cry.

"S-S-S-Sensei…." He starts to stutter, not looking at me. His expression is fearful and I can see a little tremble going through his body. When I follow his gaze to find what he's staring at, I see why he's so scared.

I wouldn't blame Ritsuka if he saw Aoyagi Kiyoshi as a monster. After everything that man has put this child through, I honestly think he would see him as a monster or some sort of evil force such as a demon or fallen angel. It really wouldn't surprise me. He not only raped him, but he vilified him, sold him, beat him physically, and tried to kill him. Out of all my years as a psychologist, I have never seen a case this extreme. For him to see the monster, fast asleep in a chair behind the nurse's station, must shatter every piece of hope remaining.

I'm not as quick as I should be to grab his arm. When I do, I have to drag him across the floor halfway to the door before his legs completely give out. I catch him as he begins to crumple to a complete heap on the floor. It's too late for his mind, though. He's shaking hard and stuttering incomprehensible words, words that sound like some variation of 'help me'. The head nurse quickly scurries over, seeing me holding a wide-eyed stuttering child by the arms. She rushes over with a wheelchair, quickly followed by Ritsuka's father's boyfriend, Shidoku Koichi.

"I want to help," He breathlessly tells me. I can't help but to panic a little. Usually in situations like this, I can keep completely calm, but this is a boy who I see as my own child. He's having flashbacks right now, and I don't want him to suffer. Getting him out of this ward and away from his father is in is the best short-term thing to do. I want him out of the hospital. This man is absolutely causing nothing but trouble. He's made Soubi-san angry enough, he's assaulted Koichi-san and I, and now he's troubling Ritsuka! He has no point here if he won't do the transplant! Throw him out into the rain and cold for all I care!

Soon, Koichi-san and I successfully have Ritsuka in the wheelchair and are just outside the ward. Ritsuka-kun has quieted down, and now sits completely silent. When I look down at him, my worry only grows. There's no boy inside this body. Ritsuka's body is still here, but there's no trace of Ritsuka. He sits unmoving in the wheelchair, not just quiet, but silent, the only sound coming from him being his soft breathing. His normally livid, lively eyes are simply _blank_. There's no other way to describe them. There is no more Ritsuka in them—there is no more spirit left to fight and all of his shining personality is absent. His eyes are just dead. He's gone.

I've never seen anything like it. I've heard of it, but I've never seen it. Ritsuka has seemingly retreated into his own mind, or perhaps even left completely. That monster caused this. Seeing it peacefully sleep in a way that was almost normal for a person must've completely broke him. I don't see how this man can still do normal things after what he did to Ritsuka. How can he live with himself? Just seeing him makes Ritsuka collapse into his own mind.

I step back and take another long look at It. He's still asleep. All the commotion hasn't ever stirred him. It's a very good thing that he's handcuffed to the chair he's sleeping in. He'd probably just cause more disaster than he already has, if that's even possible. I remember now, how he called out to Ritsuka when Soubi-san and he were fighting, even after Soubi told him he that raped Ritsuka. If he wasn't handcuffed, he would definitely try to talk to Ritsuka or cause more trouble, particularly with Soubi-san.

Now I glance back to Ritsuka and, although I saw it before, his expression still shocks me. He's sitting slumped over in the wheelchair, one hand in his lap, the other limply holding on to the stuffed bear I often see him carrying around. Ritsuka has gone somewhere far away from here, somewhere where he can completely shut himself down and hide from the monster. It's a defensive tactic, a last resort that he can turn to in order to escape reality. I just wonder if he's ever going to come back.

Koichi-san pushes Ritsuka's wheelchair down to the pediatric ward. Most of the kids are in the regular playroom, the rest of them fast asleep in their beds. I wonder if I should've put him in this ward, instead. Maybe he would like the comfort of other children. I quickly throw that idea out, knowing that I put him in the right place. In the particular ward that he's in, he's guaranteed a private room and a private bathroom. The kids there are also older, ranging from fifteen to eighteen, so they'll leave him alone if he wants to be alone. There's also only four other patients in that ward, and they're all close to each other. I hope Ritsuka-kun makes friends with them. If he was put in the regular pediatric ward, little kids would probably be crawling all over him and bothering him. That wouldn't be good for his recovery and he'd most likely end up snapping at them and scaring them off.

The arts and crafts room is small and completely empty. Koichi-san sits down with me in one of the short red chairs and together we try to coax Ritsuka back into his mind. He has to come back. This state can't be permanent, right? He's going to come out of it. It's just an initial reaction to seeing his father. It's just his body trying to protect itself.

"Ritsuka-kun, did Soubi-san give you this?" I ask, giving the stuffed bear in his hand a small pull. I know the answer to this question, but it's been twenty minutes. He's not showing any signs of coming out of this state. I'm thinking of calling Soubi-san when I feel a harsh tug on the bear I'm holding with one hand. Immediately, I look up and Ritsuka yanks the bear from me, slowly returning to reality as he holds it close.

"I'm sorry, Ritsuka-kun, I didn't mean to take it from you," I tell him, stunned and watching him carefully. Ritsuka is coming back to his body, the livid look in his eyes back.

"W-where's Soubi?" His voice is extremely hoarse and soft.

For some reason, I can't recall the boy who I used to see every Wednesday in my office. I can only see the child laying on the table of the examination room, hiccupping and crying as I swipe samples of semen off of his body. In front of me now is that boy, trembling slightly and sitting in a wheelchair, begging to see the man who brought him here. I want to help this boy. I need to help this boy. I don't care what it takes. I'll sacrifice everything. I will give everything just to get him as far away from his father as possible.

**Seimei **(Takes place before Ritsuka's dream in chapter ten)

Three years ago, I made a promise.

I promised to protect Ritsuka from our father. Ritsuka, of course, had no idea what I was talking about at the time. I didn't expect him to understand. I still remember the day I made that promise. When Ritsuka lost his memories, I took it upon myself to take care of him. That included protecting him from external dangers, specifically our father, Aoyagi Kiyoshi. Ritsuka never noticed, but I made sure they were never in the house together without me there. I took careful and sometimes illegal measures to make sure that sick man would never again touch my Ritsuka.

I'm not the kind of man to break promises.

…Not promises I make to Ritsuka, at least.

I've broken this promise, though. Ritsuka's hurt again, except this time, it's a thousand times worse. That man… he not only raped Ritsuka, but he tried to kill him. I _told_ him that if he ever touched Ritsuka again, that I'd torture him to the point that he'd beg me to kill him. I swore that I would never let him live down what he did. I made sure he knew that this time, there would be no second chances. I can't. Not now. If I lose my temper, I'll ruin everything, and then it'll all be over. I have to make a choice. It's either Ritsuka or everything I've worked for. Quite honestly, I don't want to decide.

The entire reason I left Soubi with Ritsuka was so that he could protect Ritsuka from his father. I didn't expect them to get as close as they are. I never wanted Ritsuka to fall for Soubi. I don't exactly understand why he fell in love with that stupid dog, but I suppose it can't be helped. I'm jealous, though I won't do anything. I'm not an idiot. Ritsuka is fragile right now. The slightest thing can shatter his thin glass completely. He needs Soubi. If I hurt or killed Soubi, he would hate me forever. That's the exact opposite of what I want.

I wasn't able to protect Ritsuka. He's in the hospital now because I wasn't able to be there for him. I watch the surveillance tapes of him, sitting alone in the dark basement of the house I've been staying in. Nisei has the hospital camera system wired directly back to the basement control room. What I'm watching now is live. I've been having Nisei do a lot of work, work that included bribing a nurse to slip small, hidden cameras inside Ritsuka's room. I'm now able to observe them directly.

Ritsuka is lying on the uncomfortable-looking rollaway bed, under mounds of blankets. Soubi lays next to him, whispering words to Ritsuka, words that I can't quite make out. I don't mind, though, since it's making Ritsuka smile and sometimes blush. Soubi kisses him gently on the lips multiple times and Ritsuka wraps his arms around Soubi's neck. I pause in writing to watch, entranced. Soubi snuggles with Ritsuka, and Ritsuka happily lets him. Perhaps I don't understand my little brother as much as I think I do. Maybe we really aren't that much alike personality-wise. I could never stand to be touched by Soubi and I tried to touch him as little as possible. Ritsuka, on the other hand, yearns for his touch and will willingly hug him and openly show him affection.

I can tell Soubi wants his freedom. I've been watching him a bit more closely than usual. It seems as though he's forgotten all his lessons and all the beatings I gave him. He's no longer submissive towards Ritsuka in the slightest. I'm not going to punish him for that, though. It's what Ritsuka needs. Soubi is strong and loves him dearly. Even I, the person Ritsuka is meant for, can see that tearing them apart would only lead to disaster.

Soubi's love for Ritsuka bothers me greatly. When the time comes, that love for Ritsuka may cause him to find the strength to disobey me. Once he finds the ability to do that, he'll begin to break away from me. He'll only cause trouble. I know he's on Septimal Moon's side, but he's forced to fight for me. There's no going back now. Soubi will break away from me and fight for Septimal Moon. He's just going to cause trouble from here on out. Maybe it'll be better if I just let him go now.

I turn my attention back to Ritsuka and Soubi. Ritsuka's whimpering now, sounding as if he's about to cry. He's begging Soubi to stay with him. Soubi just wipes the stray tears from his face and tells him he'll stay until Ritsuka falls asleep.

I see an opening, now. I need to find a way to communicate with him. This is probably the best way to do so. He'll be forced to listen to me and he'll have nowhere to run. I need to tell him not to stray from Soubi's side and to stay away from Kiyoshi. Quickly making up my mind, I call for Nisei and tell him which spell to perform. He's been strangely obedient and less stubborn lately. I know I haven't beat the stubbornness out of him yet, so I should be suspicious of what he's doing behind my back, but there's no time for that now.

Nisei obeys me and escorts me upstairs to my room. I shut and lock my door and lay down in the darkness. There's no windows in my room, as I requested of the nice woman letting me stay at her house. The room gives the impression of late night, something that I do enjoy. Sleep comes quickly, for once, and it's blissful to a practiced insomniac. I'm immediately carried into a dream with Ritsuka.

We're at an amusement park. The setting is straight from Ritsuka's subconscious; we could've ended up anywhere, really. I watch him look around franticly, searching for someone who isn't here. He yells for Soubi, calling for him. It seems like he's ready to run at any second. I speak up and tell him to turn around, and, when he does, he seems scared.

He shakes a little and I'm reminded of that promise I made to him. Does he remember me telling him that I'd always protect him? Is he angry that I wasn't there? I'm blaming myself. Usually, nothing can affect me on an emotional level. When it comes to Ritsuka, however, he's the exception. He's the exception to every one of my rules. I love him. He was born for me. And now… now he's been hurt again and I didn't do anything to stop it.

I'm so sorry, Ritsuka.

I want you to listen to me, my dear little brother. Do not stray from Soubi. He will be able to help you and protect you from that sick, twisted man.

**Nisei **(takes place after Ritsuka's dream in chapter 10)

That kid is at it again.

That damn kid is taking Seimei away. Every day, Seimei seems to get more and more distracted. That little bastard is the only thing Seimei focuses on, and he takes all of his built up frustration out on me. I've gotten beat more in the past two weeks than I have since becoming Seimei's Fighter. I've had to do more work in the past two weeks than ever before. That's not even the worst part of it. He's taking up all of Seimei's attention. He no longer even notices me when I walk in the room. He hasn't even confronted me about my prolonged disappearances when I'm supposed to be at that old woman's house with him. Before that stupid kid went and got himself raped, Seimei would notice and acknowledge every single mistake I made. He didn't even react when I asked him how the 'stupid idiot' is doing! He didn't even look up!

I want to see him react. I want to cause him pain. I want to see him cry. I am not obedient. I will not be controlled. All my life, I've been the controller, never the controlee. I will not be submissive. I will not submit to him. I am not his Fighter; he is my Sacrifice. He expects me to be submissive in every way, to be his dog, his _pet_. That's all I am to him, a tool, nothing more. I am _not_ a tool.

I've always thought I couldn't feel love. Maybe that's because all my life, I was important. I'm part of powerful, rich family and I've always gotten what I want and have been people's first priority/most important. That stupid, needy child is Seimei's first priority. Next to that dumb teen, I'm nothing in Seimei's eyes. Compared to him, I'm trash. I'm disposable to him and I mean nothing to him.

That makes me want him. He's the only thing I can't have, so I strive to get him. I'll make him notice me. I'll make him see I'm more important than that kid. What does he have that I don't, anyways? He's small, stupid, needy, and overly emotional. And he's thirteen! Why would Seimei want a dumb kid?

I will destroy Ritsuka. I don't care what it takes. He has done _nothing_ to deserve Seimei. I've followed Seimei's every order and did everything he asked for. What do I get? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Once that kid is out of the way, everything will be better and Seimei will stop being damn distracted.

I'm out late again, today. I left after performing the spell on Seimei, even though he banned me from leaving. Perhaps I'm just asking to get beat. At least that would be him taking notice of me. I go to the hospital, first, and hack into the computer system to steal Ritsuka's digital medical file. I find that he's been put on Agatsuma Soubi's insurance, which I also find is paid for by Septimal Moon. Oh,_**this**_ is _very_ interesting. Septimal Moon is Seimei's mortal enemy. This means that Soubi's doing work for them. I've always wondered where that lunatic's source of income comes from. He's an orphan and I _know_ he can't hold down a job. He got fired from a job dealing with children after just one day! All his other jobs have been temporary or he was fired for having no people skills.

I go back to my city apartment and finish looking through Ritsuka's file. It appears as though his therapist has temporary/emergency custody over him. When I look through her case notes, I learn that she approves of that lunatic's want to become Ritsuka's legal guardian, but not his adoptive father. She also comments that she thinks their relationship is alright and completely safe and innocent.

Ritsuka's file is far too boring for my interests. I abandon looking at his and instead find everything I have on the lunatic. Seimei hasn't asked for the Soubi files I wired and copied directly from Septimal Moon. I have these specific files made so whenever someone from Septimal Moon updates them, I'll immediately download the updated version. I haven't looked at these files, either, due to being extremely busy with school and Seimei's orders.

The information I find on Soubi is both shocking and interesting. Apparently, he's been helping out Septimal Moon for over a year now, with tracking down Fighters who they have the warrant to arrest and/or kill, though he hasn't done anything like that in about three months. He also appears to do other odd things that Septimal Moon requests of him, such as proofreading documents and looking over finances. When I look into his strangely well-managed accounts, I'm immediately jealous and confused. Clearly, Septimal Moon pays its employees quite well. It's odd since I've always thought of him as a dirt-poor crazy man, since he lives in an extremely small apartment, but I was obviously misled.

I can't understand this guy. Never mind the fact that he has a job that pays very well, but, as I look further, I find that his parents left him a large amount of money, as well, and that fund hasn't even been touched. Not only that, but they also left him a house in America, where he lived with his parents before they died in a _tragic_ 'accident'.

I go back to his Septimal Moon file and look through his profile page, all written by Ritsu. He notes Soubi's _extraordinary_ intelligence and skills. I'm starting to like this lunatic less and less, not that I liked him in the first place. His lack of social skills is also noted, but I can see they don't matter to Septimal Moon.

The more I read, the more I want to destroy this man and that child. I will find a way. That kid is taking up too much of Seimei's attention and I'm _through_ putting up with it. I will not lose him. He's _my _Sacrifice. I'm the one he should pay attention to, not that dumb kid.

When I look a little further, I find that Soubi is taking Seimei and Ritsuka's father to court. I quickly get the records for this case, including the father's name, address, and the attorneys and judge assigned to the case. I write down everything that will help me. Tomorrow I'll set out to meet with Ritsuka's father. I'm not too sure of my plan, yet, but I'll finish it off tonight. Seimei will probably kill me when and if he finds out, but the reward of this kid being out of Seimei's reach will be greater. I'm tired of being second best. Seimei has his goals and I have mine. Hopefully, I'll be able to keep my plan a secret and prevent Seimei from finding out. If he does find out…well, I'll still go through with it.

I'm going to make that stupid child wish he was never born.

* * *

**Do you guys think this story is becoming boring at all?**

**Thank you for all the nice reviews on the last chapter. I'm glad I did alright on the first person. I promise that I will do more back-story on Kiyoshi**, **specifically in the Reunion arc. This chapter is more for information and not exactly story forwarding. By now, I think you should all be able to tell what happened 'three years ago' (before Ritsuka's memory loss). I'll elaborate on that a lot in the next few chapters, mainly after the reunion. **

**Also, things are really bad for me at home. Sunday was my birthday and I ended up having to leave and stay elsewhere because of my parent's feud. I'm sorry if this affects my writing in any way, but it may just cause me to write more. **

**Thanks so much to Bigmachine, Starsforher, Nie2294, Riku Tensei, 21st Century Catalyst, CrapXhead, Riaries, Halle, Xxpsychocupcake, Alois Pinstripe, Vampiretiger, XLovelessBeloved, Kenn-chan, Raikiba, InnocentUke97, Lumeton, XPandoraHeartx, Tlcatlady, Witch19, and Promocat for reviewing! It really makes my day to read through all the reviews!**

**Also, I'm looking for a beta. If you want to be mine PM me, DO NOT EMAIL ME. It doesn't matter if you're not qualified by this site's standards, as long as you can carefully read through my story and fix errors and maybe make notes on what's confusing. **

**Tlcatlady: I promise that Kiyoshi will be punished eventually, though Soubi's idea of punishment for him will be different than what the law decides for him. **

**XPandoraHeartx: I did try to make all the POVs different. Thank you so much :J**

**XLovelessBeloved: Well, the antagonist has to have feelings and motives, too, right? They can't be doing what they do just because they can. They have to have motives and reasons for doing things. For Seimei, it's because he truly believes that the world is created just for he and Ritsuka. For Nisei, he will become a secondary antagonist because he wants Ritsuka out of the way so he can have the only thing (Seimei) that he is being kept from having. For Kiyoshi: he's schizophrenic and attracted to Ritsuka/unable to keep from doing what they do. Maybe all antagonists are insane in a sort of way. Anyways, I'm getting a bit off track. Thank you for all of the kind words!**

**Riaries: I'm glad. That was the main goal of the "Looks" chapters. **

**CrapXhead: I promise I'll go into how he got this way! :J**

**Also, there's a poll on my page about who "allowed" the rape to happen. Yes, it was Kiyoshi's fault, but who was the one that sort of "allowed" it to happen? Please vote if you have the time.**

**Review, please, with your thoughts!**

**~Wolfie**


	13. Demons

**13**

**Demons **

This time, Ritsuka didn't suffer any of the terrible nightmares that seemed to haunt him every time he fell asleep. Instead, his dreams were all about Soubi, Kio, and the new people around him. They were happy, fuzzy dreams, ones that left him with a warm feeling. Luckily, his father and rest of the men who'd raped him were absent. When he awoke, for once, nothing hurt and he was comfortable, even while laying in the slightly stiff mattress that made up Soubi's bed. He didn't open his eyes, though , he wanted to savor the warmth and comfortableness that surrounded him. He was afraid that if he moved, all of that would disappear, leaving him in the deep abyss that was known as pain and heartache.

"…What about a group home?"

Ritsuka really tried his hardest to keep his ears from twitching, and he successfully stilled them. The person talking was Shidoku Koichi, a pediatrician, and a friend of the man Ritsuka called 'Daddy'. Soubi had introduced them before Ritsuka fell asleep. He seemed to be a nice man, and Soubi offered to kick him out when Ritsuka felt a bit scared after finding out he was a friend of his father. He was still wary of him, since he hadn't talked to him much, and hoped that Soubi hadn't left him alone with the man.

"I already talked with Soubi about that. We agreed that it's not a good idea."

Ritsuka relaxed and sighed. The other voice belonged to Kio, who usually stayed with Ritsuka when Soubi was not around. He was safe. Ritsuka trusted him nearly as much as he trusted Soubi. He wouldn't let this man hurt him.

"Why not?" Koichi asked. Ritsuka thought he sounded nearby, probably somewhere by the hospital bed. Where was Soubi? Was he still here, or had he left? Didn't he say he had somewhere to go?

Ritsuka opened his eyes at last and peaked around the room, searching franticly for Soubi. He was nowhere to be seen. Panicking, Ritsuka sat up, looking around with wide eyes. By now, both Kio and Koichi-sensei had noticed him being awake and were looking at him with interest.

"Where's Soubi?" Ritsuka trembled a bit. He already missed Soubi, even though he had just woken up. There was that all-too-familiar ache in his chest, and he knew it wasn't from the heart surgery.

"He went to one of his classes, Rit-chan," Kio held out a letter to Ritsuka, one that was folded into thirds and addressed to Ritsuka. Curiously, Ritsuka took it and unfolded it, looking at the paragraphs of text and immediately recognizing Soubi's distinctive, neat handwriting. Ritsuka draped a blanket around his shivering shoulders and began reading through the letter.

_Ritsuka—_

_ I'm sorry I left without saying goodbye. I was going to, but you looked so adorable asleep__,__ and __by the looks of it,__ you were having a good dream, so I wrote this instead. By the time you wake up, I'll probably be in one of my classes. I left my laptop and took Kio's __instead.__ I have it set up so you can message me, if you __so wish__. _

_ Koichi-san and Kio are going to stay with you. I talked a bit with Koichi-san and he said he'd like to get to know you more. I know you were a little uncomfortable with him at first when I introduced you to him, so if you still feel uncomfortable, just tell Kio. I don't think Koichi-san will take it personally if you or Kio ask him to leave. I also asked him to bring you something to eat, even though I know you haven't __eaten__ solid food __much of__ lately. _

_ There's something __we__ need to talk about once I get back. Your father agreed to be a donor. He asked me to do something, though. Ritsuka, I don't know very much about your extended family, and I wanted to ask you before I said anything. You have a family reunion next week. I can talk to Katsuko-sensei about letting you go, but I don't know if she'll agree __to it__ yet. I'm not so sure if it's a good idea, to be honest, but you're the one who should decide, not me. I'll take you if you want to go. I'll __even__ stay with you, too, and I'll make sure your father won't even speak to you._

_ I also thought I should let you know that you've been put __under__ my insurance __policy__ instead of your parents'__ insurance__. Your legal guardian is Katsuko-sensei right now, __but__we'll__ talk later this week about what's best for you. Personally, I think that you should be involved in that discussion. You're definitely not going to live with your family. I'd like to get custody of you, but if that's not what you want, we'll find somewhere else __for you__ to live. Think hard about this, Ritsuka. I don't think Katsuko-sensei or I should be the ones to decide for you. It involves you, so you should have a say in the situation. We'll talk about it when I get back._

_ It's going to be late when I get back. If you're tired, don't wait up for me__, please get plenty of rest__. I'll __just__ wake you when I get back. I'm going to two of my classes and then stopping __at home__ and at your school to pick up your homework. It'll be about four hours, but by the time you wake up, it'll only be about two or three. You can go on my laptop and talk to me if you want __to now__._

Ritsuka finished the letter and folded it back up, placing it on the bed beside him. He looked up at Kio, asking him quietly, "Can I use Soubi's laptop, please?"

Kio nodded and Ritsuka looked down, thinking about what Soubi wrote. He said he had a choice of where he wanted to live. It was strange having this sort of decision to make. His parents had always made decisions for him without consulting him because he was a kid. Everyone else always automatically assumed that he was unable to make his own decisions just because of his physical age. He always had to do what others thought was best. If his father wanted to take the family to dinner to meet a client, then there was no sense in Ritsuka arguing about it since his older parent's word was law. If Ritsuka wanted to go to a doctor because of a high fever, but if neither his father nor mother were willing to take him, then Ritsuka would have to do what they said just because being older automatically made them 'wiser'.

Soubi had never done that. Actually, Ritsuka took that back. That wasn't true. Soubi had done that a couple times, but the times he had, Ritsuka couldn't complain about it now. Most of the times, Soubi gave him a choice, save for the few times he hadn't. At least Soubi recognized that he had the maturity level to decide what was best or what he wanted to do. Not a lot of people seemed to acknowledge that. The only times Soubi _hadn't _let him make a choice for himself was when Ritsuka was either too sick or incapable of seeing the best choice, like when Soubi first found him and told him he was taking him to the hospital, even though Ritsuka told him he didn't want to go.

_I want to live with Soubi._ There was nothing to think about. He wanted Soubi to be the only one to take care of him. He wanted to be able to date him without the danger of his parents finding out. It would be nice to have a home that he could return to without worrying about being beaten for coming back a minute late. He would no longer be hit and ridiculed every day. He would no longer come home to people that didn't love him. He would actually get to eat everyday and spend every night with Soubi, the person who loved him.

Ritsuka didn't know what he'd do if he wasn't allowed to live with Soubi. He'd run away from wherever he was. There was no telling what other people would do to him. What if he was placed with a family no different from his real family? What if all they did was rape and beat him? What if they just ignored him completely and Ritsuka ended up underfed and unsure of what to do with himself again? Yes, if the court or anyone else tried to put him with anyone other than Soubi, he would run away. He didn't trust anyone else to do the job right.

Ritsuka read the letter over again, this time focusing on a different part of the letter. That was right, his family was having a reunion this year. He really didn't see his extended family often. In fact, the last time he saw them was probably last Christmas, when his father dragged him down there to celebrate with the rest of the family, even though all Ritsuka wanted to do was spend the holiday with his boyfriend.

Ritsuka's extended family wasn't so bad. He really only knew his father's side, since his mother's family either hated them or had no idea where they were. His grandmother was strict, old-fashioned, and maybe just a bit overprotective, but she was nice most of the time, even though she clearly favored Ritsuka's father above anyone else. Then there was Ritsuka's dad's brother, Ritsuka's uncle, who Ritsuka saw and liked more than any other adult in his family. He often visited Ritsuka and called a lot, too. He was nice, but he looked nearly identical to Kiyoshi, even though was nearly a ten year age difference between the two. His father's sister was the only person Ritsuka had a problem with. Well, her and her daughter. They, for some reason, absolutely despised Ritsuka. He had no idea why. His aunt criticized _everything_ and made fun of him if he did the slightest thing wrong. Her daughter was no different. Ritsuka found that if he stayed out of their way, though, it was all right.

During the last reunion, Ritsuka was fortunate enough to bond with a couple of his very distant cousins, some of whom were around his age. His family didn't have many children and the distant family was no exception. Ritsuka hoped that his distant cousins would be there, as well as his uncle. It'd be nice to see them again, and he'd like to introduce some of his family to Soubi as well.

Ritsuka wanted to go to the reunion, and he wanted Soubi to take him. They would stay at his grandmother's house with the immediate descendants of his grandmother (his uncle, aunt, and close cousins). Ritsuka would probably be forced to sleep in the basement because his aunt claimed that children would only wake the others during the night since they 'stayed up all hours', even though there would be available space upstairs. He wanted Soubi to sleep in the basement with him, but he would understand if he wanted to sleep in a room upstairs and out of the cold, musty basement.

"Here, Rit-chan."

Ritsuka snapped out of his thoughts and took Soubi's laptop out of Kio's hands. He opened it, and logged in as 'Soubi', wondering if Soubi was in the middle of a class and would be able to talk to him. Ritsuka would be disappointed if he couldn't, but he understood why. Soubi had school. He took many important classes that Ritsuka knew he shouldn't keep him from for too long.

"Ritsuka-san." Ritsuka glanced up, a little surprised; he had forgotten that Koichi-sensei was still in the room. The man smiled, and Ritsuka felt himself beginning to ease. Maybe this man really was safe. He did work with kids, after all. "Did you sleep well?"

"Yes, thank you," Ritsuka nodded, replying politely. He examined the older man quietly, looking him over and trying to decide whether or not it was alright to trust him. He looked to be older than Soubi, but younger than his dad, probably in his mid- to late-twenties. He was also shorter than Soubi, but around normal height. There was something strange about him, though, and the more Ritsuka looked at him, the more he saw what had bothered him. This man looked vaguely similar to Ritsuka. He had a similar facial structure and his hair was the same style as Ritsuka's hair.

Ritsuka looked back at the laptop, signing into the messaging program as himself and saw immediately that Soubi was online.

…

Soubi was sitting in a rather boring lecture class, only half paying attention to the lecture and the presentation on the screen. It was dull and he only wanted to talk to Ritsuka and listen to what he had to say. His thoughts were all over the place, and none of them here in the class he was supposed to be paying attention to. He thought about Ritsuka's father, and how desperate he had sounded when he had caught Soubi on his way out. It was like Kiyoshi had completely changed. One moment he was completely against being a donor for Ritsuka, and an hour later he was completely willing, even begging Soubi to let Ritsuka attend the reunion. It seemed like an extremely sudden change of heart and honestly, it made Soubi rather suspicious.

_What the hell could he want? _Soubi tapped his pencil on the table, deep in thought. Kiyoshi clearly had ulterior motives. He had something up his sleeve. There had to be some sort of reason why he begged Soubi to take Ritsuka to his family reunion. Was this some sort of plot to get closer to Ritsuka? Did he think he was going to be able to sweep Ritsuka away? If so, Kiyoshi must've seriously underestimated Soubi. There was no way he'd let Ritsuka even get near Kiyoshi and he was an idiot to believe that Soubi would give him the chance to talk to Ritsuka.

Soubi had never met any of Ritsuka's extended family, he knew nothing about them. Ritsuka never talked about them or visited them, so Soubi had just assumed that his relationship with them wasn't very good to begin with. Perhaps he was wrong, though. Maybe Ritsuka would want to go to the reunion. In that case, Soubi would get permission to take Ritsuka and would stay with him and keep him away from his father.

A very quiet chime sounded from Kio's laptop, alerting several students fervently taking notes of a new message. Soubi smiled, pushing the Ritsuka doodle in his notebook off to the side, knowing that the message was from the little teen at the hospital.

_ RitsukaA: Can you talk or are you doing something important?_

Soubi smiled even more, reading through the message again. Ritsuka was so cute. He actually cared if Soubi had time for him or not. Of course Ritsuka was his top priority, so he'd always be able to make time for him. Quickly, he typed a message back to the young boy, not wanting to keep him waiting.

_ 0928Soubi: I can talk. It's just a lecture class—boring and unimportant. _

He really _should_ be paying attention, but anything was more interesting than this _damn_ history class. There was too much to think about, things that seemed much more important than learning about the major battles of whatever war the class was focusing on now. The only reason why he took the class was because Kio was taking it, and it was a necessary credit for both of them. He was recording the class, anyways, so they could review it for the upcoming test.

_ RitsukaA: You know, lecture classes are important, too. _

_ RitsukaA: What's that class even about, anyways? You always just say it's a lecture class._

Curious little Ritsuka. He was always so curious. It wasn't a bad thing, in fact, it It was good. Soubi liked his curiosity, although he hated when Ritsuka seemed too scared to ask a question. Soubi wished there was a way to tell him that it would be alright to ask or tell him anything, even if it had to do with Soubi's past. He wasn't going to hide anything, though certain topics would be hard to talk about. Ritsuka was bound to ask about that sometime soon, anyways.

_ 0928Soubi: It's a history class._

_ 0928Soubi: What are you up to?_

_ 0928Soubi: Did you sleep well?_

Soubi had had his fair share of nightmares, mainly about Ritsu or even Seimei taking Ritsuka away, but Ritsuka really had it bad. He seemed to have more nightmares than good dreams. Whenever he had them, Soubi was unable to wake him from them no matter how hard he tried. He tossed, turned, shouted, and screamed. Worst of all, he cried. He sobbed in his sleep and Soubi could only watch, his heart aching as Ritsuka cried into his pillow and yelled for his sadistic daddy to stop and get away from him. Then, he would wake up and start crying again and apologize for wetting the bed, something that Soubi knew and understood he had no control over. He would stop eventually, but it seemed to help Ritsuka when Soubi held him and told him it was alright. It was terrible that Ritsuka still beat himself up over it, as if he thought Soubi was going to yell at him or hit him for something he had absolutely no control over.

_RitsukaA: I slept really well, actually. _

_ RitsukaA: I'm just talking with Koichi-sensei._

Shidoku Koichi was Aoyagi Kiyoshi's boyfriend and a pediatrician at the hospital. He appeared to have been in the dark about what Kiyoshi did to his son until Soubi had confronted Kiyoshi in front of him. He had told Soubi that he wanted to help, so Soubi let him meet Ritsuka. Ritsuka had been a bit shy and scared at first, but it turned out that he had never met Koichi-san, meaning that he was not one of the men Kiyoshi sold him to. Soubi thought he seemed to be a kind and virtuous man, his only motive being to help, so Soubi left him with Kio to stay with Ritsuka.

_0928Soubi: Are you alright with him? I'll come back if you need me to._

Soubi would truly give anything for Ritsuka. It wasn't because Seimei told him to, and that hadn't been the case for a very long time. He was in love with Ritsuka and would openly admit it to anyone who asked.

_RitsukaA: I'm fine, Soubi._

_ RitsukaA: I know it'll be late__,__ but can we do something when you get back?_

That was the reason he couldn't let go of what happened. That was the reason Soubi would never forgive himself. He loved Ritsuka. He loved him more than anything. Ritsuka had always been good and never did anything to even remotely make Soubi angry. He didn't fight when Soubi put him to bed. He got high marks and never got in trouble in school. Then, this happened. This happened, to someone Soubi loved and would never let go of again. And it was all his fault. If only he hadn't messed up… perhaps Ritsuka would be sitting in Soubi's apartment, laughing and smiling, maybe curled up beside Soubi on the couch, snuggled into his side, still with his innocence and his happiness. He wouldn't be stuck in the hospital, barely able to walk and terrified to sleep or be touched by anyone except Soubi and Katsuko-sensei.

_0928Soubi: I can read to you when I get back, if you'd like._

_0928Soubi: Did you think about your family reunion at all?_

Getting out of the hospital would be good for Ritsuka. He clearly didn't enjoy being cooped up in the ward, barred from leaving. He wasn't even allowed to go outside the ward alone. Soubi tried to stay with him as much as he could, but he did have to leave sometimes, even though he hated to stray away from the boy. Ritsuka got lonely in the hospital alone and probably bored, too. There really wasn't too much to do, especially since he never saw the other kids.

_RitsukaA: I want to go._

_ RitsukaA: You'll come with __me__, right? I want to introduce you to my family. _

_ 0928Soubi: I'll take you. __We'll__ have to get permission from Katsuko-sensei first, though._

Soubi wondered what the rest of Ritsuka's family was like. He assumed the reunion was for his father's side, not his mother's side. Would that entire family be exactly like Kiyoshi? Would they all be as evil and sadistic as him? Was that sort of thing hereditary in his family? Soubi knew that parents who abused their children were often abused as children themselves. Misaki had been abused by her father, as Soubi had suspected. He knew that from hearing her scream at Ritsuka. Maybe it had been the same with Kiyoshi, not that it excused what he did at all. It would _explain_ what he did, though.

_RitsukaA: Is it __all right__ that I'm excited?_

_ 0928Soubi: It's perfectly alright, Ritsuka._

_ 0928Soubi: What's the rest of your family like?_

Surely not _everyone _in that family could be horrible rapists. Kiyoshi was probably just the black sheep of the family. To Soubi, he was completely unlikable and simply a bastard. He didn't see how anyone could like him, even if it was his own family. He was selfish, sadistic, violent, and just an overall terrible person.

_RitsukaA: My grandma is nice, but she probably won't like you at first._

_ RitsukaA: I talk to my uncle a lot on the phone. I really like him. I can't wait to introduce you to him! I think you'll like him._

_ 0928Soubi: Is this your mother's side __of the family__?_

Soubi had to wait a few minutes for Ritsuka to reply.

_RitsukaA: No._

So it was Kiyoshi's side, just as Soubi had thought. He hoped he hadn't upset Ritsuka by asking.

_ 0928Soubi: Is it just your uncle and your grandmother? __That's__ a small family reunion._

_ RitsukaA: Oh, no! _

_ RitsukaA: There's my aunt, __too,__ but__ I don't like her very much._

_ 0928Soubi: Why is that?_

Soubi expected another long silence, but Ritsuka replied quickly.

_RitsukaA: She's just not very nice. You'll see __what I mean when you get to know her__. Her daughter is the same way._

_ RitsukaA: We'll be staying at my grandma's house with those four and a couple others._

_ RitsukaA: There's a lot more people coming to the reunion, but most stay at a hotel._

Ritsuka was only counting his aunt, his uncle, his first cousin, and his grandmother. He completely left his father out, meaning that he didn't want to see him at the reunion. Soubi would make sure that Kiyoshi stayed far, far away. He didn't even want him in the same house as Ritsuka.

_0928Soubi: 'a couple others'? _

_ RitsukaA: Yeah. Other adults closely related to my grandmother and her kids._

_ 0928Soubi: Are there enough rooms?_

_ RitsukaA: Probably._

_ RitsukaA: I have to sleep in the basement, anyways. It doesn't really matter if __there are__ open rooms or not… _

_ 0928Soubi: They make you sleep in the basement?_

That seemed quite harsh, especially if there were better places to sleep. Ritsuka spoke highly about his family, but it seemed they treated him badly, too, just not as badly as Kiyoshi and Misaki had. At least, that was how it sounded. Soubi didn't want to stay there if they treated Ritsuka badly, even if the boy did still want to attend his reunion. If they were just going to treat Ritsuka like crap, Soubi would take Ritsuka to the nearest hotel and they would stay there.

_RitsukaA: It's not so bad, Soubi._

_ RitsukaA: It's a finished basement and it __even__ has a bathroom, it's just __somewhat__…lonely. _

_ RitsukaA: You can sleep upstairs if you want. It gets really cold in the basement and the bed is a little springy on one side._

_ 0928Soubi: __No, I'll be happy to sleep in the basement with you__. _

_ 0928Soubi: Why do you have to sleep in__ there anyways__?_

…

"Do you have a boyfriend, Ritsuka?"

Ritsuka looked up at Koichi-san (Ritsuka had stopped calling him Koichi-sensei), surprised at his question. He tensed up, unsure of how to answer. It could be a trick question. Maybe he just wanted an excuse to yell at Ritsuka. He seemed nice, other people had fooled Ritsuka before. He remembered how his father had taken the picture of Soubi out of Ritsuka's room and led him to believe that he would give the photo back if Ritsuka told him Soubi's name. His father had burned that picture. Ritsuka wasn't going to fall for that old trick again.

Still, though, Koichi-san seemed nice. Kio was here, too, and he wouldn't let him yell at Ritsuka. He was sure of that. Soubi already told him that he'd come back if Ritsuka needed him to. If he told the truth, it'd be alright.

Ritsuka nodded silently, turning his attention back to the laptop. He was still chatting with Soubi, talking to him about his family reunion.

_RitsukaA: My auntie thinks I stay up too late and I'm too loud. _

_ RitsukaA: The basement isn't so bad, though._

_ RitsukaA: __At least__ I won't be lonely if you're __there__ with me._

_ 0928Soubi: It seems rather unfair._

_ RitsukaA: I guess…_

_ 0928Soubi: I think I'll have a word with your aunt when we go._

Ritsuka sat back and wrapped his arms around his legs. Truthfully, he was really excited to be (hopefully) going, especially since Soubi was coming with him. Perhaps he could really talk some sense into Ritsuka's aunt and they wouldn't have to sleep in the cold, damp basement. It wasn't too bad, but it got extremely cold while the mold and dust sometimes made Ritsuka sick, but at least he wouldn't be lonely this time. Soubi would stay down there with him, which just made everything better. It would be private down there, more so than the upstairs. Anybody could walk in on them upstairs and see them kissing or hugging with no warning other than the knock on the door, which was purely optional anyways. In the downstairs, there were stairs going upstairs and a main room with a sitting area for people and a washing machine in the corner. In another room, there was a 'bedroom' of sorts with a pullout couch and a small television set. A full bathroom was attached to the 'bedroom'. If they stayed in the basement, there would be enough warning if someone came down and they would have actual privacy.

_ RitsukaA: I don't know if you'll be able to convince her._

_ 0928Soubi: It's unfair that you're forced to sleep in the basement when there's more than enough room upstairs._

_ RitsukaA: I know…_

"Is your boyfriend in your grade, Ritsuka-kun?" Koichi-san asked, reminding Ritsuka that he was still there. Shyly, Ritsuka looked up at him, caught off-guard once again by the question. He couldn't stop the little tremor that ran through his body, though he tried to hide it. What was the right answer? No matter how hard he tried, Ritsuka could not figure out what this man wanted to hear from him. There was always an answer people wanted from him and it made him a nervous wreck to try to sort out what it was. He feared getting yelled at, just as his father had done so many times when he told him something he didn't want to hear.

Again, Ritsuka decided against his better intentions and told the truth. He shook his head, not saying a single word. He went back to his conversation with Soubi, knowing that if he looked at Koichi-san's face, he would know if he got that question right or not. He didn't want to know. He didn't want to find out if he'd disappointed yet another person who just wanted to help.

_RitsukaA: Soubi?_

_ 0928Soubi: Sorry__,__ I __was__ called on._

_ 0928Soubi: Why don't you stand up to her?_

_ RitsukaA: She's mean and __she__ scares me a little._

Koichi-san apparently decided to drop the topic of Ritsuka's boyfriend and instead moved onto other topics, like Ritsuka's hobbies and likes. He eased up a lot, feeling a lot more comfortable with this man, now. Ritsuka continued his conversation with Soubi, as well.

_0928Soubi: I'll talk to her, I promise._

_ 0928Soubi: I'm going to pick up your missed school work. Should we start on it tomorrow?_

_ RitsukaA: You'll help me?_

_ 0928Soubi: Yes, of course._

_ 0928Soubi: __I'd__ be happy to teach you. _

_ RitsukaA: I like the way you teach me._

_ RitsukaA: My teachers will let you? What will I do for tests?_

_ 0928Soubi: They have to let me. They can't come in and teach you and I __already__ know the material by heart._

_ 0928Soubi: __I'll give you tests, quizzes, and then I'll take those and the rest of your schoolwork back to your teachers._

School. Ritsuka missed school quite a bit now that he hadn't attended in quite a while. Oddly, he liked going and learning new things. Other kids hated school, mainly because of all the homework and studying, but Ritsuka actually liked those things more than he liked school. The only reason he got such high marks was because Soubi helped him after school. He helped Ritsuka study, he helped with his homework, and he helped to explain the things Ritsuka didn't understand from the lesson alone. They always took breaks so Ritsuka didn't get headaches from the long hours of nonstop working.

Ritsuka missed his friends a lot, too. He only had a couple—Yuiko and Yayoi from his current school and Osamu from his old school—but they were good friends. Did they know he was in the hospital? Ritsuka did miss a lot of school because of sickness, injuries, and emotional pain. Soubi tried to make him go to school as much as possible, but sometimes Ritsuka would just hug one of Soubi's pillows and cry to him about his mother, passing off his father's beatings and constant tendency to kick Ritsuka out as his mother's doing. This was only once or twice a month, but Soubi seemed to understand. As a result, though, he did sometimes have absences that were sudden and Ritsuka never talked about them when he came back. That being said, his friends probably had no idea that he was in the hospital. They probably just thought he had the flu or had disappeared off the face of the earth again.

_RitsukaA: Will you do something for me after you go to the school?_

_ 0928Soubi: Sure. What is it? Do you want me to stop at your house?_

_ RitsukaA: No…that's not it._

_ RitsukaA: Could you please __stop by__ Yuiko's apartment and tell her I'm in the hospital?_

_ RitsukaA: Please, I don't want her to wonder._

_ 0928Soubi: Don't worry, Ritsuka._

_ 0928Soubi: I'll stop over there __first__ and then head back to my place._

_ RitsukaA: Thank you, Soubi. I really do appreciate it. _

Soubi really did do a lot for Ritsuka. He stayed at the hospital with him and took care of him while spending a lot of time with the boy, two things that he did even when Ritsuka was well and at home with day, he let Ritsuka know that he loved him, something that he appreciated more than anything Soubi could ever do.

_0928Soubi: There's no need to thank me, Ritsuka._

_ 0928Soubi: Should I tell Natsuo and Youji they can come to the hospital tomorrow afternoon? I think they want to see you._

_ RitsukaA: I want to see them again, too._

"I'm thirteen," Ritsuka told Koichi-san, when the older man asked his age, curiously looking at the tray on the rolling table next to Soubi's bed. Of course, he was hungry, especially since Soubi and the nurses did not give him anything too heavy. He still had an IV hook in him, and that's where he was receiving most of his nutrients until he could stomach to eat more food. Still, He was glad that he was finally given the okay to eat real food. Still, the food on the tray just sent his mind into another large flurry. There were things he really liked, such as a tuna sandwich and fruit, and there were things that he absolutely hated, but the Old Ritsuka liked. Was he being tested again? His mother always did that and Ritsuka would end up getting hit if he chose the wrong food. He had thought that being taken away from his house would put a stop to all the endless tests and the terrible beatings.

Koichi-san looked at Ritsuka with curiosity, not with the menace and malevolence that Ritsuka was so familiar with. The older man spoke with softness and gentleness, just as Soubi did when he was comforting Ritsuka, "I thought you were fifteen. Wasn't your birthday pretty recent?"

Ritsuka picked up an apple and shook his head, peeling the sticker off the fruit. Soubi had really begun to take an affect of Ritsuka's eating habits. He started to like eating healthier foods now. Without looking at Koichi-san, Ritsuka started eating quietly, ignoring the foods he didn't like and hoping he didn't come across as rude for doing so.

"My birthday is at the end of December," Ritsuka said as he put down his apple to write to Soubi again.

_RitsukaA: Can Yuiko and Yayoi come, too?_

_ 0928Soubi: I'll see if they want to._

There was a short pause before Ritsuka received another message; it was a surprisingly long pause for Soubi.

_0928Soubi: You know that Yuiko has a crush on you, right?_

Yes, Ritsuka knew that, he'd known for quite a while now. She followed Ritsuka around with huge eyes and a love-stricken expression on her face. How could anybody _not _know? She was a good friend, though, and that was _all_ she was to Ritsuka. The only person he liked more than a friend was Soubi and those kinds of emotions were reserved _just_ for him. He didn't flirt with Yuiko or try to egg her on, but he wouldn't just leave her because she had a crush on him.. She was a good and reliable person, and she would grow out of her crush for him.

_RitsukaA: Yes, I know._

_ RitsukaA: She's __only__ a friend, though._

Koichi-san took a minute or so to ask another question, and when he did, he smiled in a kind way, and Ritsuka couldn't help but to let his constant guard down a little more, "Did you celebrate your birthday?"

Ritsuka flushed red, remembering clearly the day he turned thirteen.

_Ritsuka knew that it was going to be a good day when he woke up to the sound of Soubi locking Ritsuka's bedroom door and closing the curtains to the only source of light in the room. He'd been sleeping in half hour intervals since first waking up to the few winter birds outside chirping annoyingly loud and the horribly bright white morning sunlight coming through the panes of the sliding glass doors. __He didn't want to get up today, especially since the dishes and his father's mess from the night before still loomed over his head.__He'd be beat if he didn't clean all of that up soon._

_ "I have to get up," Ritsuka mumbled as Soubi finished closing the curtains._

_ "Lay __back__ down, Ritsuka," Soubi told him, sitting on the bed just as Ritsuka __leaned on his elbow to prop himself up to a pseudo sitting up position__. Ritsuka flopped back down. __He was tired and he didn't want to get up and have to start working__. It was a Saturday__, but it was__ also his birthday. All he wanted to do was not get hurt and sleep __just__ little longer._

_ "I have to __clean__," Ritsuka muttered half-heartedly, his eyes closing in the nice darkness of the bedroom. "I have to get up. I'll get in trouble if I don't clean up. I have to get up. I have to…"_

_ "Shh," Soubi stroked his hair, only luring Ritsuka closer __to the sleep that he so desperately needed__. "It's morning. It's Saturday. It's your birthday. Sleep, Ritsuka. You deserve it."_

_ Ritsuka began to protest, "But…but…but…" Oh, the darkness felt so good. Soubi must've brought more blankets and wrapped him up right before he woke the __newfound teenager__ up, because Ritsuka was warm even though he'd found himself violently shivering in the cold sheets during the night. And Soubi was here, too, __with__ his door locked. Now he wanted Soubi to slide into bed next to __him, wrap the blankets around them both__ and, cuddle __with him__. That'd be a nice way to start the morning…_

_ Soubi pulled the blankets tighter around him, "I already __took care of__ the dishes and cleaned up the downstairs. You shouldn't have to do any work today."_

_Ritsuka sighed in relief; he hated doing the work since it ended up being so much.__ His father and his friends were always loud and they threw up on the carpet when they got too drunk. __If he didn't clean the broken glass along with the puke and other mysterious stains, his father would either shove his nose into the foul-smelling carpet or throw him out into the cold. Sometimes he would do both. Either way, Ritsuka was treated like a misbehaved cat._

_ "Thank you, Soubi," Ritsuka whispered, reaching up to pull Soubi down __to his level__. "Lay with me."_

Ritsuka clutched Sou-chan, his stuffed bear, and nodded, thinking of that as one of his best memories. He was able to spend his entire day with Soubi. It didn't really matter what happened when he went back to his house. He'd had a good day. A few minutes' worth of turning into his father's punching bag didn't change the fact it had been a good day.

"Soubi gave me a new camera and then he took me out to dinner," Ritsuka spoke quietly, reminiscing about the pleasant memory. He had lost his camera about a week before his birthday, which was odd because the day it disappeared it was charging right next to his desktop computer. Ritsuka had been distraught, since he hadn't loaded the most recent pictures of him and Soubi yet, and they had turned Ritsuka's room upside down looking for his precious digital camera. Finally, they had given up and, about week later, on Ritsuka's birthday, Soubi took him out on a walk and handed him a badly wrapped box and kissed him on the lips. Inside, Ritsuka found a new camera, one that was even better than his old one.

That was one of his best days of his life. Strangely enough, so was the day that Ritsuka got his report card back. He'd always thought that if most of his day had been good and he had spent it with the people he loved, then it didn't matter what happened later. When he looked back on the afternoon, he smiled and recalled Soubi telling him he was proud and hugging him in front of everyone. When he thought of that day in general, though, he remembered his father's terrible words. Usually, though, receiving a beating didn't make a day _bad_; but there were those few occasions where it was a close call.

_RitsukaA: Soubi?_

_ RitsukaA: Are you angry that I haven't told her I don't like her that way?_

_ 0928Soubi: Sorry, I had to answer another question. I don't think this teacher likes me very much._

Ritsuka fought back a laugh. Soubi complained about his classes sometimes, but Ritsuka found it funny when he did, since he apparently really seemed to anger his teachers.

_RitsukaA: Maybe your teacher would like you more if you actually listened._

_ 0928Soubi: I suppose so._

_ 0928Soubi: Or maybe I should actually try to get the questions right._

_ RitsukaA: That would help._

_ RitsukaA: Are you angry?_

_ 0928Soubi: No, Ritsuka. I wouldn't get angry even if you did like her._

_ 0928Soubi: I'd __just__ be extremely jealous._

_ RitsukaA: Well, I don't like her that __way__._

_ RitsukaA: …I like you that way…_

"What about your parents?" Koichi-san pressed on, sounding as if he was unsure to ask the question.

Ritsuka wished he didn't bring that up. He only wanted to remember the good part of that day, not the part where he returned home since his father was coming home around that time more often. It was probably around the first week his father had started to abuse his son just as his wife had done in the past. The man's lawyer friends were over a lot as well, and Ritsuka was the one who cleaned up after all the wild nights. That particular day, he snuck back into the house to pack an overnight bag to stay with Soubi, smiling as he ran down the streets to his house with his new camera dangling off his wrist full of new memories.

Ritsuka's grip on Sou-chan tightened considerably and he hugged the soft bear close. "…Mom ignored me," Ritsuka answered, staring at the laptop, waiting for another message from Soubi. "And… when I told Dad it was my birthday, he hit me and told me to get out, so I spent the night at Soubi's apartment."

When Ritsuka unlocked the door, he headed for the stairs, but he walked in on his mother and father fighting. Suddenly, all the happiness he felt and color drained from his face. His mother's tear stained face was forever engrained in his mind, just like the images of his father's anger that boiled down to wanting to hit Misaki. As soon as Kiyoshi turned to Ritsuka, the boy's mother made her escape to the sanctuary of the bedroom and slammed the door. After she locked it securely, she cried loudly behind its safety.

"It's…it's the twenty-first," Ritsuka had told his angered father, managing a wobbly smile. He had clutched his new camera hard in his hand. He wasn't going to have his father take it away from him.

"I know what damn day it is," His dad had grumbled. "I'm not an idiot."

"It's my birthday," Ritsuka had tried again. All he had wanted was a dumb 'happy birthday'. Just earlier that week, he'd gone to the park with his friends and seen a father playing with his son, hugging him and telling him happy birthday. Soubi had done that for him, but Soubi wasn't his father.

Ritsuka still remembered the expression of disgust his father had made on that day. It still scared him, even after three and a half months. He should've just run upstairs and called Soubi at that point. Maybe…maybe then he wouldn't have ended up in the hospital, half-afraid of his own shadow. If only he had just told Soubi earlier, told him about getting hit and thrown out and how his own daddy got hard when he beat his son, even though he'd always tried his hardest to ignore the last fact. Soubi would've pulled him from his household immediately. He would've prevented all this from happening. But Ritsuka hadn't told him. He had ordered Soubi not to do anything to his mother, and had passed off all his father's abuse as his mother's doing. He hid what had happened. He had lied to Soubi out of fear of his father. Now he was suffering the consequences.

"That doesn't seem like a very good birthday…" Koichi-san commented softly.

"I know it doesn't seem very good," Ritsuka finally made eye contact with him, finding kindness in his blue eyes, "But it could've been a lot worse. I was happy to spend most of my day with Soubi. A few minutes of being hit and yelled at shouldn't change that, right? Besides, I like spending the night with Soubi."

…

An hour or so later, Katsuko-sensei came to get Ritsuka, asking him if he'd like to go to the pediatric ward and draw. Ritsuka agreed, having found a new liking for drawing, even though he wasn't very good. Katsuko-sensei seemed mildly distracted as she led Ritsuka down the hallway towards the entrance to the ward. Ritsuka barely noticed, and tried to keep up with her, limping a bit.

Ritsuka was happy to finally get out of the ward. He was looking around, as he didn't go out of his room very often. He glanced at the nurse's station, expecting to see just a familiar nurse working at the counter. Instead, he saw something that seemingly made time stop.

He was asleep in a chair, looking strangely human in an oversized coat and a green scarf wrapped loosely around his neck. He was breathing softly, his expression and appearance so different from the horned, winged monster he saw just hours earlier. He even appeared to be normal in this position and environment. This couldn't be the same demon Ritsuka saw in his dreams and whenever he closed his eyes, could it?

Ritsuka didn't even notice that he had stopped walking and was frozen in his spot until Katsuko-sensei grabbed his wrist and _dragged_ Ritsuka to the door.

No, no, no, no, no.

This hospital was his safe place. No one could infiltrate it. This was the place that that…that _monster_ would never be able to get into. He was not here. He was not asleep in that chair. He couldn't be. Demons never slept. Ritsuka was just seeing things. He was hallucinating. Maybe he was still asleep and he'd wake up and Soubi would be there to comfort him. This wasn't real. This wasn't real. _This was not real!_

Ritsuka tried to say something, tried to ask for help, just like he should've before all this happened. This time, though, it wouldn't come out. A block of ice had frozen solid in his throat, frosting over his lips and making it impossible for him to form the two simple words 'help me'. Still, he tried, knowing full well that it was too late to ask for help. It was months too late. Now, things couldn't be fixed. Ritsuka was here in the hospital, only standing because his weight was supported by his therapist, stuttering like a mindless idiot, because he'd been too afraid to ask for help, even though he knew that if he'd asked Soubi, he would've been able to fix everything.

It was too much, just too much. Ritsuka couldn't talk properly or even stand on his own after seeing the sleeping monster with its wings folded against its body and its claws retracted. Now, he couldn't even remember who was holding him upright. Where was he? This wasn't his house or even Soubi's apartment. He couldn't remember. Everything was leaving him at an alarmingly fast pace. Why, why, why was that demon being kept here? He should've been locked in a cage and taken far, far away, maybe to a zoo where all the kids could poke and prod at _him_ and he would be restrained from taking the innocent children as his prisoner as he done with Ritsuka. By now, he'd lost the ability to function completely and retreated into his own mind, in an attempt to get away from the monster.

…

* * *

**Hello!**

**I'm so sorry for the long wait for this chapter. I promise it won't be that long anymore. **

**Thanks to MewCherryBlosson1, StandingOnTheRooftops, Daichi-Akatsuki, Kage Ookami-Oni, Yumiithecutie, Anelir-sensei, Lolita, Allicatm Killyjoy000, Kiwasaki-chan3, , KnightGuardian, Anon, Mad Maggie, Damian Richter, Gurgicalcipher, Riaries, Xxpsychocupcake, a-kun, Serenity Lhane, Promocat, Raciel, Witch19, Alois Pinstripe, Tamer Lorika, and Tlcatlady for reviewing! I loved reading through all of them! Please review again~**

**Tamer Lorika: I was hoping someone would point out that line! And yes, Soubi will come back. **

**Alois Pinstripe: Well, he's going to be ONE of the bad guys~ Also, we have a loooong way to go until the ending.**

**Damian Richter: I'm sorry to hear about your home life : I'm glad my story is realistic enough to move people to tears.**

**Daichi-Akatsuki: Yeah, Seimei will appear in person pretty soon~**

**Special thanks to Rai Yazuki for agreeing to beta this story! You did an absolutely wonderful job with this chapter!**

**So, please review and tell me what you think of this chapter! I promise there won't be an entire month between this and chapter fourteen!**

**~Wolfie**


	14. The Meaning of Family

14

The Meaning of Family

Soubi's final class was nearly over at last. He'd been forced to listen for the past hour since Ritsuka had gone with Katsuko to do therapy. To say the least, he missed his little Sacrifice and was eager to get back to the hospital as soon as possible. He filled multiple pages with doodles of Ritsuka instead of taking notes, and he almost forgot to record the second class so he could review later. He was anxious to see little Ritsuka again. He'd seemed to be feeling better when they'd chatted on the computer. Tomorrow he might be up to seeing his friends again. Ritsuka had asked him to go to Yuiko's house and tell her that Ritsuka was currently hospitalized.

That was where he was headed now, after, of course, going to Ritsuka's school to get his homework and talk to the teachers about Natsuo and Youji. He'd been mulling something over lately, something that stemmed from the comment Katsuko had made about his apartment being small. Right now, three people lived in an apartment meant for only one person. Ritsuka would be moving in, too, and Kio as well. That apartment was too small for a family this size.

Soubi added a small doodle of a house off to the side of his paper as the teacher announced the homework. Hanabi-san, an aspiring manga artist and acquaintance of Soubi's, watched, not even taking down notes herself. It was a strange concept to Soubi since he never had a family before. He'd never really thought about it either since he always thought that he would always be someone else's belonging. He never thought his life would've taken the turn that he it did, that he'd wind up with someone who saw him as 'Soubi', and not 'Beloved' or 'that blank Fighter'. He'd always thought of himself as a belonging, especially after his time with Seimei, time that he thought would never end.

Soubi smiled, stopping on that moment for a bit. That was how the saying went: 'you don't know what you have until it's gone'. That usually meant that one didn't realize what a great thing they had until it was gone. Not in this case. Until Seimei was gone, Soubi hadn't realized that he _wanted_ that time with Seimei to end until it did. When his master had 'died' and Soubi had gone to Ritsuka, he had an awakening of some sort. At that point, Seimei had beaten almost all of the 'person' out of him and simple made him a personality-less tool, a vessel. Nothing more. But Ritsuka, oh, Ritsuka! He had taken that little sliver of 'person' and made Soubi build on that until there was no more room left. Yes, he was no longer a vessel, but a real person, just like Ritsuka, Natsou, Youji, and Kio.

"Agatsuma-san," Hanabi tapped Soubi on the shoulder lightly, whispering to him, neither of them paying any attention to the rambling teacher. "Who's that boy you're drawing? He's not your son

Soubi tried hard not to laugh. Ritsuka? His son? Just the thought brought some sort of morbid humor to his mind. Hanabi-san had no idea what she was implying. Soubi didn't snap at her for asking for that reason, but it was still humorous and brought back Soubi's burning disdain for that _wretched_ man.

"No, no," Soubi replied quietly. "His name is Ritsuka. It's…complicated." He really couldn't describe their relationship in one word and he couldn't say much more without making her suspicious.

"Isn't Ritsuka a girls' name?" Hanabi-san stared at Soubi's notebook, looking over the multiple sketches. "Does he live with you?"

Soubi nodded, even though that was technically a lie. Ritsuka didn't live with it _yet_, but he would, even if it meant using spells to sway whoever decided. That's how much he loved Ritsuka. He would put himself through any amount of danger for Ritsuka. Using a mind control spell would weaken Soubi's physical strength, but it was also deemed illegal by the Septimal Moon Council. They threw Fighters in prison for that sort of thing, though they might go easy on him since he worked for them, even if all he did was finances and paper work.

Trying to be quiet, Soubi slipped Hanabi-san the picture of Ritsuka he kept in his wallet. "He's thirteen." _Too young for this to be happening to him._

"He's adorable!" Hanabi held up the picture. "Oh, can I meet him some day? I'd love to draw him!"

Soubi nodded again, smiling a little. Ritsuka was going to come live with him. He was finally going to have someone who loved him and cared about him.

…

"Yuiko, get the door!"  
Soubi stood outside the door of Yuiko-chan's apartment, impatiently waiting for either Yuiko or Hawatari-san, her mother, to come to the door. He could hear her mother yelling to get the door, and then the padding of feet, something that made him think of Ritsuka. Was the boy okay? Would he be happy if Soubi told Yuiko she could visit him at the hospital? It'd be a nice surprise for him. It was probably good for him to see kids his own age, not just Soubi, Kio, Koichi-san, and Katsuko-sensei.

Soubi checked his phone, making sure he hadn't missed calls from anyone. He wished that Kiyoshi hadn't destroyed Ritsuka's cell. That man had shattered Ritsuka's phone, the only link Ritsuka had to Soubi when he was away, probably right in front of the boy too, just to make him feel like there was no hope of Soubi coming to save him. Kiyoshi had most likely found the tracker and planted it somewhere to deter Soubi. He'd have to get the boy a new phone now. That wasn't a problem; of course, it just angered him that Kiyoshi would break something important to Ritsuka.

Actually that wasn't the first time that Kiyoshi had done something like that. It was the third. First it was Ritsuka's progress report, something the teen had been excited to show to his parents, expecting a simple 'good job' or a pat on the head, nothing extravagant or undeserved, just an acknowledgement that he had done well. Kiyoshi had ripped that piece of paper, something that was important to Ritsuka, along with all the hard work that he poured into getting those good marks. The second time was even worse.

Ritsuka had had a picture. It had been a very important photograph, one that held extreme sentimental value to him. He had kept it by his bedside, and Soubi often caught him sleeping with it when he came over to say goodnight and saw Ritsuka already asleep. It had been a photograph of just Soubi, alone in his house. That was the only picture Soubi had ever seen Ritsuka frame. Kiyoshi had stolen it out of poor Ritsuka's room and had broken the frame Ritsuka and burned the picture right in front of him.

Soubi would get Ritsuka a new phone, as well as a new phone number, just in case Kiyoshi knew Ritsuka's old phone number. He'd print out another copy of that picture and get it framed, too, since it'd been so important to him.

"Soubi-san!"

Soubi was snapped out of his thoughts when Yuiko threw her arms around suddenly. He pushed her off—gently, of course—and gave her mother a small smile.

"I'm sorry it's late," He apologized to her, having talked to her briefly a few other times. He sometimes took Ritsuka over to Yuiko's apartment so they could hang out together. Ritsuka liked Soubi to stay with them during these times, and Soubi didn't mind since they never ignored him. "I wanted to tell Yuiko-chan why Ritsuka has been out of school. He asked me to come over and tell you all."

"Do come in, Agatsuma-san," Yuiko's mother invited, returning his smile kindly. Soubi nodded, stepping inside the apartment and finding life inside. Yuiko's older sister sat with her father at the kitchen table, working on what Soubi recognized to be calculus. The father was helping her happily, though he got up once Soubi came in.

"Yuiko-chan?"

Yayoi was there too since he came running out of the den looking for his crush. Soubi couldn't help but to feel terribly out of place here. He was glad Ritsuka wasn't with him. This family was loving and caring. The father was openly showing affection to his wife, kissing her on the cheek and putting an arm around her shoulders for a moment, before going back to helping his daughter with her homework. If Ritsuka saw this, he'd have an emotional breakdown. It would only remind him of his home life, how his parents had beaten him and the only interaction his mother and father ever had was just fighting.

"Hello," Soubi greeted Yayoi, not daring to venture any further into the apartment.

"What's wrong with Ritsuka-kun?" Yuiko asked, sounding a bit worried, though she clearly had no idea what was going on.

"Ritsuka's in the hospital and he will be there for a couple months," Soubi announced, anxious to get out of there. He still had a couple more things to do before he could go back to the hospital. He had to go to the school and then go back home again, and talk to the Zero boys about going to the hospital tomorrow.

A silence followed Soubi's words, one that made him strangely uncomfortable. Everyone in the room knew Ritsuka and they were all intelligible enough to realize that if a person was in the hospital for months, there was clearly something terribly wrong with them. Ritsuka had been perfectly fine when Soubi had let him go to school after the second incident with his father. If anything, he'd probably just been a little more quiet than usual, but fine in health.

"What's wrong with him, Soubi-san?" Yuiko spoke up; quiet for once, her shrill voice barely more than a whisper. At least the deafening silence had been broken.

Soubi tried to think of a way to say what had happened without giving too much away. He couldn't come right out and say exactly what was wrong—that Ritsuka had been violently raped by his father and countless other men—since Yuiko-chan was still young and innocent, and just like Ritsuka, probably wouldn't understand a lot of what had happened. It only reminded Soubi of how young these children were. They were old enough to understand the basics of sex, but that was about it. Even Ritsuka, who could think like an adult, didn't know much more than that.

"Something happened with his family," Soubi told her in the simplest way he could. He glanced over at her parents, giving them a look that said the story wasn't just what he'd said. He could tell her parents more, but not with her or Yayoi present.

Yuiko's mother quickly sent the two younger kids off to play in another room, and Yuiko's older sister left, retiring to her room to study. The parents looked at Soubi expectantly, though not with the suspicious look that he seemed to get from everyone at the hospital. Still, he was slightly uncomfortable being here. It was as if he was intruding on another family, like his presence alone could cause harm, just as it had done with Ritsuka.

"Ritsuka was…" Soubi began, dropping their gazes and having to stop for a moment. Guilt was laying itself in his mind, clouding over everything, reminding him at every moment that it was _his_ fault that Ritsuka was in the hospital. After a few moments, he somehow found the strength to go on. "Ritsuka was raped."

There. He had said it. Now he wanted to leave. Those three miserable words were thick on his tongue. It was still so hard to comprehend. They were so hard to say, think, or even acknowledge. Now that he said those terrible words, all wanted to do was leave before he destroyed this family as well. He couldn't hide from it. He couldn't make up for it. Soubi wasn't the one who raped the boy, but he didn't protect Ritsuka from it either. For that, he would never forgive himself. Ritsuka had already forgiven him, had already accepted him as his new guardian, had already put his trust in Soubi again, but even though Ritsuka hadn't punished him or even said it was his fault, he still wouldn't forgive himself. He didn't want to forgive himself. Maybe he was a masochist. Maybe he just hated himself. He didn't have a reason, or maybe he had too many. Deep inside, he knew that he wasn't worthy of loving, gentle, innocent little Ritsuka.

Yuiko's parents were awestruck and at a loss for words, just as Soubi had expected them to be. They looked at each other and then at him, neither saying a word. They didn't have to. The shock was evident on their faces, as well as the sympathy. He didn't want their sympathy and neither did Ritsuka.

All Ritsuka had wanted was his friends to come visit him at the hospital, and Soubi was more than willing to grant that request. Sweet Ritsuka. He always had such simple wants and requests, such simple things he asked Soubi to do for him, things like wanting love and wanting him to spend time with him. It was painful to think about, really. He wasn't a normal child; he never received the love or attention that his parents should have given.

It was a strange dream; a weird dream; a dream that made the rest of the nightmares look like kittens and butterflies frolicking in a field of daisies.

The thing that stuck out the most was that it was so vivid. So vivid that it, in fact, could not possibly be a dream. He couldn't have dreamt something like this in a million years even if he tried. It was some sort of defense mechanism Ritsuka's mind went into while the rest of his body shut down and was reduced to only the critical life processes, such as breathing. He didn't realize that he was in a dream. In fact, he didn't even realize that something was off. In this world, the world created in the dark corners of his mind for the sole purpose of welcoming him in and embracing him in the welcoming sanctuary. Here, in this dark place, there were no memories other than the ones it wanted him to have. He had no memories of Soubi here. Soubi did not exist here, and since Ritsuka had no memories of him, there was no one to miss. He couldn't miss what he'd never had.  
The first thing he noticed was it was dark. The second thing was that he didn't like the darkness. At that thought, he looked up on instinct and saw stars glittering above him, shining down on him, their dim light bouncing off the translucent 'floor'. It was as if someone had turned on the stars right when he realized that he did not like the darkness. He looked down only to see a clear floor that gave the illusion he was standing on nothing but thin air. Below his feet, the darkness continued, and as he looked around, stars flickered on, millions of them, diminishing most of the darkness with their beautiful, dim light. The stars were all around him, above and below, left and right, destroying the darkness with their dull light. Ritsuka, always being the curious type, took a few cautious steps forward, expecting to fall right though, but the nonexistent floor was surprisingly stable.  
When the first steps didn't send him sprawling downwards in an abyss, he began running. What he was running to, he did not know. He was only following his conscience. Silently, he ran, feeling a nagging at the back of his head to do something else with his mind, an exercise that Ritsuka did after waking up from a nightmare to grasp that thin string of reality he had left

My name is Aoyagi Ritsuka.

I'm thirteen years old.

I have a mother and a father.

Was that it? Something was wrong. Something was off. He couldn't only know three things about himself. There had to be more. Things were coming back to him, now, foreign memories filling him. They were frightening memories, a man was sliding his hands down Ritsuka's pants and grabbing him roughly. Memories of That man kissing him with no remorse and rubbing his hands over that ten-year-old body, Ritsuka's body. No. These couldn't be his memories, right? They felt so…foreign. It was as if they were someone else's memories, not his.

He started to run again, farther and farther away from where he began. He saw two figures in the distance and ran towards them, overjoyed when he realized who they were when he was close enough to see their faces.

"Mommy!" Ritsuka yelled, grinning. "Daddy!" He ran straight to them, even though he recognized his daddy as the man in his memories. Both parents wrapped him in their warm, loving embrace. He felt safe. Safe and loved. He put his head on his daddy's chest, putting an arm around each of his parents. His mother was warm, smiling and whispering 'I love you' to him. His daddy hugged him a little more fiercely, kissing his forehead. Then Ritsuka noticed something out of place. He had his head on his father's chest. He should've been able to hear his heartbeat.

Suddenly, the stars were extinguished and the warm, happy embrace turned cold and critical. Memories rushed to him, of his entire being this time, the memories from before remaining and others building. He could hear his mother's words, her screeching at him on many different occasions, soon joined in by his father and then flashes of showing up at Soubi's apartment, crying and shakily holding an overnight bag, his left eye blackened by one of his parents.

The once loving arms around him moved to around his neck. Four hands, or maybe more, he couldn't tell, wrapped around his neck, holding tightly enough to leave bruises. His eyes went wide, the fingers squeezing the life out of him. He was being killed, slowly, slowly. He found the strength to look down, only to see the hands and the arms supporting them turn into searing hot liquid. Panicking, he whipped his gaze back to his parents, screaming when he saw the skin and muscular tissue being melted off their bodies.

The liquid bubbled and broiled, their bodies boiling hot. He shrieked, both from the scolding liquid and from the sight in front of him. The two forms that were his parents were melting, their skin turning a sickly, metallic gray before it sloughed off them and dripped to the ground. A form was left where their skin had melted into a single form, not two. It was black, with glowing violet eyes, and pointy, widespread demonic wings. Ritsuka ran again, this time in the opposite direction. He ran far, far away from that monster, trying to escape its outstretched claws. He ran and ran, screaming for his mommy and daddy with the monster hot on his heels

The monster caught up with him, encasing him in his sharp talons, holding him down, spreading his legs, and preventing his escape.

…

First there was nothing, then there was something. A feeling, a pull, a _something_. It was on something Ritsuka could feel in his hand, but in the dreamlike state, couldn't acknowledge. In his mind, he'd just been caught. He found the strength to tear himself away from his dream and in the process, tugging harshly on whatever object was trying to be taken away from him. He pulled it close as his sight and hearing began to haze in, but he still couldn't process anything yet, since he still felt halfway in the dream

A woman and a man were inspecting him, the man shining a light in both his eyes. Ritsuka didn't respond to the light, other than a couple of delayed blinks. He was still partially in the dream, still trying to fight that demon. He was losing those alien memories quickly, though he felt the need to hold onto them. He clung onto the stuffed bear in his arms, refusing to let it go, rocking back and forth. He just wanted Soubi right now. The woman, Katsuko-sensei, said something to him, but Ritsuka wasn't really paying attention.

"W-where's Soubi?" His voice was hoarse and he didn't sound at all like himself. _I want Soubi_. He could tell Soubi about the dream. He would understand and know what it was like to go through what Ritsuka was experiencing. He didn't know why Soubi always seemed to understand _exactly_ what he felt, and right now, he couldn't wonder.

"Please, please, I really need him," He stuttered, barely able to form a coherent sentence. He felt tears streaming down his cheeks and pressed his face into the bear's fake fur, nuzzling it because it reminded him of Soubi. It even smelt like Soubi since he always had the bear when he would crawl into bed with the man, pressing in between them.

"I'll give him a call, Ritsuka-kun," Katsuko-sensei told him, her face grim as if she had just seen a ghost. Ritsuka just hid his face with his hands, crying hard. That monster had been his father. It hadn't had a heartbeat. It hadn't been human. His father wasn't human. He couldn't be. Ritsuka hadn't done anything to spite him. He'd been a good little boy. He'd cleaned up all his father's messes and stayed out of his way as much as possible. Surely being gay couldn't justify what Kiyoshi had done to him. He couldn't be human because he had done all that for the pure enjoyment of the game.

He felt arms around him, pulling him into a tight hug. He didn't struggle, didn't fight, for he knew that it was just Katsuko-sensei. He just cried against her, all-too-easily being able to recall that inhuman man's claws on him, tearing him apart at the seams.

…

Yuiko's mother cleared her throat after a few minutes of shocked silence, exchanging another glance with her husband. "A-Agatsuma-san…I'm terribly sorry. Is Ritsuka—?"

"He's in the hospital right now," Soubi told her again, interrupting her before she could ask 'is Ritsuka okay'. He couldn't answer a question he didn't know the answer to. He wasn't going to give them the answer they wanted to hear, either, since he didn't know if it was right.

"He will be for a while," He continued. "He…he was poisoned, as well. And…he won't be returning home, either. He'll be coming to live with me."

Yuiko's father put an arm around his wife, both looking sad and still very awe struck. The man spoke up this time, after only a few moments of the silence. "Was it someone in his family?"

Soubi nodded, "His father and…other men, too. Anyways, the reason why I came here is… Ritsuka wanted Yuiko to know that won't be attending school for a while. I thought… if Yuiko-chan could come visit him in the hospital, it'd make him happy…"

…

Ritsuka sat in the wheelchair, having calmed down quite a bit. Koichi-san sat with him, Katsuko-sensei having stepped out for a moment to call Soubi. He hoped she could get a hold of him. Soubi was probably done with his classes by now and was most likely finishing up at Yuiko's house. He'd be coming back to the hospital soon. By now, he could hear Katsuko-sensei talking on the phone outside the door, so she must've gotten a hold of Soubi successfully.

Silently, Ritsuka picked up the paintbrush in front of him, holding it carefully in his hand just as he'd seen Soubi do so many times. He dipped it in the dark gray paint that was just off to the side and drew a thin, straight line on the pure, innocent white paper, marking it with that dark line forever. Koichi-san watched him closely as he sat back, looking at what he'd done. He wanted to paint something, but he didn't know what quite yet.

"Ritsuka-san."

Ritsuka looked back up at Koichi-san, his ears perking up at the sound of his name. The man sitting next to him smiled, clearly trying to be cautious. _He knows_. Ritsuka could tell very well when someone knew what had happened to him. They always acted differently, always being cautious around him and watching what they said; as if the slightest drop of a feather could break the thin glass he stood on, which, as much as he hated to admit it, was probably true. People were right to be careful around him, since he felt as if anything could trigger a breakdown.

"You mention earlier about Soubi-san taking you to the clinic," Koichi-san went on, starting to doodle on his own paper. Ritsuka leaned over with interest, wanting to see what he was drawing.

"What about it?" Ritsuka cocked his head curiously, seeing that Koichi-san was drawing a woman. He turned back to his own marked paper and placed his brush in the water cup, then dried it out and dipped it in the purple paint.

Koichi-san was watching him, now, and he took a moment or so to reply, "Do you get sick very often?"

Ritsuka shook his head, making two little spots of violet on the paper. He paused, examining it, and then made the spots larger and more oval shaped. "I almost never get sick," Ritsuka said, putting his brush in the water again and then turning his gaze to the colors Katsuko-sensei had set out. There were all the primary colors, plus black, white, a couple grays, and brown. She'd also let him have paper towels in case he'd wanted to mix colors. Now he was contemplating how to the mix colors. He was almost certain that Soubi either used a brush or even his fingers, which was usually how Ritsuka ended up with paint all over his arms and face when he went over to Soubi's apartment while he was painting. He didn't want to make a mess and cause Koichi and Katsuko to be angry with him, so he supposed he'd just use his brush.

"What happens when you do?" Koichi-san pressed gently, still watching Ritsuka.

_It was morning, and it was hitting Ritsuka harder than it usually did. He stumbled down the stairs, nearly tripping over his own shoes, almost sending himself tumbling down __because of it__. He yawned, and the yawn turned into a terrible wet cough. He hacked into his arm, wondering how he managed to get dressed with his feverish mind and pounding head. When he was done, he looked up to see his father glaring at him over his paper, seated at the kitchen table._

_ "What the hell is wrong with you?" He asked in a __rumbled__ voice, making Ritsuka shrink backwards. Kiyoshi was probably still drunk. __He'd given Ritsuka a black eye the previous night because dinner was not done and he didn't clean up his parent's bedroom. Ritsuka never wanted to be the one who had to clean it since there were always strange white stains on the bedspread. This, coupled with other factors, made Soubi cover the boy's eyes and drag him out of that particular room back to the safety of his apartment._

_ Ritsuka sniffled, barely able to breathe through his nose. "I'm sick," He informed his father in a nasally voice. His head felt burning hot, as did his eyes. His hearing was muffled, his vision blurry, and his sense of smell cloudy. _

_ "Get to school," His father demanded, returning to reading the newspaper. _

_ "I can't," Ritsuka groaned, going into another coughing fit. "I have a fever." Earlier, Ritsuka had taken his temperature and had come up with thirty-eight point three degrees Celsius (101°F), which was a medium to high fever. He wasn't supposed to go to school with a fever. He knew that, Soubi knew that, even Seimei had known that._

_ "You're going to school," Kiyoshi told him, sternly, demandingly. It wasn't a question. It wasn't open to discussion. If his father wanted him out of the house, then he had to get out of the house, no questions asked. _

"I got sick about a month ago," Ritsuka mixed the white and violet, creating a lighter shade of purple. He used that around the two ovals on his paper, making them seemingly glow. "I had a fever of thirty-eight point three. My… Dad wanted to send me to school. I know it was wrong…but…I pretended like I went and when I got out of the house and down the street, I… I called Soubi to pick me up. I know it was wrong to lie, but…"

How could he make Koichi-san understand? He hadn't wanted to suffer the consequences of telling his father 'no'. He was terrified of what he would've done to him, as he'd just received a harsh beating the previous night. He already had a black eye woke up feeling terrible and sicker than a dog. He wasn't supposed to go to school with a fever like that. His daddy had told him to get out. what choice did he have, really? He hadn't wanted to be sent home from school or get others sick. He hadn't wanted to walk all the way to school when he could barely put one foot in front of the other without tripping himself in the process. The only way he could do while keeping everyone safe was to call Soubi and spend the day at his apartment.

Koichi-san wasn't looking at Ritsuka anymore. Instead, he had his head down, absentmindedly doodling. Even as they spoke, there was no eye contact between them. "Sometimes we have to lie to do what's best for us, Ritsuka-san," He suggested softly.

"You're saying it was alright for me to lie?" Ritsuka interpreted his words after a moment of thought. He hated lying. He hated each lie he told with passion. He was ashamed of it, especially lying to Soubi, Kio, and Katsuko-sensei, all people who cared about him and would've helped if Ritsuka had said something months ago.

"I believe that it was alright in this case," Koichi-san glanced up again, his face completely serious. "What did Soubi-san do for you when he picked you up?"

_Ritsuka sat slumped over against a tree in some unknown person's yard, his eyes closed, his eyelids heavy and burning with fever. __The walk to the end of the block drained all his energy__, especially since it was a warm March day. He couldn't recall when he had called Soubi, whether it'd been a minute ago or ten. He could only hope that he'd be here soon. It was rather warm out and he'd already been sweating when he left the house, and now it was even worse._

_In his feverish haze, he didn't know how long he sat there, but the next thing he heard was a shocked yell of his name and then the slam of a car door and feet on the pavement.__In his feverish haze, he didn't know how long he just sat there. The next thing he knew was he heard someone yell his name, followed by a car door slamming and feet shuffling across the pavement.__ The first thing he felt besides the pounding of his head and the searing heat was a gentle hand on his forehead and then arms around him, picking him up._

_ "Soubi," Ritsuka panted, desperate to get somewhere cool and in the shade. Shaking wracked his body and he went into another coughing fit while __Soubi carried him__ to the car. He snuggled his head against Soubi's chest, glad to have his comfort after a terrible night and morning. It was only getting worse and he was sure that Soubi had seen his black eye by now. They were in the car, now, with Soubi laying Ritsuka down in the backseat and undoing the buttons on his shirt. _

_ "I'm taking you to my apartment, Ritsuka," Soubi told him firmly, closing the car door. __Ritsuka didn't move, he just closed his eyes and felt the heat fade away, a chilling coldness replace the feeling soon after._

_ "Please don't make me go to school…" Ritsuka started to beg, convinced that Soubi was going to drop him off at school instead. All he wanted to do was __lie__ in bed and go back to sleep without __fearing his parents getting mad__. Going to school would just make things worse…_

_ "You're not going to school," Soubi __re__assured him. "You're too sick."_

"He kept me home from school," Ritsuka frowned, and then dipped his paintbrush in the gray and started to paint by swirling his brush around in tight circles until it began to resemble the one thing on his mind. "And he took me to his house. He told me I should take a bath and then he gave me some medicine."

Ritsuka focused on his drawing, almost drowning out Koichi-san, but he knew that the elder male was still suspicious. Who wouldn't be suspicious? He'd seen Ritsuka kiss Soubi on the lips and had stayed in the room while Soubi read to him and told him stories.

"Did he end up taking you to the clinic?"

Ritsuka nodded. He mixed the gray with the black, creating a darker color and continued painting with that color. Koichi-san continued talking with him, though now just about school and his grades. Katsuko-sensei returned after a few minutes and told Koichi-san that he could leave. Ritsuka waved goodbye to him and asked him if he'd visit him again soon. Koichi-san said that he'd be back probably tomorrow or the next day.

"Ritsuka-kun," Katsuko-sensei took Koichi-san's seat beside him, smiling and placing an open folder on the table. Ritsuka glanced over to find that it was full of handwritten notes. Not wanting Katsuko-sensei to get angry with him, he didn't read any of the notes and went back to painting. His therapist laughed, "It's alright if you want to read what I wrote."

Ritsuka shook his head. It was her job to write notes on his behavior. He didn't want to read them, since he didn't want to find out if they were bad or not.

"Did Soubi-san tell you anything about our meeting with the lawyer?"

"No," Ritsuka answered, cleaning off his brush and then picking up a light brown color. He'd been curious about the meeting and if it had gone okay, but in the midst of everything else that had happened that day, he had forgotten to ask and Soubi had probably forgotten to tell or was planning to when he got back to the hospital. He'd have to remember to ask Soubi once he came back.

"How'd it go?" Ritsuka questioned, taking a small break from painting. He really hoped the meeting had gone well. Soubi wasn't exactly a 'people person', but he could be friendly if he seemed to like the person he was talking with. Ritsuka wanted to meet the lawyer, too, but he wasn't sure if he was supposed to or not. Despite being from a family of lawyers, he knew absolutely nothing about the law or the processes that were taken in a situation like this. Soubi most likely knew a lot more than he did, though his interests were mainly arts and sciences. Katsuko-sensei would most definitely know the most, since Ritsuka was sure she'd dealt with a case like this before.

"It went well," She informed Ritsuka. "Later this week someone is going to come by and talk to you. I have to ask you some more questions about what happens at home, but we'll do that later."

"Questions about home?" Ritsuka repeated, slightly confused. Did she mean questions about his father or just questions about home in general?

"Yes. I'm going to ask you a series of questions about your home life and then questions about what life is like when you stay with Soubi. Also, your father has agreed to be your donor, so we're going to get you in for a transplant within the next day or so."

Ritsuka nodded, knowing that this was going to be a busy week.

When Soubi was able to return to the hospital, it was nearly eleven at night. Part of him hoped that Ritsuka would be asleep, but the other part wanted him to still be awake. Yes, he knew the boy needed his sleep after all that happened, but he still wanted to read to his Sacrifice before he went to bed. Tomorrow was going to be a busy day as well, but it was Sunday, so Soubi would be able to spend the entire day with Ritsuka. Yuiko-chan would probably come for a visit as well.

Ritsuka wasn't in his room, so Soubi looked in the common room area where he discovered the boy sitting in a wheelchair, looking disheartened out the window. Soubi was concerned and approached the boy with caution, but it seemed Ritsuka didn't even sense his presence, which alarmed him. Was he all right? He looked more depressed than ever and in the week that they'd been staying in the hospital, Ritsuka had never needed a wheelchair, but he did have a hurt leg with severe muscular damage. Maybe his leg had started to hurt more than usual.

"Ritsuka?" Soubi spoke quietly, not wanting to scare him. Ritsuka looked rather absorbed in his own thoughts and was looking straight out the window. Even when Soubi did speak to him, the only sort of acknowledgement Ritsuka gave was a slight twitch of his tail and a flick of his ears. He continued staring out the window, where it was dark and beginning to rain again. The skyline of the city could be seen on the horizon, bright against the dark, dark sky. Perhaps that was what Ritsuka was looking that. After nearly an entire week in the quiet, sometimes gloomy hospital, Ritsuka probably missed the noise and life that he'd grown up with.

"I should've told you…" Ritsuka's voice was hoarse and even softer than Soubi's; nearly drown out in the deafening silence of the room. The only other sound was the barely audible voice of another patient in another room and the blaring of a TV in a different patient's room.

"Told me?" He was urging Ritsuka on. Ritsuka was going to tell him something important, something that he'd been keeping from Soubi. He was clearly upset about not telling him before.

"Five months, Soubi," Ritsuka replied simply. What was he talking about? Had Ritsuka's father sexually abused him before the night Soubi found out about it? No… that couldn't be… Ritsuka would've told him, wouldn't he? Soubi hadn't noticed any unusual changes in Ritsuka during the previous five months. If anything, the boy spent more time with Soubi, but he hadn't seemed depressed at all. His grades hadn't dropped either, and he'd been happy. The only other time Soubi could think of where Ritsuka seemed to be different was the night he found him downstairs on the floor. That was the night Soubi came to say goodnight but instead discovered Ritsuka on the floor after having been forced to pleasure his drunken father.

Soubi was silent, his mind racing as he tried to figure out what Ritsuka had meant. Thankfully, he didn't have to wait long before Ritsuka went on, "I guess it's actually closer to six months, now. I should've said something when he first started hitting me and coming home more… but I didn't and it only got worse."

Soubi almost wanted to be relieved, but he wasn't. Ritsuka's father had been abusing him for six months. That was no better than what Soubi had previously thought. He should've noticed something. During the month of December Ritsuka had started to show up at his apartment more and more at strange hours of the night. Not that Soubi minded, especially since he said he was kicked out of the house. It was also around the time when 'Misaki's' abuse had escalated to dangerous levels and when Ritsuka had begun to get beat for not making dinner or not cleaning up the disgusting messes in his parents' bedroom.  
That was something he should definitely write down to tell the lawyer. Wasn't it considered abusive and endangerment of a child when his parents told him to clean their room when it was filled with almost pornographic evidence of sexual activity? Soubi had almost forgotten about the day that he was helping Ritsuka clean up the house and the boy had led him into his parents' bedroom and it had been a mess of blood, semen, condoms, and sex toys. He'd immediately covered Ritsuka's eyes and taken him to his apartment, disgusted that his mother and father made him, an innocent thirteen year-old, clean up their disgusting mess. Well, back then, Soubi had believed that it was the parent's mess, but it was clear now that Kiyoshi had brought some other man home.

"You said it was your mother who did all that," Soubi reminded him, but not in an accusing way. "Was it really your father who kicked you out and beat you in the middle of the night?"

"Yes." Finally, Ritsuka moved. His right hand reaching out and brushing against Soubi's hand. His tiny, warm hand wrapped around Soubi's and at last the boy turned his head to look at Soubi. "I should've told you the truth. There are so many things I kept from you. He'd wake me up in the middle of the night, sometimes, to yell at me and call me horrible names. He'd always get aroused during it, too, and I just tried to ignore it and tell myself it'd all be over soon. He said if I ever told anyone, he'd hurt the people I love. That's why I was afraid to tell you…"

Soubi let go of his hand and instead hugged the little boy in the wheelchair. Ritsuka regretted not saying anything earlier, but he was finally opening up. Even though it was a bit late for him to tell Soubi about the abuse, it was still the best sign that told him that Ritsuka was slowly beginning the healing process. The fact that he felt comfortable enough to open up to Soubi just made him all the happier. He hugged the child tightly, leaning over the wheelchair to do so. Ritsuka sniffled, but hugged him back, clutching the back of his jacket in his tiny fists.

"I'm sorry," Ritsuka whispered, his little voice strained. "If I had just told you… I probably wouldn't be here now. He's been hurting me for months. And…and…last week…he touched me and raped me and hurt me more than ever. It's all my fault."

Soubi pulled back, only to look into Ritsuka's eyes, his bright, wide eyes. "It's everyone's fault." Mostly mine.

"I'm sorry for lying to you," Ritsuka apologized again, clinging onto Soubi's neck.

"It's alright, Ritsuka," Soubi murmured in one of his human ears, lightly scratching the base of a kitty ear. Ritsuka was feeling down again and Soubi wanted to help him feel better again. "It's late, Ritsuka. Why don't we go lay down and I'll read a story?"

Ritsuka detached himself from Soubi's neck and settled back into his wheelchair, seeming at ease with himself for the first time since he came to the hospital. He had just told Soubi a secret he'd been keeping inside for almost six months, after all. It was no wonder he was so relieved.

…

After telling Ritsuka to brush his teeth, Soubi called a nurse to hook up his nightly IV. While Ritsuka was brushing his teeth, Katsuko-sensei asked Soubi to come outside the room. He followed her to an almost empty room situated behind the nurses' station. The only thing in the room was Aoyagi Kiyoshi asleep on the floor on a thin futon. He was still handcuffed, though this time his hands were simply handcuffed together.

"Is there a problem?" Soubi questioned, concerned. Katsuko looked to be more than uncomfortable in the room, and it was clearly because of Kiyoshi. She even looked to be somewhat frightened by his sleeping presence, even though the man was laying helpless on his stomach, snoring quietly, his hands handcuffed behind his back. Soubi didn't blame her for being scared. What that man had done to Ritsuka was simply inhuman.

"Ritsuka… Ritsuka drew this…" She reached in the folder she was holding. She held out a paper painted on with children's paints. It took Soubi a few moments of looking at the paper to realize what it was. The painting was of some kind of monster, with huge wings, sharp teeth, and large pointed claws. It had the appearance of a rabid dog mixed with some cheap Hollywood-styled monster from the movies the Zero boys enjoyed. After looking over it carefully, Soubi realized who Ritsuka intended it to look like. It had glowing violet eyes with sandy hair or fur mixed in with a gray body. Around the neck area was a stripe of dark green, Soubi glanced behind him and saw Kiyoshi's discarded scarf of the same color.

"Did something happen while I was gone?" Soubi took the painting from her hands, examining it even closer. Some red was mixed in with the fur/body, particularly around the… thing's mouth. What was going on in Ritsuka's mind? When Soubi had left earlier, Ritsuka had been terrified of his dad, but he never described him as a monster.

"Yes, something did. I was careless and forgot to call an orderly to take Aoyagi-san away. Ritsuka-kun saw him and…he just sort of shut down."

…

That night, after Ritsuka was fast asleep in his bed, Soubi stayed up, trying to sleep, but unable to. Katsuko-sensei had told him very little about what happened, though what she'd said was all she knew. She didn't know what had happened to the boy after he'd retreated into his own mind. Afterwards, Soubi had gone back and read to Ritsuka until he fell asleep. He hadn't asked Ritsuka about what happened. He'd already had enough stress for the day with seeing Soubi beat up his father, having the man call out to him, having bad dreams, and opening his heart to Soubi was more than he could handle right now in his condition. He didn't need the added on stress of trying to remember what had happened after he'd shut down.

Soubi laid in the rollaway bed staring up at the ceiling, with occasional glances to look at Ritsuka's peaceful sleeping form. He thought about everything that'd happened in the past few months, all the evidence he'd missed and overlooked. It just made him regret everything more.

Eventually, his wondering mind focused on how Ritsuka withheld from telling him what was happening to him. Of course he wasn't angry, but it did make him curious. What if Ritsuka hadn't told because he didn't know how to? He said it had been because he thought his dad would hurt whomever he told. Weren't teachers supposed to teach kids that they wouldn't let their abuser hurt anyone else if they told? When that thought ran through his head, he was also reminded of the way Yuiko's parents had sent her away so that they could talk to Soubi alone. Come to think of it, their eldest daughter had left as well. Ritsuka didn't fully understand what had happened to him. He hadn't known how to covey the message, while Yuiko seemed to know next to nothing. Did the school system even teach these kids about sex and abuse? They were in seventh grade. Kids even younger than that were always in the news along with their terrifying rape or abuse stories.

At about two in the morning, Soubi was nearly asleep when he heard a little whisper. "Soubi? Are you asleep?"

Soubi opened his eyes, finding Ritsuka standing at his bedside, with his bear in one hand. He didn't look scared at all and he hadn't been making noises in his sleep, so Soubi didn't think he was up because of a bad dream. He shook his head, moving closer to the wall to give Ritsuka room to get in bed with him. The teen immediately climbed in, settling down close to Soubi and closing his eyes again.

"Is something wrong, Ritsuka?" Soubi draped an arm around the boy lying with him. He could probably sleep better with little Ritsuka curled up beside him. He'd just have to wake up early so the nurses wouldn't see them in bed together. That would be a total disaster and could very well end up with Soubi being banned from staying at the hospital with his Sacrifice.

"Sleeping alone is just lonely," Ritsuka told him, sounding sleepy. "I wake up a lot during the night. It's better when I sleep with you."

"I don't like sleeping alone, either," Soubi wondered how Ritsuka would react to the question burning in his mind. He needed to ask it in order to get a better idea on just how much Ritsuka knew about sex and abuse, but he was trying to think of a way to phrase it gently.

"Ritsuka, have you learned about sex and abuse in school yet?"

"Not really," Ritsuka didn't seem fazed by the question in the slightest. Soubi breathed a sigh of relief. He didn't want Ritsuka to relive any more memories, particularly before bed. Ritsuka nuzzled Soubi's chest and then went on tiredly without even opening his eyes, "We learned about the different kinds of abuse, but not much more. As for sex… we just learn about the parts."

So Soubi's initial thoughts had been true. The school system probably thought anyone below high school grade level was too young to learn about the 'hard topics' of rape and abuse. Soubi had always held a disdain for the school system, and this only increased that. Young kids were abused and/or raped all the time. How could anyone expect them to say something if no one talked to them about how to tell? It was partly the parents' job, but it was also the school's job to educate kids.

"Don't you have a health class?" Soubi pressed, knowing that he might not get an answer. He was asking a sleepy little boy after all.

"Yeah…" Ritsuka was nearly asleep. "We mainly just learn about drugs and food and a little about date rape."

Ritsuka fell asleep soon after, pressed against a fully awake Soubi, who was kept up by the thoughts of how Ritsuka understood very little of what had happened.

* * *

**Sorry. I know I said it wouldn't be a month, but it was. To be short, a lot of shit happened with my family right after I updated. I ended up temporarily leaving home due to the drinking. I'm back on my feet for the most part now.**

**I do apologize if the dream sequence gave any of you a scare. I meant it to be scary, but not overly terrifying. **

**Did I do a good job with making the scene where Ritsuka admits everything important enough? **

** So, I have a bit of a surprise. I wrote a prequel. To Healing. It's set 'three years ago'. I know most of you have already inferred what happened. I've decided that once I get to 300 reviews I'll post it as a present :3. **

**Thanks to Promocat, Darkdreamer19, Jazzie29, Tamer Lorika, Alois Pinstripe, ChibiSeme97, Luckless-is-me, Yumiithecutie, Heavensentskysky, Serenity Lhane, Tlcatlady, Anelir-sensei, Michael Hollows, Aoshi139, Nicola375, Gurgucalcipher, , CatchingElectricCity, Faeryflight, Maiden Of Books, Far Beyond Crazy, CrapXhead, Streambird, MiMiUncensored, Sunshine Aki, Pageswan45, and Naruto Girl 15for reviewing! When things got tough for me in the past month, I just went and read the reviews!**

**Chelsea: At first, I wasn't planning on writing a note to you, but I decided I was going to. Really, I find it insulting that you just ASSUME I haven't been abused. You know absolutely nothing about my situation and what I've been through, so I don't want you telling me about my past. Also, I am not portraying 'the whole community of those with experience of sexual abuse'. I am writing a fanfaction. I'm only portraying the characters as I feel fit. I am not writing a manual saying that this is how people act when they're abused. One more thing-I have to honestly say that I really, really do respect you for realizing you were being rude in your first review. I also realize you're not trying to 'flame' me or whatever. You're just giving your opinoin, and I see that. Thank you for that, but, really, if you don't like this story, then don't read it. **

** Nom: Haters gonna hate.**

**Naruto Girl 15: Ah, that was a mistake I forgot to fix. I really, really apologize for that.**

**Pageswan45: Thank you so much for defending me :J I can't tell you how much I appreciate that. It honestly really, really cheered me up.**

**CrapXhead: ...And then Kiyoshi contracted Nisei so he could get what he wants in exchange for his soul. Nisei took the form of Seimei's true Fighter, who was really a little girl named Lizzy. His true form is that of a bloody black rabbit. He is also good friends with a girl named Alice, whom he sometimes calls on to do his bidding. Yeah...no. Won't work. (How many references did I fit in there?)**

**Yumiithecutie: Nope. Seimei won't be at the reunion, though he will show up very soon...**

**Make sure to review for the prequel!**

**~Wolfie  
**


	15. The Earl and the Scholar, Part Two

15

The Earl and the Scholar, Part Two

Both Soubi and Ritsuka were awakened early on Sunday morning by a loud, shrill scream that awoke everyone else in the ward and probably the next one too. Soubi moved quickly, trying to cover a very startled Ritsuka's ears as the nurse screamed for Katsuko-sensei to come in the room. When she paused, Ritsuka, a little less startled now and wide awake, looked up at Soubi who lifted his hands away from his ears.

"They're not going to make you go home, are they?" He asked quietly as the irritated nurse stormed out of the room to retrieve Katsuko-sensei (when she did not appear right away).

Soubi sighed, sitting up and rubbing his eyes. He ended up falling asleep with Ritsuka after talking to him about what his school taught him about sex and abuse. He didn't wake up until the nurse came in and woke both of them up, meaning that Ritsuka had stayed in bed with him for the remainder of the night. That was what had caused the young nurse to scream. She'd seen Ritsuka cuddled in bed with Soubi, pressed close against his body, and had freaked out. As much annoyed as he was at being awakened so early in the morning, he wasn't angry. He'd known this would happen eventually and he just hoped he'd still be allowed to stay at the hospital. Surely they wouldn't kick him out for this. Nobody had ever said Ritsuka wasn't allowed to sleep with him.

"I don't think so, Ritsuka," Soubi assured him. Ritsuka was just silent, looking up at Soubi with those wide eyes, his hair all spread out on the pillow below his head like a halo. "Go back to sleep," Soubi told him, smiling warmly down at him. Now he remembered why he always loved waking up with the boy.

Ritsuka yawned in response, not closing his eyes, "When are we going to talk about where I want to live? And about my reunion?"

"Later." Being careful of his companion, Soubi got out of bed, hearing Katsuko approaching the room. He figured it would look even worse than it was if he was still lying in bed with Ritsuka. "How's your leg? Any better today?"

"No," Ritsuka answered, glancing at the door. "It still really hurts."

There was a knock at the door before a calm Katsuko-sensei entered with the nurse who was still furious. She greeted them with a 'good morning' and then calmly asked Soubi to step out for a moment while she had a talk with Ritsuka.

…

"Please don't make Soubi leave," Ritsuka requested, sitting up carefully and trying to ignore the shooting pain in his leg. He stretched, having slept well and having dreamt about Soubi all night. Katsuko-sensei sat on the bed beside him, her folder open on her lap.

Ritsuka wondered if it had been a mistake to get in bed with Soubi the previous night. Sleeping alone made him lonely and slightly depressed, even if he had good dreams. When he slept with Soubi, however, he never got sad or lonely and every time he woke up during the night, he had Soubi close to him. He couldn't stand to have that taken away from him. He had no idea what he'd do with himself during the nights if Soubi wasn't allowed to stay all night at the hospital. The loneliness would probably be more than overwhelming.

"It's alright, Ritsuka," Katsuko-sensei reassured him gently. Ritsuka calmed down immensely. His therapist was always a fair and just person. Ritsuka trusted her as much as he trusted Soubi. If he just told her that he had gotten lonely and sad sleeping alone, she'd understand why they'd been sleeping together. She wouldn't let anyone ban Soubi from the hospital. Like anyone else close to the teen, she probably saw how much Ritsuka needed Soubi. After all, he didn't try to hide how much he loved and depended on the young man.

"Do you remember how I told you we're going to have that little talk about your home life?"

Ritsuka nodded. He was slightly nervous about it and had been thinking about it before confessing everything to Soubi the previous night. Worried was an understatement. Katsuko-sensei would write down all the answers to his questions and probably present it at court. If he said something wrong, something incorrect, it could change everything, and not for the better. Though he didn't know much about the law or what happened in court, if the judge and lawyers and jury found out that Soubi and Ritsuka had a romantic relationship, it would not go over well. They'd probably jump to conclusions and immediately remove Ritsuka from Soubi's loving, non-abusive care. One wrong word from Ritsuka and he'd be ripped away from Soubi. The pressure was crushing.

It'd be best to tell the truth. He didn't like lying and it was painfully obvious when he did. Plus, people were supposed to tell the truth in court. If he didn't, he'd feel extremely guilty. Besides, he really didn't have anything to lie about besides the complete nature of his and Soubi's relationship. He could still tell the truth about what life was like with him without giving anything away. He couldn't give away that he and Soubi went on dates and kissed. If he could avoid saying anything like that, he'd be alright.

Katsuko-sensei took a video camera out of a case and set it on the table beside Ritsuka's bed, pointing it at them. "This is going to record our conversation, Ritsuka," Katsuko tapped the glass lens of the camera and then turned it on, a little red light blinking on it. Ritsuka stared at it, the video camera reminding him of something else, something he couldn't quite recall.

"If you feel uncomfortable, we can call Soubi-san in for a little bit," She went on, drawing Ritsuka away from the strange feeling that seeing the video camera had induced. It reminded him of the feeling he'd gotten the previous day when recalling a memory with Seimei when he was ten.

"O-okay," Ritsuka nodded again, shaking the last bits of that feeling from his mind. He needed to focus on this conversation, not on a trivial feeling. It was probably just his imagination, anyways. Nothing to linger on.

"Ritsuka-kun, I thought you might like something to do while we talk," Out of her folder, Katsuko-sensei brought out a sketch book and a packet of colored pencils and gave it to him, still smiling. Ritsuka thanked her happily, and opened the sketchbook, wanting to draw something for Soubi again. Soubi liked his drawings.

"I'm ready to start," Ritsuka informed her as he began to draw a kitten. He began daydreaming a bit as Katsuko-sensei flipped through some of her papers. He thought about going to Soubi's apartment to help him pack before the reunion. He'd be able to see the Zero boys, then, too, and help Soubi feed the cats outside the apartment complex. It'd be good to finally get outside the hospital for a bit.

"Let's talk about what happened this morning, first," Katsuko-sensei suggested. Ritsuka forced himself to stop daydreaming so he could properly answer questions. "Why were you in bed with Soubi-san this morning?"

"I just got lonely," Ritsuka told her. It really was as simple as that. When he slept alone, he woke up multiple times during the night feeling lonely without Soubi pressed up against him and his warm, steady breathing on his neck. It just didn't feel right to sleep alone.

"Do you and Soubi-san usually sleep together?"

"Yeah," Almost every night either Ritsuka would stay at Soubi's apartment and sleep in the big, warm bed with him, or Soubi would come to Ritsuka's house and they would sleep in Ritsuka's small, slightly springy bed. Ritsuka hardly ever spent a night alone. Even when he took naps at Soubi's apartment, he usually slept with Natsuo and Youji. "We always sleep together."

"Does that make you uncomfortable? Does he ever do anything to you in bed?" Even Katsuko-sensei seemed to know the answer to that.

"No," Ritsuka answered, now coloring in the cat he'd drawn. "He never does anything bad to me. Ever. I like to sleep with him. I'm usually the one to ask if we can sleep together."

When they'd first began sleeping together, Soubi always either waited until Ritsuka asked him to sleep with him or he would ask Ritsuka. After a couple months, he stopped asking and waiting for Ritsuka to ask, since he seemed to learn that it was alright not to ask.

"We're going to talk a little about home now. Do your parents feed you every day?"

Ritsuka shook his head. His mother tested him with food and his father and his father's friends usually ate all of the food in the house, often leaving Ritsuka with nothing or next to nothing to eat. It was alright, though, since his friends shared their lunches with him and Soubi cooked for him at night, so really the only meal he missed was breakfast.

"How many meals do your parents make you during the week?" Ritsuka looked up at his therapist, unable to ignore the notes of concern in her voice. For a moment, he thought about lying, but that would only bite him back in the future.

"Once or twice, and I usually don't even get to eat it when they do make me something. Mom… she hurts me if I eat something the Old Ritsuka didn't like," It felt strange to finally tell someone about it. Last night when he'd confessed everything to Soubi it had been a different feeling, a feeling of relief. Then, he was finally telling Soubi a secret after six months of keeping it inside. Now, it just felt odd, probably because he'd never tried to hide the fact that his mother beat him.

"In that case, then, do you cook for yourself?" Katsuko seemed shocked at what Ritsuka had told her. He was underweight, but not as much as he was before he'd met Soubi. The six months between Seimei's 'death' and Soubi's appearance in his life had been hell. He had dropped to a borderline dangerous weight because he was barely eating. His parents didn't feed him much of anything and he didn't have any other friends besides Osamu to share their food with him. What could he have done about it, though? Nothing. He hadn't been able to do anything and he had just lived with that while trying to find a way to survive.

"Not really. We usually don't have any food in our house. Daddy barely goes shopping and Mom goes out a lot," Ritsuka explained. "When Daddy does go grocery shopping, though, I usually have to make dinner or I'll—" Ritsuka stopped himself. After keeping it in for so long, it was still hard to admit all of the things he'd been beat for. There had been so many things that Ritsuka had begun to lose track of all of them. He didn't like to recall any of them in the first place. It only brought back the memories of being called nasty names or being kicked out of the house and into the cold at two A.M. in only a flimsy t-shirt and shorts with no phone.

Katsuko-sensei had been jotting things down, but put her pencil down. "What happens if you don't, Ritsuka?" She gave Ritsuka a look that was still gentle, but told him he needed to answer.

Ritsuka looked away, his hands finding the stuffed bear buried underneath the covers, "Dad hits and slaps me if I don't."

Katsuko-sensei made a few notes on her blank sheet of paper and then continued questioning him, "Do you cook well?"

"No, I don't," Ritsuka smiled, remembering all the times Soubi had tried to teach him how to cook or bake. It usually either ended with the two of them being covered in flour or Ritsuka being demoted to chopping vegetables. Still, he had picked up a couple of recipes and skills. "I try, though. Soubi tries to teach me sometimes, but I'm still not very good. Dad doesn't usually like anything I make, but I do try, if that counts for anything…"

"Do you go hungry a lot?"

"No," He used to, but never any more. Soubi always made sure he ate and Ritsuka was slowly getting back to a normal weight. He was probably below that now, though, since the only day he'd had solid food in nearly a week had been the previous night. "Soubi makes me dinner every day, even if I'm not staying over at his apartment. If I do stay over, he makes me breakfast and lunch, too."

"That's good," His psychologist commented, jotting a couple things down. "What about before you met Soubi-san?"

Ritsuka doodled little kittens in on the paper, "Seimei always cooked for me." He'd rather not talk about those six months in between. He didn't see why he was putting it off. Sensei was going to make him tell what he'd done to take care of himself during those months.

"Did you meet Soubi-san right after your brother's death or was there time in between?"

"Six months," Ritsuka replied, speaking again before Katsuko-sensei could ask another question. "Daddy loved me during that time, but…he still really didn't take care of me. Sometimes I went two days without eating anything. I didn't know what to do. Before we moved… I only had one friend. I didn't really know what to do, Sensei."

"That's enough for now," Katsuko-sensei shut off the video camera and closed her folder. "You can go out in the courtyard and look at the flowers with Soubi-san, if you'd like."

That sounded good. Ritsuka hadn't been outside of the hospital yet. The day he'd seen Soubi and his father fighting really didn't count. He'd been wanting to go out in the courtyard ever since first looking out his window in his room and seeing it. It'd been raining for the past few days and he hadn't been allowed outside even when it was sunny out. The rain had finally cleared up during the night and now there were clear skies. Ritsuka could even hear kids outside in the courtyard. He was overjoyed to finally go outside.

…

"Soubi, look at all the flowers!"

It was good to see Ritsuka finally excited and happy again, particularly after last night's confession. Soubi stood behind the boy, watching him look at the beauty of the courtyard garden. Ritsuka was still in a wheelchair, since his leg was giving him trouble when he tried to walk. A blanket was draped across his lap, keeping him warm in the brisk cool spring weather. Ritsuka was able to get himself around, though Soubi insisted on helping push him.

Other kids played in the courtyard, as well, mainly kids from the regular pediatric ward. Some other people were outside, too, but none of the older people approached them and simply stared at the man and the bruised child in the wheelchair. They were quite the sight, though the young children didn't seem to care. They came right up to them and talked to Ritsuka or purposefully bothered Soubi. By now, Soubi was extremely annoyed by the little children, though the feeling of being annoyed was overshadowed by Ritsuka's happiness.

"What kind of flower is this?" Ritsuka asked, drawing Soubi's attention back to the boy. He was closely examining a white flower, curiously sniffing it and touching its petals and the anthers. Soubi went closer to him, not being able to clearly see the flower he was looking at. He stood beside the boy, leaning down a bit to get a better look at the flower he was holding out.

"That's Habenaria radiata," Soubi took the flower from him, holding it out in his palm. Ritsuka just looked at him, confused. "An Egret flower," Soubi clarified, using the common name of the flower. Ritsuka nodded, and looked again at the particular flower. It was white, the most common type of the kind of flower, and looked like a bird spreading its wings and flying away. Maybe that had been why Ritsuka had taken interest in it. Birds symbolized freedom, peace, tranquility, and, sometimes, a new beginning, especially a white bird in flight.

"What about these?" Ritsuka rolled himself forward, now in front of a large bushel of white lilies, with each petal striped with gold down the middle and speckled with the same color towards the bottom of the petal.

"Those are gold band lilies," Soubi answered, glad that he knew the answers to all of Ritsuka's questions.

"What are these things? What do they do?" Ritsuka pointed at the dark red anthers and golden stamen on the flower, poking out from the rest of it. Obviously, he hadn't been taught about the anatomy of flowers yet.

Soubi crouched down to the boy's height, plucking the flower off its stem to observe it for a moment. He figured he could teach Ritsuka something here, something that he may enjoy learning about. He often took every chance possible to teach Ritsuka, since the teen seemed to look up to him so much. Half the time, Soubi didn't think Ritsuka even realized he was being taught. Soubi didn't know whether that meant he was a good teacher or a bad one.

"Those are the anthers, Ritsuka," Soubi held the plant out so that Ritsuka could look at it better. "The things supporting it are the stamen. They're the 'male' parts of the plant, but it looks like this one is an incomplete flower. It'll never be able to reproduce. "

"Why?" Ritsuka questioned, looking suddenly serious. "Does it deserve to die because of it?"

"A complete flower has both the 'male' and the 'female' components." Soubi opened the flower's petals more so Ritsuka could see the insides better. "Somehow this one lost the 'female' part so it only has the 'male' part. Since an incomplete, male flower cannot be pollinated, this flower will never reproduce. I don't think it deserves to die, but it has failed at its purpose in life, which is to make new seeds. "

Soubi glanced up, seeing a smaller child approaching Ritsuka, calling out to him. The boy didn't look up, though. He was seemingly far too interested in Soubi's lesson. He didn't even notice the boy. Soubi didn't see his ears twitch, so he assumed that he probably hadn't heard the younger boy, either.

"Why can't it be pollinated?" The Sacrifice pressed on, his expression slightly worried.

Soubi paused a moment, wondering what had made the child worried. Still, he went on, convinced he had simply misinterpreted his expression, "Pollen is from the male part of the flower. It is blown away and eventually lands to the sticky female part of a flower. That's the only way for pollination to occur. Two male flowers can't make seeds. Their only biological purpose in life is to make seeds, so it has failed at that purpose."

"But…!" Ritsuka started to protest, looking more disturbed. Finally, Soubi realized that the thing that was bothering Ritsuka was what Soubi was teaching him. He was remembering what his father said about being gay and Soubi was making it sound as if two males being together was wrong.

"It's different for humans," Soubi tried to reassure him. "It's alright with humans. Reproducing isn't our only purpose."

Still, Ritsuka looked slightly bothered and Soubi moved on to simply distracting him by taking the boy to a different batch of flowers.

…

Later that day, Natsuo, Youji, came to play with Ritsuka. Soubi had left them alone for a bit to go talk to Katsuko-sensei when he ran into Yuiko and Yayoi just about to enter the ward. Neither had their parents with them and Yuiko was carrying flowers for Ritsuka. Soubi stopped them before they got any further into the ward, wanting to talk to them about Ritsuka.

"Hello Soubi-san!" Yuiko greeted cheerfully. Yayoi said a greeting as, well, holding what looked to be a hand-made card.

"Ritsuka will be happy to see you two," Soubi told them, glancing back towards Ritsuka's room to make sure he hadn't heard Yuiko and Yayoi come in. Since he didn't see a little kitten-eared boy peeking out of the room, he assumed Ritsuka was busy with Natsuo and Youji. Soubi turned back to the two teens in front of them, both looking around the hospital anxiously. It was an ominous, gloomy place, but Soubi had gotten used to it from staying with Ritsuka. These two, though, probably didn't visit hospitals very often, so they were still frightened by the depressing demeanor.

"Ritsuka is very fragile," Soubi warned the two, keeping his voice low.

"He has a lot of broken bones?" Yuiko guessed. Soubi sighed; he sometimes didn't understand why Ritsuka was friends with this girl. She could be such an idiot sometimes. How did a smart boy become friends with such a stupid girl? It really made no sense, at least not to Soubi. Then again he, the dark, blunt loner, was friends with the energetic and friendly Kio. Opposites really did attract.

"No, that's not the only reason why," Soubi started. This girl needed the simplest of terms. She wouldn't be able to understand anything else. "He's had a lot of things happen to him. He's fragile now. Anything can upset him. Please be very careful and stay away from the topic of his family and why he's in the hospital. If he gets upset, come find me. You can go in now."

With those words, Yuiko bounded towards Ritsuka's room, but Yayoi lingered back. "What exactly is wrong with Ritsuka-kun?"

Soubi looked down at the shorter boy, considering whether or not to tell him. If he didn't tell the truth, then the boy would get curious and ask Ritsuka, which couldn't turn out good. If he did tell him, however, Yayoi-san would act differently around Ritsuka, and Ritsuka would surely notice and question why. In the end, Soubi figured that it was better just to tell Yayoi-san what happened. Soubi would rather have Ritsuka ask him why Yayoi was acting strange than have Ritsuka cry and get upset.

"He… his father…" It was still so hard to say but Soubi didn't know why. He forced himself to say it, to admit it, to verbally acknowledge it, "His father raped him. He still has his ears… but that doesn't make the fact that it was done any better."

Yayoi-san was silent, though his mouth had fallen open and his eyes had gone as wide as they could be. Soubi just kept his gaze, hearing Ritsuka's joyful exclamation of Yuiko being at the hospital. It was nice to make Ritsuka happy rather than upset for once. He'd even failed at making Ritsuka happy when they'd gone outside. All he wanted was to make him happy. Why did he seem to be so bad at it?

"Don't mention that I told you," Soubi walked away from the completely awestruck boy, going off to find Katsuko-sensei.

…

Ritsuka was still in a wheelchair, but that didn't matter since he had finally got to see his friends from school again. He knew that Soubi had set this up—who else could have, after all?—and he wanted to thank the man afterwards. Youji, Yayoi, and Natsuo never mentioned why he was in the hospital and every time Yuiko seemed like she was going to, Yayoi would jump up and cover her mouth and then suggest something else for the five of them to do.

Even though he was having fun with his friends, he kept catching himself looking down empty hallways or turning to excitedly talk to someone who wasn't there. He soon realized the cause and kept looking for Soubi and expecting him to be by his side. He never was, though, and every time Ritsuka found the space he was about to talk to empty, he felt his heart fall a little. He didn't feel whole without the college student there with him, forever staying by his side and always willing to love and protect him. He could always talk to Soubi, say what was on his mind, laugh with him, whisper his deepest secrets to him, or confess something to him that he'd kept a secret. Without him, there was an empty space that no one else could fill. When he was gone, Ritsuka missed his other half deeply, no matter what he was doing or whom he was with.

…

"Ritsuka-kun is scheduled to go into surgery tomorrow at noon," Katsuko informed Soubi, breathlessly. It was the first time he'd seen her wear a doctor's coat and be overworked. She was working clinic duty in the hospital clinic, which was overpopulated on a Sunday. Soubi followed her behind counters, to different desks, and then to an examination room with a patient with a sniffling child. She'd quickly sent the two home and had finally begun talking to Soubi, since this was the first time in an hour she had any sort of free time.

"So soon?" Soubi was more than a little surprised. Kiyoshi had just agreed to do the transplant. Wasn't there a bunch of paperwork and evaluations he'd have to go through prior to the surgery? A day seemed a little soon and sudden to be going into surgery, but, then again, since Kiyoshi was the most self-centered person he'd ever met, that bastard probably needed to get back to his 'extremely important' job. At least that wouldn't leave Kiyoshi much time to try to cause more trouble.

"Yes," Katsuko wrote franticly in a file, not looking at Soubi. "We don't have much time before Ritsuka-kun's kidneys fail. I don't want him to be in more pain than necessary. I've already taken samples from his father, compared, and tested them with samples from Ritsuka-kun. They're a perfect match. Aoyagi Kiyoshi has already filled out all the paperwork and is currently admitted to the hospital. He's handcuffed to his bed, so he won't be causing you or Ritsuka any more trouble. Is there anything else you needed to talk about because I—"

"Yes," Soubi interrupted her, just as she had closed the file and looked as though she was about to leave. Soubi knew she was busy, but he did need to talk about a few things. "I'm giving you my word that when Ritsuka and I were in bed together, it was purely innocent. He got lonely and wanted to come to bed with me, so I let him. He's really worried about you kicking me out of the hospital because of it."

"I'm not going to kick you out," She replied without any sort of hesitation. "I already talked to Ritsuka-kun about it earlier, and he told me the same thing you just did. Is there anything else?"

"His family reunion," Soubi said quickly before she could leave.

That stopped Katsuko-sensei. She froze, looking as though she was thinking it over carefully. "I don't think it's a good idea," She softly stated, closing her folder and rising from her chair. "Follow me. If you're going to be the one to take care of Ritsuka-kun, you're going to have to know how to administer his medication."

Soubi tailed her out of the examination room and through a sea of people; mainly mothers who thought a simple sniffle from their child meant they were deathly ill. This time, Soubi didn't stop or even pause to look at the kids in the waiting room. He didn't have the time to, not with Ritsuka about to go into surgery and Katsuko showing him how to help Ritsuka with his medication. He was also going to try to convince the psychologist to let Ritsuka attend his family reunion, since the boy really wanted to go. When Soubi had talked to Ritsuka on the computer about it, he'd been beyond excited about it and Soubi didn't know if he could stand to let him down, especially when all he wanted was to go see his family.

"He really wants to go," Soubi insisted, easily keeping up with Katsuko's fast pace as they headed out of the waiting room and into an already crowded, noisy elevator. "He told me all about his family. I said I'd take him. If you're really worried about him, I'm sure it'd be alright for you to come, too."

Katsuko was silent, though she had a slowly fading look of doubt on her face. It was a relief that she was at least considering what Soubi was saying, there might be a chance he could take Ritsuka to his family reunion and maybe finally make Ritsuka a little happy. It'd be pleasing to see Ritsuka smile and know that he, the man who just seemed to mess everything up, had caused him to lighten up.

"I'll give it some thought. You find out more about his family from him," Katsuko-sensei decided as the elevator stopped at the second basement floor. It was quieter here, and it carried a harsher tone of the depressing hospital aura. The whitewashed hallways were deserted and the spotless white tile floor looked as though no one had ever walked here before. The two passed dark doctors' offices and laboratories, until finally Katsuko stopped and unlocked a door labeled 'Lab S'.

Soubi was no stranger to medical laboratories, as he took quite a few classes in that field, so this place wasn't all that odd or new to him. It was devoid of people, but the cabinets filled with microscopes and other equipment for viewing samples made the room seem full. It wasn't the neatest of place either, and the stacks of paper and unorganized test tubes threw Soubi off. At the university, they were required to keep the lab areas sterilized. Soubi guessed real labs didn't work that way.

"This way," Katsuko-sensei instructed, picking her way through the mess of papers, books, and equipment to a back room. She unlocked the door and took Soubi inside, leaving the door open. The lights flickered on automatically, giving light to the small room. This one was an even bigger mess than the first. There seemed to be a desk, but it was buried under piles upon piles of paper, just like the couch on the opposite side. On the top of the papers on the couch was a black messenger bag. Katsuko immediately went over to it and opened it, motioning for Soubi to come over.

"These are the medications I have prescribed for him," She told him. Carefully organized in the specialized bag were pill bottles and liquid medication bottles, as well as a couple syringes. "He's going to need to take a lot. We can't reverse the damage done to him. He has an extremely weak heart while his stomach and digestive track have deteriorated slightly as well. These are just the basic medications for his heart, immune system, and stomach. I'll do tests on him after the surgery to test him for other complications."

That sounded bad. Ritsuka was sickly, but it Soubi never thought it was this bad. He could've needed a full on heart transplant. They were lucky they'd caught the poison when they did. Otherwise, Ritsuka could've easily ended up with minor to severe brain damage. As much as Soubi loved and was loyal to Ritsuka, he would admit that it'd be hard to see him and take care of him if he had ended up brain damaged.

Soubi listened closely as Katsuko-sensei described what he'd have to do for Ritsuka every day. He repeated all the information back to her, knowing that one small slip-up in Ritsuka's dosage or medication timing and order could lead to severe problems. He'd have to give multiple injections to the boy before every meal and at bedtime. Ritsuka would have to wear a metal identification bracelet, just in case he was to collapse in another city or country. Whenever Ritsuka wanted to run or play at the park with his friends, Soubi would have to watch him carefully and check his heart rate every so often. It was a lot of work, but to Soubi it was nothing, since it gave Ritsuka the possibility to live a normal, happy life.

…

Ritsuka was working on a puzzle with his friends when Soubi finally came back. After about two hours of trying to ignore the strange emptiness in his heart, he was ecstatic to see him. He was the first of his friends to notice him, probably because he was the only one who'd been secretly searching for his other half for two hours. When he did see Soubi, it felt as though everything was right, and that empty void was filled again.

Soubi took him back into his hospital room, telling Yuiko and Yayoi that he'd call their parents to pick them up soon. He had Ritsuka sit on the bed and then began explaining to him what he and Katsuko-sensei were doing.

"Soubi-san is going to start giving you your medication every day," Katsuko-sensei started, smiling. "That way, you won't have to be on the IV all day. You'll only have to be on it during the night."

"Sensei taught me how to do this," Soubi kneeled in front of him, placing a gentle hand on Ritsuka's arm. "I have to give you a few shots, Ritsuka."

As soon as he heard those words, Ritsuka startled and tried to move away, attempting to pullback from Soubi. He hated needles. Absolutely hated them. He had hated them even before his father had stabbed him with one in the dark alleyway, though that had only worsened his fear. The IV wasn't so bad, since once it was in, he couldn't feel it. He didn't like the actual shot. He hated the feeling of a thin, sharp needle being pushed into his skin. Would he have to get shots every day, now? He wasn't sure if he could handle that.

Soubi gently but firmly held him in place, preventing his escape and making him stay still on the edge of the bed. Ritsuka's eyes went wide. Images of big, calloused hands holding him down, claws tearing away at this skin and ripping him in half flooded his senses. It was no longer Soubi holding him in his spot, but it was Aoyagi Kiyoshi, smiling as he pinned him down on his and his wife's bed, chaining his hands to the headboard, and forcing his legs apart. Ritsuka's hands went to Soubi's arms, his tiny fingernails digging into his skin, causing little beads of scarlet to appear on his skin. Soubi said something, but Ritsuka didn't catch it since he was still seeing the flashbacks and hearing only what his father had said to him. He closed his eyes, his ears flattening back against his head, and, with an amazing and sudden amount of strength, he shoved the man holding him away, sending him falling back against the floor.

"Ritsuka-kun!"

Ritsuka was brought back to his senses when he heard Katsuko-sensei yell out his name. He looked up, wide-eyed, realizing that he'd shoved Soubi to the floor and the blonde man was now looking up at him in pure shock.

"Soubi," Ritsuka whispered, barely able to believe that he'd shoved him away like that. He hadn't been able to do that when his father held him down, so why now? Was he finally beginning to learn to be able to fight and not give up when things seemed hopeless? "I…I'm sorry I pushed you. I'll stay still this time, I promise."

Soubi just nodded, still probably in shock from being shoved by little, weak Ritsuka. He resumed his previous position of kneeling before Ritsuka. He smiled slightly, letting Ritsuka know that was okay that he had pushed Soubi away. Ritsuka blushed, looking away slightly, changing the subject, "Is it going to hurt?"

"Not very much," Soubi assured him. "You'll only feel the first one. Don't worry; I've been practicing."

Even though Ritsuka first thought was 'he's going to stick me more than once?', he still offered his left arm out to Soubi, looking away and shutting his eyes tightly, preparing to feel the worst kind of sudden pain. Soubi was slow, and even though Ritsuka knew he was always slow and gentle, it surprised him for some reason. He turned his gaze back to Soubi, watching him concentrate hard on filling a syringe with a long, sharp needle. Ritsuka didn't think he'd ever seen Soubi concentrate so hard on anything, not even painting. Katsuko-sensei also observed him, though her eyes flicked to Ritsuka every few seconds.

"Hold my hand, Ritsuka," Soubi instructed quietly, rolling up Ritsuka's sleeve and cleaning the area just below his shoulder with a disinfecting wipe. He offered his left hand to Ritsuka and Ritsuka immediately took it, squeezing it tightly. He watched as Soubi raised the syringe to his arm and glanced at him as if to make sure it was all right. Ritsuka nodded and braced himself, feeling the needle poke through his skin. He let out a breath he hadn't realized he was holding. This really wasn't so bad.

He looked back at what Soubi was doing, seeing a strange sort of bubble form below the skin of his arm. Soubi readied another syringe, taking the first out, having to let go of Ritsuka's tiny hand to do so. "What's that?" With his right arm, Ritsuka pointed to the little bubble under the surface. He didn't touch it, though, since he didn't think he was supposed to do that.

"It's a numbing medicine," Soubi responded, filling another two syringes, making three readied ones. "You won't feel the other three now." Without warning or hesitation, Soubi injected the first shot into the bubble and Ritsuka watched, not feeling a single thing as he did. It was the same with the other two. He had only felt the numbing shot.

"How'd I do?" Soubi asked innocently as he set the empty syringes to the side.

"The other three didn't hurt at all," Ritsuka relaxed, letting his eyes fall partly closed. Katsuko-sensei gave a few words of agreement. He could feel the medicine starting to take effect, though he wasn't sure what they did. "Am I supposed to be getting sleepy?"

"The first few times you will," Katsuko-sensei answered.

"It's alright to sleep now," Soubi agreed, placing the medicine in the bag. "I'll have Yuiko-chan and Yayoi-san come say goodbye to you. Natsuo and Youji are going to stay a little longer, though."

Yuiko and Yayoi came to say goodbye to Ritsuka. They promised to visit soon again and to tell all the other kids at the school where Ritsuka was and about his condition. He was sad to see them leave, but it meant he got to spend more time with the people closer to him—Natsuo, Youji, and Soubi. About an hour later, Ritsuka finally gave into temptation and laid down in his hospital bed, saying goodbye to the Zero boys beforehand, since Kio had come to pick them up and take them home.

"Tell me a story, Soubi," Ritsuka begged, yawning and snuggling further under the blankets. Soubi sat in the chair next to the hospital bed with his laptop, typing up homework while talking with Ritsuka.

"A made up one or a real one?" Soubi continued typing away, most likely writing up a paper. Ritsuka sleepily reached over and threaded his fingers through Soubi's hair, gently pulling out some of the minor knots.

"Tell me more of that story you were telling when you first brought me here," Ritsuka requested, another big yawn sneaking its way up. Seimei used to tell him made up stories sometimes, ones about princes and evil kings and big friendly dragons. Soubi had been telling him one the first night Ritsuka had been admitted, since Ritsuka had needed a distraction from the thoughts of his father. He needed a distraction now, as well, as he was still thinking about the way he'd had those flashbacks once Soubi prevented him from trying to escape the shots. It hadn't been Soubi's fault. Ritsuka was terrified of shots, and he would have tried to run away if given the chance. The only option would've been to hold him in place. Even though Soubi had done is non-forcefully and gently, Ritsuka had still had flashbacks of the night almost a week ago. Would this ever get better?

"Where did I leave off?" Soubi wondered aloud, looking over his computer at Ritsuka and his mounds of blankets piled atop him. Ritsuka lay on his side, his soft bear in his arms, waiting for Soubi to start.

"You were saying how Kio took care of Ritsuka and how he took over the family business and Kio helped him," Ritsuka reminded him. He tended to remember the things that Soubi told him, especially things like this.

"That's right," Soubi took a break from typing and sat back in his chair, thinking for a moment. "I remember where I was going with this. One day, Earl Ritsuka was briefed on a very disrupting incident. All of the rest of England had already heard about it and Ritsuka knew it was just a matter of time before he was called to investigate."

"What was the incident?" Ritsuka questioned, beyond intrigued by Soubi's story.

Soubi paused, "There was a man who would kidnap little boys and girls off the street and hurt them and kill them. Nobody knew his name or what he looked like, but all of the mothers and fathers were scared for their children. Even nobles would not let their children out alone. This was a huge problem in London especially. When Ritsuka and Kio were assigned the case, they could find absolutely no leads. They had no idea who the man taking all the children was. Ritsuka was about to give up after only a week of investigating, but Kio then got a call from a scholar he was very familiar with."

"A scholar?" Ritsuka repeated. "Who was it?"

"Patience, Ritsuka," Soubi teased, smiling again. "Ritsuka and Kio were set to meet with this scholar in a week. Ritsuka, being quite wary of people, decided to try to gather information about this man from Kio. Kio didn't give out much information on him, since he thought that if Ritsuka knew too much, he would become disinterested in him or not wanting his help. He simply told the boy that this man was a traveling scholar and doctor, who held knowledge and connections that could help the two. On the day before they were going to meet him, Kio took Ritsuka to an art gallery and pointed out a specific painting, saying the man did it. The painting was signed Agatsuma Soubi."

Soubi stopped there and showed no intention of going on. "You can't just stop there!" Ritsuka exclaimed, feeling slightly sleepier. "I want to hear more!"

"No," Soubi refused, brushing the bangs away from Ritsuka's face and eyes. "I'll tell you more soon. Get some sleep now. I'll be here when you wake up."

Ritsuka pouted, but he didn't say anything. Instead, he fell asleep to the sound of Soubi typing away at his laptop.

…

The next day, Soubi skipped every one of his classes to help Ritsuka get through his surgery all right. It was scheduled to be at noon, so they gave him a sedative at around eleven. Soubi watched the boy with amusement as he giggled and sang and said strange things to the doctors and nurses. Soubi knew that they'd given Ritsuka a sedative that took awhile to put him to sleep, but he never expected the boy to be like this and, quite honestly, it was extremely hard to not laugh at his behavior. Ritsuka wouldn't remember this later, anyways, though Soubi had taken quite a few photos of him.

"Soubi," Ritsuka sang in a high voice, giggling as he drew out Soubi's name. "Soubi, Soubi, Soubi, Soubi."

"What is it?" Soubi stopped talking to one of the doctors and went over to the giggly, affectionate boy.

Ritsuka leaned in close and whispered, "I like you," and then fell into a giggling fit. It was a good thing Ritsuka wouldn't remember this later. He would probably be extremely embarrassed of himself.

"Yes, Ritsuka, I know. Go to sleep," He'd been trying to get the teen to lie down and be quiet for about a half hour, but he wouldn't do it.

"No," Ritsuka smiled wide, showing all his teeth. "I'm not sleepy. I don't wanna go to sleep. No, no, no, no, no."

Soubi sighed and sat on the bed with Ritsuka. The overly affectionate, medicated boy crawled over to him, sitting on his knees beside him. Suddenly, Ritsuka went from being the rambunctiously happy child to being sad and melancholy. At a normal volume, but with a sad tone he asked, "Where's mommy, Soubi?"

"'M…Mommy'?" Soubi repeated, staring at him. He'd heard him call Kiyoshi 'Daddy', but Misaki's title had always been either 'Mom' or 'Mother', never 'Mommy'. Soubi knew that she would've beat Ritsuka for calling her that, so he'd never really thought about why Ritsuka had a more 'younger child' type name for his father, but now it was beginning to confuse him. It was a little off that Ritsuka referred to his father as 'Daddy' most of the time, instead of just 'Dad'. Soubi though that after all that that man had put Ritsuka through, the boy would use 'Dad' rather than the more endearing 'Daddy'.

"I miss her," Ritsuka whimpered, climbing into Soubi's lap and hiding his face in his shirt. "Ever since she saw what he did…she's been hurting me."

…What was he talking about? 'What he did'? What did that mean? 'He' was clearly Kiyoshi, while 'she' was Misaki. Misaki had been hurting Ritsuka ever since he lost his memories. Soubi knew that much. Ritsuka had said that ever since 'she' (Misaki) had seen 'him' (Kiyoshi) do something to him (Ritsuka), she'd been beating him. Ritsuka lost his memory when he was ten. Misaki had started beating him when he was ten. That meant…

No. That couldn't be. Ritsuka had lost his memories. He wouldn't know if Kiyoshi had caused his memory loss. What he was saying was just medicated mindless blather. He couldn't remember, so this meant nothing. Nothing at all.

"Oh, Soubi," The boy pulled away from Soubi's chest, smiling sadly, this time, his smile only being a slight turn of the corners of his mouth. He tilted his head slightly, his eyes falling half shut, with a lazy and depressed look on his face. "I'm going to disappear soon. Everything will be gone. I'll never have to feel this pain again. I'll be numb, just like I wanted."

He kissed Soubi's neck slowly, pressing warm, sexual kisses above the bandages, his tongue flicking out the lick his skin. He brought his hips down, rubbing himself against the man's body, gasping a bit before starting to full-on grind him. Soubi instantly grabbed his hips, stilling him, stopping his sudden sexual advances, shocked at his actions, though not being able to stop his open-mouthed kisses on his neck.

Soubi panicked, not knowing what to do. What the hell had Ritsuka just done? Could he trust what he was saying? He sounded serious. The giggly, overjoyed boy from just a few moments ago was completely gone, replaced with this sad, fading child. The boy's blue eyes were staring right into his eyes, and his heart broken smile pierced right through Soubi's heart.

...Wait. Ritsuka's eyes weren't blue. Seimei, Ritsuka, and Kiyoshi all had violet eyes. Misaki's were blue. Soubi leaned down so the he was eye level with Ritsuka and narrowed his eyes, peering into Ritsuka's light blue eyes, the color being slightly darkened by his dismal mood. Ritsuka's eyes were violet. Not blue. He looked like a completely different person with blue eyes. Ritsuka really was acting differently, as well. Even when he was sad, he never talked about death, as this boy had been doing a few moments ago. And he certainly didn't suddenly start to kiss Soubi's neck and grind him.

"It sounds so sweet to me," Ritsuka whispered, his smile widening. He kneeled over Soubi's lap, a leg on either side of him, standing up a bit on his knees, bringing them to eye level again. He gently put his hand on the older male's face, on his cheek. "I just want to leave this place. You won't be able to save me," Ritsuka's voice grew louder, going back to an almost normal volume. "You weren't able to then, and you won't be able to now." His smirk widened even more as he leaned in more and his voice dropped to a whisper in Soubi's ear, "Don't even try."

* * *

**Hello again~**

**There's a Healing prequel up. Go to my profile and find it there. It's published separate from Healing.  
**

**Thank you to everyone who reviewed. I'm sorry I can't type out all your names. I have school in the morning and it's already midnight. I appriciated every single comment I recieved and I like how you guys incoperated your own opinoins about the school system in there. ANd yes, I do sometimes get influenced by some of your ideas/opinoins. **

**Anyways, not going to say much about this chapter since I don't want to give anything away. Special thanks to Rai Yazuki who beta's this chapter and the previous few. I hope you get better soon.**

**In regards to my home life, things are getting better. *hugs you all for being concerned***

**Review with thoughts/opinoins/concerns/critism/theories please! It'll motivate me more!**

**Don't forget to check out the prequel!**

**~Wolfie  
**


	16. The Other Ritsuka

**16**

**The Other Ritsuka**

The waiting room was a boring place, but Soubi wasn't bored at all. He had a book to read, but he didn't open it because he was too busy to concentrate on the pages. No, his thoughts were simply on the person he'd seen before Ritsuka fell into a sedated sleep.

_"Don't even try," Ritsuka whispered in Soubi's ear, his hot breath right above __his__ bandages, his teeth nipping at Soubi's earlobe lightly, gently, __and__ something that Ritsuka wouldn't normally do. The next thing Soubi felt was Ritsuka falling against him, limp and asleep, his head on Soubi's shoulder. Soubi glanced around the room, making sure the doctors were gone before opening one of Ritsuka's eyelids and seeing that his eyes had returned to the normal violet color._

It wasn't just Ritsuka's 'don't even try' whisper that had bothered him; it was everything else that he'd said as well. First, he'd asked for his mother, calling her 'mommy' and saying that 'Ever since she saw what he did…she's been hurting me'. He'd then went on to say that he was going to disappear soon and that the pain would all be over soon and he'd be numb. It was then that Soubi noticed that Ritsuka's eyes were blue instead of violet.

_"I just want to leave this place. You won't be able to save me. You weren't able to then, and you won't be able to now."_

This time, Soubi wasn't overreacting in the slightest. There really was something to worry over. That boy with the blue eyes had told Soubi that he wanted to die. Ritsuka, on the other hand, had never given any sort of sign to being suicidal. Sure, he was mildly depressed, but that was understandable considering what had happened to him, but he wasn't _suicidal_, or at least, he didn't act like it. What had happened? That had to have just been the medication talking.

Or had it been Ritsuka's true feelings?

Soubi truly feared that. He didn't want Ritsuka to die. He couldn't live without him, even if he had Kio, Natsuo, and Youji. It was simply impossible. Normal people would be able to move on, even if it took years for them to do so. Soubi wouldn't be able to. He'd never love anyone as much as he had loved Ritsuka. There simply wasn't enough room in his heart.

He was beginning to understand why Ritsuka took so many pictures. He wanted to remember the people he loved through them. Pictures were an art of their own. They captured the moment. If Soubi ever lost Ritsuka to suicide, or to anything, really, he'd only have memories and the lively photographs, though not the actual full of life boy. That would just shatter Soubi's heart into a million pieces.

"Soubi-kun?."

Soubi looked up, having closed his eyes and rested his head on his hand, tired after comforting Ritsuka after bad dreams the previous night. He'd woken up to Ritsuka's yelling and having to shake Ritsuka away to get him to stop. As a result, Ritsuka had wet the bed again, so Soubi didn't get a chance to sleep. He had to take a shower and wait for the nasty, irritated nurse to come and change the sheets. It was even worse since she had blatantly _scolded _Ritsuka for having a bad dream and wetting the bed, as if Ritsuka wasn't already insecure and embarrassed by it enough already. It was because of her that Ritsuka asked if he was stupid for wetting the bed and questioned if it meant he was a little kid and belonged in the infants' ward, which was exactly what that horrible nurse had told him.

Katsuko-sensei was standing in front of him, holding out a Styrofoam cup of coffee to him. "Dozing off?" She guessed as Soubi took it and held the warm cup in his cold hands. It was strangely cold in the surgical waiting room.

"Sort of. Ritsuka had a bad dream again last night," Soubi yawned and took a long drink of the coffee, hoping it would make the sleepiness go away. He scoffed at the taste since Katsuko had put what seemed to be about ten packets of sugar in it. He didn't say anything, though, since she'd been kind enough to bring it to him.

"I heard," Katsuko took a seat next to him in the nearly deserted waiting room.

"One of your nurses told him that he belongs in the infants' ward," Soubi glanced over at her, speaking in a low voice. "When she left, he asked me if he did and if he was stupid for wetting the bed."

"Which nurse was it?" Katsuko asked, sounded slightly surprised and very concerned. "Was it theone who can barely fit into her uniform?"

Soubi chuckled and nodded, finding it amusing that she would talk about her employees in that way. She was off dutythough, so Soubi supposed that she could do whatever she wanted. Soubi figured as much since she was dressed in casual clothes and had told Ritsuka after visiting that morning that she had been given the day off. And yet, here she was, in the waiting room with Soubi, on her day off, waiting for Ritsuka to come out of surgery.

"I'll have a talk with her today," Katsuko promised. "Is something wrong? You seem distracted."

Soubi hesitated, not sure if he should tell her. Finally, after a minute or two of waiting, he finally turned to her and spoke in a quiet voice so that no one else in the waiting room could hear him, "Ritsuka said and did some strange things today before the medication put him to sleep."

"That's normal, Soubi-kun," Katsuko smiled, trying to reassured him. Soubi immediately noticed the change from using '-san' with his first name to using '-kun'. Since she was off for the day and not working, she could be more familiar around him. "The medication is supposed to make him happy."

"It's not that," Soubi objected, even quieter. "He was like that at first. I thought it was funny and took some pictures of him and kept telling him to go to bed. But then… when I sat on the bed to talk to him, he just… _changed_."

Soubi flipped his phone open and flipped through the pictures until he got to the one he'd taken just before Ritsuka had changed. He hadn't noticed it before, since he'd been too busy trying to settle Ritsuka down to review the picture or notice how close Ritsuka had been to the phone. The picture was a close-up of Ritsuka's face and clearly showed him with light blue eyes. Soubi didn't noticed the change until later, but it clearly showed it in the photograph, meaning that Ritsuka's eye color had changed before he'd became gloomy and depressed.

He leaned in towards Katsuko, showing her the photograph of Ritsuka's smiling face and bright blue eyes. Her mouth fell open and she took the phone from him, staring closely at the picture.

"What…?"

"I didn't notice," Soubi stated, taking his phone back. "I was occupied with other things. He was being playful at first and he kept taking my phone and not wanting to settle down. I was trying to keep him out of trouble. I know his eyes changed suddenly, though, and right before this picture. Otherwise, I would've noticed it. His personality changed, too. When I sat down and told him to go to sleep, he refused at first and then asked me 'where Mommy is'."

"His mother?"

Soubi nodded sadly, shivering from the cold of the waiting room as well as from the memory. Ritsuka's words had been haunting, creepy, almost. As much as he hated to admit that he was scared, those words simply terrified him and made him want to hug and cuddle the boy and remind him repeatedly how much he was loved. He kept going back to trying to convince himself that those hadn't been Ritsuka's true feelings, but somehow he couldn't . Ritsuka had sounded so serious, so cold, so… sure. His voice had changed, as well, becoming darker and sounded older, not the slightly feminine, light voice Ritsuka possessed.

"What else did he say? Anything?" Katsuko-sensei kept her voice low as well. She sounded even more concerned now. Soubi narrowed his eyes, not understanding why a doctor who spent every single day at the hospital would come here on her day off to wait for one of her patients to get out of surgery. Perhaps she did this for all her patients, but Soubi seriously doubted that. She had also come in to check on Ritsuka briefly earlier that morning, but the boy hadn't been able to see her much at the time. She'd come right before the surgery prep and Ritsuka had given her a hug before she had to leave.

"Yes," Soubi hesitated again, since Ritsuka's words had gotten all the more haunting and creepy. "He said that he missed her and she started hurting him after witnessing something that Kiyoshi did to him. The thing is, Sensei, Ritsuka's mother has been beating him ever since he lost his memories and I don't believe Kiyoshi did anything in front of Misaki the three times he sexually abused him."

Katsuko leaned in, her voice dropping to a whisper, "Is he talking about before he had his memory loss?"

"I don't know," Soubi answered honestly. "He doesn't remember anything from before then. He would tell me if he did. There's other things, too. He sat in my lap and told me that he was going to disappear soon. He said 'I'll never have to feel this pain again. I'll be numb, just like I wanted'. He was smiling when he said it. It wasn't a happy smile…more of a sad half-smile, like talking about death and disappearing actually made him happy. Does that sound like the medication to you?" He finished the last sentence with a sarcastic remark and waited quite a while for Katsuko to reply. When she finally did, nearly all of Soubi's coffee was gone in an attempt to keep himself awake in the dreary waiting room.

"No," Katsuko wouldn't look Soubi in the eye now. She had her head turned away from him and was staring at the silent newscast on the television across from her, though Soubi knew she really wasn't watching it. "Something's wrong. He's trying to tell us something. Things like that don't happen. Eye color does not change that suddenly."

"…There's more," Soubi was cautious to go on, but he still did, anyways. "He started acting odd, too. He got sexual and started kissing my neck and rubbing up against me. I stopped him, but… he would've never tried to do that kind of thing normally." Ritsuka wasn't like that. He wouldn't just start kissing him and grinding against him without some sort of warning first. That had been completely out of Ritsuka's personality and character. He would've been shy and started with a few chaste kisses on Soubi's lips, not bold and suddenly overly sexual. Besides, after all that had happened, Soubi knew that he would have to be the one to take charge, not Ritsuka.

"My god!" Katsuko exclaimed loudly, _now_ looking at him, beyond shocked. "That doesn't seem like him at all!"

"It doesn't," Soubi agreed solemnly. Ritsuka had never done _anything_ like that before. "There's more, though. After I stopped him, he said that death sounded sweet and there was no way to stop him. He said 'You weren't able to then, and you won't be able to now. Don't even try'. I…I really don't know how to react," He admitted, sighing, thinking how ironic it was that he'd vowed after leaving Seven Voices that he'd _never_ talk to any sort of therapist or psychiatrist, and here he was, talking to Ritsuka's psychologist. Maybe he really had been wrong about her profession. Ritsu had left him with a bad experience and had led him to believe that psychologists were the most screwed up of all the people. Ritsu had been a sadist who would get off on whipping Soubi. Of course, he hadn't believed and other psychologist would be any different.

"Was there anything after that?" Katsuko-sensei was still too shocked to remember to keep her voice low. A couple in the room looked at them with the strangest expression, judging them without even knowing what they were talking about and how important it was.

"He fell asleep right after," Soubi tried to remind her to keep her voice quiet by doing so himself. "I opened one of his eyelids before the doctors came in and took him away. His eyes went back to their regular color."

He could still feel the places where Ritsuka had pressed hot, open-mouthed kisses on his neck. Soubi didn't find it arousing in the least. If Ritsuka had been doing that himself, without acting so strangely, and hadn't been talking about wanting to die, it would've been very arousing to have a little Ritsuka on his lap, gasping and grinding him, wanting it. The boy that he'd saw, however, didn't even seem like he was Ritsuka and his words were too haunting. It wasn't the right time to do anything sexual to Ritsuka and it wouldn't be for quite a while. He wouldn't even touch him sexually until he felt that Ritsuka was ready, and _that_ had _not_ been ready. That had just been 'Ritsuka' scaring Soubi beyond belief.

"Agatsuma-san!" A nurse called out to Soubi, making him look up, ending his conversation with Katsuko for now. Soubi got up, stretching after hours of sitting in the freezing cold boring waiting room, missing having warm Ritsuka beside him or hugging him. Katsuko got up and followed Soubi through the door the nurse led him through. The surgery had apparently gone without a flaw. Cute little Ritsuka was completely fine, even with his father's kidney inside of him. Oh, Ritsuka was not going to be happy about that. At least he understood why. If there had been another perfect donor who wasn't his father, Soubi would've gone with them, no questions asked.

The nurse led them to a recovery room with what looked to be three beds. There was a smaller child with bandages around her head in the first bed, but she was asleep. In the next bed was Ritsuka, who looked to be awake, even though his eyes were drooping. The curtain dividing the room into the last third was shut, concealing the third person.

"Ritsuka," Soubi called out softly. The boy looked in his direction, yawning, and then an expression of happiness came onto his face and his eyes opened wide, showing bright purple eyes.

"Soubi!" Ritsuka grinned wide, clearly excited. Soubi went to his bed and Ritsuka immediately pulled him into a big hug, the depressed kid from before completely gone. "You came to see me," Ritsuka said, his voice sounding almost like a kitten's purr.

"Of course I did," Soubi squeezed his kitten tight and then let go of him, not wanting to hurt him. "How are you feeling?"

Ritsuka sat back in his bed, looking although he was deep in thought. "I don't like it," He finally replied, looking right into Soubi's eyes as he did so. "Because it's a part of Him… inside of me… It makes me feel like I'll turn out like him, but…" Ritsuka smiled again, and it was bright, contagious, and not forced at all. "I know that I won't, because I have you. It's just a little uncomfortable for me right now, that's all."

Ritsuka _seemed_ to be perfectly fine. Soubi knew he could be hiding his want to die, and he now knew how well Ritsuka could lie when he was scared enough. If it was just a little white lie such as 'no, I didn't get beat today' when he so clearly had a big bruise on his face, or 'yes, I ate today' when his stomach was growling loudly, Soubi would catch him easily. His ears would twitch, his face would turn red, and his long tail would wrap around his leg. When he had been threatened and was lying for the safety of others, though, he was flawless at it. Was Ritsuka really just hiding it or was he truly just fine? If the answer was the latter, then why had he acted the way he did before falling to sleep?

"I'm glad you're alright. Katsuko-sensei is here, too," Soubi sat on the hospital bed, seeing that Katsuko had hung back in the doorway. "She came to see you."

"Hello," Ritsuka greeted joyfully, still smiling, still so cheerful and innocent, just like the boy Soubi knew and loved. "Thank you for coming to see me. I thought it was your day off?"

"It is," Katsuko came forward to stand in front of Ritsuka, looking him over without him noticing. "I wanted to see how you were doing. I think I'm going to stay awhile. Also, neither of you have to be so formal with me when I'm not working."

Soubi couldn't help but to analyze her words. She was concerned about Ritsuka, and she had chosen to spend her day off, when she probably didn't get very many at the hospital, checking up on one of her patients after a surgery she _knew_ would go perfectly fine. It was her job to help and worry about Ritsuka, but she was off the clock now, so she no longer had to do that. When she had told them to be less formal with her, she had also been implying that they _would_ see her again outside of the hospital. The way she acted around Ritsuka right now was almost…motherly.

…and the way he acted around her was almost as if he were her son.

It was so natural for the two of them to behave like that, so natural, in fact, that Soubi hadn't noticed it. He knew that he, Soubi, was Ritsuka's father figure, but Ritsuka didn't act as if they were father and son. He simply looked up to Soubi and sought advice from him and Soubi was parental around him, as well, but that wasn't their entire relationship. They kissed, hugged, and cuddled but Ritsuka clearly saw him as a lover, just as Soubi saw the boy. Ritsuka did not see Soubi as his father, only as a parental figure and lover. Soubi was not Ritsuka's father. However, Ritsuka saw Katsuko as his mother and that was their relationship. It was no longer limited to patient and psychiatrist. Katsuko was Ritsuka's mother and was more so than Misaki could ever be.

It did not bother Soubi. If anything, he supported it. Ritsuka needed two parent_s_ not just one parent. He needed more than one person to look up to, and clearly, he needed to have more than one person to share things with, in case he ever felt uncomfortable or embarrassed talking to Soubi, as he had a handful of times. All those times, Ritsuka had gone either to Katsuko or even to Kio, who'd informed him that he had a talk with Ritsuka, though he wouldn't say what about. He needed a mother.

Ritsuka had always loved his mother, even with the knowledge that she was severely mentally ill, and kept going back to her with the thoughts of 'maybe, just maybe, _today_ she'll love me'. It had always hurt beyond pain to see Ritsuka drag himself back to Soubi's apartment for the second time that night, his head hanging and his eye blackened, rejected and dejected. He'd probably had the same thoughts about his father, as well, had probably thought 'today he'll be nice. Today he won't hurt me', but every time he'd always end up the same way, whether it was with his mother or father. Ritsuka had loved both of them to the very end, the crashing, burning, painful end that had finished with him in the hospital. Hell, he probably still loved them. Who could blame him, really? They were his parents, after all. They were supposed to love him. Ritsuka had loved both of them with all his heart, but his love had ended up perpetually unrequited.

Katsuko was now laughing with Ritsuka, both of them giggling as Ritsuka tried to call her 'Katsuko-chan' without smiling. Soubi joined them, wondering what the sight of the three of them looked like, a physiatrist, a broken boy, and a broken Fighter all together, their relationships all different, but somehow making up one strange sort of family.

…

Ritsuka was told to stay in the surgical ward for the night, and Katsuko had stayed until she'd had to go at nine to check in on her family. Soubi was given the okay to stay in the ward with him, though he had to sleep in the reclining chair. He took off his night classes to stay with him, even though the boy had told him it was alright to go if he wanted to. Ritsuka had seemed glad that he'd stayed, anyways.

Ritsuka dozed off just after Katsuko left, when Soubi was reading quietly to him. He seemed to only be dozing or napping, not actually sleeping, so Soubi assumed he'd be back awake in about an hour or so. Soubi would stay in the room, though he was extremely curious about one thing…

Soubi kissed sleeping Ritsuka gently, unable to resist a chaste kiss on those red, full lips. Ritsuka seemed to respond, even while sleeping, since he shifted closer to Soubi. The older man pulled away soon after though, not wanting to take advantage of how much he could kiss Ritsuka in his sleep. Besides, there was something more important on his mind right now.

Who the hell was behind that curtain? There were supposed to be three people in the room and the nurses hadn't done anything to conceal the little girl in the first bed. Why hide this person? Soubi had suspicions and he was nearly positive he was correct, but he still doubted himself. Could the hospital staff really be dumb enough to do that? Soubi barely believed even a moron would do such a thing if they knew _why_ it was a terrible idea.

When Soubi slipped to the other side of the curtain, his suspicions proved to be correct and his curious gaze turned into a hard glare. Kiyoshi looked up at him from his book, staring wide-eyed like a kitten who'd just been caught doing something terribly wrong. A deer in headlights look; a dear who _looked _ like it was going to get hit, and needless to say, Soubi would've _really _enjoyed punching Kiyoshi.

The older man laid in his hospital bed, reading a book with the light on the nightstand on, giving the portion of the room a yellowish warm lighting. Kiyoshi almost looked innocent, with his big violet eyes wide open in surprise and a non-vicious expression on his face. He was wearing a hospital gown, just as Ritsuka was, though one hand was handcuffed to the railing on the bed, securing him there. He looked tired, just as his little son had just an hour before, and their expressions mirrored each other.

"Is Ritsuka asleep?" Kiyoshi finally spoke first, quietly, as if he were aware that Ritsuka was in the next bed and would break if he so much as heard his father's voice.

Soubi didn't stop glaring at him, though he did answer him, "Yes, he is. He's napping. And he doesn't want to see you."

"I know that," Kiyoshi said simply, not sounding angry or sad or anything, really. Indifferent. No, not indifferent. Interested, concerned, wanting to know about Ritsuka, but not wanting to hurt or make him scream. Soubi could read him like an open book. Even when he was trying to hide something, he was still easy to read, though. Simple and open.

"Is… Is he alright?" Kiyoshi went on, making eye contact with Soubi and then dropping it a second later to glance around the room and then to the muted television. He closed his book and Soubi caught the title of it and immediately knew where he had gotten it. It had a worn cover and a bent binding and bared other signs of being read many times, such as dog-eared pages. It was a book that Soubi had ordered for Ritsuka, something that he did often, since the boy enjoyed reading almost as much as Soubi did. Ritsuka always got extremely excited when he did, since the only way he could read books that he liked was if he went to the library, though sometimes those books ended up mysteriously ripped up, the pages spread all over the house. Kiyoshi had taken the book from Ritsuka's room, and, even though it wouldn't hurt the teen, it still made Soubi furious.

Soubi didn't answer him and instead peeked outside the curtain, pulling it back slightly to make sure Ritsuka was still sleeping. He was, to Soubi's relief. He sighed in his sleep and rolled onto his stomach, his mouth open and drooling slightly on the pillow. Instantly, Soubi's anger disappeared and he watched the sleeping boy a little longer than he needed to, glad that he wasn't having another bad dream.

"I heard he doesn't like having something from me inside of him…" Kiyoshi spoke again, and Soubi wasn't completely sure if he was talking to him.

Still, he turned to look at him and retorted coldly, "Yes, and he didn't like that when you raped him, either."

Kiyoshi seemed surprised by the remark, but he really should've seen it coming. Did he expect Soubi to be _nice _and _friendly _to him? Did he expect forgiveness after giving Ritsuka a kidney? If he did, he truly was an idiot. Any amount of good from him would never give him redemption. Soubi would never forgive him, and he wouldn't let Ritsuka ever go to his side again. Hopefully, the boy would know not to forgive him, either, but if he did, that really couldn't be helped. Ritsuka was just a bit naïve, but he wasn't stupid. He wouldn't leave Soubi's side to see if Kiyoshi would be any different this time.

"I…I… I didn't…" Kiyoshi started stuttering, though giving up soon. It was useless, though, since he couldn't deny what he'd done to violated Ritsuka, not when they had proof. He sighed, pushing his book off to the side to bring his laptop on his lap, "Do you want to see some pictures? I don't know if you knew Ritsuka before he lost his memories. Seimei never let him look at the pictures of himself, but I kept them all, anyways."

As much as Soubi hated and was furious at Kiyoshi, he was interested in what he was offering. He hadn't known Ritsuka very well at all before he lost his memories. He'd only saw the boy a couple times, and had maybe spoken to him twice. Ritsuka had taken a strange liking to him, especially when Seimei had allowed him to come to the park with them, just two months before Ritsuka's memory loss. Before that day, Soubi had hated Ritsuka, not because of his personality, but because he took all of Seimei's love and attention. Then, he'd been allowed to play with Ritsuka at the park and he hadn't hated him _as much_, though he couldn't remember much of that day, or really of the months leading until Ritsuka's memory loss. Nothing had happened during that time, strangely enough, so everything was just a big blur. He'd barely seen Seimei during those months and had spent a lot of time with Kio.

"…What kind of pictures?" Soubi took a few steps forward, wishing he wasn't as curious as he was about the other Ritsuka. For all he knew, Kiyoshi could have any kind of pictures on his laptop—including naked pictures of Ritsuka, which were most likely ones that were taken with Ritsuka not expecting it or wanting it.

"Pictures we took as a family. Seimei's in some of them, too," Kiyoshi tuned the laptop to Soubi, showing him a picture of Misaki, Kiyoshi, Seimei, and Ritsuka all together. Soubi came closer, looking at the photo, noticing something odd as he did. Ritsuka was being held up by Seimei, and had his arms around him tightly, as if holding onto him for his life, for protection. He also couldn't help but notice that young Ritsuka's smile seemed forced and wobbly and that his eyes weren't focused on the camera, but on someone else…Kiyoshi…

_Wait._ There was something else about his eyes. Soubi got closer, squinting at the low quality image.

Ritsuka's eyes were blue.

"Soubi!"

Soubi started, jumping at Ritsuka's yell, having not expected him to take such a short nap. Soubi had forgotten to keep quiet, so that had probably woke him up. Now he sounded scared and Soubi didn't want to make him cry. Had he had a bad dream or was it because he'd awoken alone? Both could be equally as terrifying, especially if combined.

"I'm coming, Ritsuka," Soubi called back, hopefully not waking up the other little girl in the room. He picked up the extra pillow at the end of Kiyoshi's bed and left without another word.

Ritsuka had sat up in the bed, his arms around his knees and his knees pulled to his chest. He wasn't shaking, but he did look slightly scared, though that disappeared when he saw Soubi.

"What's wrong?" Soubi asked, sitting on the bed with the extra pillow in his lap. Making sure that Ritsuka wouldn't notice, he peered into Ritsuka's eyes, finding them normal in coloring. The Ritsuka in the picture Kiyoshi had shown him had had blue eyes. The current Ritsuka, Soubi's Ritsuka, had beautiful violet eyes. Earlier, Ritsuka's eyes had turned blue and he'd began acting strangely. There was only one explanation.

"I… I just got a little scared when I didn't see you when I woke up… Sorry for depending on you so much…" Ritsuka wouldn't look at him. Soubi, though in shock from what he'd just realized, reached over and tilted Ritsuka's head up, giving Ritsuka a second to pull away before closing the space between them and kissing Ritsuka for the second time that hour.

"It's perfectly alright," Soubi told him when he pulled away and looked at Ritsuka's beat red face. Ritsuka leaned in again and hugged Soubi, holding onto him for a long time before pulling away and looking into his face.

"Tell me a story?" He requested, looking pleading. "The one from yesterday? Please?"

"I think I can do that," He had to try to tell Ritsuka some more of the story. He'd focus on the revelation of what had happened later. "Do you remember what happened?"

Ritsuka laughed, as if that was a silly question. He kept his arms around Soubi loosely, smiling as he pushed the pillow to the side and climbed into Soubi's lap, sitting on his legs just as he always did. Soubi was fine with it, since Ritsuka was acting normally, and just being his affectionate self, just like he always was. Soubi loved the affectionate, loving Ritsuka, not that boy with the blue eyes who'd been overly sexual and talking about death.

"Kio and Ritsuka are going to the meeting with the scholar for help on the case," Ritsuka reiterated. "And the scholar's name is Soubi."

"Good," Soubi praised, kissing the teen's nose. "You remember well. The Earl was very anxious to meet the scholar; since Kio had let it slip that he was very knowledgeable and could probably help them with their case. Meanwhile, Ritsuka grew increasingly lonely, since both his parents were gone. The only person close to him was his tutor, Kio, who Ritsuka loved, but only as a parent. He still felt as though something wasn't right."

_I hope this story doesn't upset him_. Ritsuka appeared to be all right and listening intently, not taking any of Soubi's words personally. That was good. It was showing that Ritsuka could do some things without being reminded of his father.

"A month after hearing about the scholar, Ritsuka and Kio finally went to meet him and had to travel to the palace to do so," Soubi went on, amazed at how well Ritsuka could focus. Most children had a rather short attention span, but Ritsuka could focus on one thing for hours and hours. "Soubi was a rather famous scholar and he traveled all over Europe and Asia to learn new things. Ritsuka had piqued his interest, since he was a thirteen-year-old who'd been called to investigate a case that upset most of England. Not very many people met with him, since he only let those who interested him do so. If Ritsuka was as interesting as Kio said he was, he'd agree to help them out."

He paused, seeing Ritsuka start to shake, though he didn't look upset or anything of the such. Soubi pulled him into another tight hug, wondering if he was cold.

"Ritsuka, what's wrong?"

…

Something wasn't right. Something was wrong, wrong, wrong. Ritsuka was trying to listen to Soubi's story, but his head hurt too much and he kept hearing this… this voice…

[_Close your eyes, Ritsuka. This won't hurt, I promise.]_

There it was again. Ritsuka had been listening to Soubi's story and had been intrigued by it, but then the voice began talking to him and telling him to close his eyes. Ritsuka refused. It was his voice, not someone else's. His voice, but darker and more mature sounding. He wouldn't do what it said. He knew who it was. He used to be completely willing for the Old Ritsuka to come back, but not now, not when he had so many wonderful memories with Soubi. Things were going well, too. He believed he was slowly healing, and he had confessed everything that had happened to Soubi. Then there was Katsuko-chan, who'd visited him _on her day off_ and stayed for hours with he and Soubi. Things seemed to be getting better. He was not going to give everything up.

_No!_ Ritsuka shot back. He had focused all of his attention on holding whatever was coming back, and it was giving him a terrible headache from it. _I should tell Soubi what's going on…_

_[It's not what you think. Please, I need to talk to him.]_

_ No, no, no, no, no!_

Soubi was asking him if he was all right, since Ritsuka was holding his head and covering his ears by now. Soubi's voice was frantic, and he realized something was wrong. Who wouldn't? Ritsuka's head was pounding so hard that he didn't even realize what he was doing anymore. He was sure he was whimpering, crying, and probably saying something incomprehensible, but he couldn't feel it. He could barely even think.

_[It'll only be for a little while. Please trust me.]_

_ No! I don't care! Go away!_

The pounding lessened as Ritsuka told his other self to go away, though it didn't stop completely. Soubi had put him down on the bed and was calling for a doctor. Ritsuka could feel his cheeks were wet with tears, some of them still rolling down his face. The feeling of holding something back was gone. The Other Ritsuka had stopped pushing and shoving. Instead, his head just hurt and he would do anything to make it stop.

Soon after, a doctor and nurse arrived and gave the boy medicine for his head. Soubi stayed by Ritsuka's side and talked to him until well into the night, when Ritsuka finally fell asleep.

…

On Tuesday, Ritsuka slept most of the day and had few visitors. Katsuko stopped by; though she was busy, and checked in on him while he was sleeping, but Soubi didn't have a chance to tell her what he had realized. Koichi-san came by as well while Ritsuka was sleeping; he brought the boy a book to read and asked Soubi to inform him that he came to see him and the he was sorry he couldn't stay longer. He didn't even visit Kiyoshi. Yayoi, Yuiko, and her parents came by too, Ritsuka was finally awake, but he was still drowsy. Yuiko brought Ritsuka flowers and she and Yayoi had made Ritsuka a card signed by the other kids in the school. Ritsuka thanked them and then quickly fell back to sleep.

Later, Ritsuka was moved back to his hospital room. He was asleep while they did so. He woke up for a bit in the late evening and had read the cards he'd gotten from Yuiko, Yayoi, and Koichi-san. He then asked if he could call Katsuko and had talked on the phone for a bit with her. He'd laid down afterwards, then, and he and Soubi had talked until Ritsuka fell asleep in midsentence, exhausted from the headache medication he was still being given, as well as from the surgery.

On Wednesday, Kio came over and asked if he could stay with Ritsuka for a bit. Soubi agreed and left to go to a couple of classes, where he barely listened and instead did research on Ritsuka's family and memory loss, specifically Ritsuka's case. To his surprise, none of the news articles actually said what had happened. They all referenced it as 'the incident', though Soubi did find one suspicious article…

_"…A man was interviewed, having come forward to say that he'd met the boy a week before the incident at a hotel after Aoyagi Ritsuka and his brother had [REDACTED]. He tells us of meeting a little child who was accompanied by an older teen who looked very much like the child and a tall blonde man. It's suspected that the teenager was the boy's brother and the man was the brother's friend. _

_ The man interviewed spoke of meeting the child in the hotel's lobby. The brother introduced him as Aoyagi Ritsuka, and when the interviewee attempted to shake hands with him, Aoyagi promptly bit him and caused him to bleed. Both his brother and the other man scolded him and told him that biting people was bad. The interviewee reported that Aoyagi simply looked down and did not speak. In shock, the anonymous interviewee asked the two what was wrong with the boy, to which the blonde man quickly replied that he was autistic and did not take to meeting people well. The elder two apologized and led Aoyagi outside by the hand._

_ Aoyagi's doctors have denied that he is autistic and have stated that he has no mental retardations whatsoever. The brother has been named as [REDACTED] while his friend has been named as [REDACTED]."_

Well, this really was quite intriguing, as well as confusing. Soubi didn't recall ever being with Ritsuka and Seimei in a hotel. He couldn't even remember this incident, and if he'd been there, he was sure a little boy biting a grown man would stick out to him. No, he was not able to recall such an incident. Besides, a week before 'the incident', he'd been with Kio, which was where he'd been for most of that month. Either that meant that this article was lying or there was really something to Soubi's murky memories of that month.

…

Ritsuka looked up from where he sat alone in his room, rocking back and forth on the hospital bed, trying to make the voice go away again. This time, it was different. There was no pain other than the mental pain. Ritsuka's head did not hurt this time. The only thing that hurt was his heart. The thought of being taken away from Soubi and Katsuko-sensei and Kio and everyone else just made his heartache and hurt.

_Please stop. I don't want to leave him._

_ [It's only temporary, Ritsuka.]_

_ No. You're lying._

_ [I have no reason to lie to you.]_

_ Yes you do. You want your body back. I just want to stay a little longer…_

_ [Ritsuka, it's not my body. It's yours. You're Ritsuka. I chose to become like this. We're the same person. You're just me…without my memories.]_

_ No… You didn't choose this. Why would you? We're not the same. I'm so different from you._

_ [We are the same. You're not that different from me. I changed after… well, I'd rather not talk about that. You'll find out eventually why I wanted this.]_

Ritsuka willed his other self to go away again and again, wishing he would leave him alone. How could he still be there? It had been three years without any sort of indication that the Other Ritsuka still resided somewhere in his mind. Why would he want to come back now? Did he know what had happened?

_[I know. I know what he did to you. I'm so sorry.]_

Ritsuka hid his face in his hands again, pushing the other away, but keeping his eyes open. He couldn't close them. If he closed them, everything would be over.

_[Just let me talk to Soubi. It'll only take a couple hours. I don't want to come back permanently. I just want to talk to Soubi again.]_

_ Please leave me alone. _

_ [I need to talk to him. I need to tell him where to look. Just close your eyes. It'll all be okay. You'll be back with Soubi before you know it. ]_

_ I love him…I don't want to let go of him._

_ [I know. I know you love him and I will not make you leave him. I promise I'm not lying. Just let me talk.]_

Ritsuka slowly closed his eyes, letting himself, trusting the other boy and not knowing why. It was stupid… he was going to lose everything… but the other's pushing had finally overcome his shoving.

His eyes shot open instantly as soon as he felt his body rapidly descending. Ritsuka was falling, falling, falling through the air. His arms stretched outwards, trying in vain to grasp the light above him. He let out an ear-piercing scream; his eyes wide open in terror while his feet were kicking against the air. Meanwhile, he got a good look at his clothing. There was a long white coat ripped at the bottom, billowing with the wind created by his slow-motioned fall, the only thing keeping it on him was a thin golden chain connecting at the collar, while his white button-up shirt was stainless, save for the flowered pattern intended to be on the fabric. The silk shirt felt nice against his skin in contrast to the wind rushing past him. He was barefoot as well and his pale gold colored, mid-thigh length shorts only made him feel cold.

When Ritsuka hit the ground, it wasn't nearly as hard as he thought the impact would be. He had closed his eyes tight, but only landed with a gentle _thump_ in a soft flowerbed, his arms spread slightly with his palms up. He blinked his eyes open, looking upwards and seeing that final little sliver of light close. He laid in the flowerbed, watching the fireflies play above him, ten of them swarming around the big flowers, their lights flickering on and off. Slowly, Ritsuka rose, and walked forward, the cool air brisk on his bare legs while the beautiful long white coat trailed behind him.

"Ritsuka!"

Ritsuka looked towards where he heard the yell and then broke into a run. On the horizon was a gate, a tall gate that ascended all the way into the sky, the doors elaborate with butterfly and flower patterns that became all the more intricate and clearer the closer he got to the nearly transparent see-through gate and fence. A black figure floated not far off the ground and only a few meters away from the doors of the gate. His hands were pressed against the wall separating them, neon green patters making themselves bright and clear around his fingers the harder he pressed his hands to the wall.

Ritsuka came to a full stop not far in front of the gate, finally able to see the other up close. While he, Ritsuka, was dressed in white and gold, the other was dressed in all black, including a long black cape and big black feathered wings, spread out wide and fluttering slightly to keep himself up. When Ritsuka looked into the other's face, he saw his own, except with blue eyes and drooping kitten ears. His other self had a wide smile on his face, though, and Ritsuka could clearly see his tail wagging.

"You're Ritsuka?" The current Ritsuka asked, biting his lip, still not willing to give his mind up to his twin.

"No," The other boy smiled even wider. "You are. You're so beautiful and innocent, Ritsuka. Just how I imagined you."

Ritsuka looked up into the boy's face, searching for any trace of evilness or expression that would let Ritsuka know that this boy was not to be trusted, but found nothing. This boy seemed to be genuinely happy that he was here and was speaking truthfully. Ritsuka still didn't want to trust him, but he let his guard down a bit, being a little less cautious. What could his other self do, anyways? The boy looked weak and pale, as if he was sickly. His wings kept shedding graying black downy feathers, though immediately growing them back. His eyes looked to be darker and more blurry than they should've been. Overall, this child seemed sickly and as if he was slowly fading.

"You imagined me?" Ritsuka repeated, awestruck. He'd always imagined his other self as a little, childish, evil boy, only intent on taking his body and memories from Ritsuka and destroying everything he'd loved. He'd be strong and always have a menacing glint in his eyes. This boy wasn't anything like his imagined version of the Other Ritsuka, though. This boy, sickly and clad in black, looked friendly, but as if he were broken inside, even more so than the current Ritsuka was. He looked as though he were the remains of something terrible, the result of someone else's rage or sadness. He looked as though he wanted to be here, in this strange world, and not out there, in the real world.

"Yes, Ritsuka. Every day," The other boy replied, his tail wagging even harder. He slowly lowered himself onto the ground, landing very gently in the pile of shed downy feathers below. He brushed himself off and then took a step forward, now eye level with the current Ritsuka. His smile never left, his eyes half-closed, but kind. "There's no one else here, except Seimei and Soubi. There are other...people, but they're not real."

"What do you mean?" Ritsuka was confused. Where was 'here' and why were Soubi and Seimei here? Was this some kind of world _just_ for the other Ritsuka? Ritsuka leaned to the left, peering behind his other self into what was behind the transparent wall. Behind the Other Ritsuka was, indeed, a world of his own, complete with giant flowers and woods and glowing tulips that hung above the bumbling river behind the boy.

"This is where I wanted to go," The Other Ritsuka murmured, looking behind him, as well. "Isn't it pretty? I dreamed all this up. Here, whatever I want can happen. When Soubi or Seimei come, they're real. No one else is. Everyone else is only part of my dreams. They're not actually here. Soubi and Seimei are, though. You'll understand that later, I promise. Do you see those padlocks on the gate?"

Ritsuka stepped back, looking up and down the huge gate doors, having to look all the way up into the sky to even try to see the top of it. It ascended far above the clouds, though. Intricate designs decorated it, butterflies and flowers and vines winding their way up it, each design glowing slightly. The only thing not beautiful about the gate doors were the heavy, ugly chains and padlocks wrapped many, many times up the door, thousands of padlocks keeping it shut tight. Ritsuka looked back at the Other Ritsuka, nodding.

"That's to keep It out," The boy informed him, his smile falling a bit. "He tries to come in sometimes, but I've locked him out. Soubi and Seimei protect me from It. Whenever he tries to come in, they take me into the woods away from him."

Was 'It' who Ritsuka thought he was? 'It' sounded a lot like his daddy, trying to break something that didn't belong to him, attempting to invade something that wasn't his. His dad was something both Soubi and Seimei would protect him from. He didn't want to ask about it, though, remembering that his other self had told him that there was a reason that he'd chosen to be here, in the world he'd dreamed up, instead of out in the real world.

"Where are we?" Ritsuka asked instead, glancing around the other boy again to peer at his inner world. It was night over there, as well as in the current Ritsuka's side, though his other self had millions and millions of stars hanging in his, as well as a full moon, which looked close enough to touch.

"The dream world," The kind little smile returned. "I chose this place because I could make up anything I wanted. This is where I live… and this is where I will soon die. It's bliss, Ritsuka. Everything is right here. I can even watch you, if I want to, and I can fade slowly here, without anyone noticing."

The other Ritsuka's voice was different from the current's. It was slightly darker, not mean or evil, though, and almost more mature. It had a softer tone, as well. It sounded very similar to Ritsuka's, so not completely different, but noticeably so.

"Will I die when you die?" Ritsuka questioned, taking a step forward towards the glassy wall and raising his hand, but not pressing it against the wall.

"No," The other boy laughed lightheartedly. "You'll continue living. I'll just be gone, just as I wished. Now, Ritsuka, please. I will not hurt you." He pressed a hand against his side of the glass, clearly wanting Ritsuka to do the same. "I only need to talk to Soubi. Nothing more. Your body will be returned to you soon. Trust me. I have no reason to want to stay in that world."

Ritsuka hesitated, but decided to trust his other self. He sounded truthful enough, and there had been no indication that he was lying. He shut his eyes tightly and pressed his hand against the Other Ritsuka's, able to feel his warmth through the glass of the wall. With a flash of light, everything changed and they could both feel the switching of places, the current Ritsuka being switched to his other self's dream fortress, while the blue-eyed Ritsuka was switched back into his old body. For a split second, they were one, one person, one Ritsuka, but then they split apart again.

The current Ritsuka lay in the grass near the quiet river, his white coat spread on the ground, his eyes closed, having passed out from the switch.

…

It was a single message, one that Soubi received in the middle of his lecture class. He checked it quickly and then immediately began packing his things and walking out of the classroom abruptly, ignoring the teacher's yells to get back in class.

_Sou-chan—_

_ Come back here. Ritsuka's acting strangely and his eyes are blue._

_ —Kio_

In the picture Kiyoshi had showed him, the Other Ritsuka had blue eyes, while Soubi's Ritsuka had violet. Ritsuka's eyes had changed from violet to blue on Monday, just before his surgery, and he had begun acting strangely, different from the way sweet, innocent Ritsuka would. The change of eye color alone should've tipped Soubi off. That boy he'd seen, the one who'd been talking about death and being overly sexual, had not been Ritsuka. That had been the Other Ritsuka, the own who'd disappeared and hadn't shown up for three years.

_"He's trying to tell us something."_

Katsuko had said those words to Soubi when he'd told her of what had happened. She was right. The Other Ritsuka was trying to tell them something. He'd come back to attempt to get his point across.

And now he was back again, and Soubi had to return to the hospital before the previously missing boy disappeared once again

…

While Ritsuka had passed out in the dream world, the blue eyed boy had come back into his old body without a flaw. He curled up on the hospital bed, slowly blinking his blue eyes open, his tail curling, a wide smirk coming onto his face.

Finally.

_Finally._

He had to see Soubi again, had to tell him, had to get him to listen. Then, he'd be able to return to his peaceful, lovely little world and stay there until he finally faded away, just as Seimei and Soubi had promised all those years ago. He'd asked to die. He'd gotten exactly what he wanted.

"Ritsuka-kun?"

The boy looked up at the brown-haired woman in the doorway, trying to make himself look just as innocent as his beautiful other self had. He widened his blue eyes, staring at her childishly, biting his thumb slightly, remembering all the things that had happened that had made him want to hide in his little world. Quietly, softly he spoke, keeping his words simple.

"Mommy?"

* * *

**I'm sorry for the long wait for this chapter. My beta is currently having some health problems and it took her a bit to get this sent back to me. **

**Anyways, this is one of my favorite chapters. I really like the way it flows for some reason. I was actually quite surprised when quite a few of you guessed what was going on |D I really love writing 'Ritsuka', as I'll call the Past Ritsuka in my author's notes. I like the Dream Realm, too. That part was fun to write. **

**Thanks to Promocat, Tlcatlady, Nie2294, Tamer Lorika, Dark Neko 4000, DreamReap, Ang, Alois Pinstripe, Witch19, , Otaco, Sunshine-aki, Riaries, Ace of Spades Kurai, SheWhoIsPowerful, heavensentskysky, luckless-is-me, and Pigyz-kun for reviewing! I love looking at your reviews on rainy days. You have no idea how excited I get every time I receive a review.**

**Oh, and things are going a lot better at home, especially since I started going out with my wonderful Diane.**

**One more thing-I updated my profile with links to me and my rp accounts as well as story statuses. **

**Review for more~! It really helps me get motivated! Tell me thoughts/feelings/predictions/critiques, anything really. **

**~Wolfie**


	17. Small author's note

**Dear everyone,**

I apologize for the lack of new chapters. My laptop is currently at the manufacturer getting the power supply fixed and it's taking longer than usual. Healing was sitting on it, all 200 pages of it, and it should still be there. I had put it on a flash drive, but then that got corrupt and most of my files disappeared. Anyways, no worries! I'll have the document back once I get my laptop back, but I don't currently know when that'll be. Thank you for understanding. I just wanted to let you all know why I haven't been/won't be updating for a bit.

On another note, I have been writing little side stories about Ritsuka before the start of Healing when things were escalating with Kiyoshi (not before he lost his memories). I've also written a couple surrounding Kiyoshi and Koichi. Would you guys like to read them? They're just little oneshots. If enough people do want to read them, I will publish them in a separate story. Please give me your opinion.

Yes, I am still writing Healing. I am currently on chapter 20, but I don't currently have all the chapters in between. I promise that when i get my laptop back, I'll update ASAP.

Thank you!

~Wolfie


	18. Two sides to every story

**17**

**Two sides to every story**

Soubi arrived as quickly as possible, but apparently, it wasn't quick enough. Ritsuka was already far, far gone, his other self in his place, in his body, his mind. He was posing as Soubi's Ritsuka, sitting on the bed with those big blue eyes, acting strangely, not even noticing Soubi standing in the doorway. This boy was not his Ritsuka. This was someone else, someone different.

'Ritsuka' sat on the bed, smiling that sad, clearly fake smile, his blue eyes open wide. "Mommy, where's Daddy?" He asked Katsuko, who was sitting at the edge of the bed, watching Ritsuka. She looked up, seeing Soubi, their eyes connecting for only a second before she looked back at Ritsuka, a frustrated and melancholy look on her face.

"I don't know, Ritsuka-kun," Katsuko answered, looking back again at Soubi, silently asking him for help. Soubi still stayed in the doorway, not knowing what to do. He wanted his Ritsuka back. To him, this boy was an imposter. He was not Ritsuka. He was simply who Ritsuka used to be. Soubi did not love this boy. He was a completely different person than the boy Soubi loved dearly.

_Come back, Ritsuka_, Soubi willed, wanting, needing the boy back. This selfish little brat had taken selfless, innocent Ritsuka's place. There was no telling where the New Ritsuka was. What if… what if he had disappeared completely? What would happen then? Soubi couldn't live without him, even if there was this imposter in Ritsuka's body. It wouldn't be the same, even if the imposter pretended to be Soubi's Ritsuka. He couldn't be gone, though. There was no way Ritsuka would leave without a fight. He was happy, right? He never seemed to want to die or to leave. Soubi's Ritsuka would've fought to stay.

Ritsuka followed Katsuko's gaze, his blue eyes fixating on Soubi. His smile grew wide, his expression less sad. He clapped, overjoyed, closing his eyes before opening them up wide and shouting, "Daddy!"

This made Soubi step back, made him want to run. Ritsuka had mistaken him for his father and Katsuko for his mother, meaning that either this boy was hallucinating or he was playing some sort of sick, twisted game with them. Soubi, for once, couldn't tell which. Either way, this was bad. Really bad. Soubi didn't know what to do. He had two choices. Well, three. He could either go along with Ritsuka and say yes, he was Kiyoshi, or he could tell him no, he wasn't. The third was to just run away, which Soubi wasn't about to do. He wasn't a coward. He needed to get his Ritsuka to return.

Soubi, after recovering from the shock Ritsuka's excited shout had caused, stepped forward, though not enough to be in Ritsuka's reach. The boy was still grinning wide, his blue eyes closed, swaying as he hummed a tune to himself. He rocked back and forth, smiling that creepy smile, the only sound coming from him being the hummed song, one that Soubi didn't recognize. Soubi watched him, not advancing towards him in the least, simply standing a safe distance away from 'Ritsuka'. He just couldn't quite decide what to do. The first choice—telling him that he was his father—would mean putting himself down to Kiyoshi's level and that could very well effect the way the current Ritsuka saw him. On the other hand, he could tell the truth, but this boy seemed as if he wanted to tell Soubi something, but wouldn't do it if he denied being his dad.

Suddenly, Ritsuka slowly blinked open his eyes, his blue eyes now cold and looking directly at Soubi. His ears twitched and something bloomed underneath the surface emotions of his eyes, though Soubi couldn't tell _what_ emotion it was. The ear twitch and strange look combined gave Soubi the lingering notion that perhaps he only wanted Soubi to play a part in his little game and be his puppet, so that he could pull the man's strings and make him dance to his will. Soubi wouldn't have that. He belonged to Ritsuka. He loved Ritsuka. Ritsuka was his one and only. Not whoever this kid was, even if he was Ritsuka's other self.

"Daddy!" Ritsuka sang happily, his voice slightly higher than when this…person had first spoken to him, as if he was trying to hit a higher note, but failing. "Daddy, Daddy, come here!" He patted the spot next to him, his grin wide and all signs of having another intention disappearing.

When Soubi didn't move, Ritsuka quieted down, his expression quickly falling into sadness and confusion. He cocked his head, his voice sounding as if he was going to cry, "Daddy? Aren't you going to give me a hug? Or even say 'hello'? Did you just come here to hurt me again?"

That told Soubi what to do. Before he even knew it he was speaking aloud, playing Kiyoshi's part, not even trying to sound like him or act like him. He _needed _to know what this boy was going to say to him. The real Ritsuka—Soubi's Ritsuka—was surely still curious about his unexplained memory loss. This was the chance for Soubi to help him figure out what happened.

"No, Ritsuka," Soubi came forward more, now standing in front of the imposter. The boy was now seated on the edge of the bed, large 'innocent' eyes staring up at Soubi, curious, sad, crestfallen, _interested_. Soubi continued, crouching down to the other's height, making them both eye level, saying both 'yes, I am your father' and 'I know exactly what you're up to, you little bastard'. "I'll never hurt you again. I promise."

'Ritsuka' didn't immediately brighten up, but at least his ears perked up a bit, though not too much. Soubi was having second thoughts about this kid. Perhaps he really was delusional and thought Soubi was his father. From the way he was talking, it seemed as though he was attempting to tell Soubi something about Ritsuka's past, something important.

_"…Come here to hurt me again?"_

That was it. That was the phrase that had told Soubi off. He was clearly referring to Kiyoshi, since he had referred to Soubi as 'You' and earlier as 'Daddy', meaning he clearly thought Soubi was his father. 'Hurt me again' meant that Kiyoshi had injured or hurt Ritsuka in some way. That, paired with the expression 'Ritsuka' had worn while saying it told Soubi that something was off and that maybe, just maybe, Kiyoshi had been abusing Ritsuka before he lost his memories.

Which, in turn, quickly led Soubi to the conclusion that Kiyoshi had been involved in Ritsuka's memory loss.

"Really, Daddy?" All traces of everything but sheer innocence, curiosity, and deep-set depression. Soubi had never seen such an expression on a child, let alone Ritsuka. Actually… he had… he had worn the same expression of the deepest despair during his time at Seven Voices. His eyes were only trained on Soubi, 'Mommy' seemingly forgotten about. The child's eyes were huge, the blue in them bright and the emotions residing there almost child-like. Soubi didn't think he'd ever seen such a childish expression on his face. Well, if this really was the Other Ritsuka, he would be younger than Ritsuka and probably didn't have the same experiences as he did, though it did seem as if he might've been abused by Kiyoshi. In fact, that seemed _very_ possible with the way the boy was acting.

"Yes," Soubi nodded, still staring into 'Ritsuka's' eyes, still searching for signs of deception. He could usually read people like an open book, but not this kid, not this imposter. He couldn't even begin to guess what this kid would get from tricking Soubi and deceiving him. "Never again."

Ritsuka smiled, the wide, toothy grin that Soubi sometimes saw on the real Ritsuka when the boy was laughing or extremely happy. It wasn't the sad smile that this boy had been wearing only a few minutes ago. This boy, the one in Ritsuka's body, jumped up only moments after that grin blossomed on his face and threw his arms around Soubi's neck, laughing. This also caused Soubi to be knocked bckwards at the momentum of Ritsuka crashing into him all of the sudden. They fell onto the ground, Soubi being pushed down from his crouching position to sitting up on the tile floor, sitting back on his hands slightly in shock, with a child on his lap, legs wrapped around Soubi's waist. He was being overly affectionate, just like the regular Ritsuka could be, though Soubi liked that, but this _wasn't_ the regular Ritsuka, so it felt strange and he was torn between wanting to hold 'Ritsuka' and wanting to shove him away.

"Daddy!" Ritsuka sang again, nuzzling Soubi's neck and going into a giggling fit again, something that was uncharacteristic for Soubi's Ritsuka. When Ritsuka cuddled with him, it was sweet and he was usually happy, but nothing like this hyper, overly energetic kid. Soubi would much rather have his sweet, laughing, smiling Ritsuka over the one currently straddling his lap.

"Yes? What's wrong, Ritsuka?" Soubi asked, feeling Ritsuka suddenly quiet down again, the giggling ceasing. He couldn't see his face, though, since the boy chose to cling fiercely onto Soubi's neck as if his life depended on it and to press his face in his shoulder. The child let out a shaky sigh, one that made Soubi suspect that 'Ritsuka' was now crying. Soubi, still feeling as if he needed to comfort this boy, since he was in Ritsuka's body, wrapped his arms around him, not holding him as tightly as he would've if it were his Ritsuka crying, but enough so that the embrace would offer some sort of comfort.

"Daddy," 'Ritsuka' spoke softly this time, his voice barely more than a whisper as he called out to Soubi, the father in his delusions. "I don't… I don't remember the last time you held me like this…"

There was something going on. If this was the Ritsuka from before he lost his memories in some terrible incident, then he was hinting at something hidden deep inside his memories, far, far away from the real Ritsuka's reaches. Maybe that was a good thing. Maybe Ritsuka had lost his memories for a reason, not just after some terrible accident. Had he been abused? Had he been treated as badly as he had before Soubi swept him away from Kiyoshi's clutches? Had it been worse? It had been years and years for Soubi. Even before he'd forcibly had his ears taken, he had still been forced into different kinds of sex, ones that hadn't take his ears away, but had still traumatized him. When he looked at the boy sitting on him, the one crying into his shoulder, he saw his teenager self mirrored in 'Ritsuka's' previous expressions, the ones Soubi had witnessed before 'Ritsuka' had begun to cry into his shoulder.

Soubi had only known depression like that after over ten years of sexual and other kinds of abuse. 'Ritsuka' seemed to be experiencing depression like that right now. Soubi could easily recall a time when he would go from whatever emotion to extremely sad for no reason in a matter of seconds. That had been a time he would want to forget, if given the choice. Soubi had given a lot of thought to why Ritsuka had lost his memories, but he had never stumbled to this conclusion. Before, he had always assumed that Ritsuka had somehow gotten into an accident or had perhaps gotten hit with a spell. Seimei had never told him and Soubi had never been able to dig up anything on the internet about it, even when he had looked a bit just before coming to the hospital to see blue-eyed Ritsuka.

"It's alright," Soubi tried to soothe, having found a new sort of compassion for this boy. He stroked the back of his hair, running his fingers through it. "I'm sorry, Ritsuka… So sorry…"

'Ritsuka' sniffled loudly, moving his head so that it was lying on Soubi's shoulder and the boy could press his face into the place into the place where Soubi's neck and shoulder met. Soubi started a bit, feeling a warm wetness soaking through the white bandages secured around his neck. He was crying, after all, just as Soubi had suspected.

Soubi carefully moved onto the bed, making sure 'Ritsuka' didn't shift too much from his original position, and sat next to Katsuko, casting a small glance at her. She was absolutely speechless, but watching them carefully. Soubi turned his attention back to the child sitting in his lap, bawling.

"I'm happy now," 'Ritsuka' sniffed, pulling away slightly to rub at his eyes, his eyes bloodshot from the tears. He smiled again, his mood shifting slightly into a more happier mood, though still a sad mood.

"I'm glad," Soubi tried to return the smile, but failed for the most part.

'Ritsuka' sat back on Soubi's legs, now having that half grin on his face, the one that the boy had had when he had replaced Soubi's Ritsuka right before the surgery. The tears were gone, but his eyes were still red and the evidence was still there, so Soubi had not imagined the sniffling and the wet tears.

"Oh, Soubi," 'Ritsuka' sighed, shaking his head. Soubi stiffened. So this had been a game and he had been playing a part in 'Ritsuka's' little play. How could he have been tricked so easily? Perhaps it was because the boy was in Ritsuka's body and still looked exactly like him, with the exception of the blue eyes. Soubi automatically felt some sort of love for anything in Ritsuka's body. He couldn't help it. It was just instinct.

"You knew it was me all along," Soubi hissed, roughly shoving the Old Ritsuka off of him. The boy landed on the bed, sprawled out on his back, looking slightly shocked that Soubi had pushed him away so violently. Every speck of compassion that Soubi had previously felt shattered. Everything the boy had said was probably a lie. Soubi couldn't trust him. No one could trust him. He had laid in wait for the real Ritsuka to become vulnerable and then had stricken and attacked when Ritsuka was open. He had dragged the innocent boy back into his mind with his claws and had then left him in the open. He pounced, then, and took his prey—control over Ritsuka's body. Clearly, the mountain lion had never left the den, even when the cub had settled there and made a life for himself.

For a while of the two simply stared each other down, Soubi with a glare, and 'Ritsuka' with a curious, slightly dejected look. Finally, 'Ritsuka' broke the silence and nodded slowly, frowning, and spoke quietly, "Yes. I did. There's no way I could've mistaken you for… It." The boy looked away when he said the last word. He was clearly referring to his father when saying 'It', since he had 'mistaken' Soubi for Kiyoshi, his father. He was just confused as to _why_ Ritsuka had called Kiyoshi 'It'.

It made perfect sense for Soubi's Ritsuka, whom he believed was the real Ritsuka, to call his father 'It'. He did see him as a monster, after all, and there was no doubt why he saw him that way. It was perfectly justified, since the man had done so much to him. But this boy…the imposter…had no reason to. Kiyoshi was a monster, Soubi believed, but from what Ritsuka had told him, his other self had had a perfect life. There had been someone to feed him and care for him and no beatings and _certainly_ no sexual abuse. Soubi had earlier come to the conclusion that the Other Ritsuka had been abused, from the way he'd been talking earlier, but then he'd also come to the conclusion that everything the imposter said were blatant lies.

"I'm not playing a part in your little game," Soubi growled, roughly grabbing 'Ritsuka' by the collar of his shirt. This…this kid had played him! He had tricked him! He'd preyed on Soubi's weakness of trusting anyone who was in Ritsuka's body and had twisted and sculpted that weakness to his own whim. He lifted the boy off the bed by the shirt, still sitting down himself, though it really was more of a crouch over 'Ritsuka'.

"I don't expect you to," 'Ritsuka' responded, still with the same expression, though the smile had disappeared once again. He seemed indifferent to the fact that Soubi was picking him up by the collar and leaning over him in an offensive manner. The child's eyes simply darted away from his after holding his gaze for a few seconds. He placed a ginger hand where both of Soubi's hands held his collar, whispering another sentence, "I just thought that if I could imagine you were him, I could maybe have one good memory involving him…"

Soubi was silent, though he had readied another rebuke. When 'Ritsuka' had spoken, however, what had came out of his mouth had been different from what Soubi had expected. He had anticipated a sarcastic, cold remark, one that would seemingly belong in Seimei's speech. As a result, he'd been completely unprepared for what Ritsuka had said. He ended up letting his guard down and lowering Ritsuka a bit, loosening his grip but not quite letting him go.

"What…?" Soubi started to say, not knowing which direction to go in. Option A said that this boy had some sort of good purpose to come here after all these years. Option B said he was a mountain lion carefully and coyly stalking his prey. Soubi tightened his grip on 'Ritsuka's' shirt, narrowing his eyes at him again. It was better to go with option B, since option A seemed more like something the Real Ritsuka would do. The Other Ritsuka was supposedly completely different from Soubi's Ritsuka. Option B would be safer.

"Don't lie to me," Soubi leaned in a bit more, just centimeters away from the boy's face. The imposter's eyes widened slightly, showing the first signs of fear or maybe even desperation. "I'm not an idiot. You're just trying to get me to let my guard down."

'Ritsuka's' hands suddenly grabbed at Soubi's, his eyes extremely wide now. His fingers tried to pry at Soubi's, but his attempts were futile, since Soubi was so much stronger than him. It was as if his survival and fear tactics were just now kicking in. "Soubi…" He started to say, only a little fear showing in his voice. He went limp, letting Soubi hold him up by the collar. "Please…"

"Let him go!"

The new voice snapped Soubi out of his anger, and he stopped glaring at Ritsuka to look back at Katsuko, who had been the one telling Soubi to let 'Ritsuka' go. He immediately released the imposter realizing one thing—this boy really wasn't a threat to him. Really, what could he do? Sure he had taken the real Ritsuka's place, but how long could this boy really hold on for? When Soubi looked closer at him, he saw what he had failed to before. There was none of Ritsuka's strength in this imposter. He just looked weak and sick and strangely pale, as if he was trying to hold on and keep his place in Ritsuka's body, but was failing.

"I really don't want to be here," 'Ritsuka' stated, his dead-looking eyes focused on the wall behind Soubi. "Believe me. I don't." His blue eyes flicked back to Soubi, a weak fire now lit in them, one with newfound strength, but was burning alarmingly fast.

"Then why are you here?" Soubi pressed, still frustrated and angered by this boy who had taken Ritsuka away from him.

"I'm here," The boy took a deep breath. "To warn you. I won't be here for much longer, Soubi. I'm going to die soon. Once that happens, I'll be gone for good and Ritsuka will be the only one in his head. I'm not here to steal my place back. I don't want it. I just needed to talk to you."

He came forward, slowly and cautiously crawling near Soubi, the creepy smiles and depressing frowns long gone, now replaced with a serious expression. Soubi kept silent, waiting to see what this boy had to warn him about, still being wary of him. This boy couldn't hurt _him_, Soubi, but he could clearly hurt Ritsuka and lock him inside his mind forever. Soubi couldn't make him angry or spite him in any way. He didn't know what this boy was like. Perhaps he'd do something irrational if upset.

"Ritsuka's a cute boy, isn't he?" 'Ritsuka' pondered aloud, sounding more as if he was talking to himself. He was now on his hands and knees on the bed, his lower half dropped down a bit so that he could lean upwards into Soubi's face. His tail swayed from side to side, giving the illusion of wagging happily.

Soubi just simply stared at him some more, not answering his seemingly pointless blather. He agreed, of course, but he really just wanted to get straight to the point with this boy and then get his Ritsuka returned to him.

When Soubi didn't reply, 'Ritsuka' just went on, closing his eyes as he spoke, "Ah, Ritsuka. I finally got to meet him. Isn't that surprising? I mean, I've been hiding in the Realm and I've never built up the courage to actually call out to him. I should've, though," 'Ritsuka's' nonsense talking suddenly got a lot less happy, and the mood dropped to dismal again. "If I had called out to him, I could've told him to stay away from It. But I didn't and now he's hurt."

He was calling Kiyoshi 'It' again, which only confused Soubi even further. There was no other person 'It' could be, not even in this context. For him to call his own father 'It', something terrible must've happened between them…something like what had recently happened with the real Ritsuka.

...

Ritsuka awoke to the sound of birds chattering in his ears and the sweet aromas of flowers in his nose. He opened his eyes slowly, staring up at the night sky lit up by glittering stars. He laid in the grass for a bit, too comfortable to get up, but too curious to go back to sleep. He was in the place that the Other Ritsuka had been in. The dream world.

Ritsuka sat up and glanced around, taking in the strange scenery around him. It was like no place he'd ever seen. It was peaceful and quiet, aside from the birds and the gentle rustling of the forest. It was a nonthreatening environment, and Ritsuka felt no reason to be scared or cautious to explore a bit. He rose to his feet, brushing himself off before pulling his oddly un-dirtied white coat a bit more around him.

Now standing up, Ritsuka could get a better look around. It seemed as though he'd been dropped not far from where the Other Ritsuka had greeted him. When he had looked around the other boy, he had seen the place he was standing now, only from a bit further away. He was beside the river, only a few meters away from it, in the grass and soft, sweet smelling flowers. Hesitantly, he took a few steps forward, towards the river bank. He had a better view of it now. The water was clear, and not too deep. Ritsuka took a few more confident steps towards it, until he was standing at the place where the grass dropped off into the water—the river bank.

Here, Ritsuka sat on the edge and dipped his legs and feet in the water, looking into it. This water wasn't just clear, but it was the clearest water he'd probably ever seen. Something was off about it, though. Ritsuka kept thinking he saw something flickering beneath the surface, familiar colors and images that he couldn't quite see, but felt as if he should remember. Whenever he blinked, however, the blurry, quick things he'd been staring at went away and after a bit, he would see them again.

A bit of rustling soon got Ritsuka's attention. He glanced behind him, slightly afraid now. What could be lurking in this place? Could it be something from the Other Ritsuka's memories? He, after all, had said it was his choice to be here, so something must have made him want to leave. That 'something' could still be hiding here, ready to jump on the teen simply waiting for his companion and twin to come back and let him know it was alright to return. The mind was a dark place, and both Ritsukas knew that all too well.

But Ritsuka found nothing lurking in the grass or any sign of life other than himself and the birds. He returned to staring down at the water, convinced that he had simply been hearing things. All was calm for a few minutes and Ritsuka was able to almost forget about that rustling noise. He kicked his feet a bit in the water, splashing a bit, trying to decide whether to just stay here, near the gate, or to explore a bit further. If he chose the latter, the Other Ritsuka may not be able to be able to find him when (if? No, the Other Ritsuka had promised that he'd come back.) he returned to switch places again.

Another sound interrupted his thoughts, but this time, he didn't get enough time to look behind him.

Something pounced on him just moments after Ritsuka registered the sound. He gave a sharp yell of shock and fear, but he was shoved into the water before he could defend himself. He went in head-first, the thing that had attacked him clinging on tightly to his middle, both of them tumbling into the river. Panicking, Ritsuka inhaled sharply, bringing water into his lungs, causing him to choke and cough, still underwater. He clawed at the water, kicking and flailing, his eyes tightly shut, trying to get this thing off of him. It was pulling him down, since it was much bigger and heavier than him.

Ritsuka's eyes shot open as he felt them slam against the bottom of the river. However, instead of only seeing water, he saw something very different.

It was as if he was back in his body again, but he knew he wasn't. He was simply watching what played out before him, and had absolutely no control over anything. He couldn't control what he was saying or doing or even thinking. This wasn't a memory, either, since it didn't look familiar in the least.

Soubi looked more than angry, and it was clearly directed at Ritsuka. He was holding the boy up by the collar of his shirt, causing a small amount of pain, not much, but enough. Confused on how he got here, Ritsuka simply watched, feelings that didn't belong to him filling him up. The only reasonable conclusion he could draw from this was that he was watching what the Other Ritsuka saw and that opening his eyes after nearly drowning in the river had somehow let him see what his other self was doing. He couldn't even feel himself in the water anymore. Was this how the Other Ritsuka had watched him for the past three years?

When Soubi spoke, his words seemed muffled and running together, and Ritsuka knew that it was because he was still underwater. Still, he could make out his words, but just barely.

"I'm not an idiot. You're just trying to get me to let my guard down."

Before he could really register the words, the scene in front of him faded, all the colors running together like one of Soubi's watercolor paintings. The water washed over him, all around him, weighing him down. He shut his eyes, trying to hold his breath. Water filled his lungs and he found himself choking once again, unable to breathe and feeling as if his lungs were shriveling up due to the deprivation of air. It was a horrible, painful feeling, one that caused every part of his body to ache with the need for air.

He felt himself being pulled upwards, hopefully to the surface. The thing that had previously attacked him and had clung onto him was now helping him. It had its hands under his limp arms, holding him tightly and somehow pulling him up, up, up until finally the two of them broke the surface, Ritsuka gasping and coughing up spurts of water, and the other breathing hard, wrapping an arm around the shaking, cold boy and paddling to the river bank with the other hand.

Ritsuka, still having his eyes tightly shut, wrapped his arms around his attacker and savior, holding onto them for dear life. Soon, they apparently reached the river bank and another pair of (dry) arms hauled the boy upwards and out of the first's hold, laying him on the warm ground.

"Dammit, Soubi," The second growled as Ritsuka went into a coughing fit. "You weren't supposed to drown him!"

Ritsuka laid back on the ground, gasping for air, coughing and hacking up water. When he paused in doing so, he realized what the second person had said. They'd called the first person 'Soubi'. Ritsuka was in the Other Ritsuka's world. Soubi was in the real world. There was no way he could be here. Unless… Well, the Other Ritsuka had said something about Soubi and Seimei both being here. He'd also said something about this entire world being his own creation, one that he had dreamed up. Perhaps they were here, but they weren't the real Soubi and Seimei; they could only be a creation from the Other Ritsuka's mind.

"Woops… I think I held him under a bit too long…"

That was _definitely _Soubi's voice, though it did sound a bit…different, but nearly the same. It was a slight higher pitch than Soubi's real voice, though that was barely noticeable. Ritsuka only noticed it because he listened to Soubi's voice so much. Curiously, he opened his eyes a bit, and they then flew open at shock of what he saw.

Seimei and Soubi both stood before him, facing each other, but looking down at the teen laying on the thick blanket on the ground. Ritsuka could easily recognize them both, but he was shocked at how _different_ the two of them looked. Seimei was shorter than he was in the real world, his hair cut at a shorter length, and a younger look to his face. He was clad in grays and blacks, just as Ritsuka's other self had been.

Soubi, on the other hand, was a complete shock for Ritsuka. He couldn't get over how _young_ the man looked. He could easily estimate his age to be around seventeen or eighteen. His hair was trimmed back to his shoulders, and his face had a softer look to it. He was a lot taller than Seimei, and a bit shorter than in the real world, though not much.

Another coughing fit interrupted Ritsuka's thoughts and immediately he had Seimei at his side, rubbing his back and murmuring concerned words to him. Soubi crouched down, as well, examining him closely, his blue eyes looking him over. He was soaking wet, just as Ritsuka was, meaning that he was the person who had attacked Ritsuka, subsequently drowning him, and also the person who'd pulled him upwards and saved him. One person did both, leaving the open question of '_why?_'.

"Idiot!" Seimei shot at Soubi, his voice angry and scolding. Yet, Soubi didn't bow his head submissively, as Ritsuka expected him to, but instead held eye contact with Seimei, taking a few moments before calmly replying.

"He can't die here."

"That doesn't mean he isn't hurt!" Seimei all-but-yelled, still rubbing Ritsuka's back in a comforting way. He pulled Ritsuka close to him in an almost possessive hug, while Ritsuka let him, going limp in his arms, though not hugging him back and only looking at Soubi. These two seemed a couple years younger than how they were in the real world. Two or three years, Ritsuka estimated. They also seemed slightly different from how they usually were, with Seimei losing his temper easily and Soubi not being as submissive as he probably would be in the real world if place in a room with Seimei.

"He'll be alright," Soubi said, unaffected by Seimei's lost temper. Ritsuka sighed, placing his head against Seimei's chest and closing his eyes. This wasn't so bad. The Other Ritsuka's world was beautiful, and Seimei and Soubi were here and would hopefully stay until the Other Ritsuka returned. It was actually kind of nice here. He was surprised, since he could feel everything—Seimei's warmth, the soft blanket beneath him, his wet clothes—when he had thought he wouldn't, since this _was_ part of the dream world, and in dreams, every feeling was surrealistic.

"What was that?" Ritsuka had finally built up enough strength to speak up. There had to be a reason why Soubi pushed him into the river. Surely he wouldn't have done that if he didn't have a reason, even if this Soubi was different from Ritsuka's Soubi. He also didn't think that Seimei would've ordered him to do it, since this Seimei (as well as the real Seimei) seemed to be extremely concerned with whether or not he was alright.

"Did you see it?" Soubi asked instead of answering Ritsuka.

"See what?"

"When you opened your eyes," Soubi clarified, smiling a smile that mirrored the real Soubi's. Ritsuka just ducked his head away, his face heating up. "Did you see the real world?"

So _that_ was the reason Soubi had pounced on him and drowned him. He had wanted to make him see what his other self was seeing. That was how the other Ritsuka watched him from here, in his little world. Ritsuka was sure of that now. Soubi had only wanted to show him and had simply held him under long enough to get him to open his eyes. He hadn't been trying to kill him or really even hurt him. Soubi always did have a strange way of telling and showing things. He didn't expect this Soubi to be any different in that sense.

Ritsuka nodded, still being hugged by Seimei. He didn't fight it. He let himself relax, convincing his doubtful mind that he wasn't here to stay. His other self would be back soon. He didn't want to stay in the real world. Here was a reason he had stayed in this paradise for three years and he wasn't planning on leaving permanently. He wanted to come back.

Still, there was a little part of Ritsuka's mind that whispered that he had been deceived. Why would this other boy want to stay hidden for three years? Why would he come back _just_ so that he could talk to Soubi? He could probably lie a lot better than Ritsuka could. It wouldn't be that hard to trick Ritsuka, especially since he'd been so trusting of the other boy. He had probably been tricked into believing that his other self would return soon, return to hiding away with no control over his former body. Why would he want that? Ritsuka had been an idiot to trust him. Now he was going to be stuck here, with two shadows of people that Ritsuka loved, never able to return to the real world.

Ritsuka shut his eyes tightly again as Soubi moved closer to Seimei and Ritsuka and wrapped his arms around the boy's body. He could only hope that he was wrong about the other Ritsuka deceiving him.

_Please come back soon._

…

"How do you know all this?" Soubi asked 'Ritsuka', glaring slightly at him, confused. This boy seemed to be aware of everything that Kiyoshi had done to Ritsuka, meaning that either he had found out or he had seen it all play out. The latter meant that he had some way to watch through Ritsuka's eyes what was happening. The former meant that he had some sort of a source or maybe a connection with the real Ritsuka that allowed him to be aware of everything that was happening.

"I watch Ritsuka," 'Ritsuka' replied, his voice emotionless. He was still leaning towards Soubi, on hands and knees, his tail swaying slowly back and forth. "I watch him every day. I know almost everything that goes on."

One of Soubi's assumptions had been right. 'Ritsuka' had a place where he watched Ritsuka's doings. If Ritsuka and he had switched places, which Soubi had assumed they had, then that meant that Ritsuka was in the same place 'Ritsuka' had hidden out for the past three years. If Ritsuka had already somehow found 'Ritsuka's' watching place, it meant he could be witnessing their talk right now. Knowing Ritsuka, he probably was.

"Where have you been? Where's Ritsuka right now?" Soubi had to know. If Ritsuka was locked away someplace and 'Ritsuka' was unwilling to let him come back, it would help to know where he was. Soubi was curious, as well, since the human mind already intrigued him. What had caused 'Ritsuka' to hide away in Ritsuka's mind? Was it by choice? Or had he been forced? Surely there had been a specific place he had stayed. He was still _there_, after all. He had to have been sent to a place he couldn't escape and was big enough to hold him in without Ritsuka's knowledge. Soubi had never given any thought to it until now, but right now he was really curious and only had one guess as to where 'Ritsuka' had hidden, and that was in Ritsuka's conscious.

Hiding in Ritsuka's conscience would allow 'Ritsuka' to watch over Ritsuka and even give him advice, probably without Ritsuka even realizing it was him offering the advice. It was really the only place Soubi could think of that this boy could hide in without being detected.

"I've been in hiding," 'Ritsuka' answered simply, sounding as if he was just going to leave it like that. Soubi glared harder at him, wanting to snap at him in frustration. 'Ritsuka' just smiled sweetly and continued, "If you really want to know and can't wait, I've been hiding away in the part of Ritsuka's mind that creates his dreams while he's asleep. I have my own little world there and I can create whatever I want there. I can't say any more, though."

That made sense, too. The part of Ritsuka's mind that controlled his dreams wasn't part of his conscious mind, meaning anything could be there and Ritsuka wouldn't even notice. It would be harder to call out to Ritsuka there, though, and 'Ritsuka' wouldn't be able to have an influence on Ritsuka's decisions. He would simply be living there, almost like a parasite, without Ritsuka's knowledge, though not hurting him at all. It seemed as if he stayed in his world, not able to stray away from it and keeping to himself.

"Anyways," With a coy smile and an almost cat-like purr, 'Ritsuka' pounced, climbing into Soubi's lap, wrapping his arms around his neck, leaning forward to whisper in his ear. "You know nothing about Ritsuka's past. I know you, Soubi. You want to know. You have to know. I'm warning you now," 'Ritsuka' paused, his voice darkening even more. "You won't like what you hear once you're told. I can only hope…that you won't leave Ritsuka once you learn what happened."

Soubi, who had been sitting still, not moving at all, grabbed 'Ritsuka's' shoulders, forcing him away from him and holding him out at arm's length. He stared into the boy's piercing blue eyes, speaking slowly to make sure this imposter understood him, "I will not leave Ritsuka. I don't care about whatever happened in the past. Nothing could ever make me leave him."

…

"He'll come back," Soubi whispered in Ritsuka's ear, assuring him, calming him. Ritsuka relaxed, sandwiched in-between Seimei and Soubi, feeling somehow content and safe here. Soubi leaned forward a bit more and, being the one behind him, pressed his lips against the side of Ritsuka's neck. Ritsuka stiffened, slightly surprised. Soubi didn't seem to take notice and continued on, placing a few innocent kisses on Ritsuka's neck before his tongue flicked out, lapping at Ritsuka's pale skin.

"S…Soubi…" Ritsuka panicked a bit, scared. He didn't know this Soubi. He didn't know what he could and would do to him. Sure, he _looked_ a lot like Ritsuka's Soubi, but he could act completely different. It frightened Ritsuka to think of all the things this man could do to him. Half of him thought that it was alright. This was Soubi, after all. How bad could he be? Surely he wasn't going to _rape_ Ritsuka. That would upset Seimei. His other half, however, told him that this isn't Soubi, that this is part of the Other Ritsuka's imagination. The real Soubi is out in the real world, talking with the Other Ritsuka, not here in the Dream Realm.

"It's alright," Soubi told him, speaking lowly in his ear. "You're safe with us. We won't hurt you."

Ritsuka glanced up at Seimei, who just nodded in silent agreement with Soubi. Ritsuka, though still wary, even though Soubi had backed off a bit, relaxed in their arms again. After a bit, he let go and stood up, brushing his now-dry self off. Soubi and Seimei got up, as well.

"What do you and Ritsuka usually do?" Ritsuka asked Soubi, turning to him and looking up at him.

Soubi just smiled innocently, "We make love."

Ritsuka nearly choked, "Wha…What?"

The Other Ritsuka still had his ears! He couldn't have had sex yet! No way! This guy didn't know what the hell he was talking about!

Soubi's expression didn't change, "We have sex. We take off each other's clothes and I put my co—"

"Shut up!" Seimei snapped, right when Ritsuka was about to cover his ears. Ritsuka looked up at Seimei, now, almost wanting to giggle when he saw his fuming expression and his immature glare at Soubi. His voice was higher than normal with anger and Ritsuka thought he heard a crack in it, as if here, Seimei was young enough that his voice still did that. "I don't want to hear about you having sex with my little brother!"

"You really can't ignore that we have sex," Soubi told him seriously, shrugging. Ritsuka laughed, then, realizing one thing. This _was_ Soubi and Seimei, except they were two or three years younger. This meant that Seimei seemed to be a bit more emotional than usual and was quicker to lose his temper. Soubi seemed almost the same, though a bit more like a teenager than how he acted in the real world.

"I know you two do, I just don't want to hear about it!"

Soubi just kept on smiling, taking no notice to Seimei's anger. Ritsuka just looked up at him, smiling a bit. He didn't mind staying with these two, but only if it was temporary. He trusted the other Ritsuka was coming back, since Soubi had told him so. Since he _was_ Soubi, he probably wouldn't lie to him, not when Ritsuka was so wary and cautious. He had sounded sincere, just as Ritsuka's other self had. Ritsuka figured it was alright to trust him.

Soubi looked down at Ritsuka, returning his smile and grabbing his hand, intertwining their fingers, causing Ritsuka to blush. He looked down at his feet, dropping Soubi's gaze. "Can we just stay here?" He requested, not wanting to wander too far. If he did, the other Ritsuka wouldn't be able to find them as quickly, thus making the time until Ritsuka got to return longer.

Soubi nodded, and Seimei did the same. Soubi pulled Ritsuka against him, and Ritsuka yelped in surprise as Soubi placed him on his lap. Seimei sat on the other side of Soubi, smiling and playing with Ritsuka's sensitive ears. Ritsuka relaxed, knowing it was the only thing he _could_ do, and positioned himself so that he was lying with his head in Soubi's lap. He closed his eyes, listening to Seimei and Soubi's mindless talk, with Seimei sometimes getting angry and Soubi calmly brushing it off. He started to doze off and rolled sideways, his head on Soubi's right leg, his face towards Seimei. He thought he felt a small kiss on his lips before dozing off, but he wasn't sure. He wasn't even sure who it was from.

Quite honestly, he didn't care, either. He was happy falling asleep here, but he just wanted to get back to his Soubi, the real Soubi.

…

The crooked smile came back as Soubi said the words to 'Ritsuka'. He _really_ hated that smirk. It reminded him that this kid had a dark underside, one that was hidden but occasionally peaked out from the shadows. It appeared in his 'smiles', his voice, and sometimes even in those blue eyes. This child knew darkness. He knew shadows. He knew of the underworld that Ritsuka held no knowledge of. He wasn't necessarily _evil_, per say, but he certainly wasn't good.

"I've always loved you, Soubi," The boy purred as Soubi let him go, releasing him from his tight grasp. Soubi just returned his stare, only remembering meeting this Ritsuka once or twice. Other than that…well, Soubi didn't see him for two months or so. He didn't see Seimei much then, either. The times that they did meet had just been Soubi helping drive Seimei and Ritsuka around and the time he'd played with Ritsuka at the park.

"You don't remember any of our time together, of course," 'Ritsuka' giggled at the end of his sentence, as if he had truly thought it to be funny. "I do, though. I remember it so well. You…were so different from It…Him. You really made me happy. Seimei, too. Neither of you could've saved me, though. It's a shame, since both of you really did do your best."

"What the hell are you talking about?" Soubi snapped, unable to put up with his senseless talking anymore. Really, none of it made sense and Soubi was ready to believe this boy was simply insane and had _no_ idea what he was saying.

"Soubi-kun," Katsuko gently scolded. She said it quietly and when Soubi turned to look at her, she appeared frightened a bit. She sat on the edge of the bed, perhaps a little scared by this Ritsuka. Soubi didn't blame her. He was more than a little creepy.

'Ritsuka' just got on his hands and knees in front of Soubi on the bed again, looking almost like a stretching cat. He poked Soubi's forehead gently, laughing once again, "Look in here. Figure out those muddy memories of yours, would you?"

He pushed forward, then, putting himself into Soubi's lap, wrapping his arms around his neck. Soubi felt lips on his suddenly and it took him a moment to realize that 'Ritsuka' was kissing him hard, shoved up against him, eyes tightly shut.

Just as suddenly as the boy began kissing him, he pulled away from him, blinking open his eyes, looking up at Soubi innocently.

Soubi just breathed a sigh of relief.

…

"Ritsuka."

Ritsuka groaned, not quite realizing where he was. Thinking that he was in the real world, he swatted Soubi's hands away, mumbling a 'five more minutes'. He felt so comfortable lying in Soubi's lap, warm and happy.

"Ritsuka, you have to get up."

That was a different voice. Ritsuka recognized it immediately as Seimei's and shot up, realizing something wasn't quite right. He looked around, taking in his surroundings, remembering where he was. The Dream Realm—the Other Ritsuka's home. He'd fallen asleep here while Seimei and Soubi watched over him. Now, as Ritsuka looked around, his eyes falling on his other self, it was time to go back. The Other Ritsuka had kept his promise. He had returned. Ritsuka turned back towards Seimei and Soubi, making sure to give them both a hug before getting up to run off.

Seimei caught him by the wrist before he could get very far, though.

"Ritsuka."

Ritsuka looked at him, both shocked and confused. He had to leave. Soubi was just sitting down quietly, not making any move to stop him, so why had Seimei? He wouldn't be kept here. He didn't want to be. He had to home, had to return to the real world.

Instead of saying another word, Seimei just leaned in and kissed him hard, harder than he ever had before. Ritsuka stumbled backwards, now astonished. Seimei let him go, looking down at the ground, not saying a thing. Seimei had kissed him before on the lips, but rarely like that. That had been the kind of kiss that Ritsuka and Soubi had, not the kind of kiss his brother should give him. He could remember a couple other times Seimei had kissed him like that, and he had been confused then, too, but that had been before Soubi. Ritsuka used to be able to let it go, since he hadn't known that was how lovers kissed. Now it brought back memories of those other times and made Ritsuka want to know _why_ Seimei had done that.

"Go," Seimei just whispered, drawing Ritsuka out of his thoughts. He sounded sad, almost, as if he didn't want to see Ritsuka go.

Ritsuka only nodded, backing away from Seimei slowly and running to the translucent wall where the Other Ritsuka stood. The other boy smiled sweetly, speaking to him in a kind voice, "I told you I'd come back."

"I'm sorry I doubted you would," Ritsuka replied, feeling bad he hadn't trusted this boy right away. He'd been wrong about every single thing he'd thought about the past Ritsuka. He wasn't evil or mean or violent in any way. He had simply wanted to talk to Soubi in the real world and had returned after accomplishing that. It was okay now. Ritsuka was going to be returned to the control of his mind and body. He was going back.

"It's alright," The other boy assured him, placing a hand against the glass of the fence/wall. "I'm not afraid to contact you anymore. You really are a good kid. Listen…If you call out to me, I'll be able to hear it. We can use it as a communication mode until I disappear."

Ritsuka nodded, raising his hand and preparing to place it on the glass, but hesitating. "You know why I lost my memories," He stated, not really making it a question.

The smile faded from the other's face, though his gaze was still kind, "I do."

"Why?" Ritsuka pressed, wanting, no, _needing_ to know. There had been some sort of incident. No one could ever tell him what or why, not even Seimei. Seimei had always just avoided the question. So had his father. His mother…well…Ritsuka had never been able to ask her anything, let alone that.

"I'll tell you when the time comes," The past Ritsuka assured him, finishing their conversation. Ritsuka paused and then nodded, putting his hand against the Other Ritsuka's, only a thin sheet of translucent glass separating them. In a flash, everything changed again and they became one for the second time that night, and then instantly split apart again.

…

Ritsuka blinked his eyes open, finding himself back in the real world. Everything was blurry for a few seconds. It soon came into focus and Ritsuka found himself staring up at Soubi, the _real_ Soubi.

"Ritsuka?" Was the only thing Soubi said.

Ritsuka nodded, rubbing his eyes.

Soubi swept him into a hug, knocking the breath out of the teenager with his tight hold. Ritsuka gasped for air as he was cuddled against Soubi's chest. Ritsuka didn't think he'd ever seen anyone so happy to see him. Soubi was smiling brightly, looking down at Ritsuka, holding him close against him. He spoke again, and this time it was a sweet whisper, one that was music to little Ritsuka's ears:

"Have I ever told you that you have beautiful eyes?"

…

* * *

**I actually got my computer back sooner than I thought. As promised, here's the chapter, un-beted because I wanted you guys to have it ASAP. **

**I know that the concept of the dream world and Seimei and Soubi are a little strange, but everything will be explained in due time. All I'm going to say for the time being is that they are separate beings and consciousnesses from the real Seimei and Soubi. Anyways, we'll be back on the regular plot after this chapter.**

**Thank you for all the comments on what I proposed in my author's note. I will be putting some side stories up once I'm finished with Dehumanization, which has been extended to four to five acts. Please go check the new stories I put up if you have time~ I also have some links on my profile to some lovely art done for this story.**

**Review please?**

**Until next time,**

**Wolfie~**


	19. Home

**18**

**Home**

…

"Soubi?"

Ritsuka stepped out of the bathroom, his hair wet from his shower, his shirt badly buttoned and the ends of his long pants being stepped on by his tiny feet. His ears were back against his head, his violet eyes looking at Soubi, who hadn't seemed to notice him at first. It was late and Ritsuka had just returned to his body a few hours ago. He was exhausted from it, but didn't want to sleep, since Soubi seemed so bothered by something.

Soubi finally noticed him standing in the doorway to the bathroom. His eyes flickered away from the ceiling and he sat up from where he'd been laying on the rollaway bed. Ritsuka waited for him to say something, not wanting to speak again. Soubi had been acting a bit strangely since the Other Ritsuka had switched places with him. It wasn't a 'bad' sort of strange, since Soubi was just a bit more cautious and more affectionate than usual, but Ritsuka still didn't like the change. Soubi hadn't even said anything about what had happened when Ritsuka got locked away into his own mind.

Soubi smiled, and Ritsuka took that as a good sign and went to him, standing in front of him. He didn't even look at Soubi, wondering what the older male was feeling and what had happened when the Other Ritsuka had talked to him. In the flash he'd gotten while underwater, Soubi had seemed angry and Ritsuka had never seen such an expression on his face. He didn't seem angry now…just distracted and happy that Ritsuka was back.

"What's wrong?" Soubi asked him, clearly noticing something was the matter. Ritsuka glanced at the door, finding it just a little bit open like it always was a night. They weren't allowed to close the door, Ritsuka knew, and Soubi clearly wouldn't risk closing it. Still, Ritsuka saw no one in the doorway or in the partially visible hallway.

"I… Soubi…" Ritsuka looked into his eyes and stepped forward again, getting closer to Soubi. He yawned and then gave into temptation and sat in his Fighter's lap, looking away from him slightly again. "What happened when I was gone?"

"Do you really want to know?" Soubi questioned quietly, wrapping his strong arms around Ritsuka's small body.

Ritsuka nodded, picking at a thread in the red blanket Soubi had brought from home. "I do," Ritsuka whispered. "And…I want to tell you what happened when I left."

"We don't have to talk now. You look tired and we can always do it in the morning," Soubi pointed out, picking up the blanket from home and sweeping it around Ritsuka's shoulders, covering him up a bit.

"I'm not tired. I want to do it now," Ritsuka yawned in the middle of his statements, only proving him wrong. "Besides, my family reunion starts Friday. You said we might go to it. We should pack tomorrow if we are."

Soubi nodded, "That's true. Katsuko-sensei still hasn't said no." He sighed heavily, his arms tightening around Ritsuka's middle. "Do you want to know the truth, Ritsuka?" He didn't wait for Ritsuka to answer, so the boy knew it was a rhetorical question. "I was scared when you left."

The statement caught Ritsuka by surprise a bit. He didn't think he'd ever seen Soubi scared of anything that wasn't Seimei. He understood why, though. Soubi loved him. It was painful to lose or believe to have lost someone. Ritsuka knew that from after Seimei had died and after his daddy had transformed into the man Ritsuka gradually grew afraid of. It was scary and depressing, especially when it was someone that person really cared about. Ritsuka couldn't even stand the thought of losing Soubi or having him go missing. Ritsuka didn't think that he could live without him.

Soubi kept one arm around him, but the other one let go of him and instead moved to holding his hand, their fingers intertwined. He went on, still speaking softly, "I thought you wouldn't come back. Ritsuka…this wasn't the first time. He took over after you were put on the sedative before your surgery."

"Wha…what?" Ritsuka started. He didn't remember that. When the Other Ritsuka had called out to him, it had been the first time they'd ever met. Not before. When Ritsuka had woken up from the surgery, all he remembered was passing out after being given the sedative. He had just assumed he'd been taken into surgery directly after ward.

"You were acting strangely," Soubi continued, stroking Ritsuka's smaller hand. "Your eyes turned blue and you looked depressed. You started talking about when your mom started hurting you and then about disappearing. You started being sexual and I stopped you and…you told me I couldn't save you…"

"I…I don't remember any of this…" Ritsuka told him. The strangest part about what Soubi had told him was that he had blue eyes when the Other Ritsuka came and took his place. The Other Ritsuka had blue eyes in the Dream Realm, but Ritsuka had just assumed that was so they could be told apart by the Seimei and Soubi who lived with him. He didn't think that when the other boy took over, his eyes would physically change. He had seen pictures of the Other Ritsuka on Seimei's computer sometimes (when he'd snuck on specifically to look at the pictures), and his eyes in those photos were violet. It didn't make sense why they would change when his other self took his place. At least Soubi's comment on Ritsuka's 'beautiful' eyes made sense now.

Soubi's hand left his and moved up to his face, tilting Ritsuka's head up to look at him. Ritsuka blushed, his own hands moving to hold onto Soubi's jacket. "I know you don't," Soubi assured him, leaning in close, resting his forehead against Ritsuka's. "I didn't know what was going on. You fell asleep after it and when you woke up, you were back to normal again. I didn't know what happened—until I talked to your dad."

"You…talked to him…?" Ritsuka questioned, now even more shocked than before. Soubi…he seemed to hate Ritsuka's dad. Actually, he seemed to hate both of his parents. He'd beaten up Kiyoshi more than once and he used to make quiet comments on how much he hated Misaki for abusing Ritsuka. He'd also said hateful things to Kiyoshi after finding Ritsuka in that alleyway, so naturally, Ritsuka had been under the impression that Soubi hated Kiyoshi and wouldn't willfully talk to him.

The other thing Ritsuka was confused about was what Soubi and his father had talked about. Had they actually had a conversation without yelling at each other, or at least Soubi losing his temper? Ritsuka doubted that. It was a bit amusing to think about it, really, since he couldn't imagine Soubi calmly talking with his dad. Had Soubi been trying to find out what had happened when Ritsuka was under the sedative? It would have made sense to go to one of Ritsuka's parents to find out if they knew anything. It hadn't ever happened before, though, so they wouldn't know anything and Soubi wouldn't have realized who the boy with blue eyes was.

"Yes," Soubi whispered, closing his eyes. Ritsuka moved his arms around Soubi's neck, helping support him. It was clear that Soubi was tired, too. Ritsuka was still too curious to ask to go to bed, though. He wanted to know _exactly _what had happened, all of it, including how Soubi had figured out that the Other Ritsuka had taken his place. Soubi went on, still whispering as if he was afraid someone would hear if he spoke too loud, "When you were in the recovery room, I got curious and went into the area where the curtain was closed. Your dad was there and he was awake and he started talking to me…I was going to leave, but he offered to show me some pictures."

"…What kind of pictures?" Ritsuka almost didn't want to know. For all he knew, his father could've taken photos that night when Ritsuka lost his virginity. He didn't want to hear about that, if it was the case. Then again…if such pictures existed, they wouldn't tell Soubi anything about the Other Ritsuka.

"It was only one picture," Soubi gently corrected the sleepy boy in his arms. "It was a photo of before you lost your memories. You had blue eyes in it. That's how I figured out that when you changed, the past you took over."

"That's impossible, though!" Ritsuka protested, a bit too loudly. He quieted himself down, realizing it was after midnight and the other kids in the ward were sleeping. He went on, now whispering just as Soubi had been moments before. "I had violet eyes back then. I used to…I used to sneak onto Seimei's computer when he wasn't in the room and look at the pictures of me. He never knew. He never let me see the pictures, but I was curious."

Soubi was silent for a moment, but his eyes were half-open now and Ritsuka could clearly see he was thinking. Finally, he spoke again, "Were the pictures you saw _only _on Seimei's computer?"

Ritsuka nodded, not seeing what that had to do with the mysterious eye color change in the two photos.

"Did he hide the photos on his computer? Or did he just leave them in an easy to see folder?"

"He didn't hide them," Ritsuka mumbled, looking down, beginning to see the point of Soubi's questions. "He edited the photos, didn't he?"

"Probably," Soubi told him, pulling back from Ritsuka a bit. "Are you sleeping with me tonight?"

Again, Ritsuka nodded, a bit disappointed that the subject had been changed. "What happened when I went away this time?" Ritsuka prodded, trying to get Soubi willing to tell him more.

"When Kio was watching you, I went to one of my classes," Soubi nudged Ritsuka down onto the bed, obviously trying to put him to bed. Ritsuka didn't want to sleep yet, but he didn't protest. "Kio texted me and told me your eyes turned blue. I left and came back. Your…other self was talking to Katsuko-sensei when I got here. He was calling her 'mommy' and he called me 'daddy'."

Ritsuka just stared up at him, wondering what the Other Ritsuka had been thinking. Soubi was…he was nothing like his father. He would never mistaken Soubi for him. He was so much gentler and more loving and just so _different_ from Kiyoshi. That was part of the reason Ritsuka loved him. Soubi could never remind him of his father, not unless he hurt him, which Ritsuka knew he would never do.

"You're not like him," Ritsuka murmured, half to himself. "You'll never be like him." _You love me. He doesn't. _Soubi was kindhearted and careful not to hurt the people close to him, where his father was a mean-spirited drunk bastard who seemed to only _want_ to hurt those who loved him. Ritsuka couldn't deny that he sometimes wished he could know exactly what his father thought. Something had to make him that way. Something in his thinking process had to make him different from everyone else. Everyone's thinking process made them different from one another, but his father… Ritsuka had never met anyone so hard to understand. Even Soubi, who was more than complicated, Ritsuka understood almost completely. Ritsuka couldn't even begin to understand his father. He couldn't comprehend why he drank and lied so much…or even why he'd done all those things to Ritsuka, when everyone else said he hadn't done anything wrong. He wasn't even going to try anymore.

"I'm glad you think so, Ritsuka," Soubi smiled again, and Ritsuka was reminded of how he hardly ever saw a smile so kind and happy on his father's face. Soubi pulled back the covers on the bed the best he could with Ritsuka sitting there. Giving in, Ritsuka moved so that he was laying underneath the covers, looking up at Soubi, who was sitting beside him.

"It's true…Tell me more," Ritsuka begged, changing the subject again. He was determined to get the story out of Soubi tonight, whether the older liked it or not.

"I went along with it," Soubi pulled the covers over Ritsuka and then draping the red blanket over his body. "He hugged me and cried and told me that it'd been a long time since his father hugged him like this. He stopped crying and called me by name and dropped his act, then."

Ritsuka listened closely. It was interesting to find out what had been going on while he was getting to know the two in the Other Ritsuka's world. He'd never imagined that his other self would've tricked Soubi into thinking he was delusional. Perhaps his other self did have a bit of a deceptive side to him, but at least he was trustworthy. He hadn't deceived Ritsuka; he'd only played with Soubi and led him to believe lies, but it seemed as though he'd only done that for a short while.

"And after that?" Ritsuka pressed.

Soubi wouldn't look at him when he spoke again, "I got angry at him, even after he started calling your dad 'It'. I picked him up by the collar and called him a liar and I only put him down when Katsuko-sensei told me to. After that…he started talking seriously. He told me you were cute and how he wished he could've saved you. I was still mad, but I didn't get violent with him."

Soubi paused, still looking at the window instead of Ritsuka. Ritsuka shifted so that he was closer to Soubi, "I'm glad you didn't." He knew well that Soubi had a pretty terrible temper. Soubi never lost it with Ritsuka or anyone else close to him (Kio, Natsuo, Youji…), but with others…Ritsuka knew how bad it was when Soubi lost it. He considered his other self someone not close to Soubi, and the older male obviously did, too, so if Soubi had lost his temper completely, there was a good chance Ritsuka would've come back to a couple fresh bruises on him. Then again, Ritsuka also highly doubted he would get violent with someone in Ritsuka's body.

"He was in your body…Ritsuka, I was scared. I thought you'd never come back…"

Ritsuka didn't even get a glance at Soubi's face before he was pulled into a hug almost as fierce as the one he was pulled into after he first came back. Soubi held him close, too tightly for Ritsuka to get a good breath in. He let him, understanding that Soubi was still coming down from the distress he had gone through. He went limp in his arms, his head against Soubi's chest, giving him the ability to hear his heartbeat.

"Are you okay?" He managed to squeak out, raising his head the best he could to look up at Soubi.

"I…will be," Was Soubi's only reply as he pressed his face into Ritsuka's neck. His hands clutched the back of Ritsuka's badly buttoned shirt. Ritsuka gave him a little push and wheezed, trying to get the message across that, while he enjoyed the hug, he really couldn't breathe. Soubi loosened his grip, though still holding him close.

"We can go to sleep now," Ritsuka yawned, his head against his strong chest. He could see that talking about this only stressed Soubi out more and he didn't need any more of that. He already had so much stress, with the court case, taking care of Natsuo and Youji while staying at the hospital, trying to get Ritsuka back on track with his schooling, and even trying to deal with his own schooling as well.

"I need to finish an essay…"

Ritsuka didn't let go of him, "You should come to bed with me. Please, Soubi?" He raised head, looking up with pleading eyes at him. This was unfair and he knew it, but Soubi was just as tired as he was, if not more.

Soubi sighed, shaking his head and smiled, "Alright."

Soon, they were lying together in bed with the lights on, though both of them still awake.

"Will you talk to Katsuko-sensei tomorrow?" Ritsuka whispered, propping himself up on his elbows to check if his companion was still awake. He was, Ritsuka could tell, but just barely.

"Yeah. I'll try to convince her. Go to sleep, Ritsuka," Soubi replied after a few moments.

Ritsuka laid back down, though he was still restless. He kept rolling over, trying to get comfortable. He was sure he was keeping Soubi up, too. Finally he just forced himself to settle down in Soubi's arms and cleared his mind, willing the blissful sleep to come.

…

"Please let him go," Soubi resorted to begging the woman he was following around and had been for the past hour. She was working the clinic again and Soubi learned that she did that every Friday. As a result, he could barely even get a word in since the clinic was busy today, just as it was every Friday and weekend. Granted, it was still early in the morning, but nevertheless, it was crowded. Ritsuka was still asleep in his hospital room, sleeping heavily even after his restlessness before falling asleep.

"Did you do any research on his family?" Katsuko-sensei asked, finally having a moment to talk to Soubi. She was writing some notes on a patient she'd just seen for a few minutes.

Soubi nodded, remembering looking up Ritsuka's family during one of his classes before getting the text message from Kio. Most of what he'd found was that Ritsuka's father's side was mainly made up of attorneys. He hadn't found much else, and the only thing interesting was that his grandfather had committed suicide twenty years before Ritsuka was born. He'd also found out the ages of most of the family—Kiyoshi was forty one, Ritsuka's uncle was thirty two, his aunt was thirty seven, and Ritsuka's grandmother was sixty four, which made Soubi the youngest adult who would be at the house.

"They seem alright," Soubi told her, desperate to keep her attention. He could tell Ritsuka was really eager to go and wanted to see his family again. Even Soubi was curious about his family. He spoke well of his uncle and distant cousins, and he also seemed excited to introduce Soubi to his grandmother. Soubi didn't want to have to let him down if he wasn't allowed to go. He didn't know if he could stand seeing the disappointed expression on his little Sacrifice's face. He supposed it was just part of being Ritsuka's parent figure. It was still hard, though, since he was Ritsuka's lover, as well, and didn't want to make him upset.

"Alright?" Katsuko repeated, looking up at him.

"Ritsuka would tell me if one of them had ever hit him or did anything to him," Soubi lowered his voice a bit, making sure the nurses and stray patients couldn't hear him. "The worst thing he said was that his aunt was rude to him and that his grandmother probably won't like me at first."

Katsuko-sensei was silent, clearly thinking about it. At least she was being reasonable and considering it instead of just saying no immediately. She was the person who would decide, after all. Not Soubi. Soubi wasn't Ritsuka's guardian (_yet_) so he wasn't the deciding factor, though he was glad that she was taking his opinion into consideration. He thought Ritsuka should go, since his extended family didn't seem so bad and Soubi was quite curious himself. Something made him want to dig deeper into how Kiyoshi could've done that to his own son. He suspected that there were clues hidden inside the family, ones that required some digging to finally come out. Yes, he did have an alternate motive to taking Ritsuka, but this wasn't exactly a _bad_ motive.

"He can go under one condition," Katsuko-sensei decided, smiling at Soubi in a way that made him suspicious.

"What is it?"

"I have the weekend off," She stated, closing her folder and standing up from her place behind the clinic nurses' desk. "I'm coming with you both to make sure nothing happens."

…

"Hey, Ritsuka."

Well, _that_ wasn't the voice Ritsuka usually heard first thing in the morning. He rolled over, groaning, not wanting to awaken, even though he knew it was passed noon. This caused the two he knew were there to laugh and then poke his back, trying to get him up. Ritsuka just put a pillow over his head, mumbling, "Where's Soubi?"

"Getting your release forms," The calmer of the two answered.

"Right…" Ritsuka muttered, not believing the boy.

"It's true!" The mischievous one insisted, still laughing. "Ritsuka, you shouldn't sleep in this late. It's already lunchtime and we're hungry. Soubi's making us all lunch when we get home."

Ritsuka rolled over to face Natsuo and Youji, now curious. Soubi was going home? Without even coming to tell Ritsuka 'good morning'? Ritsuka bit his lip, a little nervous now. He'd probably annoyed Soubi the previous night with his constant questions and restless tossing and turning. Still, Ritsuka thought that Soubi would at least tell him instead of sending the Zero boys to do it.

"Will he come back soon?" Ritsuka asked, sitting up on his elbows. His bear was trapped underneath him, reminding him of Soubi and how he suspected the older male didn't want to see him. He frowned, pressing down against it so that it was hidden under his small chest. Of course, he didn't know if this was the case, but he assumed that Natsuo and Youji had been joking around when they mentioned him (Ritsuka) leaving the hospital. They could sometimes have a rather odd sense of humor.

Youji reached forward, thumping Ritsuka lightly on the forehead, making the just-woken up boy startle and flinch. "Dummy! We already told you we're taking you home today!"

"That can't be true…" He was getting released from the hospital? He was beginning to believe the Zero boys, since they didn't look like they were lying to him and Ritsuka saw no point in keeping the joke going that long. That explained why Soubi wasn't here. Was he going home permanently or was this just for the reunion? Ritsuka _hoped_ he was going home for good—home to Soubi's house, that was, not home to the place his mother and father lived. He knew why he was being kept here, though. He was still physically weak and…even Ritsuka didn't consider himself mentally stable. Those probably weren't even the biggest reason he was being kept here. He didn't really have a legal guardian yet, other than Katsuko-sensei, who'd only been given temporary emergency custody. That meant that he couldn't legally go home with anyone but her.

"It is, it is!" They both chimed in at once, loud enough that Ritsuka had to cover his ears.

They were both grinning at him. The room seemed slightly crowded with the two of them here. Youji was standing close to the rollaway bed, while his calmer counterpart sat on the bed, swinging his feet a bit. Ritsuka didn't doubt that Kio was somewhere in the hospital, too, since he always brought the two to the hospital. He was probably with Soubi, helping him and Katsuko-sensei (since Ritsuka couldn't be released to Soubi, but he was surely looking over the papers, anyways).

"How long am I going home for…?" He asked the two boys. He didn't expect them to know, but it was worth asking. He was glad to be going home. Actually…he was glad to still have a home. He couldn't call the place he'd lived before home. That had never been a home, now that he thought about it. It had just been a place where he lived with his mother, father, and previously brother. He wasn't sure what exactly made a home a home, but he was sure that that…that place hadn't been one.

Youji shrugged, "Dunno. Some lady's coming, too."

"…Some lady…?" Ritsuka repeated, raising an eyebrow. Could it be? Ritsuka couldn't be released into Soubi's custody, but he could be released into Katsuko's. This meant…Katsuko-sensei was coming home with them.

Natsuo nodded, "We'll help you pack."

…

"Up here, Ritsuka," Soubi, with his hand in Ritsuka's, led the boy up the stairs to his apartment for the first time in nearly two weeks. He didn't think Ritsuka had forgotten the way, but just in case, Soubi wanted to remind him. Katsuko and the others had already gone up. Soubi and Ritsuka had stayed down so that the boy could get a look around. Ritsuka had seemed dumbfounded by his surroundings. Soubi didn't blame him. He'd only gone outside once or twice during his time in the hospital, which Soubi had to remind himself constantly that it'd only been twelve days. So much had happened. It felt like months for Soubi.

Ritsuka didn't move, his eyes fixated on something by the apartment complex door. Soubi followed his gaze, finding a very familiar gray striped kitten near the door, wet and mewling at it. Ritsuka was staring at it, not paying attention to Soubi, probably not even realizing that he had spoken.

"The kitten, Soubi," Ritsuka murmured, letting go of Soubi's hand to go to the cat Soubi had saved when she was just a kitten. Soubi followed him, running after the boy and standing behind him as he crouched down to pet the cat, who immediately warmed up to him and pushed her head into his hand.

Soubi laughed, "She's hardly a kitten, Ritsuka. Check her tag." He pointed at the red collar around the cat's neck, silver tags hanging off of it. Ritsuka glanced back at Soubi and then reached out to look at the tags.

"I can't read it," He stated, frowning, seeming a bit frustrated. "It's in English. I can only… _Soubi_!"

The teen shouted Soubi's name, only making him smirk and bend down to pick up his cat. Ritsuka couldn't read too much English, but Soubi had taught him how to read both of their names. She was tiny, which explained why he thought she was a kitten. She was wet, too, and that had probably drawn Ritsuka's attention and curiosity in the first place. She'd probably just jumped in a puddle or had gotten rained on a bit.

"She's your cat?" Ritsuka questioned, standing up and looking up at Soubi with big eyes.

"Yes," Soubi scratched her head and held her out to Ritsuka. Ritsuka hesitated and then cautiously took her from Soubi, holding her in a way he would hold an infant. "I raised her when she was a kitten and her mother died. Her name is Carolyn."

"What…? Why that?" Ritsuka pet the cat's stomach, getting her to purr happily. Ritsuka loved cats, Soubi knew. He came with Soubi often to feed the many cats living outside the complex. Carolyn didn't seem to come around much anymore, so Ritsuka had never seen her, but she was Soubi's 'pet' cat and his name was on her tag under 'owner'. He was glad she'd come around while Ritsuka was coming home for the first time since his rape. It was a good sign that things would get better.

"I named her after my mother," Soubi told Ritsuka, smiling warmly at him. He took his free hand again and pulled gently at it, getting Ritsuka to step towards the stairs. "We have to start getting ready."

"Soubi?" Ritsuka spoke up again once they were halfway up the stairs. Soubi stopped and looked back at him. Ritsuka just stared down at his feet, absentmindedly petting the cat. "The Other Ritsuka…He said he didn't want to come back permanently."

Soubi stepped down , towards Ritsuka, "He told me that, too. He said he didn't want to be here."

Soubi barely caught Ritsuka's next whisper, "He wants to die…"

It had seemed that way to Soubi, too, especially during their first encounter. It had also sounded like he didn't want to be stopped or saved. 'Ritsuka' couldn't have made either of those points more clear than he had. Something had obviously happened to him to make him like that. He hadn't told Soubi _what _had happened, but he all-but-said that it had to do with Kiyoshi. Soubi didn't like being kept in the dark, but he had known that 'Ritsuka' wouldn't tell him a thing if he asked. He'd also implied that there was something to Soubi's muddled mess of memories from the two months before Ritsuka's 'incident'. He'd always been a bit suspicious of the blurriness, but now he _needed _to know how he'd been involved and why that news article had stated he was with Ritsuka and Seimei at a hotel.

Ritsuka looked up at Soubi, his eyes big and innocent and so _different_ from his other self's. "Is he going to die, Soubi?" His voice was weighed down by what sounded like sadness. He looked quite distraught over the thought of the depressed boy in his mind dying. It bothered Soubi a bit to think the boy he had talked to was rapidly dying, but it didn't make him overly sad. It only disturbed him since that boy _had_ been Ritsuka at one point. Though Soubi didn't love him, he did feel some sort of compassion for him for reasons that were beyond him.

"Truthfully?"

Ritsuka nodded silently, softly stroking the happy cat in his arms.

Soubi didn't tell him at first. He was hesitating, afraid that he would upset Ritsuka by telling him his true opinion. Ritsuka needed to know. Soubi couldn't lie to him. From the way Soubi saw it, 'Ritsuka' was _going _to die and disappear _no matter what_. There wasn't any way to stop him. He wanted to do it and Soubi was sure that 'Ritsuka' was just like Ritsuka in the sense that he would do whatever to achieve what he wanted.

"He wants to, Ritsuka," Soubi tried to put it in the nicest, gentlest was possible, but it still wasn't going to make Ritsuka any happier about the truth. They both knew that just because the boy hiding in Ritsuka's mind wanted to die didn't make the fact he was going to any better. He was just trying to sugar coat it for Ritsuka.

Ritsuka looked at the ground again, "That's a yes, then. He…I… I don't want him to die…"

Soubi took Carolyn from Ritsuka's arms, letting her jump out of his hold and bound down the steps two at a time. Ritsuka didn't make any more to stop him or catch her. "Do you want him to come back? Do you want to be the one locked away in your head?" Soubi questioned him seriously, not even stepping down to hug Ritsuka or offer any sort of comfort. He was a bit irritated that his voice had come out sounding so cold. He hadn't meant it to, but he did want to let Ritsuka know he was serious.

"No, I don't," Ritsuka raised his head again, slowly looking up at him. "I don't want to leave…but he seems happy where he's at right now. I wish he'd just stay there."

Soubi stepped down another step so that he was right above Ritsuka. "I don't think he's happy there…" He murmured, sitting down on the step so he could look up at the boy. He took both Ritsuka's hands in his own, pressing their palms together and intertwining their fingers. Ritsuka held on tightly, closing his eyes for a long moment.

"You're right…I can't help it, though…I want him to stay…"

"Do you want him to stay and be unhappy?" Soubi pressed softly. That would probably get Ritsuka thinking. Ritsuka shook his head no. Soubi went on, now being a bit more careful with his words. "It's not good for him to want to die, for whatever reason, but I don't think there's any way to stop him now that he's weak and inside your mind. He's disappearing. I don't think he'll be gone any time soon, but he will be eventually. I'm sorry, Ritsuka, but there's no way to save him."

There. That was the truth. It would be hard for Ritsuka to accept that, but he would. Soubi wouldn't lie to him. He'd put it as gently as possible, but it was a terrible truth and he wasn't going to try to make it any less terrible. Ritsuka obviously had some sort of connection with his other self and hated the fact that that boy would die eventually and Ritsuka would be left alone in his mind. Soubi didn't like seeing Ritsuka so bothered by something, but he wasn't going to tell a lie to make it better. Lies only led to more lies and then to the lies being found out. Ritsuka hated people who lied to him, and he trusted Soubi. Soubi didn't want to make him lose trust or live with the guilt of covering up the cold, hard truth.

"…I understand…" Ritsuka muttered, squeezing Soubi's hands.

Soubi pulled him towards him by the hands, purposefully making Ritsuka tumble into his lap. Soubi wanted to comfort him and wrapped his arms around the boy, the two of them sitting together on the steps in broad daylight.

"Don't be sad," Soubi gave him a gentle squeeze as Ritsuka hid his face in his shirt. "You'll still have me. You won't be alone."

"I know," Ritsuka's quiet voice was muffled. His small hands balled themselves in the fabric of Soubi's shirt, causing the older man to worry if Ritsuka was crying. He doubted it, since he didn't feel any wetness and the boy didn't sound like he was crying. "You promise you'll never leave me?"

Soubi laughed lightheartedly at the question. He stopped, then, realizing how serious Ritsuka was. It dawned on him that Ritsuka didn't _have_ anyone else. They'd all left him. Seimei, Misaki, Kiyoshi…they'd all left or given up on him. They were the people Ritsuka loved the most. Now it made more sense why Ritsuka was so hesitant to trust someone. He was scared of coming to love or care for them and then having his heart broken all over again. Really, what Ritsuka was asking was '_do you promise to always love me?_'.

"I'll always stay by your side," Soubi assured him, running a hand through the boy's soft hair. "I'll never leave, even if you tell me to. I'll always follow you, even if you fall into the darkness."

Ritsuka was silent, though he relaxed in Soubi's arms. For awhile, they stayed like that, with Soubi holding Ritsuka and the boy hiding his face.

"The others are waiting for us," Soubi reminded him after a bit. The rest of them were probably wondering where they were and what they were up to. He helped Ritsuka up and supported him as the teen steadied himself.

Ritsuka didn't answer, but instead reached for Soubi's hand, his little fingers brushing against his own. He looked like he wanted to say something, but instead bit his lip and didn't. Soubi took his hands and took him the rest of the way up the steps, watching him carefully to make sure he was okay.

…

Just as Ritsuka remembered, it was hectic at Soubi's house. It was even more so, now, since there were six of them crowded into the tiny apartment—Kio, Soubi, Katsuko-sensei, Natsuo, Youji, and Ritsuka. The three kids were all in the kitchen with Soubi, trying to help him but mainly just getting in the way. Ritsuka really was trying his hardest, since he didn't want to be a burden to him, but he really wasn't causing anything but harm.

"Ritsuka, don't touch that!" Soubi shouted when Ritsuka nearly touched a pot of water on the stove, thinking it was off. He was yanked back by the shoulders, causing a surprised yelp from the teen. Soubi pulled him back against him and then let go of him a second later to go back to what he'd been doing.

"Is it hot, Soubi?" Youji asked, standing over the pot and curiously dipping his hand into that. Soubi shouted at him and Ritsuka just sighed, shaking his head. The Zero boys could really be idiots sometimes, as Ritsuka had experienced many, many times. At first, he hadn't really cared about them, since they'd tried to kill Soubi and could be quite mean to others sometimes, but he soon learned that both those had been caused by the two not having been exposed to people at all. It was understandable that they wouldn't know how to act around people.

The two were a lot better now than they had been when Ritsuka first met them. They could still tease and make fun of other's a bit too much, but at least they wouldn't outright bully people anymore. Still, they had problems not hurting themselves. They were reckless and curious, as Youji had just proved by sticking his hand into what Ritsuka suspected was boiling water. Natsuo was a bit better at being careful, but still nearly as bad as Youji since he liked to cut things up.

"Don't stick your hands into pots on the stove!" Soubi scolded Youji loudly, holding the boy's hand under the running tap water. Youji just rolled his eyes, but let him. Natsuo laughed and even Ritsuka smiled. Katsuko-sensei was watching the four of them, writing notes on something. She was probably evaluating what this home was like. Ritsuka hoped they were making a good impression on her, but he knew how obvious it was that Soubi had his hands full with three curious teens. He was having problems keeping his eyes on the three of them while trying to make spaghetti for them. It was even worse since Natsuo and Youji couldn't feel any pain and were therefore constantly hurting themselves.

Ritsuka went to Soubi and tugged at his sleeve, getting his attention. "What can I do?"

"Let me go!" Youji protested before Soubi could speak. Soubi didn't let him escape, still holding his hand underneath what Ritsuka guessed was cold water. Ritsuka slunk back, knowing that Soubi was busy at the moment. He just hoped he'd get to be alone with him later. In the hours Ritsuka had been home, things had been busy and hectic, with the six of them figuring out sleeping arrangements and Natsuo and Youji begging Soubi to let them come along on the trip.  
Ritsuka sighed and left the kitchen, figuring he could at least help by getting packed. He went to the bedroom and looked in the closet, finding a bag big enough to fit Ritsuka's things in. He didn't go into Soubi's closet very often and he'd never moved things around in it, so he was quite surprised to find an old photo album underneath the bag. He glanced behind him, too curious to pass this opportunity up but not wanting to get caught. He snatched the album out of the closet and sat cross legged on the wood floor, the thin album in his lap. He opened it and stared at the pictures on the first page in shock.

It really was an old photo album. The date written on the first page was February nearly eighteen years ago. Every one of the pictures on the page showed a pretty young woman with long blonde hair who look suspiciously like Soubi. Ritsuka started flipping through the pictures, finding even more pictures of the blonde woman. Soon, a man with light brown hair joined the photographs, a man who had the exact same eye color as Soubi. Ritsuka could only draw one conclusion from this—this old photo album contained pictures Soubi had found of his parents. Ritsuka flipped through it faster, eventually finding pictures of the happy couple holding a baby.

The last page was what caught Ritsuka's attention the most. Soubi's mother and father stood by another older couple and a young adult who was holding infant Soubi. Ritsuka stared at the three who hadn't been in any other pictures. The older couple looked around middle aged, while the boy standing between them looked around Soubi's current age. He liked the picture. He liked the entire photo album, really, and he wondered if Soubi had more hidden in other places. How very strange to hide such a thing…why? Did he not want anyone to see his past? What was so bad about it, other than Seimei?

Ritsuka touched the photograph again. Soubi looked so little in the picture. Innocent. There was a certain thing that had always been missing from Soubi, ever since Ritsuka had met him. Innocence. It didn't mean he was dirty or anything…it just seemed as if he had been through a lot and that had somehow torn his innocence from him. Had…had similar things happened to him that had happened to Ritsuka? Ritsuka felt as if his father had torn his childhood from him that day. Could something similar happened to Soubi?

Ritsuka felt a sudden slight pressure in his temples. He didn't fight it this time. In fact, he accepted it. This wasn't as strong of a pushing as it had been when Ritsuka's other self had needed to switch places with him. It was just a slight pressure, and Ritsuka could tell it was from his other self. If felt as if he simply wanted his attention. Ritsuka placed the photo album where it had originally been and retreated to the bed, laying down on it and closing his eyes, immediately falling into a black world where he knew he was not alone. Immediately, he realized he had left his place as the dominant Ritsuka and now no one was at the helm.

_Ritsuka?_ He silently called out to the other boy.

His answer came only a few moments later. _[What's wrong?]_

_ There's something I want to know._

_ [What happened? Did something happen with Soubi?]_

Ritsuka thought for a moment. Yes…and no. Soubi wasn't the cause of what he had realized. He'd been involved in it, though. It wasn't his fault. Finally, he answered his other self, somehow instinctively knowing how to separate his thoughts from his inner communication with the Other Ritsuka. _Kind of. Were you watching?_

_ [No. I was with my Soubi and Seimei. Tell me what happened. Soubi didn't hurt you, did he?]_

_ No…no… He didn't. He wouldn't… Do you know anything about Soubi's past? About his parents? About what happened to him when he was younger?_

_ [Yes.]_

The Other Ritsuka had given him a one word answer, meaning that he probably wasn't going to explain or tell Ritsuka anything. He hated it when things were kept from him, even if it was for the better. He just couldn't stand being lied to and kept in the dark, especially when he _knew_ it was being done. He'd just have to guess for now, and get one word answers, as he had when he had played Wisdom Resurrection and met Seven.

_It's important, isn't it?_

_ [Yes. Very.]_

_ Does Soubi know?_

_ [Yes. He remembers it too well. There's something that he doesn't know about his past, though. Something about that photograph.]_

What? Soubi didn't know about his own past? That wasn't possible. Ritsuka let his eyes fall shut again, remembering the photograph he'd just seen. Soubi had only been an infant in that photograph. If _that_ was the time period he and the Other Ritsuka were talking about, then of course he wouldn't remember. Ritsuka had assumed they were talking about Soubi's entire past.

_We're only talking about Soubi's parents and when he was a baby, right?_

_ [Yes. He won't remember anything. He won't know anything. It'll be just as much of a shock to him as it will be to you. Maybe even more.]_

_ We'll find out?_

_ [Yes. Soon. So very soon. Be careful, Ritsuka.]_

…

A ways away, a man sat in his penthouse apartment, struggling. Every light in the apartment was off and not a sound broke the silence, with the exception being the man's heavy breathing and occasional mumblings of 'stop' and 'shut up'. He was speaking to himself, as not another soul lurked here at the moment. The man sat in the kitchen corner, knees pulled up against his chest, his face hidden in his hands. He was a mess, nothing like the strong, put-together man he pretended to be outside of this place. His clothes were in rags, his hair a mess, and his face red from the frustrated bouts of tears that came every few minutes.

He waited and waited, whispering even more frequently now as the voices got louder, all fighting for control while he tried to hold them back. His breath only quickened and just when he was about to lose it all and be defeated in the battle, the door creaked open and the man he had been waiting for stepped in.

"You're on the floor again," He stated, sounding partly angry and partly almost bored. He flipped on a light. The man on the floor let out an animalistic screech as he did, his eyes burning from the light after being in the dark for so long. The other sighed and flipped off the lights, instead leaving the front door open for light from the hallway. The second man steped forward, in front of the light, hesitating and cautious. The first looked up at him for the saw the other's face, calming down as soon as he did, even though he had known who it was in the first place.

"I can't take it…" The first man whispered, crawling forward until he was kneeling at the other's feet, even though the first was the older of the two. The younger just looked down at him, angry and irritated. The elder looked beggingly at the bag in the other's hand, wanting its contents. He sat at the pediatric doctor's feet feeling like a cat or dog begging for a treat from its master. In a way, that was exactly what he was. This man was the one who controlled his sickness. He was the one who held the power.

"I hate doing this," The second man dropped the brown paper bag as if it was on fire. The elder attorney jumped for it, pouncing on it and tearing it to shreds in order to get to what was inside. The doctor just sighed again, watching him and rubbing the bridge of his nose where his glasses had slipped down a bit. He was still sweating, still in a panic state after having to steal for the man ripping up the bag like a hungry dog.

The first man didn't reply, only growling as he got a hold of the pill bottle and bottle of liquor in the bag. The liquor hadn't been stolen, of course, but the pill bottle had been. It held strong psychological medication and would stop the voices fighting in the first's head. It only held a couple pills, since that was all the doctor could get away with without someone noticing. The liquor was a treat he had been given for later.

"I hate having to steal pills for you," The doctor went on, frowning, running a hand through his black hair. "I hate it. I could lose my license."

The lawyer looked up at him, the shaking that had been previously wracking his body stopping quickly. He swallowed the pills dry, knowing that the doctor, his boyfriend, would yell at him if he took them with the liquor. He wasn't allowed to touch any sort of alcohol until the doctor came home for the night. He was just supposed to stay in his room and do work or read. He wasn't even allowed to touch the phone, not even to call clients. He had been banned from the phone after he had bombarded the hospital with phone calls, even though he had known better. His boyfriend had found out and put a password on the home phone and taken away the lawyer's cell phone, as well. The doctor kept him on a tight leash and he had every right to do so.

"Then stop," The lawyer simply stated, moving back to sit at the younger's feet again. He smiled up at him, happy he was home, just like a dog jumping on its master. If he still had a tail, it'd be wagging. He knew that the other wouldn't. The doctor simply cared too much, and not necessarily for the lawyer.

"No," The second one stated as his submissive older boyfriend sat at his feet. "You won't go get diagnosed and you raped and sold your own son because you couldn't control yourself. I don't want you to hurt him or anyone again."

"Okay…" The lawyer accepted that, the voices in his head almost gone. They were just whispers now and would stay like that until the medication wore off. "Are you staying home?" He nodded at the flowers in his boyfriend's hand, slightly suspicious, but mainly curious. He really wouldn't blame the young doctor for cheating on him, though it did hurt a bit to think. This man was the only person he had.

"No," The doctor replied, clutching the flowers a bit tighter, as if to protect them from his boyfriend. Sometimes, the insane man would have sudden mood swings and get violent and destructive. "I'm going to visit your son. I hear he's headed out for the reunion with his therapist and the man's who's been taking care of him. I wanted to say goodbye to him beforehand."

"You're still letting me go?" The male on the floor asked, just to make sure.

The second man nodded and then added, "I'm coming with you, though."

"O…Okay," The first man said, knowing it was useless to protest. The doctor did all this to make sure he wouldn't get out of control again. As much as the lawyer hated it, he knew it was for the best. This way he wouldn't hurt the one he still wanted so badly.

_Even though I still want to hurt him._

* * *

**For those of you following me on tumblr or deviantart, you more likely than not know about the situation I am in right now. Right now, I have no idea when I'll have access to the internet next. I was scared out of my mind at home today and my mother, my brother, and my kittens are going to be leaving so that my stepdad won't be able to do anything to us anymore. We don't know where we're going and I may or may not have internet access there. If anyone wants details, go to my profile, go to the deviantart link, and on my deviantart, look in my journal for the link explaining everything.**

** I have given my friend information so that she can update this story if I can email her the document at school, but I wanted to update today to tell you all what's going on. Thank you all so much for reviewing. In the hard times I've been having, it really helps to look at the reviews and cheer up and be inspired to write.**

** Review for more?**

** Merry Christmas, everyone. And Happy Holidays.**

** ~Wolfie**


	20. Make Believe

**19**

**Make-believe**

Soubi saw it, too.

It was the first thing he saw upon entering the room—the photograph. It was a simple photograph, an innocent one, and one that Soubi recognized right away. It was a picture of himself as an infant, along with his parents. Ritsuka must've found it in an old photobook, one that was most likely shoved deep into Soubi's closet. Had Ritsuka been looking for it, Soubi wondered? Or had he come across it by mistake?

Soubi's Ritsuka lay on his side, his eyes closed, breathing evenly and softly. His heartbeat had slowed to only the occasional _thump_ keeping him alive. Soubi sat beside him, the offending picture in hand, a gentle hand on his hip, just above the waistband of his pants. He watched Ritsuka closely, able to feel his slow pulse through the simple hand on the exposed piece of Ritsuka's skin. He was worried, even though he knew what was happening. This was what happened when there was nobody in control of Ritsuka's mind. His entire body shut down and was reduced to simply body processes. There would be no way to wake Ritsuka up until he chose to return. Why had he gone to him, anyway? Was he worried? Had something bothered him? Something to do with the photograph?

"What are the two of you talking about?" Soubi wondered aloud, knowing that the only reason this would've happened was for Ritsuka to talk to his nearly identical twin. It made sense. Soubi guessed that that boy probably knew about whatever Ritsuka was worrying about and could probably put his worries to rest a bit. Or maybe he'd gone with the thoughts that 'Ritsuka' would know something, which made a little less sense than the first, but was still plausible.

"Ritsuka…" Soubi moved his hand up slightly, under the boy's shirt and up his side. He glanced at the closed French doors, checking for any signs of life. The others were all eating and Soubi could hear their voices—Kio and Youji's arguing, Katsuko's intervening, Natsuo's laughing—but they were all muffled. The bedroom was silent, save for Ritsuka's rhythmic breathing and Soubi's talking to himself. He slid his hand up a bit more, feeling the side of Ritsuka's stomach contract against his palm. Soubi pulled back slightly, a little bit shocked, even though he had no reason to be.

Soubi blinked and returned his hand, placing it under Ritsuka's shirt again, resting on his side where his stomach was. He brushed his hand down to the front of Ritsuka's body, pressing against his stomach. He gently rolled the teen on his back, pressing his hand against where the boy's diaphragm was. This…he could feel Ritsuka's breathing and even though he _knew_ he shouldn't be touching Ritsuka, especially in his sleep, he wasn't willing to take his hand away. He wasn't doing it for any sexual reason, though…not like Ritsu or Kiyoshi. He was just _entranced_ by the fact that he could feel Ritsuka breathing. He couldn't help it. He'd never been able to touch another person like this, never able to feel this soft skin or feel the gentle breathing underneath his fingertips.

He'd always been the one explored, always been the one pushed down and touched. After Seimei had died, Kio had been the one to take care of Soubi and even then he'd been the one smiled at and gently touched. He'd never gotten to slide his hands up and down another person. He'd never realized he wanted to until now. By now, he'd abandoned the photograph on the bed to kneel at Ritsuka's side. Ritsuka sighed in his sleep and Soubi pressed very, very softly as Ritsuka breathed in, his thin stomach rising. He breathed out and his stomach fell.

Soubi pulled his hands back, realizing what he was doing and how childish he was acting. If anyone would've walked in, he would've been in a world of trouble. He really hadn't been doing it for any sexual reason, but others would've assumed that. The feeling of Ritsuka's automatic breathing just interested him and pulled him in. He sat back, resigning to simply watching his love and waiting for him to awaken. He reached out, only to take Ritsuka's hand and gently stroke it, running his thumb over the top of the small hand.

Ritsuka was so young…

It was obvious from his physical appearance only. He was thin, so thin. He barely ate, it seemed like. Soubi could feel his ribs, could see his bones when the boy asked to be dressed after a shower. His stomach particularly, as Soubi could see right now since Ritsuka's shirt had ridden up, was undefined, the muscles still developing. His hands were tiny, and Soubi only proved it by taking Ritsuka's hand and uncurling his fingers so he could press his palm against the younger's. His fingers were so small, his skin so smooth and soft. His kitten ears and tail only added to his youthful appearance.

_I suppose we're lucky that they didn't disappear. I'm happy…_

The ears atop Ritsuka's head twitched, immediately getting Soubi's attention. He must've been starting to return to his body. Soubi moved up on the bed, now seated near Ritsuka's head. On second thought, he stretched out so that he was lying on his side beside Ritsuka. He hesitated before reaching out, taking a kitty ear between his fingers and rubbing the inside with his thumb and the back with the rest of his fingers. He remembered having this done to him, sometimes rather roughly, by Ritsu. He could also clearly remember that the ears and tail of a person were extremely sensitive, especially when directly and purposefully stimulated.

"A…Ah…" A small sound was elicited from Ritsuka as Soubi curiously rubbed his fingers together on the kitten ears. He stroked the inside with his thumbs, the feel of the velvety insides completely new to him. He had never been allowed to touch Seimei's ears. The one time he'd pressed his luck and tried, he'd been violently slapped away and told to keep his dirty hands to himself. He'd never tried again. Ritsuka let him touch his ears, but Soubi had never dared to go this far.

"Ritsuka? Are you back?" Soubi whispered, using his fingernails to scratch at the base of the ears that were occupying his hands. So soft. So velvety soft. He ran his fingers up and down the virgin ears, gradually growing happier that they had stayed. That was one thing Ritsuka deserved—a second chance.

Ritsuka's eyes fluttered open a bit, though still mostly closed. Soubi breathed a sigh of relief. Ritsuka's eyes were their normal color, the deep violet color peeking out from underneath Ritsuka's thick feminine eyelashes. His mouth fell open a bit and he gasped and made a sound that sounded like a whimper. Soubi didn't stop, but was suddenly rubbing Ritsuka's ears not for just the feel, but to make Ritsuka feel good.

"Soubi…what are you…?" Ritsuka started to ask, though he didn't finish. His eyes opened wider and he looked at Soubi with those big, innocent eyes, another small sound escaping him, "Ngh…"

"Welcome back," Soubi smiled down at him, slowing down to simply stroking Ritsuka's ears, though a part of him wanted to see what would happen if he kept up the previous pace. _I shouldn't scare him like that_. He shook away the urge to keep going. He'd seen a flash of fear in Ritsuka's wide eyes, as if he was startled but feeling conflicted. Soubi didn't want to push that.

Laying on a bed together with Soubi touching him while Ritsuka was away… and then to have Ritsuka come back and feel Soubi touching him… Soubi hadn't wanted punishment in a long time, but now he sure as hell did. He took his hands away, causing Ritsuka to make a sound of surprise.

"Why'd you stop?" He asked, a red blush coating his cheeks. He took hold of Soubi's wrists, bringing them back to his ears with a timid and pleading look on his face. "I…It felt good."

Soubi gave in, taking each of Ritsuka's ears in between his fingers, rubbing them slowly again. He had to admit that he absolutely loved the feel of the silky fur on the outside and the velvety feel of the tiny, easily stimulated hairs on the inside. He had always loved the simple touches he laid on the kitten appendages, so this was even better, even if he was ashamed to be touching Ritsuka when the boy had looked at him with a slightly scared expression.

"I'm sorry Ritsuka. You looked scared," Soubi answered, telling the younger the truth as he rubbed in circles. He watched Ritsuka's eyes fall shut again and he pushed upwards into Soubi's touch, indirectly telling Soubi both that he wanted more and that Soubi's petting was making him feel a little more than good. The older male knew it was time to stop, before Ritsuka got aroused.

"I'm not scared," Ritsuka whispered back, sounding determined. "Not of you, Soubi. Never of you." His words were followed by a short gasp, which didn't go unnoticed by Soubi.

"What are you afraid of, then?" Soubi pressed, taking his chances. He wanted to know. Was he afraid of Soubi losing his self control and hurting him, just as his father had? Was he afraid of his father? Of being left all alone again, even though Soubi had promised him just earlier that he'd always love him? All were plausible, Soubi supposed, especially for a child who'd been hurt and nearly destroyed by the people he thought he loved.

Ritsuka's eyes opened a bit and his hands wandered to wrap around Soubi's arms, not pulling them away, only simply holding onto him. "Monsters," Soubi could barely hear Ritsuka's soft whisper when he replied. "Monsters like Daddy." Soubi's movements slowed to almost a stop, but he kept going, no longer worried about Ritsuka getting aroused but now more concerned with giving him a sense of comfort.

"I'll protect you from monsters," Soubi assured him, scratching the base of the ears, smiling at the boy he'd fallen for.

Ritsuka's eyes fluttered open the rest of the way. "What if they hide in the dark?"

So this was Ritsuka's worst fear: a combination of fear of his father and being left alone. Was this the hell Ritsuka saw in his nightmares? Was this what caused him to wake up screaming and sobbing in the night? Soubi could understand that for him, that was the worst hell. To be left all alone with only memories and the monsters haunting him…even to Soubi it sounded like his worst nightmare. Being shut away in the dark with no one but the person who could tear him apart with no one to protect him or help him out. For Soubi, that would be like being forced to go back to Seimei and never being able to see or speak to anyone else again.

One of Soubi's hands left Ritsuka's ears and travelled down to lightly stroke a rosy cheek, "I'll still make sure they won't hurt you. I'll be your light."

"The light always wins against the dark," Ritsuka's hands went to Soubi's, the one on his cheek. His smaller, fragile hands covered Soubi's, holding his hand there against his cheek. He leaned in closer to Soubi, their faces just centimeters apart.

"That's right."

A small voice in the silence of the room, "You promise?"

"Always." Was Soubi's one-word answer.

And then it was _Ritsuka_ who closed the space between them, Ritsuka who kissed him hard and moved against his body, Ritsuka who wrapped those thin arms around his neck in a warm embrace. Soubi didn't pull away, wanting to make this kiss last. He'd been good and had resisted kissing Ritsuka in this way during his time at the hospital. He allowed himself to enjoy this, since it was Ritsuka who initiated it and he wasn't pulling away. Soubi even pressed his luck a bit and tentatively stroked Ritsuka's lips with his tongue, tracing them and asking for permission to be let inside, something he hadn't done in a while. They rarely kissed like this and Soubi had never done it to the full extent, since he'd been wary of scaring Ritsuka, especially after finding Ritsuka on the floor after being abused by his father.

Ritsuka opened his mouth just a bit, tensing up just barely as he did so. Soubi didn't immediately do anything, only wrapping his arms around Ritsuka's thin waist and pulling him on top of him, figuring Ritsuka would be a lot more comfortable with the feeling that he was in control. As he expected, he felt Ritsuka relax quite a bit and Soubi took the chance to slip his tongue into Ritsuka's mouth to feel around a bit, something he'd never done with the boy before. He heard a short sound of surprise, though he noted that it wasn't a sound of disgust or discomfort. Another sound came out of Ritsuka when Soubi brushed his tongue against Ritsuka's, teasing him a bit before Ritsuka shyly started to play with him. Ritsuka pulled away after not long, though this didn't disappoint Soubi. It was to be expected, anyways. That probably hadn't been Ritsuka's first 'adult' kiss.

"What…what was that?" Ritsuka ducked his head against Soubi's chest, not quite hiding his eyes, but looking like he was going to at any given second.

"A kiss. An adult kiss," Soubi ran his hands down Ritsuka's thin arms, to his hands, taking them within his own. He pressed their palms together, interlacing their fingers together. "That wasn't the first time you've been kissed like that, was it?"

Ritsuka nodded against his chest, telling him that yes, his father and other men had kissed him in a way meant for lovers. The boy bit his lip as if nervous and spoke in a quiet voice, "That was the first time I kissed back. I didn't like it any of the other times. Can we just pretend that was the first time?"

Soubi squeezed the other's little hands, "Yes." It was so obvious that Ritsuka was aching to be able to ignore the fact that he'd been raped, if even for a little bit. He wanted to make believe that he was still a virgin. He wanted to play a game where he hadn't been raped and sold, just like when little children played make believe games. But this was so much worse. This was… a coping mechanism, not a childish game. This was a way for Ritsuka to keep on living, to keep on being able to be happy.

Soubi was fine with going along with Ritsuka's make believe game. It wasn't anything like 'Ritsuka's' little games. If it was to make Ritsuka happy, then just for a little while…they could pretend nothing had happened. They could pretend that Soubi had nothing to regret. They could pretend and make believe, if only to come crashing back to reality later…

…

"Ritsuka."

Ritsuka's ears twitched, giving Kio a sign that he'd heard. He wasn't asleep yet, but he'd nearly fallen asleep on the couch while waiting for Soubi to get out of the shower. He didn't sit up, though he did wonder why Kio had shaken him to semi-consciousness.

"Someone's here to see you," Kio shook Ritsuka again and the boy opened his eyes, sitting up and rubbing his drooping eyes. He glanced around, finding a familiar man standing in the doorway.

"Hello, Koichi-san," Ritsuka smiled and greeted him politely, yawning. He waved, and Koichi-san stepped out of the doorway, closing the door behind him. Ritsuka stretched, his ears twitching more as he listened for sounds of Soubi. He could still hear the shower running, meaning Ritsuka hadn't been asleep for that long. "You came here to see me?"

Koichi nodded, sitting down on the couch by Ritsuka. "I had the night off and I thought I'd drop by for a visit," He told Ritsuka, holding a book out to him. "I remember you told me you liked photography."

Ritsuka took the book out of his father's friend's hands, looking at the beautiful cover. It was a book full of photographs of the sky and weather, as Ritsuka could see from just the cover. He'd always liked looking at books like these at the library with Soubi, but he was sure if he were to check them out, he would find them ripped up with the pages spread all over the house. That was what happened with most books Ritsuka borrowed, so he'd learned to stop bringing them home.

"Thank you," Ritsuka's tail waved, wagging. He almost wanted to hug the other man, but didn't want to be rejected and slapped away. "I'm reading the other book you gave me. Sorry I was asleep when you came by."

"That's quite alright, Ritsuka-kun. You were recovering from surgery, after all." Koichi-san looked away from him, towards the wall by the kitchenette, "Look…Ritsuka-kun…Your father…" He paused and Ritsuka's ears twitched with curiosity and with concern. Did he want to hear what was going to be said? Or would it just scare him? He didn't think he'd ever heard Koichi-san sound so serious and down…he usually had a content and happy tone to his voice. Not now.

"What is it?" Ritsuka pressed, drawing Kio's attention. He was doing the dishes in the kitchenette, with Natsuo and Youji at his sides, listening silently. Katsuko-sensei had left to get a change of clothes and check on her elderly mother.

"I have him under control," Koichi told him, sighing.

"…'under control'?" Ritsuka repeated, dumbfounded.

"Ritsuka-kun…your father is sick… It's no excuse for what he did, but he hears voices in his head. He needs to be controlled so he won't hurt you or anybody else."

…

Soubi was finishing getting dressed when he heard a soft knock at his door, followed by a tiny voice asking, "Soubi, can I come in?"

Soubi unlocked the door, opening it to let Ritsuka in. The boy just stared up at him with wide eyes before coming in the small bathroom with Soubi, taking a seat on the tile floor against the now-closed door. Something was wrong, Soubi could tell, but he was waiting for Ritsuka to say something.

"Koichi-san came by," Ritsuka said after a bit. Soubi lowered the brush he was using and turned to lean against the counter, looking down at Ritsuka. The boy was flipping through a photography book of pictures of weather, a book Soubi couldn't remember ever having seen. "He gave me this book. I thanked him and then…"

Ritsuka didn't say anymore, leaving Soubi to wonder what Ritsuka had found out. There really was only one thing Soubi had been hiding from him. That was the fact that Kiyoshi was gay. It would simply break Ritsuka's heart all over again to find out that his father was a raging hypocrite. Soubi couldn't bear to see him in any more pain. It was already hard to see him silently suffering when he thought of all the nights they'd spent together sitting on the bed or the floor while Kiyoshi yelled at his wife. Ritsuka already knew that their marriage was falling apart. Did he really need to know that his father had been cheating on his mother?

He also trusted Koichi, Kiyoshi's boyfriend. Just the fact that he let the doctor get close to him told Soubi off. Ritsuka was shy and cautious around new people. Soubi didn't want to destroy a friendly relationship Ritsuka had made with someone. If Ritsuka found out what Koichi really was to his father… he probably wouldn't want to see him again. It was good for Ritsuka to have relationships with others, especially when he was so wary of trusting others. Was it really so wrong for Soubi to hide this from him?

"What did he tell you, Ritsuka?" Soubi crouched down to the younger's height, peering over at the book. Ritsuka seemed to just be staring at the pictures and not even reading the captions on the pages. Something really was bothering him.

"He said that my dad hears voices in his head," Ritsuka muttered, not taking his eyes off of the picture. One of his hands curled into a fist on the floor, his longer than normal nails  
digging into the palm of his hand. "And…he also said he has lots of different personalities. He said that's why he…hurt me."

For some reason, this new information didn't surprise Soubi as much as it should have. He knew there was something wrong with Kiyoshi, something terribly wrong for him to do the kinds of things he did. This seemed to fit _why_, but Soubi still suspected something else was going on, though he couldn't name it.

"That's no excuse for raping you," Soubi commented. He noticed how Ritsuka had hesitated and said 'hurt' instead of 'rape'. It was odd, since Ritsuka knew the word and knew that that was the term for what had happened. He'd dwell more on that later.

Ritsuka nodded slightly, "He said that, too. But…Soubi," Ritsuka looked up at him over his book. "He said it's not just the voices. He said that wasn't the only reason. He said his real self wants to hurt me. He said…"

Ritsuka bit his lip, closed his eyes, and turned his head. His eyes were clenched shut, his face red not from being flustered or warm, but from what appeared to be frustration and maybe even confusion. Soubi took the book from Ritsuka, closing it and placing it on the floor. He clearly didn't understand a lot of what he'd just been told. Why would a man who heard voices in his head still want to rape his son even when the voices and personalities were silenced? Ritsuka didn't want to believe that his Daddy, the man who was supposed to love him and be a parent to him, wanted to violently rape him again. He wanted to believe that it was the voices that'd drove him to do that. He wanted to pretend like the real person somewhere inside that man still loved him.

Soubi pulled Ritsuka into his lap, taking his right hand and uncurling it from a fist. "Ritsuka, you're bleeding," Soubi sighed, reaching up, his hands finding the cloth he wanted. He dabbed it at Ritsuka's palm, cleaning up the little specks of blood beading up from where Ritsuka's nails had dug into his palm. He pressed it against Ritsuka's palm, not knowing what to tell Ritsuka, even after the boy leaned in and rested his head against Soubi's chest.

"Soubi?" Ritsuka finally spoke up. Soubi glanced down to see Ritsuka's eyes open, his head resting where Soubi's heart was.

"What's wrong?"

Soubi knew what Ritsuka was going to ask. He knew that Ritsuka wanted to know. He knew it was the same question any person in Ritsuka's situation would ask. It was logical, especially since Ritsuka looked up to Soubi and believed he would have the answers to any question. It was expected, and still, the one word question made Soubi's heart ache.

"Why?"

Although he'd expected it, Soubi still hadn't wanted Ritsuka to ask it. Normally, he'd encourage Ritsuka to ask him anything. Normally, Soubi knew how to answer, even if it required a bit of thinking. Not this time. He couldn't tell Ritsuka why his father's real self still wanted to rape him and hurt him. He couldn't tell him why Kiyoshi had treated him the way he had. He couldn't tell Ritsuka why the man Ritsuka seemed to love with a good portion of his heart brushed him off like he was nothing to him. He wished he had the answers, he really did, but he couldn't give Ritsuka what he wanted. If only he could…

"I…I don't know," It was uncommon for Soubi to stutter over his words, though it happened occasionally. Ritsuka didn't say another word, but Soubi couldn't help but to feel terrible that Ritsuka now knew that it wasn't sickness that made his father rape him—it had been him, his true self.

…

"Soubi! You got us lost!"

Soubi, of course, had already realized this, since the two of them were lost in a neighborhood of clusters of run down houses. Soubi had successfully driven three hours north to this little down, only to take a wrong turn somewhere and end up in what seemed to be considered the bad part of the town. Ritsuka was in the passengers' seat and had been talking excitedly the entire three hour drive. If it had been anybody else, Soubi would've taped their mouths shut.

"I know, I know," Soubi could've sworn they were going the right way, but Ritsuka insisted that his grandmother neither lived in town or in this rundown part. Ritsuka stayed quiet, which was strange since he'd been talking nonstop the entire time. Soubi glanced over at him, momentarily taking his eyes off the road, to see Ritsuka staring out the window, his head completely turned away from Soubi.

"Is something bothering you?" Soubi asked, wondering if the boy had noticed him staring at him. Ritsuka's ears twitched, signifying that he'd heard Soubi and he nodded slowly, though stayed silent. "Is it the same thing that was bothering you last night?" Soubi pressed, wanting Ritsuka to tell him what was wrong. He'd been like this most of last night, too, so Soubi had been surprised that Ritsuka had been so happy during the car ride. This only got another nod out of Ritsuka, nothing more. He didn't even turn his head.

Finally Ritsuka gave Soubi what he wanted in the form of a tiny, soft voice, "I can't get it off my mind. I'm worried about other stuff, too."

"Like what?" Soubi had to stop watching Ritsuka every few seconds, since he'd come onto a busier road and into a nicer neighborhood. They seemed to be getting further away from the little town and more into the country. Ritsuka didn't say anything about the sudden change of setting, though, so Soubi assumed he'd have to backtrack pretty soon.

"What if my grandmother doesn't like you?" Ritsuka turned away from the window, as Soubi saw out of the corner of his eye, and looked at him. "She runs the family. And my dad's her favorite."

"Does it matter if she likes me?"

That apparently made Ritsuka think, since he went quiet again. "I guess not," He answered after a few long moments. "But I'd like her to. I really hope she does…"

"From the way you described her, she probably won't," Soubi replied, trying not to hurt Ritsuka's hopes too badly. "Do you recognize anything around here?"

Ritsuka hurriedly glanced out the window again, as if he'd forgotten that Soubi had gotten them lost. Soubi smiled at his reaction. Ritsuka nodded, telling Soubi he was going the right way.

…

It was obvious that Soubi was surprised when they finally arrived at Ritsuka's grandmother's house. Ritsuka noticed it immediately, when Ritsuka pointed out the house to him, causing Soubi to let out a shocked 'there?'. Ritsuka, however, was extremely excited, all smiles, as he tried to get Soubi to hurry up and go inside. He was nervous, as well, nervous that his family, particularly his grandmother, wouldn't approve of Soubi.

He knew one thing for sure, though. His family wouldn't approve of Soubi being his boyfriend and lover. It wasn't because he was a 'new' person to the family. It wasn't because of his personality. It wasn't even because of the age difference. It was his gender. Ritsuka had a cousin, a distant cousin, a female—who'd liked other females. The family had disowned her and shunned her. She'd committed suicide because of it. The next day, Ritsuka had overheard his aunt talking terribly about her. Nobody had even mourned her, with the exception of his uncle. Nobody had cared. _That_ was how much his family disapproved of gays.

It had been an unspoken agreement between Ritsuka and Soubi. They wouldn't talk about what had happened unless they were alone. They wouldn't say a word about anything. They wouldn't let it slip. They wouldn't even kiss unless they were alone. They had to be secretive. The only person they'd even be able to hint around was Ritsuka's uncle, who was a lot less judgmental than the rest of the family. Other than that, they couldn't even whisper a word. Someone would hear. And someone would judge.

Still, Ritsuka was all but bouncing around Soubi, trying to help carry their bags. Soubi was on the phone with Katsuko, since she'd lost them somewhere along the way. Ritsuka pulled at Soubi's sleeve, casting glances at the large house at the end of the driveway. Ritsuka himself was always impressed with his grandmother's house. It was three floors and had many bedrooms. The exterior was Victorian style and the front yard was adorned with gardens and willow trees. The back yard was even larger, though Ritsuka was sure that it would be crowded once the reunion began.

"I'm coming, Ritsuka," Soubi insisted as Ritsuka pulled him towards the house. He was anxious. He couldn't stand not knowing what they'd think. He didn't know why it mattered…but it did. Soubi had asked him that question just a few minutes ago and he'd been unable to correctly answer. It shouldn't matter to him, but…for some reason it was important for his family to like Soubi. Particularly his grandmother. She ran the family and was protective or the immediate family, which included Ritsuka. He was sure she wouldn't really like him at first, but surely she'd warm up to him.

Ritsuka had absolutely no idea how wrong he was.

…

Finally, Ritsuka succeeded at getting Soubi inside the large house. They went in through the garage door, which was open and entered into the warm kitchen. All of the immediate family—the only exception being Kiyoshi—was there and Ritsuka recognized them all right away. A big smile came onto his face as he stepped through the door and into the house's kitchen and was greeted by his family turning to look at them.

"Hello, Ritsuka."

Ritsuka dropped the bag he was holding to hug his uncle, their usual greeting. Ritsuka was the closest to him, despite him looking almost exactly like Kiyoshi. He was also the one Ritsuka interacted the most with. He called sometimes and visited. He was also one of the only relatives Ritsuka could actually talk to without being judged.

"Oh? Who's this?" Ritsuka's uncle pulled away from him after a few moments and stood up, his eyes fixated on Soubi. Ritsuka peeked around him, looking around at the cozy kitchen. It was good-sized and had nice appliances, the walls and open spaces adorned with either bookshelves or sea themed decorations. The walls were a pasty blue and gave a nice feel to the room. The six of them (including Soubi and Ritsuka) were a bit crowded in the room, though. Ritsuka's aunt sat on the high up chair against the south wall where the telephone was hung, talking away to someone, shooting Ritsuka nasty looks every now and then. Her daughter, Ritsuka's first cousin, was sitting on the counter opposite her, a textbook in her lap, glaring at Ritsuka, though her eyes flickered to curiosity when she saw Soubi. Ritsuka's grandmother, who looked a bit young for her age of sixty one, leaned against the counter, silent. Ritsuka noticed she was staring behind Ritsuka, straight at Soubi.

"Yes, Ritsuka…Who is this?" She asked, her voice low, almost menacing. Ritsuka looked behind his shoulder at Soubi. He didn't seem to know why she was acting so defensively either. It was odd, even for her, to do this to new people. She usually wouldn't narrow her eyes at them upon first seeing them. She would usually casually question them and _then_ begin letting on her dislike for them. She never did it up front.

Ritsuka's hopes fell when he glanced back at his grandmother. She flat out looked like she _hated_ Soubi. She hadn't even spoken to him yet! How could she hate him so suddenly? Why couldn't things just go right for once?

"This…this is Soubi," Ritsuka told her, forcing himself to look straight at her. She was a pretty woman, especially for her age. Her eyes (well…eye) was the same color as Ritsuka's, her face soft and kind and only showing minimal signs of aging, the wrinkles just beginning to form around her mouth and eyes. She was a short woman, the shortest adult in the family, and had long, loosely curled black hair, her bangs grown long on her right side. No one knew why she always kept them long on that side. She always hid her right eye. Even her kids didn't know what had happened to it.

"Does 'Soubi' have a family name?" She asked, stepping forward. Ritsuka's aunt went silent on the phone, watching her as well. The immediate family all noticed her strange behavior. Ritsuka couldn't remember ever seeing her behave this way.

"Oh…" Ritsuka cleared his throat, realizing that in the shock and slight panic, he'd forgotten to introduce Soubi using his full name. That was the proper way. "Agatsuma Soubi. I've been…staying with him…"

That was all he was going to say. That was all he could say. He wouldn't let anything slip. He had to be good, had to act normally, act as if his virginity hadn't been torn away from him not even two weeks prior. What would they think of him if they knew? They all seemed to love Ritsuka's daddy. They all seemed to trust him, even his aunt, who barely talked to Kiyoshi. They wouldn't believe him. If they did…then they'd hurt him for losing his virginity to a man, even if it wasn't his choice. That was his family… so predictable. He couldn't tell. It was bad to tell.

"Why is he_ here_?" His grandmother asked, taking a step back at hearing Ritsuka say Soubi's full name.

"Mother…" That voice belonged to Ritsuka's aunt. She usually didn't talk to him, unless it was some kind of scolding or insult, so it shocked him a bit to see her defending him. "Don't interrogate the poor man. He's done nothing wrong."

Ritsuka had been wrong. She wasn't defending _him_, she was defending Soubi. She glanced from her mother to Soubi, never at Ritsuka. She smiled at Ritsuka's Fighter, clearly being a little more than friendly with him. Ritsuka couldn't help but to glare and discretely reach for his hand. Soubi was his. Ritsuka never liked to think that he _owned_ Soubi. Soubi wasn't some sort of possession. He was his in the sense that Ritsuka didn't want to share him with anyone else. He didn't want to think of how painful it'd be to see Soubi with someone else. He didn't even want to think of it.

He hated watching his own aunt make eyes at Soubi. A strange feeling bubbled up in Ritsuka's chest, nearly boiling over. He couldn't name it, but he'd felt it before. He'd seen others do and act the same way. It made him want to yell at her and spill the secret that he loved Soubi and Soubi was with _him_. Maybe that would make her stop.

She was quite pretty, as well, though she looked a lot less like the rest of the family. She had wavy long brown hair, darker than Kiyoshi's, but not black like his grandmother's. Her facial structure resembled that of her father, whom Ritsuka only knew through photographs, than her mother, who her siblings looked like. She even carried the gene of brown eyes instead of violet. Looking at her made that feeling rise again, but at that moment, Soubi's hand clasped around his searching one, holding it tightly and reminding him that Soubi would never be unfaithful to him.

"Welcome," Ritsuka's uncle smiled at Soubi, bowing politely to him, seemingly oblivious to his mother's behavior and his sister's flirting. Ritsuka knew he'd seen both—but chose to ignore it and go about with his own ideals. "I'm Aoyagi Masanori."

"It's a pleasure," Soubi responded from behind Ritsuka. Inwardly, the boy breathed a sigh of relief. His uncle Masanori (or Masa-chan as Ritsuka commonly affectionately called him) got along with most anybody. He wouldn't judge them. Ritsuka had just been praying that he'd take well to Soubi. For once, he'd been right. At least there was one thing to count on.

"I'm Sayori," His aunt chimed in, smiling at Soubi, enraging her nephew all the more. Soubi gently squeezed his hand, reminding him again that the flirting was completely one sided. "This is my daughter, Risa," Sayori nodded at Ritsuka's cousin, who paused from dutifully reading her textbook to turn her nose up at Ritsuka.  
"And you are…?" Although Ritsuka had his back turned to him, he knew Soubi was talking to Ritsuka's grandmother.

"Juri," The elderly woman replied, her voice and expression softening a bit as she turned her gaze to who she believed to be her only grandson. "Come here, Ritsuka," She opened her arms to him and Ritsuka padded forward without another thought. He did notice, however, how her gaze flickered back to Soubi once Ritsuka was in her arms, her eyes holding a sort of victory over him, as if she'd won some sort of unsaid competition by getting Ritsuka to leave him and come to her.

"…It's a pleasure to meet you," Ritsuka heard Soubi respond. He sounded as if he'd seen it, as well, and was puzzled by her behavior.

Ritsuka hugged his grandmother back, glad to see her, even though she seemed to hate Soubi. Maybe he could convince her differently. Maybe he…

It was the slam of the front door that distracted Ritsuka. The front door was at the end of the kitchen, on the north wall, while the side door was on the east wall. Ritsuka had a clear view of it from where he was standing. Soubi would, as well, but Ritsuka was closer. He didn't even see who it was before the fear began. What sparked it was a low murmur from his grandmother as she pulled away from him.

"Oh. Your father and Shidoku-san are here."

Ritsuka's eyes grew wide in fear as he looked up at his grandmother in shock. He couldn't hide it. He wouldn't be able to hide anything if his daddy was here. Soubi hadn't said anything about him coming! He didn't think he'd be here! If he was here…Ritsuka wouldn't be able to keep everything inside. He'd have to see him…every day. Every day. Every day until this reunion was over, every day he'd have to see his father's face at breakfast, during the day, during the reunion, trying to get closer, close to him. He'd have to try whenever he saw that demonic face to not let the tears come out, to not freeze up and flash back to that night…that night that imprisoned him.

It would be his worse than his worst nightmare if he was here. The monster that haunted his dreams would be in the same house as him. He would have easy access to him. When Ritsuka woke up from the all-night nightmares he'd just be greeted by the face of those dreams when he went upstairs. Just his voice would disturb Ritsuka and turn him into a voluntary insomniac. Right now, he could simply imagine it whispering words from Hell into his ears at night. The devil was in the same house as him, just a few feet away as he walked through the front door, conversing with a man who was both a friend to the devil and to Ritsuka.

Ritsuka did the only thing he could think of—he ran. Running would carry him away from the monster and the atmosphere he seemed to bring with him. He bolted for the stairs, hearing a confused yell of his name from his grandmother. Someone ran after him, and Ritsuka, in a moment of confusion, couldn't figure out who it was. Up he went, taking the steps two at a time until he reached the third floor. He paused, out of breath, his heart about to thrum right out of his chest.

"Ritsuka."

Ritsuka was spun around and nearly knocked over by the other crouching down to his height to embrace him with all his force. A familiar presence engulfed him immediately, and he came out of his fear filled haze and tried to struggle out of Soubi's grasp, feeling his stomach churn violently.

"Let go of me!" He cried out, now only focused on getting to the bathroom before he threw up. Of course, he had no idea why his father's sudden presence was affecting him so badly, but he would dwell on that later.

"It's just me, Ritsuka," Soubi was obviously trying to comfort him, most likely thinking that Ritsuka was simply having flashbacks again and had mistaken him for his father. "It's okay."

Ritsuka continued trying to wiggle out of his arms. "I'm going to be sick!" He blurted out, staring up at Soubi, giving a final attempt to tear away from him and finally succeeding in doing so. He barely made it to the bathroom in time before he threw up, just making it to the toilet. Soubi was behind him, holding Ritsuka's hair back as he retched. It was disgusting, vile. How could seeing someone make him physically sick? He was reacting in such a different way than he had before, when he'd seen his father at the hospital. That time he'd simply shut down and receded into his own mind. He'd dreamed horrible things and had been in a dark world with no memories of the light. At least he hadn't done that again. Even this, puking into the toilet in front of Soubi, was better than that.

Finally the throwing up was over and Ritsuka was able to clean himself up a bit and flush the evidence. He sat back against the bathtub, eyes shut as he leaned his head back against the cold porcelain rim. Soubi sat beside him, and the two were alone, beyond the others' watchful eyes. Knowing he was safe to do so, Ritsuka moved closer to Soubi, and instead leaned his head against his shoulder.

It was then that he knew that this reunion was going to be a lot harder than he had first imagined.

…

He was alone when he received the call.

Completely, utterly alone. Even the pediatrician had gone out to who-knows-where, probably to fuck the non-crazy boyfriend the lawyer was convinced he had. He was always so paranoid. He never once considered that the other had just gone out to get some alone time or to spend time with his little sister. No. Whenever his boyfriend was gone, he was always sure that the younger man had gone out to play with another, to have sex with someone who wasn't him, who wasn't crazy.

And it always made him mad as hell.

Whenever the doctor returned, the lawyer would suddenly switch from one personality to the next, immediately becoming suspicious and borderline violent. He would sniff at the younger like a dog, search his bags until he cried out for him to stop, question him until he grew positive that he wasn't lying. Then the other would get angry as well, at the man searching his bags and thinking he was lying to him. The lawyer would then be able to fight himself and return to his 'normal' persona, the one he really was, and would beg for his forgiveness, beg for him to speak of love to him, beg for him to sleep with him so that he wouldn't feel so damn alone.

It happened every night the lawyer's grip slipped even the tiniest bit. Even now, he was fighting off the images of the man who resembled his son be fucked hard by another man. He growled to himself, sitting back in his chair, having been confined to the bedroom again. Damn it. He'd actually been locked in this time. It was only for the best. He'd be going on a trip with him tomorrow, anyways. And Ritsuka was going to be there. He was considering this a reward, even though he'd done nothing to deserve it. He just hoped he could at least apologize to his son. He prayed he wouldn't be forgiven.

He tapped his pencil on his paper, trying to finish his paperwork before his client demanded it from him. He'd taken on a lot of work since...well..._that night_. It was simply a way to occupy himself. That, and as soon as that college kid made his case, he'd probably lose his job. He let out a sigh; what was he to do? He'd lie, of course, and say he didn't do a thing. Sometimes that wasn't even a lie. Somedays he really _didn't _think he'd done anything. That was when his denial personality took control. He did do something, though. He knew that as well as everyone. What he did was the reason why he was locked up here. It was the reason why he couldn't live with himself.

A sharp beeping tone interrupted the man's constantly running thought process, startling him. So he'd been left with phone privileges. Or maybe the younger had simply forgotten to ban him from it and place his password on it again. He glanced at the number, finding it was unfamiliar. Still, he answered it, frowning, though willing to talk to anyone who wanted to talk to him.

"Hello?"

There was a pause, and then a quiet voice, one the lawyer did not recognize, "I need to talk to Aoyagi Kiyoshi."

The attorney cleared his throat, "Speaking." Perhaps this was a new client...or even someone who was calling about the case that damn man had started. He dreaded the day he'd get a date in court and would have to make a case. He'd already received the papers telling him he had to appear in court. He'd already been visited by the police, though they hadn't interrogated him due to the connections he had with the police department. They were bound to soon, though. That man had evidence of what the crazed father had done. They had DNA testing and all, and the lawyer had been banned from leaving the city. He'd had to go through extensive paperwork just to get cleared to go to the reunion. And even then, the pediatrician had to pull a few strings and promise to be around every second.

The voice on the other end responded immediately, and the lawyer could almost imagine the dark smile the other man had, "I think I can help you."

The attorney didn't reply, though his interest had been piqued. Help him? With what? Surely this young-sounding man had no idea of his condition. No one knew of his insanity but the pediatrician and his eldest deceased son and perhaps his sister, as well. Maybe this other male was offering him help on a case, of which he would greatly appreciated, being overloaded with work and all.

"With what?"

"With what you want," The other's voice was dark, but amused. He was most definitely a male and probably around his whore of a son's college boyfriend's age. The attorney leaned back in his desk chair, rubbing the bridge of his nose where his reading glasses had slipped down slightly. His mind was focusing again on the night the police had come to arrest him, how he'd narrowly escaped being forced to go to a holding cell to await trial. He'd only been allowed to continue on with his normal life until the court found him guilty. And he knew they would. There was proof. He couldn't deny that.

"What I want?" He repeated with an almost curious tone.

The man on the other end laughed in a cruel manner. "You know what I mean. Nevertheless, I'll spell it out for you. Ritsuka. You want Ritsuka. And I can get him for you. You'll be able to escape everything if we work together."

The father was astonished. No, astonished wasn't the word for it. He almost didn't believe it. He nearly didn't want to. Yet, one of the voices in his head had awaken and had begun whispering again. The attorney attempted to shush it. Though it was just a whispering voice, he feared it would awaken the other voices with its noise.

He was considering it. He'd like to say the voice was forcing him to consider it, but it wasn't the voice. Not at all. It was him. He wanted his own son. It was bad. It was horrible. But...then he could get all these damn voices to shut up. He'd be giving them what they wanted. He wanted Ritsuka more than anything. It wasn't just the sex he wanted-at times he thought he was in love with his own son, despite sometimes absolutely despising him. He wanted a second chance. If he could be good...if he could make Ritsuka want him just as much as his father did...if only. It was a fantasy to live with Ritsuka, to hold him, to either have rough sex with him or to make sweet love to him. Just a fantasy. A fantasy he'd never had the chance nor the courage to fulfill. And now he did. Seimei was gone, he'd already lost his 'fatherly' demeanor, and now Ritsuka didn't have anyone left besides that college boy. Surely he wouldn't get in the way. Stupid kid, thinking he could take Ritsuka away from him. Nothing could keep him away from the boy, whether he liked it or not.

He wasn't even sure that that kid cared for Ritsuka. The attorney wished he did. Often times he found himself praying to the god he used to believe in that that man would keep Ritsuka safe. That boy seemed to hate him with a passion. Even Ritsuka seemed to notice how much his 'boyfriend' seemed to hate his father. The college kid kept it no secret. It was the thing that probably stuck out most about him, other than how much Ritsuka seemed to like him. That thought nearly made the horrible father let out a frustrated groan. Stupid child. He was only setting himself up for defeat. Ritsuka hated pain, as his father knew from torturing him, and yet, he was only going to get hurt from his lie of a relationship with that man. He was being used for his body. That university kid couldn't love him. Nobody could love him! Nobody was allowed to have him! Only the controller, his father, was allowed to have him. Only he could love him. Nobody else. Nobody else...

The thoughts were back.

The horrible, plaguing thoughts had returned for the billionth time. The thoughts didn't need the voices, though the voices needed the thoughts. The thoughts were independent and were products of his real mind, of what the voices had led his _real_ mind to believe. They were the things he tried to deny, but deep down knew were true. The were the worst thoughts, all of them straight from the depths of Hell, whispered to him by the devil himself. He would do anything to make them stop. Anything.

"Aoyagi-san?" The man on the other end of the telephone asked, though he didn't seem like he believed the attorney had hung up. It was more of a reminder that he was there, as if he knew the older man's desperate thoughts.

"Where can I meet you?"

_I'm not saying yes_, he attempted to tell himself. It wasn't an agreement, it was simply consideration. Completely different. If he did do this, he'd achieve what he wanted. He'd be free of the voices and the thoughts. He'd have a second chance with his son, a chance to make him love him.

"Good," The other voice purred, clearly pleased. "Meet me on Monday. You're going into the country for your reunion. Meet me in the bookstore in the next town to the north."

"And your name?" The lawyer did not ask how the other knew all this. Instead, he simply accepted it. It was what it was. If the man knew all about his want for Ritsuka, then it was acceptable that he'd know about what else was going on in his life.

And he could hear the smirk in his voice again, "Akame Nisei."

* * *

Happy New Year!

Thanks to Morlana, Ketsueki aka someone, Alois Pinstripe, Tlcatlady, Serenity Lhane, Luckless-Is-Me, DreamReap, Dark Neko 4000, Lilanimefan247, and Promocat for reviewing! Thank you for your concerns.

Please keep reviewing! It picks me up and helps me write more and lets me see your views/opinions on the story. It helps me write better.

Thank you!

~Wolfie


	21. Revelations

**20**

** Revelations**

It took Ritsuka quite a bit to calm down. They sat together in the bathroom for at least fifteen minutes, Soubi's arm around Ritsuka, keeping him safe against his side and not seemingly minding that Ritsuka didn't want to go outside. He didn't cry, though that didn't mean he didn't feel the need . He was able to keep the tears down, able to swallow them and keep himself from falling to that level. He felt a strange victory over himself for that, even though it didn't really matter if he cried or not.

"Why is he here?" He asked after he'd calmed down enough to speak. He was huddled against Soubi's side, actually feeling safe, despite his father being in the same house as them. For all he knew, that demon could be standing right outside the door, listening to them. Still, that thought didn't make Ritsuka panic. He had someone to protect him this time. Soubi wouldn't let that man hurt him. He loved him and would make sure his daddy would stay far, far away.

"I don't know," Soubi wouldn't look at him, something that concerned Ritsuka to no end. He tugged at the older male's shirt, trying to get him to look at him but having no success. Was he angry? Had Ritsuka done something wrong? He hadn't meant to run off. He hadn't meant to get sick, either. Surely Soubi would understand that. It seemed more plausible that Soubi would be angry at his father. Ritsuka knew that he hated him. Soubi also hadn't known Kiyoshi was going to be here. If he had, Ritsuka doubted Soubi would've allowed him to go to the reunion in the first place.

"Can we stay?" Ritsuka wanted to. He'd be alright, he supposed, if he could keep from seeing his dad all that often. He was sure he could avoid it. He could stay away from him during the reunion, arrive late to meals, and make sure they were never in the same room. Surely he wouldn't want to see Ritsuka. He hated his son, something that still made Ritsuka's chest ache. It couldn't be helped, though, as he understood now, and his daddy's hatred of him could be used to his advantage here. If his father avoided him, as well, then they would positively never run into each other. It'd be alright. Things were supposed to get better now. And Ritsuka was determined to make it so.

Soubi, however, was hesitant. "I don't know..." He said again, turning his gaze to the teen's.

"Why?" Ritsuka pulled at his shirt again, just as a little kid would when trying to get their way. He would resort to begging if he had to, even though he knew that was wrong to do since he doubted if Soubi would be able to say no to him. "I won't get sick every time I see him. I'll stay away from him. He won't do anything to me if you're around, Soubi." He really did want to stay. He'd finally get to see his entire family again and spend time with his immediate family. Perhaps he could somehow convince Juri, his grandmother, to like Soubi.

"I don't want him to hurt you again," Soubi threaded his fingers through Ritsuka's hair and ran his hand through it. Ritsuka couldn't help but to lean into his touch. "I didn't know that he'd be here."

"If you had known, you wouldn't have let me go," Ritsuka responded softly. It wasn't a question or a statement that could be challenged. It was simply a fact. It occurred to Ritsuka now just how well he knew Soubi. That, of course, didn't mean he could predict his actions or read his thoughts in any way. It simply meant that he understood his actions and thoughts. He wasn't nearly as confusing to Ritsuka as other people were, namely his brother and the rest of his family. Soubi was the one person Ritsuka could actually understand. He was also the only person Ritsuka trusted completely.

Soubi nodded, only confirming what Ritsuka had known to be true. "He wouldn't hurt me here," Ritsuka continued, still attempting to sway his Fighter. At least Soubi would listen to him, unlike the other adults Ritsuka had experiences with. Ritsuka actually had some sort of say in the things that happened, instead of all the decisions being made before him without him being told. Soubi actually realized that he wasn't a little kid and was fully capable in making his own choices. His mentality could handle it, but not many other people seemed to realize that.

Apparently Ritsuka got through to him, since he finally sighed and said, "Maybe. Only if he stays away from you." This, though, was enough for Ritsuka, who let himself smile a little, the desperation he'd felt just minutes before beginning to fade into the back of his mind. He had no idea how many times it'd be reawakened during this trip.

…

He was here. That bastard had come to sabotage Ritsuka and his chance of finding happiness by being away from him. He was going to try to ruin the boy again. Soubi knew it. He knew people like him, the sadistic, arrogant people like Kiyoshi. He could read that damn man like an open book. He'd seen the look on his 'innocent' face when he'd first come through the door, in the instant before Ritsuka had laid eyes on him. He had known that Ritsuka would be there and had purposefully made sure that neither Ritsuka or Soubi would be told that he would be coming. There had not even been a single speck of surprise in his eyes when Ritsuka had torn away from Juri and dashed upstairs. He'd known what would happen once Ritsuka saw him. And yet...he had still done it, probably for the sole purpose of seeing his son in that much pain.

Was Soubi angry? No. He was beyond that right now. Any sort of easing of his hatred that had occurred when Kiyoshi had gone through surgery and acted in a non-destructive way in the hospital had disappeared. There was no single word for the way he wanted to beat the life out of that man. He was sure that if he let his mind wander, it would fall upon thoughts of how he could violently tear the life from Kiyoshi's evil little criminal hands. It was pushing to entertain his thoughts right now as he held that man's son in his arms, having pulled him into him after being all-but-begged to let him stay.

There were times, times such as right now, when Soubi would look at his little Ritsuka and wonder just how he was related to that man. He could see the physical similarities to an extent, but they weren't very noticeable unless one was looking for them. Soubi could easily ignore them. As for personality wise...it was as if he'd taken on a different personality from either of his parents, one that he'd developed himself. Soubi remembered learning about the personality of children in a psychology class he'd taken this semester. Childrens' personality emerged from their parents'. They took after whoever had raised them. This, of course, was only to a certain extent, but it was noticeable. Ritsuka, however, hadn't appeared to have taken on his parents' violent traits or anything else. Perhaps that was because they hadn't raised him.

"We should go back downstairs," Ritsuka reminded him after a while of letting Soubi hold him. "She'll get suspicious."

Immediately, Soubi knew exactly who Ritsuka was talking about. Aoyagi Juri, the woman who'd given birth to Kiyoshi and two other kids and whom seemed to hate Soubi with an odd growing passion. He personally had nothing against her. He'd never even met the woman! Then again, he had hated Kiyoshi before he even met him. In fact, there were a lot of people Soubi had despised without meeting. He supposed he couldn't chastise her for that, not when he'd done it so many times himself, even with Ritsuka before Seimei's 'death'. Soubi also didn't doubt that Kiyoshi had probably told his mother of the strange man who'd taken his son in.

There was only one problem with that, though. She'd been surprised to discover that he was with Ritsuka and that he'd been taking care of him. She hadn't looked like she'd expected him to be the one taking Ritsuka. She hadn't even looked like she knew anything of him being affiliated with Ritsuka. This confused Soubi, since he'd so clearly seen the shock on her face. There was no explanation for her behavior. Perhaps she simply loved her family too much, as Ritsuka had said, and didn't want to accept newcomers. For some reason, that theory, too, seemed a bit off.

Soubi kept quiet about his want to stay here like this, in peace and alone with each other. It wasn't that he was dreading returning to the hectic family. He was dreading something, but that wasn't it. He was dreading the pain he'd have to see Ritsuka in. There wasn't a doubt in his mind that Kiyoshi was going to try to harm Ritsuka in some way. That man had raped Ritsuka and broke his young heart. That man was the cause of the terrible dreams that haunted Ritsuka during the night. That man was the reason why Ritsuka got so nervous of people, so clingy-in a sweet way, of course-when he felt threatened by a male. That man was the cause of all of that boy's pain and Ritsuka still loved him. And he couldn't help that. He might try to approach his father, may try to ask for an explanation, but Soubi would be able to whisk him away and convince him that that wasn't a good idea.

His father, on the other hand, was unpredictable. Kiyoshi was unstable, and Soubi now knew that he had voices in his head telling him to do things and that even when those voices were silenced, he still lusted after Ritsuka. Kiyoshi would definitely succeed in terrifying Ritsuka before Soubi would be able to get him away. There wasn't a way to prevent that. Soubi couldn't predict what Kiyoshi's next move would be and how he was planning to win. All he knew was that he was trying to win. And that he, Soubi, was on the opposing side.

This was no game, but Kiyoshi clearly saw it was. Soubi knew one thing about people like him-they saw everything, life, love, lust, as a game, a game in which every person was a player, even if they didn't realize it. Ritsuka was Kiyoshi's prize, and Soubi's 'piece' he was attempting to protect. Kiyoshi was willing to use anything he could as pawns. Soubi knew that about people like him. That, and that they were unpredictable, just as Seimei had been. So similar... Seimei was clearly Kiyoshi's son.

…

"You seem awfully calm about this."

He tossed the pill bottle at the younger hidden in the darkness of his basement bedroom. It was caught with precise accuracy, the bottle only rattling a bit when the teen closed his fingers over it.

"Turn on the light."

A simple command. The elder of the two obey and flooded the room with light at the simple flick of his wrist on the nearly unused light switch. He covered his eyes. The younger kept his open, his pupils dilating slowly and adjusting to the sudden surge of light. His head only throbbed more and he fought to keep from rolling onto his stomach and burying his face in the cool darkness of his pillow. Such a human urge. He was beginning to feel like a lowly person, a person no better than his Fighter or that dammed...monster. With each passing day...he had to get a hold on himself.

"Aren't you going to take it? I went through so much trouble to get them for you."

He knew the words would earn him a glare from the younger, which was exactly what he received.

"What if you poisoned them?"

His voice was a low growl. His mind ran through the list of symptoms again and again. Headaches. Paranoia. Delusions. Hallucinations. Voices. He'd always been paranoid, of course. He wouldn't trust anyone. He quite literally gave up that ability years ago. How many had it been? Three? The third anniversary had come and gone. Not that it was anything to celebrate. It was quite the opposite. He had 'celebrated' by locking himself away from the others. Nobody had dared bother him on that day. They all knew, even the old woman and her college age virgin nephew. His Fighter, on the other hand... he'd tried to spite him.

The university student scoffed.

"Do you really think I would?"

No, it wasn't the younger he wanted to kill. He was the one he wanted the attention from. He was the one he preformed for, the one he had the utmost urge to please greatly. If the teen told him to kill, he would bring back the throat of the victim just to show him how well he'd done. He strove for even a small smirk from his Sacrifice, would kill just for his attention. He couldn't feel love—but this was the closest he'd ever get to it.

"Yes."

It was a definite and sure answer. The Sacrifice didn't even have to voice his order as he held out the small pill to his Fighter. He knew what to do, and knew he would be harshly punished if he did not. He bowed his head in submission, hating having to do so, know that his Sacrifice expected him to behave exactly as that blank had. He'd show him. He was not a dog. He was the one who deserved control, not this...this brat of a teenager!

Part of him wanted to obey, though, because it meant attention from his Sacrifice. All his life, he'd been treated like royalty and now, his Sacrifice had control over him and ignored him in favor of his brat of a brother. He'd show him! He'd show that he was worth the attention! He'd get rid of that brat! Then it'd just be him, and there would be no one else to steal his full spotlight from him. He'd have the Beloved Sacrifice all to himself.

He'd be hurting that blank, as well, perhaps beyond repair. Stupid lunatic, cherishing a child over everything else. There was a reason the black haired university student was grateful he couldn't fall in love. That was one thing he had over that lunatic. He was too attached to someone, too willing to give everything for him, while his dark counterpart could kill without a second thought. The lunatic had developed human feelings in his time away from Beloved and with Loveless. The true Beloved Fighter, however, enjoyed the pointless killings and the heavy blood on his hands, if it was to please his Sacrifice. Agatsuma had gotten too close to Loveless. If he was torn from him, everything would fall apart with that lunatic. He'd no longer be able to go on living, would he?

The Fighter swallowed the pill dry, maintaining eye contact even as he grimaced at the feeling of the thing going down his throat without liquid to help it along. He watched as the tightly pressed scowl of his Sacrifice dissipated for a moment, the corners of his mouth turning upwards a bit, and then returning to the frown. The Fighter glowered in the thought of pleasing the younger.

"Leave now."

Another order, another simple one. The younger said it in such a way that the other didn't even think of disobeying. He left with only a nod, his thoughts occupied of how blindly in love Agatsuma was with the little brat. Poor lunatic. He didn't know what was coming to him.

Meanwhile, the younger laid back on the bed, wanting more than anything to curl up on the bed and moan in pain like a filthy human, like he'd been Soubi do so many times either when he was kicked in the stomach or when he was aroused and his master wouldn't allow him any release. Dogs in heat were the worst. The young man pushed that thought out of his mind, instead thinking of the very first time he'd heard the whispering and urges beginning in his head. Back then it had come with a headache, as well. Nevertheless, it was a nice memory. Ritsuka had noticed how sick his elder brother had looked and had immediately become 'Nurse Aoyagi'. That had been a few days before Ritsuka's twelfth birthday, a month before his beloved brother had 'died', and a day he often looked back to and felt some kind of happiness.

He wished he could go back to that. Would Ritsuka accept him? After knowing all the things his elder brother had done? Something told him Ritsuka wouldn't immediately take to him. He'd be afraid, unconsciously clinging to that dog, trying to hide behind him. He'd grown so attached to that dirty man. His brother couldn't blame him for that, though. Soubi took good care of him. He loved him. That much was obvious. Ritsuka needed someone strong and stable to love him. And Soubi understood, too, in ways that the older Aoyagi son, couldn't. He could help Ritsuka through this. At least that dog had proved himself useful for once.

…

Aoyagi Kiyoshi was nowhere to be seen when Soubi and Ritsuka returned downstairs. Neither were Aoyagi Juri and Koichi-san. Cowards. They all were. Soubi made sure to lead Ritsuka quickly to the basement, especially when he felt Ritsuka's hand tighten around his and a small whimper-like sound escape him, drawing his aunt and uncle's attention. Soubi didn't explain, even when Masanori asked them what was wrong.

The basement was large and split into two rooms, the first being a living room of sorts, the second being a bedroom only accessible through the closed door in the first room. Soubi immediately saw why Ritsuka had told him to just let them sleep down here instead of pressing the issue with Juri and Sayori. It was private. Very private. He and Ritsuka would actually be able to talk about things without the fear of other's hearing. Soubi doubted people came down here very often, and even if he they did, they'd hear the person approaching.

"Are you alright?" They were down in the privacy of the room they had to themselves, and Ritsuka was sitting on the bed that had been pulled out and made for them, looking as if he was about to have another breakdown. He was breathing fast, his hands clenched into fists on his lap. Soubi sat beside him, placing a hand on his back in an attempt to ward off the coming panic attack.

Ritsuka swallowed hard and nodded, shutting his eyes for a few moments. Finally, he nodded, and glanced up at Soubi, "I'm scared, Soubi." His voice was small, quiet, as if he was scared to even say the words. "I thought I was alright while we were upstairs, but..." He trailed off, rubbing his big eyes. He was clearly trying to hold back his tears, his feelings. It was useless, and Soubi knew that just as well as Ritsuka did. Ritsuka wouldn't be able to shut off his feelings. He was a child, a young teenager. He hadn't yet learned how to do that. Soubi didn't want him to.

He was determined to give Ritsuka the childhood he didn't have, but that wasn't going to happen if Ritsuka was able to shut off his connection with his feelings. He'd grow up too fast, become emotionless and dead to the world. He'd be weighed down by the memories and would stop talking and...He'd become Soubi prior to leaving Seven Voices. There was no doubt about that. Soubi hadn't been able to run to anyone or tell anyone about what was happening, so he had dehumanized himself. He'd distanced himself from others. He'd stopped talking, he had slept all the time, his grades had dropped...he didn't want Ritsuka to go through all that.

"What are you scared of?" It was best to get Ritsuka to talk, even if Soubi already knew very well what Ritsuka was afraid of. If Ritsuka would at least talk to him, there wouldn't be any worrying about him locking down like that. If only he could get Ritsuka to talk to him when he started to feel upset instead of trying to hide it all away...

"It's nothing," Ritsuka whispered the two words, turning his head away from Soubi. He raised a hand, rubbing his eyes again, as Soubi could see when he leaned forward a bit. Was Ritsuka crying now? Soubi silently lightly tapped Ritsuka on the shoulder, attempting to get his attention. He changed his mind when Ritsuka didn't react, though. Ritsuka needed comfort now. His father was here, in this house, and Ritsuka was terrified that he was going to try something. He probably felt alone, as well, since nobody but Soubi had gone after him once Ritsuka had seen his father. It was true that Soubi was the only one who knew why Ritsuka had run, but even he had expected Ritsuka's uncle or grandmother to go after him.

With that thought, Soubi wrapped his arms around Ritsuka's neck and shoulders from behind him, leaning forward more so that he could rest his chin on Ritsuka's right shoulder. "It's not nothing," Soubi insisted, giving a forceful pull on Ritsuka until the surprised boy was seated in the older's lap. Ritsuka let out a loud gasp as he did so, his hands flying to grab at Soubi's arms, as if he didn't know what was going on and had sought protection.

Quickly, though, Ritsuka had settled himself in his new place, his arms immediately wrapping around Soubi's middle, his face hiding itself in his shirt. "I shouldn't sit on your lap," Ritsuka's voice was muffled, as he was talking into Soubi's shirt. Soubi just sighed, shaking his head. Ritsuka wanted to stay here, with Soubi holding him, but he was simply terrified of being caught.

"And why not?"

"Someone might catch us. They'll think the wrong thing," Ritsuka breathed a small sigh of his own. "I wanna go home."

That was a rather sudden change. Ritsuka had just been begging a few minutes earlier to stay here. And now he wanted to go home? Soubi would gladly take him. The change didn't anger him, but he was curious about it. Why had Ritsuka changed his mind all of the sudden? Had he given it more thought and finally understood why Soubi wanted to take him home?

"Then I'll take you home," Soubi told him, speaking into one of Ritsuka's kitten ears. "Right now. If you really want to go home, then we'll leave."

Ritsuka was warm in his arms, warm and trembling slightly. Soubi was holding him close against him, his one arm around the boy's middle, the other hooked around his waist, keeping him safe. The trembling was barely there, but when they were this close, Soubi could feel it as well as see it without even trying. Maybe it would be best to just go home, as Soubi had been so set on not long ago. Not even he liked it here. There was an odd air to this place, a dark one, an air that especially hung around Ritsuka's grandmother. He didn't like the feel of it. It was a feeling of tension, as well, as if something were about to explode or as if this family wasn't really as closely knit as they seemed to be. And that woman. Soubi could tell right now that there was going to be trouble with her.

"No!" Ritsuka exclaimed loudly, his hands now balled into fists, clenching Soubi's shirt. "No! I have to stay!"

Soubi could the feel Ritsuka's confusion, his flurry to try to decide what to do and where to go. Soubi would do whatever he wanted to do so it was all up to him now. And now...Ritsuka was torn. He could most likely feel the tension, too, as it made the air heavy around them and caused uneasiness in everyone around. It was inescapable. Even if Ritsuka had felt it before, there was no way to get used to that sort of dark, overwhelming feeling, no matter how much time he'd spent with his family. Did he know the source of it, Soubi wondered? Was he apart of it? Or was he simply involved without knowing so?

Soubi assumed the answer to be he most latter option. Ritsuka, after all, just simply seemed a bit uncomfortable around them, as if they all had some sort of unspoken secrets that they were keeping. And if Ritsuka was innocent, that meant his cousin probably was, too. It only seemed to be the mother and her children, not the children of her children, that had that strange air over them. For some reason, it interested Soubi. It made him want to know more. He had a lingering feeling that this strange something had to do with Kiyoshi, and Soubi just couldn't leave that feeling alone. He wanted to know, just as Ritsuka did, why his father did the things he did. It didn't matter in the least to Soubi, but that didn't mean he wasn't interested and curious. It wasn't going to change his feelings (or more accurately, his hatred) towards him. Nothing could do that.

"I have to stay," Ritsuka was still mumbling, now talking to himself.

"You don't have to," Soubi tried to reason with him. "We can leave right now and she won't be able to stop us. Is that what you're scared of, Ritsuka?"

Ritsuka took a shaky breath and then pulled back slightly, showing Soubi his face and expression. It looked as if a few tears of frustration had escaped him, but nothing more. He shook his head, his eyes meeting Soubi's.

"I'm scared of him," Ritsuka only whispered, not breaking his gaze. "I always am."

"I'll protect you," Soubi countered almost instantly. He would do everything he could to protect Ritsuka, but he couldn't fully stop the mental pain that came simply from seeing his father. He would try, though, and he wouldn't allow Kiyoshi to hurt little Ritsuka again.

Ritsuka swallowed hard and nodded, "I know."

They both knew that Ritsuka would suffer from Soubi not being able to see his father's next move.

…

"Ritsuka?"

Ritsuka glanced up from what he was unpacking and glanced up, finding his uncle standing beside him, smiling. Ritsuka put down his bag and glanced behind him, making sure nothing was out of place and nothing would give he and Soubi away. There was nothing, of course, but Ritsuka was quite paranoid, even though Masanori was more tolerant than the rest of the family. He doubted he would even let Ritsuka and Soubi's relationship be if he found out. At least Ritsuka suspected he'd be more worried about the age difference instead of their genders.

"Where's your...friend? Agatsuma, was it?"

Ritsuka nodded, having gotten to the medicine bag. Ugh. The shots. He'd have to start doing the shots now that he was out of the hospital and couldn't have medication administered to him through the IV. He hated needles, and he had no idea how to explain to his relatives why he had to have shots a few times during the day. He had his hoped laid on Soubi, who had disappeared outside for a few moments probably to retrieve more of their things.

"He went outside," Ritsuka told him, placing the black bag with he rest of their things.

"Why don't you come upstairs?" Masanori asked in a kind manner, making it more of a suggestion than a question. Ritsuka simply stopped for a moment and looked at him. Upstairs...? With his father and everyone else? He shook his head and hurriedly went back to unpacking. He would still be afraid of his father, and he had to have Soubi with him, not just for protection, but because Ritsuka simply took comfort in his presence. Plus, everyone else had just seen him run from Kiyoshi. He didn't want to go up there alone and be bombarded with questions and not be able to answer them.

"Oh...alright..." Masanori sat down in the chair next to the pull-out bed, looking thoughtful. Ritsuka knew what he was about to ask before he did, and yet, the question still felt unexpected and he still didn't know how to answer. "That man, Ritsuka, why are you staying with him?"

There _wasn't_ a correct answer to that, Ritsuka realized. He couldn't tell the truth, no matter what. The truth wouldn't only get him in trouble, but Soubi, too. If he could only survive three days of this, and then he could go back to...whatever his 'normal' life had been since that night. All he had to do was think up a lie. Of course Masa-chan, as Ritsuka called him sometimes, would be suspicious and able to see through blatant lies. It would be best to simply generalize his problems and say something before Masanori grew any more curious.

"I moved in with him only about two weeks ago. I moved out because of...Mother," There was only a simple moment of hesitation in which he had struggled to come up with a name. It wasn't completely a lie, he supposed. Most of his family knew that there was something wrong with his mother, though none of them _really_ knew what she did at home. They probably suspected something. None of them had ever done or said anything about it. Ritsuka didn't really blame them; Nobody had ever done a thing about it. Soubi had been the only one to ever speak of it. It still surprised Ritsuka to this day how easily the man spoke about it, and with such anger and almost like a need for vengeance against her, as if he actually had been personally hurt by her and sought revenge.

Now that he thought about it, Soubi spoke about Kiyoshi in the same matter, only worse. Ritsuka was beginning to feel a bit nervous about his way of speaking about Ritsuka's parents. It could spite Ritsuka's father, Ritsuka predicted, and Soubi could end up getting hurt in the end.

"Were you having problems?"

Oh, this was bad. Masanori actually sounded more curious than he had before. Ritsuka sought a way to change the subject, but came up with nothing that would make his uncle and less curious. If only Soubi was here. Then, Ritsuka wouldn't feel so put-on-the-spot now. He hated when people did this, even if it was for good intentions. It always made him feel pressured to give the answer, the right answer, and he would scold himself later if it wasn't the right answer.

Ritsuka looked at the ground, at his feet, "I didn't say that..."

"Is there another reason you would've gotten away from your mother?" His voice was gentle, but his nephew could hear the pressing in it.

"Yes, I was having problems," Ritsuka answered, still not looking at Masanori. His ears perked upon hearing footsteps descending the stairs.

"Why didn't Kiyoshi take you—"

"Your mother would like to see you upstairs," Ritsuka's head snapped up at the sound of Soubi's voice and he was silently relieved. His slightly angered tone had stopped Masanori from even trying to continue the rest of what he was saying. Ritsuka didn't want to hear it, anyways.

"I didn't hear her—"

"She wants you upstairs. Now."

And there went their chances of Soubi being liked by anyone in the family. Ritsuka sighed, even though his relative didn't exactly seem _angry_. Still, Ritsuka could see he was a bit shocked by it. Without a word, he nodded and left. Ritsuka finally allowed himself to relax.

"How did you know?"

"I figured something was wrong when I heard him talking about your father."

Ritsuka fixed his gaze on the floor again. It really was embarrassing that he depended on Soubi so much. Part of him hated that he needed someone so much, that he was so very attached to someone, but the other part of him told him it was inevitable, unstoppable. He would've ended up like this, anyways. He didn't really think it was a bad thing. Soubi was the only one willing to take care of him, anyways, the only one who truly loved him.

"Is everything alright?" Soubi was suddenly close to him. Ritsuka startled, his eyes wide with surprise. He had been too absorbed in his thoughts to hear him approach.

"Yeah, I'm fine..." Ritsuka said, trying to calm down a bit. He felt so high-strung, so on edge. He had already gone through enough stress today to last him a week and they had only been here an hour or so. He didn't know if he'd be able to survive the rest of the time like this. Right now, all he wanted to do was shut himself off from his family.

"If you're feeling up to it, we should probably head upstairs," Soubi told him. Ritsuka nodded in agreement. They'd have to get this over with sooner or later. Ritsuka wasn't even sure anymore why he had begged Soubi to take him here.

...

Juri was always friendly to him, just as Ritsuka had remembered her. She had always been close to him, a sort of motherly figure when Ritsuka visited. By the time Ritsuka went upstairs with Soubi, she seemed to have recovered from whatever had shocked her before. She was all smiles towards Ritsuka, though she just ignored Soubi. That was some sort of improvement, at least.

The family was gathered in the living room, conversing with each other about the latest news. Ritsuka didn't bother to listen and tugged on Soubi's hand and he led him over to the window, sitting beside him on the floor in an unoccupied corner of the room. Ritsuka's father was nowhere to be seen, but everyone else including Koichi-san. Ritsuka just sat quietly at Soubi's side, the two of them mostly being ignored by the rest of the family.

"Isn't there going to be more people coming?" Soubi asked, leaning over to speak subtly in Ritsuka's ear. Ritsuka nodded, wondering why there wasn't anyone here. It was odd, since they had a large family and only the immediate family was here.

Gathering up his courage, Ritsuka glanced at Risa, his cousin, catching her eye immediately. She turned her nose up at him again in a pompous matter. Ritsuka spoke anyways, annoyed with her attitude towards him, "Where's the rest of the family?"

"They're not coming until _tomorrow_," She spoke to him in her usual manner, her tone implying that she was better than him. She hadn't changed, either. No one in this family seemed to. Ritsuka didn't know whether that was good or bad.

It didn't matter, though. Ritsuka soon gradually came out of his shell and talked with his relatives. He ended up having a good time, since his father never returned downstairs, though Juri did wonder aloud where he was and went to go check in on him several times. Ritsuka did notice one strange thing, though. She seemed to know Koichi-san from a previous visit, though Ritsuka had just met him recently. It was very odd, he thought, since she seemed quite comfortable around him and she didn't push him away like she did to Soubi and even Ritsuka's mother. Ritsuka just let it be, though, and that was probably for the best.

Night soon fell and Ritsuka realized that it was later than he had expected. He didn't know why he hadn't noticed before, but the drive up seemed to have taken longer than the usual eight hours, probably since Soubi had gotten them lost so many times. He was quite sleepy, as well, and he placed the blame on all the excitement from yesterday and today. It was nice to be out of the hospital. He could see other people and not have to be confined to a small space. Best of all, he didn't have to be around sick people all the time. He didn't belong in the hospital. He was only hurting on the inside. His pain wasn't visible like everyone else's. The care and therapy he was getting he thought he didn't deserve, that it should go to someone who was actually sick on the outside. The hospital was for people sick on the outside, not on the inside. He didn't want to go back there and feel so out of place and depressed.

The outside world was so much happier. No one was there to remind him why he was in the hospital. There were no doctors and nurses to scurry around him and question him. He belonged on the outside, where he could try to learn how to deal with all this. He'd have Soubi, anyways, and Katsuko-sensei, too. He'd be okay.

This revelation came to Ritsuka after he had returned to the basement with Soubi and was preparing to give him his medication, the one thing he dreaded. As soon as the thought ran through his head he simply stopped thinking all together. He'd be okay...? Would he really? Would he end up alright? Since that terrible night so many things had changed. _He_ had changed. He had met new people and grown closer to others. He had experienced something he wished he hadn't, something he would forget if given the chance. He had had his heart broken and stomped on, shattering it into pieces, but now that he was out of the hospital, could he move forward? Was there a way?

He thought about his life, his future. He remembered the night he had told Soubi he wanted to be a photographer. Before that night, he had never really thought about what he wanted to be when he grew up, but that night it had just dawned on him, and it had seemed so simple, too, a given. And now...now that he thought about it, all these hopes and dreams began to blossom and flower out. He didn't _want_ to be so unhappy anymore. He didn't want this to plague him so much. The way it was now, the memories were fresh in his mind, and how he couldn't stand to even be in the same room as his father, were keeping him from getting better. Surely he could work past that. There were plenty of adults who had been raped at a young age. Ritsuka didn't know any personally, though this would soon prove untrue since he had one particular case who was very close to him, but he would try.

There was a way to get past this, and now he knew it. It was going to be a long, hard process, but he was going to try his best at it. He wasn't going to let this get the best of him. He would show his father what he did to him. He would show him what he was missing. He would make him regret it.

And with that, Ritsuka became more than just a pawn in a chess game.

...

Ritsuka still wasn't comfortable with needles, which was very much obvious to Soubi. As soon as he was ready to give Ritsuka the shot, the boy had snapped out of his trance and was trying to squirm out of Soubi's grasp, though he wasn't having flashbacks this time, as he did it.

"Can't we do it _after_ dinner?" Ritsuka wasn't exactly trying to get away from him as Soubi held onto his arm. He was just moving around in his seat on the pullout bed. Soubi didn't blame him. He didn't really like having to do this, either, as it meant hurting Ritsuka, but he had to give him his medication. There wasn't a way to not hurt Ritsuka and make sure he got his medication at the same time. Maybe some talking would help...

"You looked like you were in a daze just a moment ago. Were you thinking about something?" Soubi dabbed at Ritsuka's arm with a sterilizing cloth.

Ritsuka was watching him closely, "I was. I sort of realized something." There was a slight quiver of fear in his voice. Soubi hurried to get this over with.

"What did you realize?" Soubi was curious, of course. He probably would've asked anyways, but his primary motive was distracting Ritsuka.

Ritsuka squirmed slightly again. He didn't even seem to know that he was doing it, really. "I...I was thinking about how I didn't want to go back to the hospital..."

Soubi's gaze flickered to Ritsuka's for a few moments. That was certainly something they hadn't talked about. He had been released temporarily, but not permanently. Soubi had just assumed Ritsuka would be readmitted, but now, that seemed a bit illogical and maybe even willingly taking a stalemate in Ritsuka's healing. He wouldn't be able to get better if he was kept in there. Soubi wanted him to, of course, but they hadn't exactly had very positive results yet. Ritsuka seemed so depressed still, though it was only two weeks after his rape. He had lost almost everything that night. It wasn't his fault that he wasn't feeling any better. It would take some time.

Soubi would wait, of course, but there was the question about where Ritsuka should go now. Ideally, Soubi wanted him home, but the memories of 'Ritsuka' and how Ritsuka still had nightmares, flashbacks, and bouts of sudden depression worried him. Was he a suicide risk? Would he try something rash? He didn't _think_ so, but people were unpredictable. Even Ritsuka carried some of that unpredictability. He had never thought of Ritsuka as suicidal, but now that he was on the topic, he remembered how just a day or so after his father had betrayed him, Ritsuka had said something about 'sleeping forever', which was the cause of the antidepressants that Katsuko-sensei had considered putting him on. She had decided not to in the end, since she wanted to see how Ritsuka would do later, but that instance still stuck out in Soubi's head. He had showed Soubi that day how much his heart was hurting and how he had wanted to escape the pain. Perhaps the only thing keeping him from doing it was the fact that he was being watched by nurses, doctors, and almost everyone every second of the day.

But Ritsuka seemed to be so much better now. Would it be a mistake to bring him home? He had seemed happy to be home yesterday. He hadn't tried anything. He had been calm, though slightly (and reasonably) upset when he was told about his father's 'excuse'. He took it much, much better than Soubi would have thought he would if told before him. Was Ritsuka alright? No, he really wasn't. That was a bad question, and not the one he was searching for. _Would_ Ritsuka be alright? Was he healing from this? Soubi could only dearly hope so. Ritsuka would never _completely_ heal. Soubi had never completely healed. The memories would still be there. Would he lose them given the chance? Maybe—

No. No, that was completely impossible, wasn't it?

Soubi had just stumbled upon something that would later become vital. He had realized parts of it earlier, but this threw the entire puzzle together. 'Ritsuka' was where he was because he wanted to be. He had wanted to be put there. He had chose it, meaning he had wanted to lose his memories—

No, that wasn't possible, either. 'Ritsuka' was still alive. Somehow, some way, the original Ritsuka had hid away in there, taking his memories with him, and that somehow created a new personality, a copy with no memories...? That meant Ritsuka hadn't wanted to lose his memories. He had only wanted to hide away in the Dream Realm. No, he had to have wanted something besides that. Something... What could it have been? If he hadn't wanted to lose his memories, then what? What could cause him to want to hide away with all of his memories, sad and slowly fading? It didn't make any sense. Nothing about the original Ritsuka made any sense.

"Soubi," Ritsuka called softly, snapping his Fighter out of his confusion. He'd have to dwell on that all later. He knew he had all the information, he just had to figure out how it would all fit together. He really hated vague things sometimes.

"Tell me more about what you were thinking about," Soubi uncapped the first injection, resuming what he was originally doing, and held it close to Ritsuka's upper arm. Ritsuka watched and his voice shook a tiny bit again.

"I realized that...I'd be okay without being in the hospital. I realized that I...I will eventually be alright if I can move on."

By then, the needle had broken Ritsuka's skin and he made a soft noise of pain, but he didn't try to pull away. Ritsuka wanted to get better. That was...amazing, to say the least. A huge improvement in the way he was looking at things. Soubi wanted nothing more than to hug him, then, and tell him that he was proud. He finished quickly with the shots, which seemed to make Ritsuka relieved, and then pulled him silently into a tight hug. Things were going to be okay. Even if Kiyoshi tried to take Ritsuka back, even if things turned out the worst for the two of them, things would be okay in the end. Soubi was given hope by Ritsuka saying this. Ritsuka wouldn't leave him. Soubi wouldn't lose him to his memories or depression. He would work his hardest to help Ritsuka, to become the person he needed in his life. No matter what, things would work out in the end because Ritsuka _wanted_ to get better and wanted a better life for himself. If nothing else, at least he would have the boy to hold onto in the end. That was the most important thing.

...

It definitely wasn't as easy as Ritsuka thought it was to finally face his dad. Kiyoshi had been told to eat dinner with the rest of the family, and Ritsuka had imagined being able to march right in and look directly at his father and glare at him and show him that he wouldn't forgive him. That wasn't how it worked out. As soon as he saw 'Daddy', his heart grew cold in fear and nervousness. He was suddenly on edge, even jumping when Soubi placed a hand on the back of his neck in an attempt to calm Ritsuka's nerves. Oh, why couldn't things just be easy? Why did he feel such fear?

He tried to look at his father as he had imagined doing earlier. He couldn't see the innocent, weak, brown-haired man everyone else did. When he looked at his father, he saw the monster who had held him down in that alleyway and abused him until Ritsuka nearly passed out. Ritsuka took to simply staring at the floor and shuffling his feet to his seat. He was just thankful he hadn't been seated anywhere near his father.

It went...well. A better description was that it went as well as it possibly could. Ritsuka hurried to finish, and didn't talk much, even when prompted to do so. His father didn't try to talk to him, which just made Ritsuka all the more anxious. He wouldn't even look him in the eye. It was the first time Ritsuka had been in a room with his father and had been able to _stay_ in the room with him. He honestly still felt sick to his stomach and couldn't eat very much.

Afterwards, Ritsuka used the excuse that he was feeling ill again and escaped from the family to the basement again. As he had expected, Soubi followed him and didn't say a thing when Ritsuka flopped down face first on the bed, holding his stomach out of the sickness he had begun to feel again. His emotions were everywhere again. For some reason, he was pissed off and not for any good reason, either. He was angry at his father, angry and hateful towards him. He hated him. He wanted to hate him. As he shoved his face into his pillow, all the feelings crashed over him.

He didn't look at Soubi, but he knew he was probably puzzled. Dinner had gone without a stitch. Ritsuka had no reason to be upset. No visible reason, though, on the inside, Ritsuka was just as puzzled as his Fighter. He wanted desperately to hate his father. But, for some reason, he had been disappointed by his father not talking to him. He...He didn't know what he wanted from it. He felt as though he hated him with everything he was, but something told him he still loved his father, even after all that had been done. Why couldn't he just hate him?

What did he want from him? Would Ritsuka forgive him if he showed being apologetic? He didn't want to. He wanted to get better, not let him do it again, but he wasn't exactly able to control his feelings. He could try, but all he could do was sway himself a bit.

"I want to talk to him," Ritsuka was talking to Soubi, though his voice was muffled by the pillow. He felt Soubi sit on the bed beside Ritsuka's stretched out body and place a hand on his back. With his face shoved into the pillow, all Ritsuka could feel were his father's hands. Why did it bother him so much that Kiyoshi hadn't even attempted to speak to him? Why did it still upset him that his father still hated him?

"That's not a good idea, Ritsuka," Soubi said exactly what was on Ritsuka's mind. Ritsuka longed for his arms around him, but he was too afraid to ask for it and too upset to initiate it. He didn't want Soubi to see his face and how much this was affected him.

"I know," He mumbled, pulling away from the pillow and curling up on his side, not facing his Fighter. "I'm sorry. I just...I just want to _know_." He said it without even thinking first. Was that really it? He already knew. He already knew that his father heard voices inside his head. Wasn't that the only reason why? No...Koichi-san had said that Kiyoshi would've done it, anyways. That wasn't the only reason...Why had his father wanted to hurt him so badly? What had he done to deserve that? He couldn't remember doing anything so bad that it would warrant rape.

Rape...That was a strange word. It confused Ritsuka. Soubi used it a lot when they talked about that happened, but Ritsuka didn't. It felt strange on his lips. Was it really rape? Or had it just been a punishment? They were different things, right? They had to be... What had happened left Ritsuka with a strange sort of confusion, a feeling that made itself apparent when Ritsuka tried to think about things in a calm way. He remembered not long ago—just a couple days—when Soubi asked about if he learned about sex in school. Why had he asked that? Did...Did Ritsuka really not understand what had happened? He thought he had understood perfectly well, but now that he thought about it, he was confused.

"Nothing good will come out of trying to talk to him."

Yes, he knew that, too. So why? Why did he wish to talk to him?

"I won't," The words came out of Ritsuka's mouth before he could stop them. He bit his bottom lip immediately after. He shouldn't lie, especially to Soubi. He had to stay away from his dad. It shouldn't matter why. Stupid, stupid, stupid. It didn't matter. It wouldn't change things. Nothing would change things.

"Promise me, Ritsuka."

Soubi's hand had moved to his shoulder, and he was stroking it gently. Ritsuka buried his face in the pillow again. He should be grateful for his father's silence, not wanting to hear him apologize. He had a million things he wanted to say to Soubi, a million questions he wanted to ask about his feelings and about sex, but he didn't say a single one of them. What if Soubi thought he was dumb for asking? What if he didn't answer and left Ritsuka even more confused? Everything was simply confusing him right now, everything with his family and his thoughts and the things he knew he should know, but didn't. Couldn't things simply clear up in his mind for once?

"Yes, I promise," Was the thing that came out of his mouth. He lied when he was scared. This was one of those times. Ritsuka knew very well he wouldn't be able to keep away from Kiyoshi. There simply had to be a reason. And Ritsuka needed that reason.

* * *

**I apologize for another 'transition' type chapter where almost nothing happens, but it's required at this point in the story. The next chapter gets a lot more interesting, I promise. In that chapter, there's a presentation of another rather large problem. Once again, I apologize for the lack of action/plot forwarding. This is planned, though. I do know where I'm headed with this, so don't think I've lost my way. **

**I'm going to be working on What It Feels Like a bit more, as I want to have another few chapters pre-written. Hopefully, that won't take too much of my time away to work on Healing. I do admit that we're at a rather boring part of the story that is also rather boring to write, but don't worry. I love this story too much.**

**Thank you for all the kind reviews! I apologize, but I do not have much time right now so I cannot respond to them.**

**Please review~**

**-TTBG/CheyWolfe**


	22. Problematic Recoveries

Soubi didn't force Ritsuka into going back upstairs. He couldn't, not with all the stress he had already been through today. Besides, it was late, nearing nine already, and Ritsuka looked like he just wanted to rest. Soubi didn't blame him, and Ritsuka hadn't wanted to be alone at all, which led to where they were now. Ritsuka was in the bath and had asked Soubi to sit in the bathroom with him while he washed up. The older hadn't wanted to make him uncomfortable, and had decided to sit with his back to Ritsuka and had brought in a book to read.

From the sounds behind him, Ritsuka was probably almost ready to get out. He hadn't spoken much since getting in the bath, but Soubi had assumed he was just sleepy. He would help Ritsuka get ready for bed and they would go to sleep afterward. He didn't know how wrong he was about to be.

Ritsuka tapped on his shoulder to get his attention, and Soubi turned around to look at him, smiling, "Is something wrong, Ritsuka?"

"Could you…wash my hair?" Ritsuka's face was red, even though there was nothing to really be embarrassed about. Soubi smiled and put down his book. Ritsuka was always the shy type of boy, so the blushing hadn't really made Soubi think at all, though it should've alerted him that something was up.

"Lay back," Soubi told him, remembering not to look at Ritsuka's body. He had seen him naked before, of course, but he wouldn't look unless he was told it was alright to do so. He wasn't a pervert and he knew that Ritsuka would probably feel uncomfortable with that. Soubi remembered that he had, as well, when he was younger and still in school. He had covered up even on sunny days so that people wouldn't be able to see very much of his skin.

Ritsuka did as Soubi instructed and laid back in the large bathtub, closing his eyes and submerging himself, only to come up moments later, his hair drenched. Soubi reached out to lightly scratch behind a kitten ear, unable to help himself. Ritsuka seemed alright with the simple action, even going as far as to lean into his touch. Soubi stopped after not long, knowing what would happen if Ritsuka got scared from his touches. He reached across the length of the bathtub for the bottle of hair shampoo, only to have his wrist caught and captured by both of Ritsuka's hands.

"What's—?" Soubi didn't even have enough time to ask, though he did have enough time to glance at Ritsuka's cherry red face. The boy plunged Soubi's hand down into the water, quickly guiding it to a very…_specific_ place, a very specific place that was in an aroused state

Soubi yanked his hand out of Ritsuka's grasp, creating a large _splash_ as he did so, water going everywhere in the aftershock. What had that been? It had been so…so sudden! So unexpected! There hadn't been any other—yes…yes there had been. The blushing, the stuttering, the silence when Ritsuka had grabbed his hand, the jerky movements he had taken in guiding him—it was all because of Ritsuka's shyness. But…but how?

He had to think of this rationally. He couldn't show Ritsuka he was panicking. Ritsuka would scare and panic, too, then, and would think the worst. He had to stay calm. Calm. Ritsuka was thirteen. This had been bound to happen eventually. He was thirteen, and a teenager with hormones and feelings and whatnot. Soubi knew something like this had been coming. He hadn't been thinking about it too much, with everything else that was going on, but before Ritsuka's rape, Soubi would sometimes think about what he would do the day Ritsuka began to get strange feelings from their kissing or the night when Soubi would wake up to Ritsuka pressed against him, hard and moaning. He had known it was coming soon, but then all of those worries had been pushed down once Soubi found Ritsuka after being forced to give his father oral sex.

It was still sudden, though. Still very, very sudden. Soubi was still struggling to fully comprehend what was going on. Ritsuka was aroused. He was most likely still aroused. He had put Soubi's hand there because he had wanted him to touch him there. It seemed so simple, but it was still difficult to grasp, especially when he was attempting to do it very quickly so as not to panic. Ritsuka wanted him to touch him. Ritsuka had gotten aroused with Soubi in the room. That more likely than not meant that he had been thinking of him and that had caused his arousal in the first place. That was logical. It wasn't exactly surprising, either. Soubi had known that Ritsuka had some sort of feelings towards him and returned Soubi's at least to an extent. And as Soubi had thought earlier, he was going through puberty. And Soubi often kissed him and held him in ways a lover would. It was almost expected that Ritsuka would develop a sexual attraction towards him, as well.

Ritsuka stared back at him, his eyes wide. Soubi had to double check, _just to make sure_, that his eyes weren't blue. Violet. That was normal, but this behavior was a little strange. Wide eyes meant…fear. Ritsuka was scared. It was written all over his face and apparent in his body language. He still sat in the bathtub, though now his legs were pressed tightly together, his hands where he had brought Soubi's. He was covering himself now, attempting to hide his arousal, probably thinking that Soubi's reaction meant it was wrong.

"It…It's alright, Ritsuka," Soubi's voice came out a bit shaky and still surprised as his mind still raced. Wouldn't Ritsuka have…made noise or something when his thoughts first began to take toll on his body? He had expected maybe a whimper or a quiet whine from him when the boy first realized what was happening. Maybe Ritsuka was just quiet. Or maybe Soubi had just subconsciously passed off those little noises as other types of noise? There really wasn't any time to figure that out now. Maybe later…

"You pulled away," Ritsuka's voice was just a little whimper. Oh, the fear was so evident in his voice. Soubi tried to relax. If he could relax just a little, then Ritsuka would follow. He would relax a bit, as well.

"I was surprised," Soubi countered gently.

"You don't want to…" Ritsuka looked away, looked down at himself. "It's so embarrassing. I'm sorry."

It was worse than Soubi had first thought. He was apologizing for something completely natural. "Don't be sorry," Soubi smiled a bit. The shock had passed. Now he just needed to figure out what to do. "It's alright. Don't assume anything, Ritsuka. Tell me what you want."

Was he ready? Soubi had promised himself he wouldn't do a thing to Ritsuka unless he showed signs of actually being ready. He had seemed to improve a lot today, with actually talking to Soubi about how he didn't want to go back to the hospital and telling him when he felt frustrated and angered at his father. Those had been improvements, but then there was also the fact that Ritsuka got scared very, very easily and sought comfort from Soubi. Would taking this another step further and touching him with the intent of giving him sexual pleasure destroy that? Who would Ritsuka go to if he didn't feel as if he could trust Soubi?

Maybe he was ready. Maybe. Soubi could compromise. He would go slow and comfort Ritsuka the entire time and tell him what was alright and what wasn't and ask him exactly what he was feeling. That way, there would be the emotional component in there, too, the comfort and love Ritsuka needed. It wouldn't just be quick pleasure with no sort of helping him through it. This was a big step, for Ritsuka particularly. Soubi didn't doubt he had been made fun of and touched roughly that night. Even asking Soubi to touch him would be acknowledging that this would be something more than just sexual pleasure. Ritsuka wasn't a dumb kid. He had a good idea of whether or not he was ready.

When it came, Soubi was fully ready for it. Ritsuka even found the strength to look him in the eyes as he said it, "Please touch me, Soubi."

…

He was so gentle and careful. That was what surprised Ritsuka the most. He shouldn't have been surprised, really. It was Soubi's true nature, though it only showed around those close to him. He helped Ritsuka dress, or at least halfway dress, and he didn't let his hands fall once in the place Ritsuka had asked him to touch only minutes before. The boy, on the other hand, grew nervous. He was scared of what was going to happen. He wondered, would he be less scared if he hadn't had bad experiences with sex? Would he be nervous? He knew that Soubi wasn't going to...to hurt him like his father had, but he was scared of how far he was going to take this. Right now, anything more than touching made Ritsuka tremble a bit.

"Do you still want me to—"

"Yes," Ritsuka interrupted before he could think of a different answer. Oh yes, he wanted this. It was so embarrassing, being like this in front of him. He was positive his cheeks were burning red from it. He had his legs tightly squeezed together, his need very obvious and straining against the long nightshirt he was wearing. It hurt so much, too, especially when he forced himself to look at Soubi. They were still in the bathroom, and Ritsuka hadn't heard a single noise from upstairs. This was just so terribly embarrassing! Ritsuka wasn't even sure what had been going through his head when he had asked Soubi to help him.

"Are you sure you're ready?"

Was he? Things were moving kind of fast for him. Just earlier he had decided that he wasn't going back to the hospital and that he would be okay eventually. Today had just been a huge mess and Ritsuka was extremely stressed out from it. He wanted to just lie down with Soubi, but...he had let his thoughts run a bit too much while in the bath. And now he was stuck with this aching, persisting problem.

Ritsuka nodded slowly and took a step towards Soubi, who had sat down against the bathtub. He stopped, then, biting his lower lip, "Promise you won't hurt me. Please..." He didn't _think_ Soubi would hurt him, but he hadn't ever thought his father would rape him, either. Maybe that's why he was so scared. He didn't want to be betrayed again.

Soubi looked straight into his eyes and told him without hesitation, " I will not hurt you, Ritsuka."

Again, Ritsuka nodded, and made his way to Soubi, finding it a bit hard to move with this issue. He did what he thought was best and sat on Soubi's lap, as he thought that would be the most comfortable. Soubi smiled and Ritsuka found himself relieved.

There was a gentle hand on his back and then Ritsuka found himself leaning in instinctively as he was kissed. The kiss was neither unwelcome nor forceful. Ritsuka leaned in more, trying to get closer, and subconsciously relaxed. Soubi was holding him now, his arms around him in a tight embrace, and Ritsuka wanted it no other way. His fear had nearly disappeared, his nervousness calmed greatly. He felt so new at this. He had, of course, been kissed like this, and not just by Soubi. The others hadn't cared whether or not he wanted it and Ritsuka had been absolutely sickened by the feel of their tongue slithering in his mouth. Now, it wasn't sickening in the least. He wanted more. He wanted so much more. He kissed back and the warm wetness wasn't enough for him.

He remembered just the day before, when Soubi had kissed him like this for the first time since Ritsuka experienced something sexual for the first time. He remembered how scared he had been, scared because of the memories that it had caused. He remembered how strangely good it had felt. He remembered being frightened by the good feeling until after, when Soubi had spoken so softly to him and had comforted him, and Ritsuka had realized that it was alright.

He was feeling that same kind of confusion now. Was this truly alright? Soubi was so much older than him. He knew a lot more about this than Ritsuka did. How many people had _he _had sex with? Who had he lost his ears to? Why did he want Ritsuka, who was terrified to take another step forward, even when his arousal was evident and throbbing with want? Was this okay? There was such an age difference, and they were both males. And Soubi had needs, too. What if, after this, Ritsuka was forced to help with those needs? It was selfish to just want this for himself, but the thought was bringing up those bad memories again.

A need for air was what distracted him and Ritsuka pulled himself away from the sensual kiss, though he didn't pull out of Soubi's embrace. He pressed his legs together, so horribly embarrassed by how aroused he was. Soubi apparently noticed his embarrassment.

"It's only natural, Ritsuka," He told the teen. "Don't be ashamed." He was still smiling and Ritsuka couldn't help by move a bit closer to him. Oh..._Oh_...That felt nice when he moved like that. He pushed his hips up a bit, now sitting with his chest pressed against Soubi's. _Oh!_ Why did that...? He wrapped his arms around Soubi's neck, clinging to him. as his hips started pressing up against Soubi, rubbing against him. Was this alright? What was this? He had never..._Oh..._

A small whimper fell from Ritsuka's lips and he was positively horrified at the sound. He stopped, mortified. What had he just been doing? How many times had he just thrusted against Soubi? How terrible!

"Did that feel good, Ritsuka?"

Ritsuka's head snapped up when he heard Soubi's breathy voice. He, as well, seemed a bit out of breath. Why? What was going-Oh no. Ritsuka knew that feeling. He could feel it against his bare legs and butt. Soubi was aroused, too? How long? What was he going to do with it? Ritsuka's past worries came back, having fled during those moments of pleasure. He didn't want to do anything to Soubi. He couldn't help but to remember the way his face had been shoved down onto his father and the way he had tried to get it over as fast as possible, only to have him tell him it wasn't over yet. No, no, no. He didn't want that. Not again. Wetness started to form in his eyes and he scooted back, terrified. All those men...his father...Ritsuka had trusted Soubi! He had...

"Ritsuka! It's okay!" Soubi was wiping at his eyes with his sleeve, not making any attempt to pull Ritsuka back against him. Ritsuka wiped at his eyes, as well, hating that the tears could come so easily. What was going on? Was Soubi trying to trick him or...No, Soubi wouldn't do that. But...Ritsuka knew that people weren't always what they said they were.

"It's okay, Ritsuka. I promised you I wouldn't hurt you, didn't I?" Soubi was using that soft, comforting voice, again. Ritsuka felt himself calm a bit. He was overreacting. It would be okay. Soubi wasn't like those other men. Ritsuka allowed his nerves to calm completely and he raised his gaze to Soubi's again. The older male spoke again to him, "I'm not going to make you do anything."

Ritsuka nodded, breathing a sigh of relief. Even through all that, his problem had persisted and was begging for attention. It was beginning to hurt quite a bit and Ritsuka was tempted to go back to rubbing against Soubi, but that would be acting as if nothing had just happened. He stayed put, biting his lower lip, nervous again and unsure of what to do.

Soubi made the first move, instead, and placed a hand on Ritsuka's thigh, stroking his skin softly there. Ritsuka watched it, watched his hand, wanting to know everything he was doing. He watched as Soubi slid his hand up slightly and a small tremble surpassed him, running through his body. It was alright okay oh god. Just a hand just a hand. He wanted this. He was going to allow it. It was going to be okay. _Perfectly fine_. Soubi would stop if Ritsuka wanted him to, right? Right? _Right_?

The hand on his thigh had slid up under Ritsuka's long night shirt and brushed against him and suddenly, he couldn't remember whose hand that was. Who was touching him? Why why why? Stop…! Stop he had to make that hand quit touching him! No he didn't want this! Another brush. Ritsuka whimpered. Good. No no no. His body was betraying him. His back was pressed hard against the concrete of the alleyway, to floor of it, if it could even be called that. It was dirty and rough and bumpy and when the boy tried to find purchase, something to hold onto, he scraped his little, soft-skinned hands on it and it _hurt._ That hand was ever so gently caressing him now, not even really putting its fingers on his hard flesh, but instead gently, gently rubbing with the back of the hand.

A whimper fell from his lips and his legs clamped tightly together. It shouldn't feel so good. He didn't want this! He really, really didn't want this…! So then why was he so aroused? Was this touchy man his father? How could something feel so good, and how could he hate it at the same time? That had to be impossible. Something that he hated couldn't ever feel good. Which meant…he liked this? No! He didn't! He whimpered again, this time louder. He hated being touched without permission! He hated lying in this dirty alleyway, his hands burning from being scraped against the ground, his knees in the same state.

The person touching wrapped their hand around his length, their other hand coming up to brush a stray strand of hair from Ritsuka's face. Their hand brushed against his face, the thumb caressing the skin there. At that moment, the sound erupted from Ritsuka, burst from him, exploded from his lips in a howl.

"No! Stop! Stop! Please! Stop touching me!"

He didn't realize he had had his eyes clenched shut. He didn't realize the other man had been speaking to him this entire time. He didn't realize he hadn't heard a word he said until now. He didn't realize he had been giving answers as he was swept back to that night almost two weeks ago. At that moment, the moment Ritsuka was able to tell the other to stop, he realized all of this, and everything returned to him in a flurry.

Soubi stopped. Immediately. Confused.

Ritsuka couldn't bear to look into his eyes. Or even at his face at all.

Stupid, stupid, stupid. He was such a child. How could this remind him of being in an alleyway with some man who he didn't even know the name of? He bit his bottom lip nervously, raising a hand to his mouth to bit at the skin of his thumb. He was allowed to indulge in his nervous and childish habit for only a few moments before Soubi took his hand from his mouth, and interlaced their fingers together.

His voice was soft, and still so very calm, "What's wrong?"

Ritsuka tried to calm down, too. Soubi's calmness put his nerves at rest again. If Soubi wasn't angry or panicked or anything of the sort, there was no reason for Ritsuka to be nervous.

"F—Flashback…" Ritsuka managed an answer. His erection twitched and Ritsuka stopped clenching his knees so tightly together.

"I wondered why your voice sounded odd and why you had your eyes closed," Soubi's hand caressed his cheek again, neither of his hands anywhere near the place Ritsuka had just told him to get away from, the place that was still persisting to be touched even if Ritsuka was wary of it.

"Should we try again?" So calm. Soubi was so calm. Ritsuka leaned forward, shifting his position slightly so that he could rest his head on Soubi's chest. Soubi spoke again when Ritsuka didn't, and stroked Ritsuka's hair in a loving way, clearing up the rest of Ritsuka's lingering memories as the boy concentrated on how very gentle he was. "Or do you want to stop?"

Ritsuka still said nothing. He bit his lip again. Stupid nervous habit. Soubi would probably find a way to stop him from doing that, too.

"There's no harm in stopping, Ritsuka," Soubi kept his hands away from Ritsuka's ears. They both knew that would only bias Ritsuka's decision. He kept stroking his hair, though, his long fingers running through it, pulling out any knots from the wet locks. If in a different circumstance, Ritsuka thought he could fall asleep like this, with his head on Soubi's chest, his voice in his ear, reassuring him. His problem throbbed, as if reminding him it was there. "There's no harm in stopping. I don't mind. There's always a next time, if you'd like."

That sounded kind of nice, actually…Stopping now, before Ritsuka had another flashback, before he got scared again. He could take care of his problem himself. They could try again at another date. But he didn't want that. It was a kind and tempting offer, and from the way Soubi was telling him, Ritsuka knew that it would still be valid at any point, but he wanted to go on. He had to overcome this fear of sex himself. It wouldn't go away suddenly the next time. He wanted to feel Soubi's hands on him. He wanted him to see him come undone in his hands. He wanted this. He knew Soubi wasn't going to hurt him.

"No, I want to keep going," His answer was definite. He was sure. He wanted this.

Soubi let his fingers fall on his ears and he leaned in, kissing Ritsuka again. His nails lightly scratched at his ears, though he abandoned that quickly, instead taking to rubbing it. Ritsuka wondered, as he moaned quietly, if Soubi knew how sensitive his ears were. For the first time in a long time, Ritsuka found his thoughts wandering to Soubi's ears. As he tilted his head back, pushing his head back into Soubi's hand, he wanted to ask how long ago Soubi had lost his ears.

He didn't get enough time to ask, though, because Soubi took advantage of the fact that Ritsuka was now sitting up with his head back, exposing his neck.

"Wh—What are you do…ing?" Ritsuka could only ask, as little kisses covered his neck. Why wasn't he biting? Wasn't that what he was supposed to do? He hadn't really looked at his neck closely in the mirror lately, but, now that he thought about it, he was sure there will still faint bruises on his neck where he had been claimed.

"I'm kissing you. Just not on the lips."

Ritsuka's back arched and his arms untangled themselves from Soubi's neck. His breath was so warm against his skin, against his sensitive neck, the place others had bit him and made bruises, claiming him as theirs.

_I want to be yours. I want you. I only want you. I want you to be the only one. Please…_

"Mark me," Ritsuka's thoughts had gone in a flurry again. They seemed to be coming and going quite fast now. The boy could hardly keep up with it, as well as Soubi's advances. Those marks had hurt to look at in the mirror. Every day. Every day, every day he had been reminded of the fact that so many people had taken him as theirs, when the person he really wanted hadn't been there, hadn't been the one to take his ears.

Soubi didn't ask any questions. Ritsuka felt his tongue, hot and lapping at his skin, and then a gentle bite, a nip, really. Ritsuka's hands curled into his hair, grasping, his hips pushing upwards in a search for some kind of friction against him. Voices sounded upstairs, a muffled group of them, but the Sacrifice didn't care at the moment. He was safe here. Here, in Soubi's lap, with him, finally moving on a bit.

His hands were going down again and one was now resting on Ritsuka's thigh again. Those memories threatened to rise again, like bile in his throat, but he fought against them, as hard as he could and for the very first time, he was alright. He was able to push it down. The feeling of it rising still lingered, but it gave him some sort of hope that he'd be able to do this without suffering a flashback and having to tell Soubi to stop again. A part of his mind knew that if it happened, Soubi _wouldn't_ continue, even if Ritsuka told or asked him to.

That hand started to move up again and Ritsuka was okay.

_I won't break this time…_

Soubi's fingers lightly brushed against him. He pulled away from Ritsuka, looking at him, clearly looking for any signs of hesitation. Ritsuka took a deep breath. It was going to be…he had to see. He had to watch. He took hold of the bottom of his nightshirt and pulled it up, holding it up so he could watch what Soubi was doing. This felt so…different. Slow. Gentle. Ritsuka hadn't really thought it'd be like this. He thought it would be fast and emotionless, really. This was so strange for him, all these emotions and the slowness. Was this the way things were supposed to be? Instead of the fast, relentless things he had experienced? He had thought sex was just pleasure…Nothing more.

Soubi said nothing about Ritsuka pulling up his shirt. He leaned in again and Ritsuka felt his lips press lightly against his forehead as his fingers wrapped around him and god what was he feeling_ now_? His face went even redder and he allowed his eyes to fall partly shut when Soubi kissed his head.

"Ahh…" Ritsuka fought the urge to press his legs together again or bite his lip. Soubi's fingers had taken hold of his erection, and the simple movement had sent shivers down Ritsuka's spine. He knotted his fingers in the other's hair, pulling slightly by accident.

And then his hand began to move, rubbing him, first just his thumb and then the rest of his hand and…Were those embarrassing thoughts coming from him? Was he drooling now? He couldn't even tell. The only time Ritsuka had ever come close to feeling _this_ good was when he had been doing it himself and that didn't even _compare to this_. He moaned, letting the noises fall from his lips repeatedly, whimpering as Soubi teased him.

He stroked slowly, and Ritsuka felt as though he was getting even more worked up, if that was possible. His hips thrusted into his hold and a single command came out of Ritsuka, "Faster, Soubi." Except it really wasn't a command since it came out as a pitiful whimper, but it worked. Soubi stroked him faster, now speaking to him, as well, telling him that he loved him, telling him that it was okay. Ritsuka tried. He really, really tried his hardest to hold back. He was shivering and shaking and thrusting and he didn't even care how bad it must look to Soubi. All he could focus on was what was happening between his legs.

He watched the entire time, fighting to keep his eyes open. When he felt the warning signs of completion beginning to build, he wanted desperately to close his eyes and ride it out, but he just had to watch, just so he would know _exactly _what Soubi was doing. It gave him some kind of comfort to know that. And it gave him comfort to know that Soubi was letting him watch and wasn't questioning it.

Part of him wanted to stay like this. The other part wanted to feel the orgasm and wanted to be on the high that it produced. He was torn between which and he tried to draw it out as long as possible, but soon Soubi's name was repeatedly and loudly spilling from his lips and he couldn't hold off any longer. It was sooner than he would have liked, of course, as he was young and this was really his first time experiencing this willingly.

What set him over the edge was simple—Soubi told him it was alright. He heard his voice in his ear, speaking quietly to him, "It's okay, Ritsuka. Let it out." And then there was that blinding whiteness and a high-pitched moan and he was gone.

…

Soubi allowed Ritsuka to lay in his arms afterwards, panting and whimpering as shudders still ran down his body, though his orgasm had already long finished. Ritsuka was insistent about snuggling into his arms after and closing his eyes, as if he thought Soubi was going to let him sleep curled up in the bathroom, his bare legs dirtied with his milky essence. Poor thing. He was so worn out from it. He must've either been more overwhelmed with emotions than Soubi had first thought or his memories had really been a lot for him during it. Probably a mixture of both. And Soubi would let him cuddle with him a little longer if it hadn't been for the fact that he was very aroused, as well, and that wouldn't go away on its own now that he had seen Ritsuka's face when he came. He just had to get Ritsuka to bed, take care of it, and then they could sleep together, just like any other night.

That was the moment his attraction to Ritsuka began to bother him. It was with that simple thought—the thought that he was going to put Ritsuka to bed, just as a parent would do, and then get off to thoughts of him. No, none of the kissing and the holding on any other night bothered his conscious, but it was all suddenly pressing at him. He found himself able to push it all into the back of his mind, though, at least for the time being.

"Come on, Ritsuka, I'm going to clean you up a little," Soubi made sure to be gentle as he pried Ritsuka off of him. Ritsuka only gave a little protest. He didn't seem to be all that coherent. He didn't really appear to take notice of the persistent bulge in Soubi's jeans, either, which was good.

He cleaned off Ritsuka in silence, and he only had a bit of trouble getting Ritsuka to cooperate with him. It was only when he needed him to spread his legs so that Soubi could properly clean him off. There hadn't been too much trouble, though, and Ritsuka was soon clean and dressed in his nightshirt and a pair of boxers. He quickly sent Ritsuka off, telling him to go to bed and he would be in there with him soon. This got quite the response from him.

"You promise?" Ritsuka asked sleepily, saying his first full words since finding his release. He was biting his thumb again. Soubi made a mental note to get him to stop that somehow.

"Yes, I promise," By now, Soubi was getting a bit desperate for his own release. He still saw Ritsuka's insecurities, though. He was scared Soubi would leave him alone now. Soubi reached out to stroke Ritsuka's hair, smiling at him. "Just go wait for me. I'll come to bed in a few minutes."

And so, Ritsuka left.

…

Ritsuka left, but he didn't want to be alone. He was only partly awake, all-but-sleep-walking, to be honest, but he didn't want to be alone in the dark without Soubi. He knew what he was doing, of course, but that didn't stop him from sitting on the floor against the wall beside the door. He wasn't listening. He just felt less alone here. And it was those thoughts that lulled him into curling up on the floor and falling into a slight slumber, waiting, waiting for the man who was getting off to thoughts of him, just behind that door.

…

It really hit Soubi in the moments after his own release. It was like some sort of train wreck. He hadn't…It hadn't… It hadn't even taken him five minutes. And he had thought about Ritsuka the entire time. And it was wrong, he suddenly realized. Ritsuka…Little Ritsuka had just been subjected to a man who was sexually attracted to him. Kiyoshi was crazy, sure, and just horrible all around, but, Soubi was attracted to Ritsuka, too. That made him like Kiyoshi. Except it was worse. For the first time, Soubi realized that maybe he wasn't cut out to be a parent. What if he was going to be a horrible guardian to Ritsuka? What if he just screwed him up even more?

Ritsuka already looked up to him so much. He had already accepted Soubi. Now… Soubi had probably gone and destroyed that entire trust and respect by touching him in the first place. What if Ritsuka feared him now, as he feared Kiyoshi?

Even if he didn't fear Soubi, there was still the fact that he was _sexually attracted_ to the boy when what Ritsuka needed was a parent, not someone who wanted to have sex with him. Soubi wanted to be his parent, too, but…Was he himself too screwed up for that? He was doing okay so far, but he couldn't help but to worry that he would mess things up, just as he did with every other good thing in his life. What if he raised Ritsuka and Ritsuka turned out to be just as messed up as he was? He wanted a good life for Ritsuka. He wanted him to be happy. Soubi wanted to give him all that, but the doubts he had about himself were really hindering his thoughts now.

Maybe he was just tired. No, that wasn't it. He really shouldn't have touched Ritsuka. He really, really shouldn't have. What if someone knew—Why, of all places, had he suddenly decided it was okay to touch Ritsuka when all of Ritsuka's family was just upstairs. So many things were wrong with what had happened tonight. He just couldn't sort it all out right now.

…

He found Ritsuka as soon as he opened the bathroom door. He was curled up on the ground, his back pressed against the door, waiting for Soubi, having fallen asleep doing so. The guilt pawed at Soubi even more now, as he crouched down, placing his hand on Ritsuka's shoulder and gently shaking him to wake him. Ritsuka had waited up for him…Or at least attempted to. He really did trust Soubi. He apparently hadn't realized that he was just like his father.

…Speaking of which, there were footsteps on the stairs. Soubi couldn't see whoever it was in the sheer darkness, but they were heavy footsteps, and Soubi could only assume the worst. Everyone upstairs had seemingly gone off to their bedrooms. Soubi didn't exactly care to find out. He would find out soon enough, anyways, whether he wanted to or not. He crouched down beside Ritsuka, keeping a hand on his shoulder. He was almost positive now that it was Kiyoshi. He could tell from the heavy footsteps and through process of elimination. Nobody else would come down here. Soubi didn't think Ritsuka had been loud enough to actually alert anyone upstairs. He couldn't have been.

"Is he—"

"Why are you here?" Soubi interrupted him. It was exactly who he thought it had been, the man he hated, the man who he was just like. His hand tightened on Ritsuka's shoulder, gripping him tightly, trying to hold him close and prevent the other man from taking him away. He would protect Ritsuka at all costs. At least he had control over himself. That set him apart from Kiyoshi. Soubi would never forgive himself if he lost control.

"I suppose I'm not allowed to see Ritsuka?" It was a question, not a statement and his voice had a bit of what Soubi identified as fear in it. Was Kiyoshi afraid of him? Something about that gave Soubi a kind of satisfaction. If Kiyoshi was too scared of him, then he wouldn't try his luck and try to get to Ritsuka. That seemed logical enough to Soubi, but he didn't and couldn't understand Kiyoshi's mind and thinking process. After all, Soubi considered himself complet—well, _mostly_—sane. At least to an extent. He might be a little odd and quick to jump to violence and still a bit broken around the edges, but he wasn't crazy. Only someone who had been through what Kiyoshi was going through would understand.

Before Soubi could reply, Ritsuka made a soft sound in his sleep and franticly tried to get closer to Soubi.

"No, you aren't," Soubi stroked Ritsuka's hair. He had to comfort him before he woke up. He would not react well to Kiyoshi, especially after what happened in just this day alone. Ritsuka relaxed, his head having found a way to rest in Soubi's lap, his body now curled up in a little ball, as if he knew even in his sleep that it was dangerous and that Soubi would protect him. He trusted him so much, much more than anybody had ever trusted Soubi. It was odd to have this sort of responsibility, a strange feeling, but he didn't mind it. He wanted to be the guardian Ritsuka had never had. And he was honestly wondering if that was possible, especially with his attraction to Ritsuka. He could very easily screw everything up again and lose Ritsuka forever.

"He's my son," A weak rebuttal, Soubi noted. How pitiful. Dropping down to that as a reason for coming to see Ritsuka. Stupid, stupid man. Hadn't he realized that he was hardly a father? The only way Soubi could possibly think of him as a father was when he remembered that biologically, he was actually Ritsuka's father, and that wouldn't change. And it would give him the upper hand over Soubi in a lot of things. He knew that, because he had brought this up into a court case, he would be investigated totally. Which meant that they would go digging into his past and whatnot just to see if he was a fitting guardian. If he was actually related to Ritsuka in any way, that wouldn't be the case, or at least not to this extent.

Ritsuka relaxed and murmured something that Soubi couldn't catch. It seemed as if he wasn't deeply sleeping. Then again, how could he be? He had fallen into a light sleep on the floor.

"He doesn't want to talk to you," _Lies_, but Soubi was better than most at lying. Ritsuka wanted to talk to his father. He wanted to find out the answers to all those questions he had. Who could blame him, though? He just wanted to know why his daddy would've hurt him. Ritsuka liked to have reasons for things. Soubi wouldn't let Kiyoshi know all this, though, as it might give him reason to talk to Ritsuka. "He doesn't want anything to do with you. Go away. Leave him alone."

"He does want to talk to me, doesn't he? He's so easy to read," A laugh. Ritsuka made another small noise, his ears twitching. He was awake. And he didn't like that his father was here.

"It does not matter whether or not he wants to. What matters is that _I_ won't let him get near you," Soubi hoped that he wouldn't upset Ritsuka with this. He knew Ritsuka was going to try. He knew it. It was a fact. Ritsuka may have promised he wasn't going to, but he was. It was as simple as that. Ritsuka simply needed to know too much. He needed a reason. He was going to try to get that reason.

"You have no power over him." A smile. "He's the one with the power over you. What are you going to do if he orders you?"

_He knows._

The simple, obvious statement was the first thing to go through Soubi's mind. How? How did he know? Seimei… Seimei was alive. Perhaps he had contacted Kiyoshi…? But why would he? Seimei had never spoken much of his parents, and when he did, it was in hatred. Someone on Kiyoshi's side had given him this information. Soubi also doubted Seimei would help him in any way. If anything, Seimei would hate his father for hurting Ritsuka. Soubi remembered him as a violent man who would only show emotion when Ritsuka was in danger. He had loved Ritsuka. That had been obvious. He had loved Ritsuka more than anything.

Kiyoshi was getting this information from elsewhere. Or had he always known? That was unlikely. He would've brought it up sooner, wouldn't he have? Soubi hated this. He couldn't understand this man. He couldn't see his next move. He could see now more than yesterday that this was putting himself at a huge disadvantage.

"Leave," Soubi hissed the word. If only he could understand him. Then what Kiyoshi had just said wouldn't have shocked him so.

"Whatever you say."

A few seconds later he was gone. Soubi could only stare as he left, both in shock and confusion.

…

Ritsuka slept well that night. Soubi, on the other hand, not so much. He tried to figure things out in his head, lying awake and staring at the tapestry on the wall opposite the pull out bed. That night, Soubi seriously considered leaving. It would be as easy as calling child protection services on himself and then he'd just leave. That was all. It wasn't because of Kiyoshi. It wasn't because of what had been said before he had carried Ritsuka to bed. No, as Soubi stared at the ceiling that night, listening to the soft breathing of Ritsuka in a deep sleep, curled up beside him, all he could think about was the way _he himself _had felt alone in the bathroom, after his own release, after touching Ritsuka in a sexual way, after realizing what a terrible person he was.

He almost did leave. He had actually gotten out of bed and began packing his things, only to realize that now was not the time to leave, if he was going to do it. The only reason that had kept him from leaving was that if he did, Ritsuka's family would let Kiyoshi take him. It wasn't until he had gotten back into bed that he decided it was a bad idea to make such a big decision in such little time.

And he hated the fact that he had considered leaving. He regretted it the second he had laid back down with Ritsuka, and the boy had immediately and suddenly awoken, rubbing his eyes, asking him what was wrong. Soubi had tried to play it off as nothing, nothing at all. "I feel like without you, I wouldn't be able to sleep." That was what Ritsuka had told him right before falling asleep again. And that was all it took to make Soubi hate himself all the more.

Ritsuka needed Soubi. Soubi was just as bad as his father. He had to face the truth now. He was twenty-one years old. He had no steady job. He couldn't keep one. He lived in a small apartment. He had two other kids to take care of. He wasn't married; he didn't even have a girlfriend, or a boyfriend, for that matter. He was in college—an art student who didn't even make it to school half the time. He had no source of income with the exception of the well paying half-job he had helping Ritsu and Septimal Moons out. He probably needed some sort of psychologist himself, if they would even be able to sort through whatever mental issues he had. He doubted they'd be able to. He'd been through a rape himself, though he'd been the victim, and had killed, tortured, and injured innocent people under Seimei's command. He himself doubted that he was sane. Maybe he…wasn't the right person to take care of Ritsuka. Maybe it was someone else, someone older, someone with an actual job, someone without their own hurricane of mental problems. Soubi was probably just as insane as Kiyoshi when it really came down to it.

And here was Ritsuka—sweet, innocent Ritsuka. Ritsuka needed him. Of all people, Ritsuka trusted _him_. Soubi was the only constant in his life, after all, and he did truly love Ritsuka. That was why he had considered leaving. He hadn't wanted to damage Ritsuka any more. He was attracted to Ritsuka. He wanted him in a sexual way. He was in love with him in a way that an adult should not love a child. Though he didn't _think_ he'd act on his urges, Soubi was scared of what they meant. He was just like Ritsu. Just like Kiyoshi. He was as bad as they were, and he wanted to stay with Ritsuka. He could barely believe that he had _just today_ realized all of this.

It was only after Ritsuka had awoken and then quickly fallen back to sleep that Soubi remembered his promises. He had promised to keep Ritsuka safe. He had promised to stay with him—to not leave like the others had. He had almost broken those promises. Ritsuka would've…Ritsuka would've hated him for that. He would've blamed himself for Soubi's leaving. He would've lost the ability to trust anyone, not just Soubi. Soubi had almost made a mistake that he wouldn't be able to correct. He knew that if he had left, he wouldn't be able to just come back.

And then it dawned on him.

That was what Kiyoshi was doing. Had he realized that he wronged Ritsuka and was trying to come back into his life like nothing had happened? It certainly seemed that way. Stupid man, thinking he could do that. He had left Ritsuka. He had betrayed him. That was despicable, lowly, and downright—

That was what Soubi had almost done.

The sun was breaking through the horizon. Light streamed in through the thin basement window. He looked down at Ritsuka. He was fast asleep, as close as possible without actually being on top of Soubi. He was young, innocent, the furry ears on his head drooping as he slept, the innocence left behind of what had happened. Was this okay? Maybe Ritsuka hadn't been ready… It wouldn't happen again. How would Soubi tell if he was ready for things like that? Should he even be trying to raise Ritsuka _and_ try to be his lover in the first place? He barely knew the first thing when it came to raising kids, especially someone fragile like Ritsuka. Obviously, he couldn't raise him the way Ritsu raised him. That was probably a guide of what he _should __**not**_ do, and only an idiot or a sadist would raise a child in such a way. Unfortunately, this meant that Soubi had no experience besides Natsuo and Youji, and even then, they were… _special_ cases.

He was left to question if he could do this. For Ritsuka's best interests, he wanted Ritsuka to be raised _right_. Soubi was beginning to think that he was too much of a screw up himself to have any hope of doing that. And he was a screw up. Nothing would ever change his mind about that. There wouldn't ever be a way to fix himself, and he had already realized and accepted that long ago. Ritsuka on the other hand, could get better, even if the memories of his father never left him. However, Soubi feared his influence over Ritsuka. He feared it greatly. Ritsuka was nothing like his father. He was nothing like his mother. Children adopted things they learned from those who taught them. This being said, Soubi's fear was self explanatory—he was afraid of Ritsuka becoming just like him. He didn't want Ritsuka to become a screw up.

Finally, as the sun rose, Soubi allowed for his eyes to slide shut and for his mind to stop wandering to places he didn't want it to go. After a sleepless night and restless thinking, Soubi was at last able to fall asleep.

…

* * *

**Sorry about not updating, life has begun to gradually get more and more in the way, so here's a long update for compensation. If you'd like to see more of my writing, go to my tumblr rp url/username is agatsumasoubi. **

**So, uh, he's some more plot. Enjoy? **

**Review, please? Any sort of review is greatly appreciated. **


	23. New account and rewrite!

Hello everyone! As a lot of you may have guessed, I took a hiatus from writing so that I could focus on school and getting my personal life in order. However, I'm back now, but I'm not using this account any longer, since I wanted to sort of start anew. You can now find me over at Prince Aoyagi (there's a link in my profile!) and I've just published a new story that I'll be working on. I apologize that I am telling you all this here, but I do have news about Healing, as well. Since it was written in a bad time for me, it is most definitely not my best work and honestly, it's embarrassing to look at. So, instead of dropping it, I'm rewriting it! It'll have more of a solid, less-far fetched plot and it'll be a lot less OOC. Thank you all so much for putting up with me all this time and I ask that you please don't think badly of me for this. Thank you all for your time and I hope to see you all soon on my new account!


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